#「 meme replies ⚔️ i had my chance and sometimes there are no second chances 」

[pariahsparked]

therapy / talking about trauma / post - trauma starters.

@gowithplana​ said: hey, hey, hey. look at me, look at me. it’s okay.

This didn’t happen often. Not anymore. He had worked hard on coming to grips with some of the less savory things he’d endured in his life, when he was first called Drift, in the Dead End where all worthless, useless, forgotten things went to fade into misery and addiction.

But little things, he understood, could trigger the worst of the memories. Someone resting a hand in a sensitive spot on his frame without him knowing. A strong grip, right at the elbow, never too tight but feeling just this side of almost. Too many frames pressed too close in a crowded space. Any little thing, and it always felt so... disarming.

But at least this time there was a voice cutting through, one that did not belong to any of those memories, attached to none of the hands that he could almost feel on his frame.

Bright gold optics flicker as he blinks, and he stares back at Optimus with a few shaky vents, audial flares tipping back sharply.

“...-oh. Oh Primus I’m- I’m okay, it’s fine, let me get up-”

#「 in character ⚔️ some people allow themselves to be controlled by regret 」 #「 asks ⚔️ looking back you do not find what you left behind 」 #「 meme replies ⚔️ i had my chance and sometimes there are no second chances 」 #gowithplana #flashback cw #trauma cw

[pariahsparked]

👀 + “Would thee ever thought of teaching your swordsmanship to all here, and perhaps……. I~?”

Send my muse “👀 + a question” and they’ll have to answer with 100% honesty.

"I wouldn't be opposed, if enough mecha showed an interest.

I tend to find, though, that a lot of people would much prefer to stick with their guns. Not that I particularly blame them or anything; I know there's more ease of use there, and far less of a learning curve.

Anyway, I doubt I'll be opening classes anytime soon."

#「 in character ⚔️ some people allow themselves to be controlled by regret 」 #「 asks ⚔️ looking back you do not find what you left behind 」 #「 meme replies ⚔️ i had my chance and sometimes there are no second chances 」 #shiningsilverarmor

[pariahsparked]

All the starter sentences I could find, alphabetized.

@sutanaito​​ said: "Are you sure they won’t find out?”

In their defense, Dai Atlas and Wing had done their best with the young former Decepticon sympathizer. Sending him to Earth had been something of a last ditch effort- working with organics and witnessing a team working well with one another, away from the distractions of the Crystal City, seemed like it may have done him some good.

However, they had not anticipated that the dusty little planet would be full of a lot more distractions... and bots a little closer to Drift’s age who were just as eager to get out and stretch their tires as he was.

And it certainly didn’t help that Drift remained, to the core of him, far more rebellious than they could break. And right now, he was grinning at Bumblebee, sharp fangs easily visible.

“Of course they won’t! Fast as we are? They won’t even notice we were gone.”

#「 in character ⚔️ some people allow themselves to be controlled by regret 」 #「 asks ⚔️ looking back you do not find what you left behind 」 #「 meme replies ⚔️ i had my chance and sometimes there are no second chances 」 #「 v. tfa ⚔️ a little rebellion is good now and then 」 #sutanaito

[pariahsparked]

((Take Dis Bitch Down A Peg: Our pasts are not so easily forgotten. Who we were are as much a part of our story as who we are and who we will be. Do you think you can outrun that? Outrun yourself?))

Drop my muse down a peg.

"We're all chained to our past, in a lot of ways. And I spent a lot of time running from mine. And I'm not, not anymore. Wanting to try to be a better person is... it's not running. I'm trying to live a better life. I'm not trying to run from what I did as Deadlock, I'm just... I'm trying to make amends."

#「 in character ⚔️ some people allow themselves to be controlled by regret 」 #「 asks ⚔️ looking back you do not find what you left behind 」 #「 meme replies ⚔️ i had my chance and sometimes there are no second chances 」 #solisanima

[pariahsparked]

🍀 - do they believe in luck?

send a symbol.

"Yes and no? Something close to it, at any rate. I'd say it's something closer to the human concept of "karma."

On the other hand, I don't really believe in someone being "lucky." Luck implies that things just fall into place for you, and I don't think that's the case for most people.

What you put into the universe is what you get out of it. You have to actively work to be better, and while you may not reap the benefits right away, you will gain more than you lose.

Pure luck, though? Not so much."

#「 in character ⚔️ some people allow themselves to be controlled by regret 」 #「 asks ⚔️ looking back you do not find what you left behind 」 #「 meme replies ⚔️ i had my chance and sometimes there are no second chances 」 #「 headcanons ⚔️ my scars remind me that i did indeed survive 」 #athenafire

[pariahsparked]

Manhandling symbol starters

@primalxfire​ said: ♚ - put a hand on my muse’s knee while sitting next to them, to discourage them from standing up

The tension in Drift’s frame is visible. He’s usually very good at hiding it, using everything from venting exercises to energy redirection to keep himself from losing his temper. But once, just this once, he’s let that slip.

