studying-66

[studying-66]

Rainer Maria Rilke, Rilke’s Book of Hours

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I wanted to wake up and find that I was five years old and my parents and neighbors would say, “My, my, what an imagination.” I wanted to be physically erased and start over again. I didn’t want to be here. I didn’t want to be there. I guess I wanted to be nowhere, I wanted to listen to my brain talk inside of nothingness. I wanted to be untouchable and have no need…

— David Wojnarowicz

[studying-66]

someone said we had more fun in childhood because we didnt have any past memories to linger on and it has stuck with me ever since

[studying-66]

the ache of nostalgia

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Fruit Dinos // Ceramicorn

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Florist, 1986. From the Budapest municipal photography company archive.

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sometimes i think about how there has always been this dream version of me in my head who knows how to play the piano and can sing in key and charts stars by herself (and w her loved ones too) and reads so many books and studies diligently every day and is top of every academic pursuit and has all these skill-based creative outlets she nourishes constantly and does not have to compromise any of them for the other bc she knows how to budget her time and is not afraid of failure and does not let petty distractions like phone time get in her way. and i'm like oh. i want that really bad. like that truly eclipses everything else in my life

[studying-66]

Safia Elhillo, from Spring

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Eli McMullen - Slowing the Night, 2024 - Acrylic and gouache on panel

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kirsten sims / fernando pessoa

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Louise Glück, Poems 1962-2012 / Cynthia Ozick / Adonis, tr. by Khaled Mattawa, from ‘Celebrating Childhood’, Selected Poems / Gregory Orr, from “Origin of the Marble Forest” / Rainer Maria Rilke, tr. by. C.F. MacIntyre, Sonnets to Orpheus / John Boyne, The Absolutist

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In a dream, are all the characters really you?

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Trying to remember the last time I played hide and seek. The last time I said hi to everyone on the street or saw the girls I spent every day of six years with. The last time my dad picked me up, or my mum brushed my hair. When was the last time I dressed without consideration? There is so much to think about now. I remember falling on the grass at school and making stories with the clouds. Hanging upside down from the swing and realising how big the world was. I wonder on the path of growing when we stop feeling big. I am taller now, smaller still.

[studying-66]

[studying-66]

Bianca Stone, from The Möbius Strip Club of Grief; “The Fall”

[Text ID: “What to do with this mind? / Throw everything / into the fire and scream”]

[studying-66]

The first night after heatwave & The cottongrass-beast by Miikka Lönnqvist ( mkklnn.jpg )