#( like OMG i am så going to get cursed for a laugh or out of boredom using those !!!!! same with nail grooming i only file )

[derpinette]

as soon as i want to relax i start thinking about how vulnerable my vitals are

#like when it is time for me to sleep or on the bus or just walking about outside #i always have my sides “hugged” sort of & i always worry about the back of my neck showing #( could entice someone into stabbing me there ) like on the bus or in class i keep thinking about how easily #someone behind me could just snap & stab me in the neck #i am a paranoid person like this in general in 2019 i was too scared to wear my hair in pigtails because i was paranoid some crazy person #with scissors would cut them off & run away ( sometimes i start thinking too much & it starts going into witchcraft territory ) #( like OMG i am så going to get cursed for a laugh or out of boredom using those !!!!! same with nail grooming i only file ) #anyway so when i try to sleep i keep thinking about how someone could just barge into my house & stab me in the kidneys & chest #& it feels so real so i have to curl up into a ball so the thought goes away #but then i think like any position is stabbable & nothing i do can protect me. no one say guns i am north african #maybe i need to start hiding weapons under my clothes again just to feel safer i used to hide blades in my bra when i was crazy in 2020 #i think i am getting back there lately but surely this is fine whatever. Who caare & i mean that genuinely i have already been there #butUGH I HATE feeling so vulnerable to The Killer like i know what wendy williams means but honestly the thought of not dying scares me moa #kind of like how the anticipation of a needle is scary only you get stabbed or attacked & bludgeoned in various ways #like anyone can do anything at any timeeven when i was a kid i would be walking places & think someone could so easily drop a bomb right no #or how gas cylinders can explode at any moment. & then i start visualizing & Feeling until my ears ring. anyway #sorry for my Sick & Twisted Dark & Sinister Mind #journaling. or like.something.