#(i mean that LITERALLY goes hand in hand with the queer experience as well lolz so its fitting)

[mallowaj]

yall ever watch a movie from the 80s / 90s with the most in your face queercoding ever seen, load up its tumblr tag hoping to see some gay person saying the exact same thing, but theres NOTHING?!! like, was it just me??? who read into this???? its so baffling everytime man, because how on earth did NO ONE think the same thing and go on tumblr to talk about it. I CANT BE THE ONLY ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#phil speaks #i watched the shawshank redemption yesterday and. man. #i dont think redd or andy were necessarily in a romantic relationship or nything like that #BUT #the relationship they did have felt deeply queer with the whole becoming “institutionalized” thing and whatnot #and im not saying that to overlook the corruption of modern prisons / police in general #(i mean that LITERALLY goes hand in hand with the queer experience as well lolz so its fitting) #but i think that that same institutionalization can be applied to the queer experience #my favorite example is when redd is finally honest with the board and tells them exactly how he feels about himself / his time at shawshank #it felt a LOT like coming out especially with how his life goes after doing so #like yr telling me this guy had to change who he was after doing something that broke a societal norm then adhered to that norm + / #expectations of others for so long that he lost himself and only found himself again when a man who went against the norm to be himself / #entered his life? and then befriended him and learned to be unapologetically himself which ultimately lead him to an even more difficult / #path of self-acceptance but once he did accept himself and broke free from expectation he went to live the rest of life out with the SAME / #man who sent him down that path!??!?!??! #THAT FUCKING QUEER. #QUEER AS HELL EVEN. #idk i was vry invested in this movie for no particular reason an i was flabbergasted that no one else read into it like that #so sorry for the rant but i HAD to talk abt it bro #ive been thinking abt it nonstop #anyways #andy felt very aro to me especially with the whole “that doesn't make you a murderer. a bad husband? maybe.” thing that went down #the way his character expresses love is very platonic even with his wife #also. with andy being aro. i dont think its much of a stretch to think redd and him are a qpr #like youre really gonna send this guy to go dig up a letter asking him to come live with you in mexico that is buried under the same spot / #where you and your wife “made love” and you make sure to note that he cant know whats inside of that letter until he essentially comes out #making sure that theres a committment??? #LIKE DAMN #if that isnt a proposal of some sort idk what is #this has been phils queer reading of the shawshank redemption

[babyandprincessddlgblog]

Long Distance Relationships

So you want to know more about long distance relationships...

Well, for starters, they’re not easy. They take a lot of work, diligence, time commitments, compromising, and patience. They test you in many ways, and sometimes leave you feeling alone even though you have someone.

Long distance relationships are not for everyone, and they certainly are not something to toy with, because a partners feelings are on the line. Take me and Princess for example: Princess needs that one on one relationship, the closeness, the physical touch, the sexual release of being a submissive for a dom in person. However she is also willing to make a several hour drive to see her partner, no matter the circumstances.

Baby on the other hand, is willing to have a long distance relationship (or in her current situation a long distance queer-platonic relationship), and work with her dom in order to have that bond even though the distance does not always physical meetings.

How do I know a long distance relationship is right for me, then?

Answer me this:

Are you fully prepared to go months, or maybe even a year or more without physically being near your partner?

Can you handle when they are unavailable, that you can’t always talk to them?

Do you have the time, or are you willing to make time even if your day is absolutely overflowing with tasks, to talk to them and love them and encourage them?

Do you have the discipline to save money for gas, plane tickets, and hotel rooms just to see them for a few hours or if you’re lucky a few days?

Can you go long amounts of time and remain loyal to them emotionally, mentally, physically, and sexually?

Are you able to handle not being able to touch them, hold their hand, kiss their lips, play with their hair, and overall do what every other couple does?

I think I can do all those things... So what do I do?

You have a few options depending on your current situation. Maybe you’re talking to a potential dom, and you want to test the waters. Maybe you’re a single sub and you want to be actively searching. Maybe you want to be involved in the community and not worry about it. Regardless, here are a few tips for any circumstance you may be in.

1. I’m single, I like it, I just want to freely express my kinky side.

Wonderful! You know what you want and there’s a simple answer to this:

Munches. Play parties. Teaching opportunities.

Basically, there’s a website called Fetlife that has an “Events” page that shows any and all kinky events in your area. Looking for a rope class? They’ve got the link. Maybe you want to play? There’s the info on Fet. A casual pizza place munch? You bet!

By getting out into your local community, you can build up your knowledge and express yourself freely, without worrying about a commitment.

2. I want to be actively searching for a dom, but like, how??

Have no fear, Baby is here! I’ve used essentially the majority of platforms available to us kinksters to seek out true doms who want to have a great relationship with a sub. You name it, I’ve tried it: Tinder, Fet, Tumblr matchmaking blogs, straight up following doms and trying to court them (sorry GPD lolz).

Here are my tried and true reviews:

Tinder: Listen, you’re literally gonna get like 500+ fuckboys. That’s what Tinder is for. HOWEVER!! I have a hack to weed through them. Simply put a point of outside contact that isn’t your phone number (and a platform where you can block people). I use kik, so I simply put my kik username in my bio. If they’re really looking at each person individually, they’ll contact you. Most of the guys I get are total douchebags, yes, but don’t be afraid of that block button.

