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monstersinthecosmos · 1 year

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Do you have any advice/tips for writers with ADHD? I have ADHD and dyslexia on top of it and I've recently started writing fanfic. I love it but it takes so long for me to actually order my thoughts into something readable and find the right words to put down. I get distracted easily. I usually need to get in the mood of the fic I'm writing to have a decent flow but it's rare that I can do it. I just feel distressed cause I have so many ideas but I'm so slow at writing it takes me months to write a 5k oneshot.

Hello!!!!!!!! Yes I have some advice, I would love to share what helps me! I do want to acknowledge that what works for me might not work for you, but something that I find like mega super-duper important as an ADHD life hack is to be honest with yourself and start learning what works for you and how to find tools that work with your specific life. Like, for example, I heavily rely on routine to function AT ALL, but I know that I have to come up with a NEW routine every few months because when they become too familiar they get boring and stop working. And it took me a long time to learn it was okay to just like, leave an ineffective routine in the past and come up with a new one instead of beating myself up because it wasn’t working anymore.

(Please keep in mind that I’m in the US and I don’t have insurance so I’m like learning all this shit cold brew, white knuckling it on my own where like maybe this is extremely pedestrian advice that a mental health professional could’ve just told me years ago and saved me the time LOL)

And re: Dyslexia! I am not dyslexic so I’m not qualified to give you advice about this; if anyone wants to pop in and share please do! The one thing I know that can help is picking fonts that work for you!!!!!!!!!! Using a screen reader can also help when you’re reading to proof read so that you can hear typos or wonky sentences that your eyes miss. (I do this for all my fics and it’s so helpful!) Also if you’re in a frenzy to jot ideas down in your notes to start organizing yourself it might help to use voice to text!

This is gonna be long, I apologize LMAO. Easy for me to scream and shout because I have ADHD but perhaps not easy to read if the reader has ADHD SORRY SORRY, take it a piece at a time if you must. But I’m gonna break this into two main parts, the ADHD Life Advice Stuff and the ACTUAL WRITING STUFF.

ADHD Life Advice Stuff:

I mentioned a couple things in my last post about how I approach writers block & burnout and I think tbh I approach this from an ADHD perspective, as well, particularly the burnout part. I don’t wanna repeat too much of that but basically for me, I think it’s just extremely essential to be honest with yourself, know your limits, and build your life AROUND the ADHD. You really can take any ADHD life advice and apply it to writing. I’ve done it a lot with house cleaning advice!

I’m a slow writer, too! And it’s taken a ton of practice to get to a place where I write longer fics. But like, five years ago I don’t think it would’ve been realistic for me to sit down and crank out a huge fic, I just didn’t have the skill and practice and confidence and patience yet.

This is not a race, it’s not a contest. Patience can be frustrating but getting to where you want to be might be a slow process and take practice, and if you sit down to write and think you’re gonna crank out 50k fic on your first try it’s probably not realistic, and if you push yourself and fuck it up, it’s only going to wind up being discouraging and unmotivating in the end. Imo it’s better to be gentle with yourself until you feel confident and have the hang of it; set smaller goals and be realistic about where you’re at NOW. It doesn’t mean that you will ALWAYS be at that level, it just means you have to walk before you can run.

I would say this also goes towards having a million ideas; THIS IS ME, I HAVE IDEAS ALL DAY ALL THE TIME, but I realistically know that I do not have the time to write all of them. Sometimes I write them down in my notes app so I don’t forget, but it doesn’t mean I’ll commit to writing a whole fic. Again, you have to be realistic about the time you have and the level you can write at. Prioritize ideas that really inspire you and make you excited.

In my last post too I mentioned that a lot of times my “writing advice” is more like, COPING WITH ADHD advice and tbh I think they’re inextricable. My life was a COMPLETE disaster before I found out I had ADHD because I was constantly forcing myself to try to live like other people, to some “normal” standard, and it’s just not how my brain works. It’s important to set up your life FOR your ADHD and just make things easier for yourself. And a lot of that is very personal and individual, so when I say be realistic and be kind to yourself, YOU know you more than I do. You will know if turning your wordcount goal into a game is more motivating than not stressing about your wordcount. You know if writing in a noisy Starbucks is more motivating than writing in your cozy silent home. I think sometimes you have to just try stuff on and see if it fits and create a routine that helps you, and sometimes the routine is gonna wear off and you come up with a new one. And it’s frustrating as fuck when you haven’t figured out what works yet. It’s a fucking process!!!!!!!!!!!! But there’s something to be said for being kind to yourself and saying “It’s okay, this doesn’t work for my brain, we can try something new tomorrow” instead of “This sucks and I’ll never be good at it and I can’t do the thing everyone else can do.”

