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shanghai-ohmy · 5 years

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MaoMaoctober Day 24: Trickster

Welcome back, G-rated fics! In today’s fic, a string of thefts breaks out across Pure Heart Valley. Badgerclops is on the case. Mao Mao connects the dots. Snugglemagne is also there. Read it on AO3, or under the cut.

It was the third theft in a week, and it was even more brazen than the last two. Mao Mao stalked around the scene as Badgerclops and Adorabat placed down evidence markers. Sunlight streamed through the shattered glass of the skylight. Where there should have been a rich tapestry on the wall, there was now only empty space.

"Oh, it's absolutely horrible!" King Snugglemagne lamented, throwing his hand against his head dramatically. "My beautiful palace, vandalized! And my precious self-portrait, stolen!"

Badgerclops patted him on the back. "There there, it's not so- wait, SELF portrait? You weave?!"

The king turned his nose up indignantly. "I have many talents, thank you very much!"

Mao Mao slammed his fist on a nearby table, startling both of them. "It doesn't make any sense!" He glared at the bare wall. "What's the message? The motive? Why steal a prized tapestry from the king?"

"Political unrest?" Adorabat suggested.

"Raw, visceral attraction to the king's hot body?" Badgerclops posited.

Mao Mao shot him a withering look. He addressed Adorabat's theory instead. "That's a good instinct Adorabat, but it doesn't have enough backing. There haven't been any recent upsets, and King Snugglemagne is very popular with the sweetypies right now."

"Perhaps it wasn't a sweetypie at all," the king said nervously.

Mao Mao's eyes widened. "That's it! These aren't local crimes at all! Someone is trying to send me a message!"

"Hey man," Badgerclops interrupted, "I know it's like, your hunch and all, but why does the message have to be for you and not me? I used to hang out with literal thieves, remember?"

Mao Mao shushed him. "Badgerclops please, don't be ridiculous. This case could only be meant to challenge me, the legendary Mao Mao! It'll be my greatest investigation yet!"

Badgerclops huffed, crossing his arms.

"Um, Mao Mao?" Adorabat asked. "How do you solve a mystery?"

Mao Mao grinned. "Just watch me, Adorabat. You're about to find out." He swept out of the room, cape billowing behind him. Adorabat flew in his wake, dazzled.

A bright flash painted the room in stark white contrast. Badgerclops remained behind, photographing the crime scene. He carefully examined each piece of evidence. As he glanced over the shards of skylight glass, he noticed something out of place.

---

“The first thing you need to do is establish a motive,” Mao Mao explained. “Who would hate me enough to track down Pure Heart Valley and threaten the king?”

“The sky pirates?”

“It’s possible.” Mao Mao pinned a blurry photo of Orangusnake to the corkboard behind their office desk. Already up on the wall were newspaper clippings about the three thefts that had occurred, along with a map of the city. “But I suspect this crime is too high-minded for the sky pirates. This thief is playing games with us. Toying with us. And I can think of one tanuki who just loves to play games.” He pinned a photo of himself with Tanya Keys to the board and pointed at her face.

“But I thought she liked you again after we saved Badgerclops!”

Mao Mao sighed. “Tanya is a complicated woman, Adorabat. She could be sending me a message. Or she might have turned on us again. But she has all the right motives for revenge!”

“Umm… does she?”

“Of course! I mean, we… um, she and the king… hm.” Mao Mao put his hand on his chin, thinking.

“What about a bad guy you and Badgerclops fought from before you came here?”

“That’s it! Adorabat, you’re a genius!” Mao Mao flung open a desk drawer and began to sort through a pile of mugshots clipped from newspapers. “Let’s see, the Honeybee Bandits were released a few weeks ago, Red-Eyes Rex got out last month, The Scorcher really had it out for us when we put her away…” He mumbled to himself as he pulled out potential suspects. A few moments later, they were all pinned to the board.

“Okay, Adorabat. Let’s narrow the field.” Mao Mao went criminal by criminal, explaining their methods and how he and Badgerclops had caught them. He and Adorabat argued over motive, modus operandi, and possible alibis for every one. After an exhaustive process, they’d narrowed it down to a field of four suspects.

“And now for the real work.” Mao Mao pulled a ball of red string from the desk.

“I thought you said it was time for work… why are you getting out your favorite ball of yarn?”

“Huh? Sorry Adorabat, what did you say? I was… distracted.” Mao Mao’s claws were out. There was string tangled between his fingers. His pupils quickly contracted again as he snapped out of it.

“ANYWAY, the board!” He turned his attention back to the suspects. “Hmm…” He rubbed his chin thoughtfully.

“Hmm,” Adorabat mimicked, copying the motion too.

---

Badgerclops trailed the suspect carefully. It wasn’t easy work; he was huge compared to the sweetypies, and his fur pattern was very distinctive. Even Mail Mole could see him coming. So he’d requisitioned a car with tinted windows instead of following on foot. It was cramped, but effective.

The target made a sharp turn into a park. Badgerclops swore. Had he been noticed? The car wouldn’t be able to follow in there. He had to make a choice: ditch the car and hoof it, or try to anticipate the suspect’s point of exit. Reluctantly, he parked. This was too close to over. He couldn’t risk losing the trail now. He’d make it work on foot, somehow.