It’s not until Rodimus’s hand comes to rest on his leg that he pauses, audial flares flicking up slightly. And after a moment or two, he seems to just deflate, flares tipping back as he makes a disgruntled sound, shuttering his optics for a moment or two. When they reopen and light, they’re a paler blue, indicating his unease.

“Sorry. Old habits, I guess- it’s... hard to remember that just because I’m different than I was, other people won’t always see it that way.”

#「 in character ⚔️ some people allow themselves to be controlled by regret 」 #「 asks ⚔️ looking back you do not find what you left behind 」 #「 meme replies ⚔️ i had my chance and sometimes there are no second chances 」 #primalxfire

[pariahsparked]

random sad dialogue … sentence starters

@primalxfire​ said: “I keep trying to atone… but, it just never seems to be enough.”

“...it isn’t worth it, Roddy.”

The statement is quiet and simple, and Drift’s head doesn’t turn from where he’s sitting on the edge of the desk to look at the captain. There’s a weight to his tone, the timbre of which he hopes Rodimus recognizes, for all they’ve talked about and gone over the manner in which a Spectralist might display their emotions without the use of their EM field.

He still says nothing yet, though, hands resting on his thighs, gazing at some point in the middle distance, audial flares slowly tipping back. It’s a quiet movement, and when he finally turns back, he’s frowning, and a clear wave of worry/acceptance/understanding rolls through his field.

“I spent how long, trying to find absolution? The problem is... you don’t find it. You have to live that. And believe me, it’s hard... reconciling your past and your guilt with the fact that you are not that person anymore, you never will be again. You can only focus on the present, and the you that you’ll be in the future. People aren’t obligated to forgive or like you, even if you make changes to better yourself. I learned that the hard way.”

Finally, he leans over, reaching out to take his best friend’s hand, twining the digits together. The next few words he spells out in chiro, fingertips pressing quickly into Rodimus’s palm.

[::The people who love you will love you regardless. Don’t kill yourself trying to clean the slate. Pick up a new slate. Let people decide from there.::]

#「 in character ⚔️ some people allow themselves to be controlled by regret 」 #「 asks ⚔️ looking back you do not find what you left behind 」 #「 meme replies ⚔️ i had my chance and sometimes there are no second chances 」 #primalxfire

[pariahsparked]

👀 If there is one thing you could go back and tell your younger self what would it be and why?

honesty hour 👀 anon or not I have to answer

"I can only speak of my younger self as far as what happened in the Dead End since I don't remember much before that, but...

I'd tell myself to take Ratchet's offer. To leave the Dead End with him after the clinic was shut down. But if I couldn't change the past... maybe I'd just let myself know, in the worst times, shaking and coming down from a bad trip on syk...

...that someday, even if it didn't seem like it, I'd wind up safe. Happy. with people I trust, that trust me. That I wouldn't just be some gutter trash buymech forever.

I'd just have to survive.

The why I’d hope would be obvious. I was in a bad place then... extreme poverty, doing honestly sometimes unspeakable things just for the shanix to survive. You start believing the only thing you can do in life is die at some point, and I started to believe it too, before the clinic. It’s what got me taken to the clinic in the first place, though I don’t like talking about that."

#「 in character ⚔️ some people allow themselves to be controlled by regret 」 #「 asks ⚔️ looking back you do not find what you left behind 」 #「 meme replies ⚔️ i had my chance and sometimes there are no second chances 」 #drug use cw

[pariahsparked]

A SENTENCE STARTER PACK

@sutanaito​ said: “Do I look like the kind of man who dies?”

Drift seemed to consider that question for a long moment, his audial flares lifting and then flattening back, wide blue optics focused on Bumblebee. There were a number of different answers that could kick in there, and none of them were what Dai Atlas would have called polite.

And he tried- he did! He didn’t necessarily want to come off as unfriendly to his new team. He wasn’t cruel, not anymore, though even before much of it had been him posturing for status.

But in the end, he folded his arms over his chestplate and made a thoughtful hum, tilting his head slowly to one side.

"Maybe not, but... you are kinda kickable, mech; not gonna lie.”

#「 in character ⚔️ some people allow themselves to be controlled by regret 」 #「 asks ⚔️ looking back you do not find what you left behind 」 #「 meme replies ⚔️ i had my chance and sometimes there are no second chances 」 #「 v. tfa ⚔️ a little rebellion is good now and then 」 #RUDE drift fdjkslfjdkls

[pariahsparked]

Touch Meme (TRANSFORMERS TWEAKS!)

@sutanaito​ said: ➙ Pinch them from tfa bee

It was uncanny, how still Drift could sit at any given time. Finding a high perch he thought was out of reach of the other mechs in the base, sitting almost like a waiting cat, audial flares twitching. Taking in everything, barely moving.

