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          For the seven-hundred-and-first time, I was asked if I orchestrated the heist on the sacred artefact of Monte Cristo, I didn’t. I denied.

          The detective didn’t believed. She looked at me again in the eyes, ready to ask the same question for the seven-hundred-and-second time.

          In her stare, I knew that my truth will never be her reality; it was full of fury, full of distaste, full of hunger, full of suspicion. In her mind, I was already the thief and she was already right.

           I never understood why it was impossible for her to believe my alibi. Thousands of questions have been bombarding my head as I swore to her in God’s and the country’s name that I did not cheat.

           What was this monstrosity that’s hindering her to have faith on me?

           I have come to find out later on that the fiend doing the hindering was called “doubt”; the villain of every belief, the clingy offspring of fear, the frost that’s slowly bites anyone who dared to touch.

           The word doubt originated from the Latin word dubitare which means ‘hesitate’. It is the act of second guessing and scrutinizing the given truth before making it a reality.

           The whole of English language is vast and majestic, the words are created to connect, but no other word can bring pain and dismay the way doubt does.

           It could come from anyone; a stranger, a professor, a friend, a family, or a lover, and it would still bring pain.

           Doubt is an anti-hero. Doubt could stab a ship engineer’s back, severely wounding and scaring him for life, if he came to find out that because of doubt, no one would voyage in his ship and trust his masterpiece. However, doubt could also save thousands of ships before they sail to oblivion, doubt can whisper just the right words to stop ships from sailing to their impending doom. Doubt is a paradox, it can ruin existence, but it should not fail to exist.

            In a personal sense, I believe doubt is more of a savior than a villain; it clung onto me when I needed it the most. Whenever I was ready to take a hasty leap or to jump off a cliff, doubt would hold me by the wrist and remind me of all the scary things I would be creating if I did. And every time, I would let doubt seep into my bone, take over me, and embrace me in its arms as I wept.

           But during this time, as I stare at the detective. I was certain that I am seeing doubt, I am staring at its eyes, and it’s hurting me in places that I never knew could feel pain at all.

For the seven-hundred-and-third time, she asked me again, “Did you lead the heist of Monte Crito?”

           And still, I didn’t.

           At that moment I knew, doubt is a hugger, and she has embraced it in the tightest way that she could. She was choosing to sink into doubt’s arm, and let it cradle her with the comfort of lies than to accept the dubious reality. She cannot escape doubt’s chokehold, she was trapped and it was because she has fallen too deep already.

           Doubt is a drug, and she was intoxicated.


- jo bixen

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Poems and illustrations by the author of “Milk and Honey” and “The Sun and Her Flowers.”

#3 on the NYT Best Sellers List for Combined Print & E-Book Fiction
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The fourth book in the Stormlight Archive series. Technological discoveries and an ensuing arms race change how a war is fought.

#1 on the NYT Best Sellers List for Combined Print & E-Book Fiction
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A missing scientist, strange noises under the Arctic ice and a mole who infiltrated American intelligence bedevil President Jack Ryan.

#7 on the NYT Best Sellers List for Combined Print & E-Book Fiction
via IFTTT

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As their wedding approaches, a television producer and her fiancée must search for his missing 7-year-old nephew.

#11 on the NYT Best Sellers List for Combined Print & E-Book Fiction
via IFTTT

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Just as Coco is about to graduate from Columbia, tragic events in her family send her on a journey of self-discovery.

#6 on the NYT Best Sellers List for Combined Print & E-Book Fiction
via IFTTT

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Poems and illustrations by the author of “Milk and Honey” and “The Sun and Her Flowers.”

#3 on the NYT Best Sellers List for Combined Print & E-Book Fiction
via IFTTT

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The fourth book in the Stormlight Archive series. Technological discoveries and an ensuing arms race change how a war is fought.

#1 on the NYT Best Sellers List for Combined Print & E-Book Fiction
via IFTTT

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The F.B.I. agent Atlee Pine’s search for her twin sister overlaps with a military investigator’s hunt for someone involved in a global conspiracy.

