#(as much as I feen for power bottom Howard)

[v7n5]

Feel like pure shit, just want a smutty multi-chapter Howard Hamlin fanfic that recounts the many secret sexual affairs that he has had with different people throughout the course of his life, most of which he sought out to recompense for the lack of intimacy in his marriage because both him and Cheryl were iron-closeted and only got married out of familial pressures (things took a turn for the worse after the fight that ended with Howard moving into the guest house). Ultimately, none of them could fulfill his wants and needs because they're all cold and distant in their own ways: there were the handsome strangers he met at some gay bar like Nacho who were emotionally unavailable and only wanted to dick and dash like they're in denial themselves; Jimmy whom he was smitten with and trusted to be able to keep a secret, but it didn't take him long to realize that Jimmy being selfish and cruel and rougher than Howard had liked and not paying any mind to Howard's own pleasure in bed was his way of getting back at him for being a jackass of a boss; Chuck whom he'd got especially close with ever since he was still studying pre-law, so close that he would make up any excuse to be alone with him and suck him off in his office from time to time to seduce his mentor because the daddy issues that had been developing throughout his father-absent youth came to fruition the moment a wiser and older man gave him a sliver of attention, Chuck allowed him to live out his fantasy but never reciprocated in that sense but they remained really good friends, hence Howard's desperation for his approval and affection and the idea of "I still have a chance" kept brewing in his mind even when he could see Rebecca out of the corner of his eye (the incident at the end of ss3 scarred him for life and talking about the intimate details of their relationship before it in therapy did not help). The latter half of 607 didn't happen because he decided that he was in fact the bigger person and the right thing to do was to drink himself into reflecting back on his life choices and wallowing in his own self-pity. Though he didn't storm Mcwexler's condo, the whole ordeal was still his Joker moment, so he put his foot down, got a divorce and resigned from his CEO position because fuck you, he deserves to do that. And maybe after a year or so, he met a certain Salamanca who got out of a certain shoot-out unscathed (haven't determined if Howard happened to stumbled into El Michoacáno or he went back to the gay bar), their chemistry was through the roof, they bonded over the loss of families/ lovers and "being a nepo baby is oh so hard", their romance blossomed because Lalo was textbook definition of charming and exactly Howard's type. One date led to another, and Howard ended up getting the best pipe he'd ever had while trying to hold back the tears stemmed from indescribable emotions. Would Howard find out who Lalo actually was? Would it matter? Would they last? Those are problems for future them.

Like literally that's all I want tbh.

#howard hamlin #He's my girl. My fucking princess. #Idc like he's still rightfully owed a soft dom who's gonna take good care of him and appreciate him #(as much as I feen for power bottom Howard) #The slutification of this middle-aged man HAS to be riddled with angst or else I'll die #1 of the worst things that could ever happen to me is getting ideas that I think are good but cannot for the life of me do anything about it #That and becoming a **** ****** but we're not trauma dumping today #Being a bilingual with an English-leaning brain is not the W that people made it out to be #Honestly Nacho came into the picture when I was deadass half unconscious. I was like 'Ariana what are you doing here???' #But it's hot. And I kinda wanted Nachoward to win a bit #I also wanted to squeeze Gus in there too but in my head it'd be an 'admirer from afar' type of deal. Like Howard would have a crush on him- #-but decided against making a move cuz he would think Gus is out of his league or sth #This is essentially a Howard x everyone who I think could be compatible with him fanfic #For clarification. Cheryl and Howard don't hate each other. if anything they're each other's emotional support system #But I feel like there's only so much pretense you can put up you know #And yes. Lalo and Nacho were in love there. #Ok I've got it all out there now. Time for me to go marinate in shame #nacho varga #jimmy mcgill #chuck mcgill #lalo salamanca #better call saul