#« era: hhj.ktex »

[rkxhyunjin]

♥ KT ENTERTAINMENT’S FEBRUARY EVALUATIONS: KT BOYS’ EXPERIMENTAL GROUP TEAM FLUFFY’S MASH-UP PERFORMANCE PREPARATION

( remixed, choreographed, and performed by @aronrk, @rkgray, rkxhyunjin, @rkjimin​, and @rkjohnny​ ) 

It’s not his fault, and Hyunjin knows this.

It’s not his fault, and Hyunjin knows this yet it’s hard to pry himself from the sensation of feeling guilty over something he can’t control. Over something that in many ways was a compliment towards the youngest dancer. But he knows that for the others he was used to compare with, it wasn’t a compliment for them. Or maybe it’s a bit of an insult to both parties. To the other trainees on the team that by ‘all means’ should be better than the youngest, than the one with the shortest training period. To Hyunjin who, he likes to think, hasn’t come this far because the others around him were lacking (as the man seems to imply), but because he’s put in his very own brand of unrelenting effort to be able to stand among some of the best performers he knows.

February looms before them, and Hyunjin rolls his sleeves up once again, ready to prove himself to all who may doubt him; tenacity and grit pushing him forward into the challenge once more. And as the nights he spends with the other team members increase one by one he’s ever more determined to prove that they all had what it took to reach their dreams together.

Hyunjin has always been consistent, always been predictable. When he sets his mind on achieving something his drive is unmatched, limits set to the side to see his own dreams come true (because no one is going to grant them for him). It’s what leaves his in the practice rooms far past their designated practice times, pulling together what he knows of the other members on his team and putting together their choreography.

While Hyunjin doesn’t have much experience in producing, he does have experience with choreography from the MGAs. If he could sculpt full routines from scratch when his choreography skill was barely more than a novice’s, then with enough resolve surely he could do it once again. About a quarter way into the choreography, it dawns on Hyunjin how much he really has learned at KT, how much he remembers nuances that accompany choreography that were previously absent from his knowledge during the MGAs but gained during this past year and a half.

(It makes him a little proud to know he’s improved, but he ducks his head and continues pushing forward).

Although Hyunjin has done his best at catering the choreography to the strengths and weaknesses of the other members, there are of course some points of the mashup’s choreography that can’t be changed, and he does his best to help those who need it learn the dance. Even more so, some points of the choreography are difficult, are challenging, on purpose. Afterall, the evaluation wasn’t simply meant to check that their progress met a static standard, the evaluation needed to show change as well. Hyunjin had confidence in his team members, they wanted to be here just as much as he did and because of that, Hyunjin knew they would rise to the challenge and push their limits to perform to the best of their abilities.

#（ evaluations ） #rkfeb20eval #« era: hhj.ktex » #[ sometimes the photo you use has blue eyes and then this happens #rkxhyunjin does not have blue eyes ]

[rkxhyunjin]

♥ KT ENTERTAINMENT’S JANUARY EVALUATIONS: KT BOYS’ EXPERIMENTAL GROUP’S PERFORMANCE 

The phrase “practise makes perfect” holds more weight this time around, a mantra that Hyunjin solidifies into his mind.

Pulled aside with another group of male trainees, the last thing Hyunjin expects is the announcement of an experimental group. Normally an easy book to read, the shock on Hyunjin’s expression doesn’t quite come through this time, instead adopting a serious countenance as he nods along to each of the man’s words. When he finally falls into bed that night, it’s a different story. Almost one in the morning, Hyunjin’s heart is still beating as if he had run a marathon, a confusing mixture of emotions muddling his ability to pinpoint just exactly how he feels about this.

Excitement for sure, pride in thinking that he had worked hard to earn this opportunity. Fright of a new change perhaps? But courage in attempting to embrace it. A deeper insecurity of disappointing his parents gnawing at the back of his mind, numbingly aware that a step closer to this dream pulls him further from his lifelong duty to provide and repay his parents.

(It’s for perhaps this last reason that he doesn’t tell his parents about this new development, guilt keeping his hands fastened by his side about the matter when he sees them in the morning).

This evaluation around, the pressure spikes to a new level with the realisation that others are relying on him to perform to his utmost ability – perfectly if possible. It’s not the same as previous evaluations when others relied on him before. To everyone else on the team this evaluation means more than a typical evaluation. To Hyunjin too. He wants to perform well not only for the team, but himself as well. Selfishly, he takes another step forward in the direction of becoming of performer.

When it comes to the performance, Hyunjin does his best. (But when has he not?) The moves come with a finessed ease and he schools his expression to something far more mature than he feels at the moment. They finish the performance and it feels nice to perform with others once again, to perform on a team once again. Performing with no regrets, performing with others. If he can accomplish this Hyunjin thinks he’ll be happy.