He slipped into the park. His suspect was nearly out of view, nothing more than a distant figure. But he couldn’t run; that would make his pursuit far too obvious. He followed at a distance, taking different paths and keeping trees between them. Sometimes he’d lose sight of the target, but never for long.

They exited the park. Badgerclops could feel it now. The thief’s stash was close. All he needed now was a chance.

---

“My god, Adorabat.” Mao Mao looked shell-shocked. “It goes all the way to the top.”

A tangle of red string criss-crossed the corkboard, a baffling series of connections twisting and angling around one another. Many of them converged to a newly-added picture of King Snugglemagne, a glamorous headshot adorned with his signature.

“It all makes sense now…” Mao Mao stepped back, awed at his own conclusion.

“Umm, can you please explain it one more time?”

Mao Mao sighed. “Adorabat, please. It’s very simple. King Snugglemagne faked the theft of his own self-portrait, along with the two earlier burglaries, because he’s under immense blackmail pressure from Red-Eye.” He traced his claw along the connecting string. “The details in these articles line up exactly with Falkestrasse’s Ten Behaviors of the Blackmailed-” he pointed to a sheet of paper that looked like it had been ripped from a textbook. “But the king doesn’t know that Red-Eye is actually Tanya Keys disguised as Red-Eye Rex. She’s scamming him for his fortune with a fake blackmail scheme. Of course, the king himself set up the blackmail as part of a-”

Before he could continue, Badgerclops kicked the front door open. “Yo, Mao Mao! Get the jail cell open!”

“Badgerclops?! What are you-”

“LET ME GO! I’LL KILL YOU ALL! YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I’M CAPABLE OF!” Pinky wriggled fruitlessly in Badgerclops’s mechanical grasp, screaming at all three members of the sheriff’s department.

Mao Mao laughed. “Hah, I guess the mystery was too hard for you, huh Badgerclops? Back to arresting Pinky for petty crimes again?” He swung the jail cell open. “What was it this time?” He asked Pinky. “Steal another ice cream?”

Pinky spat at him. “I want my lawyer! It’s my tapestry! I already had it!”

“Tapestry?”

Badgerclops slammed the cell door shut and locked it. “Yeah Mao Mao, tapestry! The big thing that got stolen? Remember?”

“No, that’s… that’s not possible, Badgerclops!” Mao Mao laughed nervously. “It can’t be Pinky! I mean, look at the evidence!” He gestured to the unintelligible mass of string and paper pinned to the wall. “I figured it all out!”

“It’s actually very simple,” Adorabat explained. “You see-”

Badgerclops cut her off. “Adorabat, do you want to learn how to solve a mystery?”

She nodded.

“Step one, you review the evidence. You know, the ACTUAL evidence?” He dropped a manila folder on the table, fanning out an array of photographs from it. The crime scene was meticulously documented. “Before you go making any assumptions about how the crime is really all about you-” he glared pointedly at Mao Mao- “you need to examine everything thoroughly.” Badgerclops pulled out a photo and showed Adorabat. “This sliver of glass had a tiny bit of blood on it. AND: pink fur.”

Adorabat gasped.

“BEING PINK ISN’T A CRIME!” Pinky hollered from the jail cell.

“Dude shut up, I’m trying to have a parlor scene here!” Badgerclops walked over to the cage and pulled a tarp down over it, muffling the sound. “Ahem. Step two is to find a suspect. Obviously the pink fur was a major clue. Now it could be a red herring, laid by a clever criminal to misdirect us. But in this case, we already have the perfect perp.” He gestured towards the covered jail cell. “Pinky’s fur matches, he has the motive of being a generally horrible person, and he’s always been kinda weirdly into the king. It makes sense that he’d steal the tapestry.”

“Next you need to track your suspect down and see what you can find out about them. This part’s really important, even if you have the perfect suspect, because it might be a frame job. Now, Pinky is easy to find thanks to the general unpleasantness he inspires, so I was able to get on his trail within a few minutes. I tailed him for about an hour before he went for his stash. He slipped into a closed-up storefront, and when I followed him I found THIS!”

Badgerclops slapped a photo down on the table. What it depicted could only be described as a shrine. The tapestry hung proudly from a wall, flanked by candles and various Snugglemagne memorabilia. “Half of this stuff was filed as stolen goods, and you can see the two thefts from earlier this week in there too.” Badgerclops pointed out a couple of the objects. “Anyway, I secured the whole scene and took Pinky into custody. And now we’re here.” He folded his hands pleasantly.

Adorabat was starstruck.

Mao Mao cleared his throat. “Badgerclops, I… I’m impressed. That’s some top notch detective work.”

“But you had fun with your string, right?”

Mao Mao crossed his arms and fumed. “I was trying to be nice.”

Badgerclops patted him on the head. “I know. But you were kind of a jerk earlier, so…” Badgerclops stuck his tongue out. “I caught the bad guy and you didn’t! Ha ha!”

Mao Mao wanted to punch him, but he knew Badgerclops was right to gloat. He’d messed this one up pretty bad. “Yeah yeah, keep going. You were right and smart, I’m a dumb asshole, blah blah blah.”

Badgerclops’s eye softened. “You’re not dumb, Mao Mao. You just got carried away.” He kissed him on the forehead. Mao Mao blushed all the way up to his ears.

“You are an asshole though.”

#mmhoph #maomaoctober #mao mao: heroes of pure heart #mao mao heroes of pure heart #mao mao

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