#2 on the NYT Best Sellers List for Combined Print & E-Book Fiction
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Hello and Welcome my Starlight!

The Haven box includes:

- Match up

- Sun drop

- Old habits die hard

-The baseball geek’s girl


───✱*.。:。✱*.:。✧*.。✰*.:。✧*.。:。*.。✱ ───



I’d match you up with



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Sugino Tomohito, Baseball geek



───✱*.。:。✱*.:。✧*.。✰*.:。✧*.。:。*.。✱ ───


Sun drops


- Sugino is not one of the most featured characters but I bet he would be so cute with you!

- Sugino is underrated smh

- Nagisa was the runner up but I decided that my first option, Sugino, would do better

- But yes! You two would be so cute~

- He is a really social and kind person

- He would definitely help you get out of your shell at the first meeting

- HYPE MAN

- He thinks that you are the most precious thing on earth and is just, He just head over heels for you

- He is also is insecure about himself

- He loves and trust you! He really does but he just can’t help but compare himself to Karma or Isogai

- He doesn’t get jealous alot but he does get a bit protective



───✱*.。:。✱*.:。✧*.。✰*.:。✧*.。:。*.。✱ ───


Old habits die hard


- Study dates happen once every week

- If you go to his game or just cheering for him really, he will look at you straight in the eye and wink

- He doesn’t really mind pda and would actually like it if you do so

- He would often walk you to class and home

- He would also protect you at any cost.

- He would often take you to dates like the amusement park or maybe just a park down a park

- He is full of surprises

───✱*.。:。✱*.:。✧*.。✰*.:。✧*.。:。*.。✱ ───


The baseball geek’s girl


It was a normal day in the Class 3-E. Nothing special really, just another day trying to kill Koro-sensei. It was break time and every one was enjoying the peaceful atmosphere. The sun is shining and the wind is howling. It wasn’t too hot anymore yet it wasn’t cold either. The class enjoyed the silence for now. “WAIT YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND!” Maehera yelled as he pointed at Sugino. “I thought you like Kanzaki?” Nagisa said as he looked at Sugino. “I used to like her but I met this wonderful girl and well, here I am,” He said with a shy smile. “H-HOW DID YOU GET A GIRL BEFORE ME,” Maehera sulked as he sat down. “If you weren’t such a flirt then you would’ve had a girl by now!” Sugino responded. “Now, now, that’s enough. If it’s okay, can you tell us about her?” Isogai said with a smile. “Tell? Why don’t you meet her instead? She said she’s stopping by here.” Sugino then said. “Ummm… Let’s make sure that Koro-sensei knows then. I’ll tell him,” Nagisa said as he went to tell Koro-sensei. Just so no accidental meetings happen and she wouldn’t be affected.


After a while, laugher emitted from the forest. It seemed like a female and Sugino immediately knew who it was. “Karma, that was hilarious! But I kinda feel bad for the victim,” The girl then said as she appeared out of the forest. Her black hair flowing in the wind, her dark brown eyes, and a soft smile on her face. Then bide her was the devil of Class 3-E. He found her lost in the forest and helped her, after a few teasing and such. “Well, if you ever get lost, you know where to find me. And Sugino, Congrats~ Make sure to have protection on!” Karma then said before He disappeared. Sugino’s face became a tomato and he looked away from the girl standing there. “Heya Babe!” The girl then said as she walked towards the baseball addict. “Hey there,” He said softly as he smiled. “So this is the lucky lady huh?” Maehera then said. “You are a cutie~” He added as he went too close. But no worries! He received a slap from the victim of his flirting. “Oh! Sorry, did I hit you to hard?” She then said. Then who ever saw that, bursted out in laugher. “Dude, you don’t just do that to a girl. And especially my girl,” Sugino said as he helped his friend up.


“Anywho! This is my girlfriend! Babe, this is my class, 3-E!” Sugino said. “Are you sure you are okay hanging out with us? Cause we wouldn’t want you to be dragged into here for no reason,” Kayano said as she looked at the female. “No worries,” She said awkwardly. Being a socially awkward person at first meeting, it’s to be expected. “Lighten up princess!” Sugino then said as he kissed her forehead. He then realized what he did and he blushed. “Oops, sorry,” He then said. “It’s not a problem at all!” She then responded.