#rkjan20eval #（ evaluations ） #« era: hhj.ktex »

[rkxhyunjin]

better late than never

( a starter for @aronrk​ )

Even as physically affectionate as Hyunjin tends to be, first meetings for him can easily become an awkward affair. A combination of childhood experience and his natural inclination towards introversion, upon first meeting his speech often comes off a little stilted, a little overly formal from years of rote practise simply trying to remember the shape his lips were meant to make when speaking. However, that doesn’t mean Hyunjin hasn’t developed strategies to combat his creeping nerves when introducing himself. When he was younger, Hyunjin learned where to stare to create the image that he was looking directly at someone: right between their eyebrows. 

It comes in handy during moments like these.

All things considered, this probably shouldn’t be as awkward as Hyunjin is drawing it out to be inside his head. He and the other trainee have known each other for a decent amount of time; it’s just that Hyunjin has never… properly introduced himself. (If his mother had found out she would be ashamed – Hyunjin internally cringes at the thought). There’s really no legitimate reason why Hyunjin shouldn’t have introduced himself by now, but there came a point Hyunjin was sure it would have been too awkward for him to introduce himself, too late in the game. Fast forward almost two years and Hyunjin is kicking himself for not doing this earlier. Really, he’s made the affair far worse for himself by not getting this over with when he had first entered KT.

The older man is friends with Jongdae, so he can’t be that bad – even if Hyunjin’s introduction is belated. Right?

Taking a deep breath in, Hyunjin gathers all of his courage, swallowing it down in an attempt to keep it inside of himself as he approaches Aron. The confidence dies down a little as he awkwardly shuffles into Aron’s periphery with a bow of his head, “Hello,” a pause, “I bought you a drink from the convenience store if you would like it…?” The dancer holds out a packaged drink, the label boasting two servings of daily fruits and vegetables in enthusiastic font. “I would have bought coffee for you but I didn’t know whether you liked coffee- I can’t really handle bitter things so I don’t even know if I would be able to purchase a suitable flavour and-”. Realising that he had started signing midway through his sentence, Hyunjin tucks his free hand to this side and lets out awkward laugh, “Sorry I’m a little nervous. I know this is belated but, I’d like to properly introduce myself: my name is Hwang Hyunjin,” he bows, “It’s nice to meet you and I look forward to working with you in the future”.

#aronrk #（ with: aronrk ） #『 thread: better late than never 』 #« era: hhj.ktex »

[rkxhyunjin]

♥ KT ENTERTAINMENT’S FEBRUARY EVALUATIONS: KT BOYS’ EXPERIMENTAL GROUP TEAM FLUFFY’S MASH-UP PERFORMANCE 

( remixed, choreographed, and performed by @aronrk, @rkgray, rkxhyunjin, @rkjimin​, and @rkjohnny​ )

　　➔　note, with tws for alluded anxiety and panic attacks

Considering Hyunjin had dealt with the brunt of the choreography the dancer really shouldn’t be as worried about the choreography component of their performance.

So why is he more nervous than he ever has been? Overthinking has always been a skill Hyunjin unfortunately excelled at, and now a mere hour before their performance he’s having trouble getting out of his own mind. Their choreography is flipping through his mind one beat at a time, incessantly asking Hyunjin if this movement truly belonged here, if it was right. Considering they’d spent the last month practising the routine, now is an awful time for Hyunjin to start thinking like this.

(And at the back of his mind, Hyunjin is kicking himself because he knows he’s choreographed this routine with the utmost belief that everything fit where it belonged – he was, is, should be, confident).

What’s perhaps even more frustrating is the fact that Hyunjin thought he had gotten over these pre-performance anxieties. Everyday anxiety still struck him at odd times left and right (just the other night he had pulled himself into a crammed alley way on the way home just so he could calm his shaking), but it was manageable and a welcome relief that it had stopped haunting him before he stepped onto the stage – or so he thought. Now, standing off to the side, Hyunjin kind of feels like he’s about to walk on stage to his death.

In retrospect, Hyunjin figures maybe it’s a good thing this anxiety isn’t new to him. Far more experienced than he would have liked, he knows how to combat it now, knows what steps to bring him down from his anxiety-ridden high and to finally stop his hands from shaking so much. First, he needs to move. The longer he stays still, the longer it feels like he’s a rabbit, caught in the headlights of an oncoming car. So he stands up, brushing back the stomach knots that tells him curling up on the floor in a foetal position is much more appealing than standing right now.

