speedkickingin

[speedkickingin]

the realization that i have an impact on other people’s lives is hitting me like a freight train and i’m tearing up in this fucking jeep wrangler i don’t know how to not be sad and it’s going to kill me there is so much more to life than wanting it to end i crave dysfunction to an almost unhealthy degree the feeling of being fucked up is almost comforting because i can label it as being human my mother looks at me and sees a dead girl i’m too pale and too tired and i’ve grown too much i’m tracing the orange cracks in my bathtub and wishing for something more what i would give to hear your labored breaths in the night i don’t want to be here i want to eat and listen to music and love and be loved i don’t want to speak i just want to feel it’s picturesque in my mind red tattoos on the backs of my ankles please don’t leave me struggling to open my front door when the streetlights are off i’m comfortable in the wasteland of my head and i don’t want to drag you down with me i don’t want to get better

#poetry #writing #notes app compilation i guess #what i write when im not well lol

[speedkickingin]

The maggots tear away at rotten skin

Your lifeless body lays upon the bed

You make me want to rip at bones and limbs

Until I realize it’s all in my head

Your funeral was held on a Sunday

Or maybe that’s the day you thought to leave

But Lord wouldn’t rise for you anyway

The irony would make you so naive

Don’t contact for three to five business days

At least until the stages should be done

I’ll wait until my own system decays

So I can say he should have finally won

You’re dead to me and I’m still at the wake

Maybe hoping to fix my damned mistake

#poetry #writing