So I’ll share some like actual technical tools now but I always feel like it’s important to talk about the ADHDness of it FIRST, like. This is you, it’s how you are. Find ways to make it work for you and don’t force yourself to use random normies’ routines if they aren’t built for people like us. Personally when I started being kinder to myself and making accommodations and cherrypicking random bits & pieces of advice that I thought I could manage, I became a lot more productive and had a lot more fun writing!!!!!!! This is like putting the oxygen mask on yourself before your child.

Actual Writing Stuff:

OUTLINES.

I feel like ADHDers don’t want to hear this LMAO. And it took me a suuuuuuuuuuuuper long time to figure out a method of outlining that worked for me. I was against it at first because it made me feel way too constricted and I thought I wouldn’t be able to be creative if I was sticking to one.

People talk about planners and pantsers with writing and I started thinking of my outlines as a TOMATO CAGE. (I found out this is also called tentpole method LMAO but I’m still calling it my tomato cage.) But picture that you have enough of a framework to have some structure and keep the story moving forward, but the plant will grow however it wants to and you can arrange the limbs accordingly.

I talked about how I outline a while back in this entry too so I don’t want to repeat too much, but basically I try to think about like what’s the structure and pacing of the story and build from there. For example, my longest fic on AO3 is called Tonight the Stars Revolt! and I started it by listing out 14 kinks/sex acts and arranging them in order of escalation. So that was my outline.

Chapter 1 – Jerking off in front of each other

Chatper 2 – Jerking EACH OTHER off

Chapter 3 – Oral

Etc!

That’s how the story started, that’s all I knew, but it gave me a roadmap to work with. So you can start an outline as vague and broad as you need to, and as you approach each chapter you can start adding more detail. You can also leave yourself notes as you have ideas, like as an idea strikes you, go ahead and park it in the outline where you think it might fit. This is so helpful if you're trying to build motifs or foreshadowing so that you can be sure to plant all those seeds earlier in the story.

And again, like I said with being flexible about routines and accommodations, it’s okay to rearrange your outline! It’s not the end all be all, it’s your story! I’m constantly tinkering with the outlines as the story evolves.

But for example, say you know chapter 3 is about oral, when it’s time to write chapter 3 you can then start thinking about what scenes you might want to include, like

Chapter opens with them fooling around in a closet

They get called away to do a mission

Mission is very scary! Action! Danger!

Blowjob when they get back!

And then you add to it EVEN MORE as you approach each scene. Like, when it’s time to write the actual scene about the mission you can break it down even more

Open with the team strategizing how to escape

They get separated

There’s a fire

I also like to choreograph all my smut scenes LOL so like when it’s time to write the blowjob it’ll be like

He grabs at Shiro’s waistband

Gets on his knees

Shiro is telling him he doesn’t have to

He does it ANYWAY

Shiro tries to pull out to not come in his mouth!!

So that way when it’s time to actually WRITE! I just have to look at the next point. Like, instead of climbing the mountain that is a WHOLE FIC every time I try to sit down, I can check the outline and go “Today I just have to write about the fire.”

It breaks the story into manageable pieces!! And if your attention span is such that you can’t focus for a LONG time at once, that’s perfect! And if you’re someone who can like get into the zone and need to be really tuned in to get there, it works for that too! You’re just leaving yourself a trail of breadcrumbs to follow so that you always remember what’s the next part you need to write.

I also prefer to write full screen so that I’m not distracted (I use Scrivener which has a full screen and you can customize the colors so I have full screen & dark mode!) and I keep all my notes in the bottom of the document, so I always to make it that I can SEE the next point at the bottom of the screen so I’m always sort of typing towards it. (Scriv also has typewriter mode which is awesome for this, where the line you’re typing on is always centered!)

SPRINTS.

This goes both towards the “small manageable pieces” concept but also towards the “set a time of day to write” concept. But if you have any friends who also write and would want to write WITH YOU to stay accountable, it’s fun to text them and you can both start the clock and write without distraction and then compare at the end. (I’m gonna come back to this in a sec re: wordcount games.) But having someone to spend that time with you really helps.

There’s a Discord bot called Sprinto that you can use to have it in your chat but you can run it on your own too if you want to have a log. I use this a lot! I also sometimes have “sprint time” with my friend who ISNT writing, like she’ll do her dishes while I work on my fic. LOL. It’s just about having someone to be accountable with.