Second, and lastly (it’s only a two-step process really), he needs to get out of his head. And the fastest way to do that? Dance. As Sungho put it, Hyunjin practised to destress – something like productive coping Hyunjin guesses (it’s also because he’s never really had the time to curate any new hobbies outside of dance), so he dances. Shoving his earbuds in his ears and turning up the volume, Hyunjin gets lost in the song and the physicality of it, so much so that by the time they’re making their way on stage, he’s only half there.

Some might see this is a risk, but Hyunjin knows this routine like the back of his hand and could shut his brain off entirely and still perform it. Separating himself from half of the experience allows him to feel the physicality of the dance, and to leave his anxiety behind. Even his vocal parts become something like muscle memory to the dancer. (But then again the vocal parts he’s given aren’t truly technical enough to have him struggling, lying right within a comfortable range and tempo for Hyunjin). Leaving half of himself to experience the performance also allows Hyunjin to adjust his enunciation here and there, a part of vocal performance (or simply, speaking) he’s always needed to pay extra attention to.

It allows him to experience and be present enough to appreciate the boys and their performance, proud of the work they had all put in to achieve their dream.

#rkfeb20eval #（ evaluations ） #« era: hhj.ktex » #tw: anxiety #tw: panic attack

[rkxhyunjin]

thriving together

( a starter for @rkgray​ )

There’s an unspoken pressure within the group, one that pushes most of the trainees to stay past the typical end time of training hours. Make no mistake, Hyunjin thrives under pressure. Or, maybe he doesn’t thrive per say, but he’s always been high functioning in environments such as these. He’s used to pushing himself to self-defined high standards, it’s what he’s been doing his entire life after all. Exhaustion remains far from alien.

It’s a combination of this that leaves Hyunjin wandering around the company late at night, having missed the final bus for his hour-long commute home. This also isn’t new.

Feet shuffling along the brightly lit halls Hyunjin finds himself outside the studios, a few of the lights to the small rooms still on. Producing was new to Hyunjin, a foreign subject in many ways. While Hyunjin found comfort in using dance to express himself, or even specific music pieces, creating music to express oneself was novel. Curiously peering into one of the rooms with the door slightly ajar, Hyunjin’s eyes take in the equipment itself, marvelling at the true expanse of the technology.

Perhaps a little too intrigued, Hyunjin doesn’t realise he’s leaning in until the door swings open, hitting the wall with a soft thud while the dancer half stumbles forward into the room. Apologies prepared, he looks to the person in the room only to find a familiar figure, tension relieving from his shoulders as recognition settles in, “Gray hyung, hey”. Hyunjin gives a little wave of his hand, offering a smile, “Are you working on producing something new? It seems like it would be difficult to keep up with everything going on and produce – I’m impressed”.  

#⁽ with: rkgray ⁾ #rkgray #« era: hhj.ktex » #『 thread: thriving together 』

[rkxhyunjin]

who would have thought? not me

( a backdated starter for @jkookrk​ )

who is that trainee I see, staring straight, back at me 　　　　－edited lyrics to reflection, mulan

The last thing Hyunjin is expecting to see on today is this: Jeon Jeongguk (Hyunjin had never truly interacted with the trainee, but he knew who he was) standing in the middle of the men’s restroom elaborately dawned in a wig and a dress. Upon initially seeing the dress and wig, Hyunjin had experienced his life flash before him; momentary (but all too real) mortification washing over him when confronted with the information that he may have just walked into the women’s restroom. An immediate apology and motion to leave the restroom only leaves him terribly confused when he glances around his surroundings and confirms that this is indeed the men’s restroom.

Hyunjin backtracks, turning back to the other figure in the restroom, head tilted to the side, and brows furrowed, clearly confused until recognition settles in and he’s left awkwardly staring. While the dancer didn’t particularly care what others wore (whether that be designer brands to cheaper fast fashion picked up from small stores near Hongdae or in this case, wig, dress, and heels) Hyunjin was a little lost at how to read the situation. Confusion was certainly a predominant emotion to say the least. From what the dancer had gathered, dresses weren’t a common element in Jeongguk’s wardrobe, so Hyunjin is left unable to fathom why on earth the other trainee would choose the company restrooms to explore a new look for himself. Perhaps he didn’t have adequate mirrors at home?

It seems best for Hyunjin to kindly back out of this situation.

So he does, quite literally. Slowly taking steps backward towards the door with a slight bow of his head and an awkward smile, Hyunjin does his best at attempting one last reassuring comment, “This… seems like a private moment, I’ll just let you be”.

#『 thread: who would have thought not me 』 #（ with: jkookrk ） #jkookrk #« era: hhj.ktex »