#((ok y'all i binged shadowhunters s3a and i gotta say that the show has improved over its existence))

[yehetno]

23,376

sanha/jinjin, they gon’ last, insecure?sanha

~300 words

“I’ll stay with you forever.”

Sanha hated promises of forever.  When he was young and naive and impetuous, the concept of forever was thrown around without the requisite considerations.  He thought his feelings would only grow deeper, or at least, they would remain static and unyielding.  Love now was as good as love forevermore.

From the first time he heard it, forever lasted two months. By the end of his brief eternity, he was a mess.  He staked almost everything on the fleeting love of a liar who didn’t even look back as he walked away.  

Worse, even his own promises of forever fell flat.  The love soured in his veins, and rosy memories rotted through the bitter lens of heartbreak.  How blind he had been.

Forever meant nothing.

Promising forever was a platitude that the insecure offered to quiet their own fears.  It placated the worried.  The end inevitably came and stripped forever of its meaning.  

Better not to say it all.

He should have expected that Jinwoo might eagerly make an impossible promise of forever.   Afterall, when they first met, Jinwoo fed him some awful and cheesy line about his lips looking lonely.  His brain-to-mouth filter tended to malfunction-- especially when lubricated with some wine. But Sanha was the one who still found him charming despite himself.

Jinwoo probably thought he would say something, caress his flushed cheek and reply with a lilting affirmation of devotion.  Sanha’s silence didn’t seem to make Jinwoo waver.  For Jinwoo, it just slipped out; he intended to stay forever and he made his intentions clear.  Sanha didn’t have the heart to tell Jinwoo quite yet that saying ‘forever’ spelled doom for their relationship.

He held his breath.

At least, he would be prepared for the sting of heartbreak when Jinwoo realized he did not want to be around Sanha forever. 

He pressed a kiss against Jinwoo’s forehead, and JInwoo sighed.

(The sting never came.)

--

to paraphrase john mayer: “it’s content.” (but it’s a bop tbh.)

well... idk.  it’s been cool. who knows when i’ll post-post again.

(i love u)

#sanha x jinjin #jinjin x sanha #sanjin #astro #astro fanfic #astro slash #astro drabble #idk #i'm #in a mood #((ok y'all i binged shadowhunters s3a and i gotta say that the show has improved over its existence)) #(but it triggered my ANGST button)) #yehetno being bad at the writing despite being a writing blog