Hopeless is at Home
Do you know what a perpetual winter feels like?
I close my eyes and my head trembles,
like the breath of cold wind has soaked into my hair
Freezing up my skull
This unshakeable headache
I've got to get inside.
When I cross over the threshold
I'm met with empty cabinets
Through the stillness
I hear the dust particles dancing in sunbeams
Cascading, caressing so to make the floorboards squeak
No one's here to ask me why I'm rummaging
Barren, this ruin. I'm ruined.
I found a mirror
Reflections of the dead show in the wrinkles under my eyes
and I collapse to my knees on the staircase
Crying over a ghost from years of my past long gone
Let the shards rip through my skin
If a sacrifice is required then I'll bleed myself.
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how to be an ANTIRACIST
“A mission to uncover and critique America’s life of racist ideas turned into a mission to uncover and critique my life of racist ideas, which turned into a lifelong mission to be antiracist.
It happens for me in successive steps, these steps to be antiracist.
I stop using the “I’m not a racist” or “I can’t be racist” defense of denial.
I admit the definition of racist (someone who is supporting racist policies or expressing racist ideas).
I confess the racist policies I support and racist ideas I express.
I accept their source (my upbringing inside a nation making us racist).
I acknowledge the definition of antiracist (someone who is supporting antiracist policies or expressing antiracist ideas).
I struggle for antiracist power and policy in my spaces. (Seizing a policymaking position. Joining an antiracist organization or protest. Publicly donating my time or privately donating my funds to antiracist policymakers, organizations, and protests fixated on changing power and policy.)
I struggle to remain at the antiracist intersections where racism is mixed with other bigotries. (Eliminating racial distinctions in biology or behavior. Equalizing racial distinctions in ethnicities, bodies, cultures, colors, spaces, genders, and sexualities.)
I struggle to think with antiracist ideas. (Seeing racist policy in racial inequity. Leveling group differences. Not being fooled into generalizing individual negativity. Not being fooled by misleading statistics or theories that blames people for racial inequity.)
Racist ideas fooled me nearly my whole life. I refuse to allow them to continue making a fool out of me, a chump out of me, a slave out of me. I realized there is nothing wrong with any of the racial groups and everything wrong with individuals like me who think there is something wrong with any of the racial groups. It felt so good to cleanse my mind.”
-Ibram X. Kendi, “How to be an Antiracist”
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Bookmarks I found in the pages of the books on my shelf:
Folded up Greek transcriptions
Love letters I’ve never responded to
Love letters I never sent
Subway cards for cities I don’t live in
To do lists
The art museum has reopened (with restrictions) so I decided to spend my day studying there. It's nice to have a change of scenery once in a while.
I never took an elective on philosophy in my undergrad but I've always been interested in it so here we are, starting a copy of Plato's Symposium and Phaedrus that I picked up at a used bookshop last year. There's absolutely no structure to my self-study(?) at the moment; seeing as I have no idea how much time I'll be able to spend on it, I figured I'd be better off just starting and following my curiosity. I'm working to compile a reading list (ignoring my terrible track record with reading lists) to make my way through - if you have any suggestions please let me know!
🎶 No More Losing the War - Half Moon Run.
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