I haven’t posted this anywhere public yet because I’m nervous and I know I’m gonna have to do a lot of explaining to those around me. I’m am a non binary fem leaning person and I have wanted top surgery was YEARS. I am finally ready to purse the best version of me. My insurance will luckily cover most of the procedure but I’m expecting it to be roughly 3.5k. I have to get through the consult first and that is 200 out of pocket. The dream would be to get this done by the end of this year or early next year, but I know it may take a lot longer. But if any one is interested I’ve started my go fund me.
I had an interesting conversation today about gender and identity with a cis man who happened to have scars that looked like top surgery scars. He said “they’re not from as noble a battle wound as top surgery” and I just keep thinking about how badass that makes trans mascs sound (and he’s right, y’all are badass)
I think the best thing about top surgery post op is that I just don’t think about my chest anymore. Before it was just like this low grade constant irritant (plus intervals of higher grade dysphoria) and now I just literally don’t think about it. It’s great.
what's wrong with having multiple labels that express one's identity? people are multifaceted and complex. it's great to have just one word or label to sum up your experience, but having multiple is also good. if you feel your identity is multifaceted, embrace that. if you feel your identity is simple, embrace that. your identity can be as complex as you feel it is. simplicity is good. complexity is good. all expression of self is good.
it’s ok if your relationship with sexuality or gender or whatever is influenced by your mental illness, your disorder, your disability, your trauma, or anything else. whether it’s having a complicated relationship with sexuality because you have bpd, or identifying as asexual because of chronic fatigue and you don’t have the energy to engage in sex, or being agender because you’re autistic and don’t understand gender roles, or whatever the hell else. it doesn’t make you any less valid, and it doesn’t make your identity fake. your identity is as real and valid as anyone else’s.
I took my dad to pride today. After asking him and saying what itt might entail, I made him a free dad hugs sign:
While walking there, a lot of people pointed at him and said it was a cute idea. They were right.
My (and his) personal highlights were:
A guy hugging him and saying something in Ukrainian (bc of the flag, probably)
Someone asking him if they can call him "daddy" (I had to explain to him why I started laughing. He now knows.)
Someone giving him a rose
Someone kissing him on the cheeck
A lot of people seeing me standing around awkwardly while there was a line forming in front of him and hugging me too
A guy my dad's age hugging him with tears in his eyes
A kid my age shouting "I don't have a father!", Running towards and almost tackling him
A guy in a fetish-related dog mask hugging him and clinging to him like a lifeline
Two children between eight and ten initiating a group hug with him and giggling the entire time
Everyone thanking him afterwards and a lot of people saying he gives the best hugs in the world. One guy said he'd never been hugged like that before
This guy in a moving lorry shouting and making the lorry stop driving to get a hug from my dad:
My dad said that the majority of people hugging him were either older (25-60) queer men or younger (15-25) trans people. He really loved the experience and felt like a lot of the people, especially the older guys really needed it.
Anyway we're definitely doing this again next year