#...i really really want to avoid talking abt certain discussions because they are so tied up into an ugly knot.

[clumsyclifford]

hi clumsyclifford

so i've been reading your fics and also ask responses and i feel like u would understand this so i am .. going to ramble a bit? just because maybe you understand these brain worms etc. feel free to ignore, i just don't have any fandom friends to properly discuss this with lmao

do you find writing hurt/comfort gets more difficult the older you get? i'm a hurt/comfort writer through and through, but it was way easier when i was like 14 to write about 'deep stuff' and think nothing of it. it was cringe but i was free. now i'm 20, and i want to write hurt/comfort but i'm somewhat afraid of it?

like as adults we still deal with these things, but i find myself wanting to avoid them because it feels childish. it makes it more interesting to write about, but i can't help but feel childish when i want to write about certain topics (u kno. depression. relapse. alcoholism. the full works). and i worry that it comes across immature to others, despite the fact im literally an adult lmao

you have a really nice way of going about angst in your fics, and i want to too. idk i just thought it'd be cool to waffle on about maturing in fandom and what that does for writing and interacting etc. but maybe it just seems extra HAHA i'm just bored and wanted to talk abt it

hey hi hello! took me a minute to get to this, because i wanted to give it a proper answer.

this is a really interesting question i'm glad you brought it to me!!! i'm also intrigued by what you said, because i actually have found it to be the opposite. now, to be fair, i have had a semi-charmed life, so i don't have experience with most of the really hard-hitting heavy angst topics and i have relied on what i've read/seen/learned about for writing those things. because of that, though, i think the "angst" i was writing when i was a kid was wayyy off the mark, and probably hella unrealistic, because i just didn't have the experience to draw from, and i didn't have the perspective to like...fully understand how to write something i didn't know about.

as an adult (or at least more of one), i think i'm much more capable of writing good angst, because i can understand things like: nuance. individual differences. human behavior. moral gray areas. the complexity of the human experience. etc. i've learned, for example, that two people can have the same exact problem and handle it in completely opposite ways, and that knowledge has allowed me to take liberties in writing while also staying conscious of what is in the realm of a "realistic" representation of any given conflict.

another part of being able to write better hurt/comfort, though, is that i really understand a lot more what constitutes as "comfort," and how that can be just as nuanced and complex as the "hurt" part of things. people are comforted by different things. in different ways. by different people. one person may want hugs, one may want to be left alone. one may say they want to be left alone but in reality want hugs. and furthermore, sometimes "comfort" doesn't actually mean "the problem is solved." sometimes it means "let me share this burden." sometimes it means "crying about it is better than not." sometimes it means "the problem hasn't gone away, but i can distract you from it for right now." sometimes it means "i can't help you, but i can help you get help." et cetera et cetera!

i can see where you're coming from, because there are pitfalls in writing hurt/comfort that younger writers do tend to fall into (simply by virtue of not really knowing better), like, for example, thinking that if the "hurt" is alcoholism, then the "comfort" is sobriety that sticks the first time. but! we know that things are not always so neat, and that makes us capable of writing way more interesting stories, because they aren't open-shut, "here's the problem and here's how i fixed it" cases. things don't often get tied neatly in a bow. some of my favorite angst i've ever read or written had ambiguous endings where you didn't know if the problem would be solved in the long run, because that's life! some problems are chronic and incessant; some come and go. some remain a looming presence over your shoulder, presenting an imminent threat to your fragile peace of mind. and many of these don't have an easy fix, which is why they're so interesting and fun (and sometimes challenging) to write about. but i think that as long as you're aware of how layered and complex these things are (which it sounds like you are), you probably won't come across as immature while writing about them.

and by the way, caveat to the above: sometimes "comfort" does mean "the problem is solved," and that's just as legitimate as any of the other shit i said! sometimes it's as easy as saying "person A needs X, and person B has X." whether X is a hug or the thing they need to hear in that moment or a fuckin letter from their past self or just a glass of water, sometimes person B can solve the problem. it happens in real life all the time, and it's not immature to write it in a story. so basically what i'm saying is: as long as you remember that the human experience is messy and complicated and weird and nuanced, you're golden.

#i am accepting further thoughts on this subject though because this is very interesting #im not going to ramble in the tags because i wrote you a whole essay here (sorry? maybe?) but #feel free to come back with additional thoughts anon #and thanks for bringing them to me in the first place this was super cool to think about #ask #anonymous #alcoholism mention