PRODUCTIVITY APPS.

Speaking of sprints, for me personally I try to be like DISTRACTION FREE while the clock is on, and on days where my attention span is particularly garbage I have some apps that lock me out of distracting websites/apps. On my phone I have Forest App, I THINK IT’S A DOLLAR? But very cool and cute. It plants a lil tree and if you leave the app the tree dies and you feel bad. So I’ll put that on when I’m writing so that I don’t pick up my phone and start fucking around.

I also use StayFocusd on my laptop for Chrome. This puts a daily timer on how much you allow yourself to use certain websites and then locks you out. I tend to write at the end of the day so I’ve usually used all my fuck around time by then.

WORDCOUNT GAMES.

Personally for me, I don’t like to agonize over my wordcounts because I worry I fall into “quantity over quality” mindset. I just have my lil challenge to write 100 words a day, but other than that I don’t worry about it. But if that’s motivating to you, you can make it a race or a challenge. Even doing sprints you can see if you can write more than your friend. I think Scriv lets you set a word goal for a session so you can watch the words count DOWN as you’re typing.

I just know for me I have to turn everything into a fucking game to make it interesting LOL so I would encourage creating wordcount games if that will work for you.

TIME OF DAY.

I tend to write at night because I have too much to do in the morning before work, but I like to write in the morning on weekends when I have the day off. Figure out which time of day works best for you!!!!!!!!

Writing in the morning can be awesome because your mind isn’t smushed down by the decisions fatigue of a whole day. Writing at night can be awesome because it’s dark and quiet and time to be cozy. Maybe you’re most alert after lunch, idk man! Figure that out and work with it.

ATMOSPHERE.

When I write at night I like to fucking, put the appropriate music on, turn all the lights off, get my purple fairy lights going, light incense, have a snack, etc. This is gonna be different for everyone. I also live alone so I have the luxury of controlling the environment the best I can. But create a space for yourself if you can, something that works for you. If you get distracted easily try noise cancelling headphones, if you get overstimulated by something try to remove yourself from it. Wear comfy clothes if you need to, etc. Make it easy on yourself so that you can show up and be present with your writing.

I also wanna mention if you can’t write with music on, try ambient sounds. I know there’s a bunch on YouTube and some other writing sites but you can like, listen to ambient café noise, or traffic, or the woods! It can be really immersive!!!!!!!!!

TRY DIFFERENT LOCATIONS.

It can be helpful to write in a different location, if you’re able to. (This is not easy if you’re writing on a desktop but!!! If you’re able to move around sometimes it helps.) If you’re stuck in one space try to change the lighting, or hang up a new picture, get a plant, whatever you wanna do to make your desk feel different.

I do most of my writing at my desk, but I also have my WRITING CHAIR that I sit in sometimes, and when I’m really stuck sometimes I write on the couch, or on my bed! This is the same as if you go write in public. When I used to work on ships I’d go out in port and write in the woods, or in libraries, or in cafes. Inside the ship I’d try writing in my room, in my office, in the crew bar.

I think people call this “change your environment writing” like I’ve seen articles about it and everything. But it’s the theory that being in a different space sort of unlocks different parts of your brain, stimulates you differently, etc.

OF COURSE, if you are too distracted where you NEED to be in the same old boring space, don’t do this!!!!!!!!!! But it’s worth a shot. This is my main trick when I’m STUCK on fics and it usually works. :D

and finally THINKING ABOUT WRITING IS WRITING.

I set aside an hour a day to write, and sometimes it's 53 minutes of zoning out to music and tinkering with the outline, and 7 minutes of writing LOL. It's not a failure or a waste of your time if you sit down to write and the process isn't JUST writing and isn't JUST words coming out of your head. I think there's a lot more to writing than the words coming out of your head. Spending time with the ideas internally and letting them grow is so important and like, I think if it makes you more in love with your story or more confident about the story you're trying to tell, the words will follow!!!!!! Make a playlist or a mood board or some shit, too. Invest in that time because it'll help you stay inspired. (At least, it does for me. :D ) I know there's a balance here on like, at some point you DO have to actually write the words, but I don't think it's bad to invest in your inspiration as part of the process.

Anyway I know this was a lot, but it was really tough for me to figure out what worked for me so I just wanted to share as much as I could think of at the moment. I’d rather overshare if it can help you!!!!!!!!!

As always, take or leave it as needed, modify it to your own needs, do your best!!!!!!!!!!!

