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i
wild feathers flutter and prickle the wind
with a want to tickle that rests sub-sighed and bent,
and the tire swing sways in a haunted spring kind of way under the willow tree

ii
you sigh and god himself would fall at your feet for the sound
and I ask who are you but all I get is the universe in the rings of your eyes
and the devil in mine coils itself away

iii
three-winged bird / twice-collapsed star / risen like skyfire / they call you
amellia
but there’s no name for the strange thing you are / the moon howls for you and
so do I / so do I

iv
you say the world is dying as you eat a sugarplum and that’s when
you devoured me, whole and unchewed, all hard candied sweet and I think
about scraping your knees in-between sheets and
galaxies are made of the things you touch so
won’t you touch me please

v
it’s a different kind of feeling when two birds of a feather flock together
but you know the stone is coming to kill us both (rara avis in rigor mortis)
so make it your dying act to kiss me and maybe I’ll live for once

— l.amb

05 rara avis // napowrimo prompt by ragewrites

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So obviously this blog is just for Love Carries On (you know the fic, it’s the reason you followed me) But! I have a writing blog, @thepanfanwriter and if you want to put in commissions for me to write you a fic (I’ll have a list of fandoms) you can be as specific or vague as you want, it can be for the characters here, characters from a fandom (once again I’ll have a list) literally anything you want me to write I probably could write for you! Since I’m working on some writing right now but I’m not exactly putting anything out I figured this might be a nice way for you to be able to see me write something other than just Love Carries On. There’s only one condition, and that’s that you don’t ask me to write another Love Carries On chapter, I would prefer to not have an inbox full of asks about the next Love Carries On chapter, I’m so thankful that you enjoy my writing that much, and that you like this story that much, but these are two different blogs and I hope for it to stay that way

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🖤~Song Of The Day~🖤

The song of the day is:  Save the World -by- Kat Krazy, Julian Moon

Suggested by @twelveminutecatharsis

The challenge is to write something based off of this song, be it the name, the lyrics, or the tune itself. Let your imagination go wild and see where the music takes you.

Have at it Darlings!

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In my Creative Writing class, I wrote a scene where the protagonist is being dropped off at an orphanage. The orphanage I set up was ugly and dark, and the head mistress was a mean, horrible lady. One of my peers that reviewed it warned that this is a cliche. Is that true? I don't mind changing it, but the thing is my orphan boy will be adopted by a wonderful man and finally have a home he truly belongs to. How can I create a need to belong without being trite or cliche? Am I better off

anon continued: making the orphanage a good place? I want to build up to the fact this boy will finally find a loving family and home.

My answer: You should change your setting, but it’s very possible for you to maintain that it’s an unpleasant experience that sets a strong contrast for the eventual loving family.

I recommend switching the setting to a group home. Group homes function similarly to the way orphanages did in the past.

Group homes are facilities attached to child protective services that are designed to house a large number of children in the foster care system at one time.

To do that, there will be a staff of child caregivers to manage the children. The caregivers work in shifts, so there will be a day shift, evening shift, and night shift. Meaning they work 8-9 hours a shift (the extra hour might be related to catching up the next shift on any new developments, such as a new child arrival).

There might also be a care worker or two specific to managing that group home who works with each child’s case worker. They would have day shifts, a normal 9-5 type consistency. 

There will also be a manager for the group home who accounts for funding, financial decisions, staffing and schedules.

These facilities work with CPS and by extension the government. They get government funding and must meet state government established standards for quality of care, child-safety, and facility management/wellbeing.

Group homes usually stick to a specific demographic of children. Example: boys or girls group homes, only accepting children within specific age ranges (0-4, 5-8, 9-12, 13-18) or group homes that are specific to children with special needs. And they have a set capacity, a number of beds they can fill at max. Set capacity varies on state laws. According to the Children’s Bureau (a part of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, average capacity is 4-12 children (source

They are by far more humane than the media-presented image of an orphanage.

But that said, they can still be unpleasant.

For one, a group home isn’t a replacement for the love and care you get from an emotionally healthy family. The child is competing with several other children for attention and resources. Your character may develop an attachment to one or two of the caregivers, but the caregiver is not there all the time and their attention is stretched between multiple children.

There’s always a sense of temporariness. Children get placed with new families and new children take up the beds the same day. That’s not an exaggeration. The foster care system is overwhelmed by cases of children being removed from the home, so there is a high demand for foster families and group homes with open beds. As soon as there’s an opening, case workers are jumping to get one of their kids placed there.

It should be noted that CPS works hard to make sure that removing the child from the home is the last resort. To do this, they try to offer services to children in need, like helping parents apply for welfare if the issue is the child isn’t getting fed. Loving family, but parents who are struggling financially. Or helping connect families with finding therapy for special needs children. 

The other children aren’t in a happy situation either. They’ve come from abusive or neglectful homes or have lost their loving parents. They’re living with unknown traumas and high emotions that are difficult to process. It can lead to acting out: temper tantrums, anger, trying to hurt themselves, all of which are stressful for the caregivers trying to calm the child and the children watching from the side lines. It can lead to bullying, hoarding of food or toys.