Honestly, it was one of the few lessons Dai Atlas and Wing had drilled into him that had stuck.

But the sudden pinch to one of his audial flares had caught him off-guard, and the young mech yelped, just about hissing as he scrambled to the side, claws dug into the concrete of his perch.

It took him a moment or two to realize just who’d done the pinching, but when he did, he readjusted himself where he sat, frowning.

“Hey, what was that for- and how did you get up here?!”

#「 in character ⚔️ some people allow themselves to be controlled by regret 」 #「 asks ⚔️ looking back you do not find what you left behind 」 #「 meme replies ⚔️ i had my chance and sometimes there are no second chances 」 #「 v. tfa ⚔️ a little rebellion is good now and then 」 #sutanaito

[pariahsparked]

Who's a pretty kitty?? You's a pretty kitty! Who does the mrrps and the prrows and is so soft and adorable?? ITS YOU!

Drop my muse down a peg.

"I'm not a cat!"

#「 in character ⚔️ some people allow themselves to be controlled by regret 」 #「 asks ⚔️ looking back you do not find what you left behind 」 #「 meme replies ⚔️ i had my chance and sometimes there are no second chances 」 #fjdsljfkdsl

[pariahsparked]

✧ : My muse and art. (If they have an artistic side or not and why, favourite artist if they have one, e.t.c.) 

Send me a symbol and I will write a headcanon about…

He doesn't have much of an artistic side, but he does enjoy art. He enjoys watching people paint, and has a fondness for abstract sculpture. He does in some ways see his swordsmanship as artistry, but he would never call it that himself.

Others, though, have happily referred to it as such. It's not uncommon that he gets something of an audience when he's doing meditation katas.

#「 asks ⚔️ looking back you do not find what you left behind 」 #「 headcanons ⚔️ my scars remind me that i did indeed survive 」 #「 meme replies ⚔️ i had my chance and sometimes there are no second chances 」

[pariahsparked]

❒ : My muse and gifts

Send me a symbol and I will write a headcanon about…

Drift is extremely wealthy, and so he tends to shower gifts on his friends at any opportunity he's got. He's excellent at knowing their tastes and what they want or need at the time, and surprisingly good at sneaking those gifts onto them.

As far as receiving gifts, however? He's absolutely miserable at it. He doesn't need anything, he says. He's fine. He hasn't really gotten any better at it, either.

#「 asks ⚔️ looking back you do not find what you left behind 」 #「 meme replies ⚔️ i had my chance and sometimes there are no second chances 」 #「 headcanons ⚔️ my scars remind me that i did indeed survive 」

[pariahsparked]

☙ : My muse’s favourite food. (Bonus: A memory, be it good or bad, associated with said food.)

Send me a symbol and I will write a headcanon about…

Drift's favorite food is, without question, a crystalline energon sweet that's got a thick, crunchy exterior and a syrupy liquid interior. He alternates between puncturing them with his fangs and sucking out the liquid interior and just putting it in his mouth, letting the exterior melt on his glossa.

The first memory he has of trying it was in the Crystal City, when Wing offered him some after a communal meal. It was the first actual sweet he'd had in a very long time- most of the ones he'd had as Deadlock were not nearly as nice.

He just about melted. He's loved those ever since.

#「 asks ⚔️ looking back you do not find what you left behind 」 #「 meme replies ⚔️ i had my chance and sometimes there are no second chances 」 #「 headcanons ⚔️ my scars remind me that i did indeed survive 」

[pariahsparked]

💬 + i heard some organics have been calling you a rabbit cause of your head spikes.

Send 💬 + a rumor and my muse will react to it.

"My... excuse me?"

He tilts his audial flares back slightly before bringing them back up, expression genuinely baffled.

"You mean my audial flares? They don't seem very rabbit-like to me..."

#「 in character ⚔️ some people allow themselves to be controlled by regret 」 #「 asks ⚔️ looking back you do not find what you left behind 」 #「 meme replies ⚔️ i had my chance and sometimes there are no second chances 」 #Drift vc: my WHAT now

[pariahsparked]

☺

Headcanon meme! Send me a symbol and I'll tell you…

☺: three things that make my muse happy

He finds a lot of peace and a surprising amount of contentment and happiness in his nightly prayers. They help him find his center, and remind him of how far he's come in his journey.

Sweets of all kinds make him incredibly happy. He lived much of the early part of his life he can remember in abject poverty, so being able to get sweets is a luxury he adores.

People watching. Even though he doesn't drink, sitting down in Swerve's to just watch folks honestly makes him pretty happy, and can usually cheer him up when he's in a poor mood.

#「 asks ⚔️ looking back you do not find what you left behind 」 #「 headcanons ⚔️ my scars remind me that i did indeed survive 」 #「 meme replies ⚔️ i had my chance and sometimes there are no second chances 」