But, I did find Daddy through kik. He messaged me by chance when I wasn’t even looking for a dom, and we clicked, and a whole year later here we are still in a healthy cg/l dynamic with each other.

Fetlife: Basically Tinder for guys who want to be called “daddy”. You’re gonna get weirder dudes on here, but you have a bit higher of a chance to find a suitable dom. Princess found the dom she is in a dynamic with through Fet, then Tinder, then Bumble, and now they’re officially a thing.

Tumblr Matchmaking Blogs: STAY FAR AWAY FROM THESE!! The only good thing that comes from these blogs is there’s a bunch of pedophiles in one place to automatically report and block. There might be one or two diamonds in the rough, but trust me it’s not worth it. It’s mostly underage children and creepy old dudes. Just report the blogs and move on.

Tumblr Dom Blogs: These can be good, if you’re able to identify the real ones from the fake ones. A ton of “dominants” run these, and very few are actually in the community with good intentions. I’ve been looking for 3 years and I’ve only found a handful of good blogs ( @mistersbeard​ / @lovemysub​ are my favorites because they’re educational and fun). So, I mean, you can talk to doms on Tumblr, sure, but be careful and know how to identify them first.

Most Importantly: DO. NOT. GO. LOOKING. FOR. A. DOM. IF. YOU’RE. A. NEW. SUB.

I cannot stress this enough, and if you’re like me you’ll be like “lolz, literally nothing will happen, I’m a smart cookie, I can handle-” No. Seriously, this spells trouble and it will leave you a hurt little subby in the end. Learn, grow, gain experience in a safe environment, don’t think the BDSM porn is accurate (it’s not), practice consent, use safewords, and above all don’t rush into anything. A d/s relationship takes time and energy, put in a ton of both before even calling anything a relationship.

3. I have someone I’m considering to be my dom, but I don’t know how to approach it.

Something I learned that has saved me a ton of grief, is to use the consideration phase to your advantage. Essentially, don’t commit, but play into the dynamic between the person you’re considering.

Let’s say you need some help drinking more water. Talk to the dom you’re interested in about introducing a rule to better yourself. Discuss every detail of it. How much water? How many times a day? What if you don’t meet the quota? What if you break the rule and have coffee? Etc. Etc. Etc. Establish a couple low level punishments if that’s your thing. Then when you’re both comfortable, add another rule, add some rewards, add some more dynamics.

When you both feel like you want to commit a couple months, or even years, later, go for it.

A consideration phase makes everything less stressful. There’s no full submission yet unless you choose it. It’s all in your control, which it always should be, and you can shut it all down with the snap of a finger if you don’t feel comfortable.

The most important unspoken rules of LDR’s:

1. Make time for one another. Don’t send just a couple quick texts a day, a goodnight video, and call it good. Actually make time, even if you’re walking the dog or making dinner, to share little tidbits and make it feel like you’re together.

2. Send everything! Pictures, videos, emojis, gifs, stickers. Send a letter, and email, video chat, plan a day trip (if the proximity allows). Send them things that remind you of them. Discuss big things, small things, and in-between things. Make each other feel like you’re right there, but also maintain the responsibility you have to maintain.

3. Things can be sexual, or not, it’s your control. Feeling pressured to send some tit pics? Stand your ground and refuse. Feeling frisky and want to play? Discuss it and see if you can both do so/are comfortable.

4. It’s hard. Like, really hard. You love this other being so much and you just want to be near them and give them the world and that’s not always possible. But cherish every little second you get to spend with them, in person or online.

5. Be patient, and appreciate everything you give and receive. What you have is special, and it should be treated as such. It’s not everyday that you build a unique bond with someone.

Finally, a word from Daddy A:

It strengthens the emotional and mental sides greatly, but the lack of contact does suck. Essentially, a sub can be with another dominant to fulfill that, if their main is alright with it, but it goes beyond sexual release, as some may assume when looking at any format of bdsm.

The LG/DD dynamic has a bigger focus on protection and comfort by and large. We wish for our submissives to be perfectly fine with us, and thus, give us their submission. In turn, we provide the support, the nurturing and protection they desire.

Sexuality isn't inherently a part of the dynamic, but once you've become so familiar with someone, it's hard to separate into something more casual. You don't want to be spanked, you want to be spanked by your dominant.

How I see it, the distance definitely makes the bond so much stronger, leading to when you finally meet in person being a grand thing. However, it does not mean it's for everyone. You gotta be ready for the stretches of time, the worry, the anxiety and personal issues. Patience is big and openness is necessary.

On top of that, when you do possibly meet, be ready for it to not be a scene right away. Sometimes it'll just be grabbing lunch, maybe something tame where you aren't always in the head space. But, sometimes that's enough; just that, whatever it is, is what you both need to reassure that it's real and can grow. It won't be a sexual release, but both can breathe easier.

Expectations have to be tempered. Maybe you don't have a private place, maybe someone is nervous.

Even without it being a scene, the two could be huge dorks and walk past each other at a theme park despite dying to be beside the other.