───✱*.。:。✱*.:。✧*.。✰*.:。✧*.。:。*.。✱ ───

Author’s note

Hello there! Thank you for sending the messenger owl for your request. I do apologize for the wait but here is your long awaited order. I do hope you like it!


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“Wait, your boss has you put people in cages, and then dip the cages in lava?”


“Yup.”


“Isn’t that a waste of a perfectly good cage?”


“Oh, you have NO idea!”

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Hello! Back again from a long ass time of taking a break from this site and my 2 followers who don’t even reblog my writings.

Anyway, the reason i’m back is because i actually show this blog to one of my bestestssss friends in the world and encourage me to keep going and well here i am.

So i was thinking, maybe since a friend of mine made me come back, I should write about that. So this is it, an Ode to my friends.

I have always been sort of a friendly character, at least in my mind i am. Even when i was a kid and used to cry a lot and be a bit on the side shy, I always had a lot of friends. I even dare to say I was one of the first girls in my fifth grade class yo have actual good guy friends, not only the “popular” kids that chased girls to see under their skirts. Actual good and close friends that I’m still friends with.

So, I went to the same school from elementary until high school, meaning that i had been with the same people for around 12 years, and damn i was tired of it, not from my friends, not from a lot of people to be honest, but maybe more with myself and my lack of abilities to make new friends.

That leads me to my new found weird way to make friends. It started in college when i started as a music engineer major before switching to media and film. Engineering not always equals to men, in this case i guess it did. Some may say having all guy friends is easier no drama and shit, and is true for some part, I’m still grateful of all the guys of my Music engineering program that adopted me and ate lunch with me every day, not to the rest of engineering students that are “nice guys” by mansplaining anything on the math class board before the teacher (female) started explaining, though not gonna lie i didn’t understand shit, i still didn’t want some greasy hair guy with a weird stain on his shirt,that i pray it was toothpaste, to explain me shit. I can fail this class on my own thank you very much.

My first girl friend in college was a girl on the bus that i knew my cousins was a friend with but never formally met her before and i chatted her ear off in the way home, i was so excited i forgot i could be a chatty bitch when i feel happy. When they left the bus (her and her roommate who is lovely too) I started to replay everything we talked about and was already very much regretting living because i was so cringey. I guess i wasn’t that bad, I got a Facebook friend request and became pretty close after that.

First friend I made in my new major program (who i made before switching because of mutual clases) was a girl that i always saw in my favorite class, “Signs, symbols and significances” she was funny, very friendly and clearly friends with at least three quarters of the class. I decided that was my next mission, i left my guy friends side after an exam in our common class and went literally running towards her and another girl (amazing person too) I asked them in the most awkward way how the exam was for them and even if they thought i was weird they didn’t show it and were so nice with me.

I made a mistake though, I told the girl i had a mission on (to be close to) she seemed familiar outside class and she said i did too but we couldn’t remember where from. Until I realized she was the girl that i met in my first day of school in math class and sat next to her. That, until i didn’t hear my name while checking the list and was told that wasn’t the math class, everyone laughed i stand up and trip and yell “puta madre” so hard everyone laughed again. I then found out that story was so funny to her she actually used it as an ice breaker when meeting new people and started introducing me as the “puta madre” to everyone. At least she got me a lot of new friends, and besides having passed more than 5 years, she still reminds me of it and she still is one of my closest friends.

Another story, I was an exchange student and knew nothing about the culture (only basics, didn’t want to be rude), the language or anyone in this new country. I was so lost I literally was trying hookup apps to meet friends (never works tho, at least on me). It was my second day in Seoul and saw there was a kpop concert of one of the three groups I actually knew and my baby brother was a fan of, i checked and there were some tickets left, bought them, put on a pretty dress and left. Going to a concert alone is not that bad, going to a concert alone in a country you have been for 5 minutes and also understand shit, that is a fucking nightmare.

