#(plus talking about it/engaging helps keep me awake and stimulated otherwise i'll go to the seventh circle of hell)

[dyketennant]

idk i think i should start masking again 🤠 (i mean the autism i already wear a face mask)

#vent #personal #dont mind me using the tags as a diary for a bit. i have a real diary but my carpal tunnel is not agreeing with writing with a pen rn #blah blah blah val's interests are annoying and weird. and it's all they really know how to talk about #because they are so busy constantly with two jobs + full-time uni + side gigs + life in general #that they cannot function without their Little Things and because of that all their interpersonal relationships suffer #yknow how it is #ive always been one of those people who talks a lot in class #especially since getting to college because now i really care and am excited about what we're discussing #(plus talking about it/engaging helps keep me awake and stimulated otherwise i'll go to the seventh circle of hell) #but i feel like especially recently but just in general. i just always say dumb shit. and maybe it's worse now bc my paranoia is spiking #bc of that class with my ex i have twice a week and i know they're probably judging what i say and making fun of me to their new friends #while i have to spend an hour and fifteen minutes trying not to look at the other side of the room and turning up music when they speak #i used to be better at socially masking bc high school was hell but then covid happened and it all went down the drain #and then my life got Worse and now it's like. sorry im annoying and bad at talking i know i am. i am also trying to not be like that #idk i think im just so spread thin that everything i ever do im doing poorly bc i just Cant. and im in pain constantly #and always running late or rushing or stressed or busy. like i haven't been not-stressed since. i dont even know. maybe when i was sick? #and even then i was stressed because Oh Fuck I Have Covid. yknow #wow my therapist is going to have an interesting day tomorrow it seems