And in the defense of children who act out this way, because villainizing the bully is a cliche as well, those children aren’t acting out of some evil desire to hurt. They’re just in pain and they don’t know how to express their emotions fully, which leads them to the form of expression they’re most familiar with: what their parents did, or what they did in the past that has worked before.

Those children are the protagonists of their own story in a sense, they don’t fully understand that everyone around them has emotions they’re dealing with inside, or how their actions make others feel. The younger they are, the harder it is to understand the feelings of others and the consequences of their actions.

Which is why bullies apologize years later, when they’re old enough to understand that what they did and said hurt someone else, another person with their own complex emotions and experiences, realizing that they became someone else’s nightmares when they were too young to understand.

So, so far (recapping for my ADHD self, because tangents are a thing I struggle with) 

Group homes can be painful experiences because: 1. Not enough love 2. Lack of stability 3. Other children acting out and being visibly distressed is a distressing thing to watch.

4. Group homes (and the foster care system in general) get a very limited amount of funding. I can’t speak for other countries and their social welfare programs, but America has a habit of cutting social welfare funding in favor of just about anything else.

So sometimes group homes have a few hidden, run down parts. Things that have fallen through the cracks because funding can’t take care of everything and they have to meet the bare minimum first.

Children are fed and clothed and the facility is clean, has running water, electricity and is heated. That’s the bare minimum. Smaller things slip through the cracks- like furniture is old and creaks and on the verge of breaking, there are rips in couch cushions, little holes dug in the wall or tiny graffiti hidden in corners and behind furniture where bored children tried to find something interesting to do. The bathroom pipe leaks so the floor is always wet. One of the bedrooms doesn’t get warm air, so there are extra blankets for that room.

They don’t make the place awful, it’s not the worst thing about living there, and for children who had hoarder or neglectful parents it’s a good deal better, but those are details that are pretty common.

5. Caregiver fatigue. Caregivers are wonderful people who put a lot of time and energy into caring for children, but it can wear down on their mental and emotional health. And they try their best to hide it, but children are sensitive to those things somehow, even if they don’t understand what it is they’re sensing.

It’s to be expected that you find a tired social worker who is late and harried from managing god-knows how many cases. Or caregivers who have a little less patience, but certainly aren’t cruel. There are so many sad cases they deal with every day and there’s never an end in sight, so they run the risk of caregiver fatigue or burn out.

They’re human, and they’re trying their best, but sometimes their job demands more than they have in that moment.

Also, it should be addressed that social workers are not paid enough, not anywhere near as much as they should be.


So it’s easy for a group home to be an unpleasant but not necessarily evil experience.

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I’m trying out so many different methods of plotting for this fic. Today I created a PPT so as to guide me. I had ideas for things I definitely wanted to happen, but I was getting frustrated bc I never knew when they’d come to fruition. But with this I’ve just picked a future chapter number and am working backwards.

It sounds convoluted and it definitely is but it’s helping. I just need a basic structure so I don’t get too discouraged when writing.

Today I got really irritated with myself bc I have a bad habit of comparing my current self to the version of future me I idolize in my head. And it’s a constant struggle between knowing it takes tike to become that person and then raising the standards for that person.

But it’s important to talk about how nobody has perfect days without doubt or self hatred. And we’re always growing. And during times like these it’s easily to fall into a really nasty mindset towards yourself.

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We are not lovers, hell we are not even friends. Maybe if this virus hadn’t happened when it did, maybe if all our plans hadn’t been crushed beneath the weight of the chaos all around us, maybe we could have crossed the line. A week of constant words, one moment of contact to prove that this was more than words, and then it all fell to dust in our hands. Now the words are few and far between and the contact can’t happen in this time of social distance. I was drawn to you, my soul begging to be near you, a call so loud I could not ignore it. Something told me to make it happen, to give you the opening. Something told me I needed you to be closer, to be more than just another voice on the calls, another face at the meetings. I gave you the opening, you took it, and then the world came crashing down and I’m not sure if we can navigate the rubble and find our way back to the road we were heading down.

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Also, about Conflict. God I want to update. The comments I receive make me so happy. Knowing people are looking forward to it makes me so happy. The whole concept of my story makes me happy. To think that my laptop got fixed two days ago (I forgot to mention it), it means that I can actually spend my days writing (provided if I have time left from online assignments).

Can’t promise to make it to this week, but expect an update this month! I want to write!

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They just stared at each other for a moment and Bakugo could almost see the gears working behind his best friend’s eyes. Kirishima slowly raised his finger, pointing at the guest room. “Did you just come outta there?” Bakugo didn’t even want to engage him, and started walking away, but he was pulled back. “Are you two…together now? C’mon, spill. I want to hear everything.”

From my WIP “Machine Gun”, which you can find HERE on AO3.

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