I met some friendly girls from USA that helped me out to figure the shit out in the venue, they told me they were living in Korea for like 5 years and still couldn’t even read, which i thought wow kinda disrespectful but anyway i wasn’t going to let go of anyone friendly anytime soon. Met some other girls that came to the country only for the concert which wow commitment. And then I was left alone again when taking the seats (standing spots to be exact). The concert was cool even if I didn’t understand shit and I’m 87% sure I even caught eyes with some of the guys in the group a few times. The concert ended and I wish I could say I captivated one of the kpop guys and that is my next friend meeting story but, nope is not and honestly i wouldn’t change it for any of the hot men that were on stage.

Fast forward the first day of school, i was lost and ask a girl for a classroom, she was very nice and told me where it was but that the class was in like 30 more minutes. We made small talk and i sat on a bench in the opposite way of her. The girl next to her was saying she had this next class that sounded kinda familiar, and I realized it was my same class so I told her to go together. Once inside the classroom I saw her phone and she had a familiar face as her screensaver, it clicked, it was one of the guys of the concert! I asked her and she said it was him and that she went to the concert too and we decided to had lunch together. From that day on we became pretty much inseparables, until she got the sleaziest guy in the world as a boyfriend but we don’t talk about shit in my safe space so that is a story for another day. Besides that terrible guy and his best friend who dated me only to dumped me weeks later to play LOL 24/7, I got my baby, my mijita who i love so very much and again, wouldn’t change a bit.

Lastly in this post, not in life nor in place of my heart, is a little blessing (literally) that came to me from heaven! She didn’t even know this, but a semester before she was having her abroad year in my country I was in one my deepest holes in my life. My mind was empty but my eyes always filled with sad tears. That semester before, nothing major changed in routine, in my family, in my life as in general. But somehow it did in my brain, my heart was feeling agitated for no reason, my palms were sweaty and shaking all the time and my brain was as it was shut down. I got the big D, and not as in a big nice dick getting me fucked, but another type of fucked nonetheless. Depression, the kind of weird illness that can’t be seen but oh dude it can be felt, and felt is all i did, i felt sadness, loneliness even with a full house and a full line of friends ready to help me. Sometimes shit just happens.

Took a semester off and when I came back I decided to faked it until i made it, and it was going great. I did cry back at home a few times a week but i could hold it during classes or in front of people, great advance. I decided to focus in what made feel best, dressing in my favorite shit and letting everyone out of my arts and humanities department have a nice view of it. And then I see her, weird to say i still remember how cool she looked, tall as fuck, wearing all black, shaved head and what i got to find out were her trusty black vans. I got obsessed with her fashion style and decided my next mission, be friends with her, or at least for her to acknowledge my presence. I saw her talking to a close friend (another great meet cute story for another day) so i decided it was my moment, I said hi and was introduced to her, we chatted a few minutes and got along pretty well. Her amazing style and bad ass british accent made me feel i was in bad rom-com where we were both straight and platonically soulmates. I saw her again outside the bathroom while i was waiting some friends, we talked for an hour, she invited me to a party and we had dinner first (so romantic, I know) at dinner I thought it was going to be awkward until we both realized our mutual love for SZA and Idris Elba. We never stopped talking after that, she even went back to my hometown for 2 weeks with me, where all my family loved her and strangers treated her like a celebrity. She calls my parents tíos and we talk as much as we can now that she is back at her country.

I miss her everyday and there is not a minute I am not grateful i met her.

These are some of the stories of how I met some of my friends, my closest ones and those that are still with me in every step I take. I can tell you one million more ways of how i met friends i love so dearly, but that is for some other day my hands aren’t hurting for writing only with my thumbs in my phone.

And what I care and love most about all these, is that I would never want to change being the weird girl that catches a hunch and runs towards people that will mean the world for.

FRIENDS I LOVE YOU ALL. 

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I just had a talk with someone today about fanfiction she had told me and I quote “ it is disgusting how people fantasise a content creator” but I fully disagree. If the creator has addressed that he/she feels uncomfortable I totally understand. But fanfiction is a form of writing, a form of expressing yourself. Not just someone shipping people together..

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