Writing fanfic above all else is supposed to be FUN and if it takes you months to write 5k that is FINE. What’s the rush, what’s the race! Be patient with yourself and go at your own pace!

#adhd writing advice #writing advice

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tipsycad147 · 5 years

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8 Ideas To Inspire Your Magic

Avery Hart

This post may contain affiliate links. Please read my Disclaimer for more info.

I know everyone loves the idea of witches who are super structured and committed to their practice. In our minds, the ideal witch is doing magic all the time, casting spells every few days, working with gods, doing magic every day, meditating like a boss, this witch supposedly has it all together. The problem is, I’ve never met one of these witches!

I’m sure they exist, somewhere, but as far as I can tell, the majority of witches fall into a very different camp. We do magic when we need it and are sometimes good and sometimes not about our daily magical practice. We might not meditate every day (or let's be honest, ever) and that’s IF our lives aren’t insanely busy at the moment. If things do get crazy busy? You can kiss the vast majority of that goodbye.

To a lot of people, in their minds, this makes them a bad witch. They don’t have that ideal practice so obviously, they’re just not giving it enough attention and being lazy. More often than not though, this isn’t the case! Our modern lives are busy and full of distraction. We’ve got jobs, and school, and partners, and kids, and hobbies, and friends, and, and, and… There’s hardly any time to breathe in between all of the other stuff we do, much less sit down for a half hour ritual!

I'm here to tell you that this is ok. Your life is important and unless you are planning to devote your entire life to witchcraft then nobody expects you to be pursuing it like it’s your Ph.D.

If you’ve been struggling with general life burnout and a lack of magical time, this is the blog post for you. Below you’ll find 8 ideas to inspire you to make your life a little more magical.

1. Do something simple

I know, this isn’t exactly groundbreaking but hear me out. A lot of the time when we’re discouraged about doing magic, we feel like we don’t have enough time to do magic that “counts”. This idea that magic has to take a lot of time or be drawn out to count as magic is unfortunately widespread. Have you ever wanted to do a spell and then when you realised you only had 10 minutes just decided to do it later and forgot all about it? Yeah? Quit that. Instead of putting off the spell until you have enough time, do an abbreviated version of it right now. 10 minutes of witchcraft may not be as potent as an hour-long ritual, but it’s still a hell of a lot more potent than not doing anything at all!

I don’t care how small your window of time is if you have ten minutes you can squeeze in a quick candle spell. In five minutes, you can charge a sigil or brew a cup of magical tea. In one minute you can grab a crystal to charge in your palm while you’re rushing out the door and if you only have 30 seconds you can pause, breathe in an intention that you want for your day and breathe out whatever is blocking you from getting it. Stop putting off magic because you don’t have enough time to do something big, the little stuff counts and it adds up to a life that is absolutely filled with magic!

2. Learn something brand new

Sometimes, our separation from magic is due to getting bored with our normal practice. I know, it’s practically sacrilege to say that magic can be boring but if you’re stuck doing the same routine over and over and over, trust me, it can lose that magical spark real quick. If boredom is what’s stopping you from practicing witchcraft, shake things up a bit! Go out and learn something totally new, whether that’s sigils magic, a new form of divination, or a technique you’ve never tried before, get out of your comfort zone and find something that makes you feel excited about your practice again!

3. Hang out with a witchy friend

If you’re just feeling uninspired about your craft, sometimes it can take a little bit of an outside nudge to get back into gear. One thing that nobody likes to admit about the craft is that sometimes it can feel really isolating. Chances are, the majority of your friends and family are not witches (if they are I need you to spill the secret to making that happen). This may not seem like such a bad thing at first but eventually, it can really wear on you. The people closest to you don’t share your worldview, your spiritual leanings, and many of them probably don’t even believe magic is real! Having to keep those things to yourself all the time can be incredibly draining and demoralising.

The solution is to make time to get out and be with like-minded people, grab your witchy friends and go grab coffee, loiter in your local metaphysical shop together, or hang out in a plant nursery and gush about how many of those adorable little herb plants you want.

4. No witchy friends? Go make some!

For those of you who are lacking witchy friends of any kind, figuring out where to find witches can be a struggle. Here are a few ways to get out there and start meeting like minded people.

Use meetup.com, search for local groups using terms such as witch, pagan, metaphysical, meditation, shaman, energy, goddess, and magic.

Check out your local metaphysical shop, crystal shop, or boutique herb shop. If they offer classes or social gatherings of any kind, consider attending.

Check out online groups. Facebook is full of pagan groups and if you’re in a very small town, online may be the most accessible way for you to go. Also check out what kinds of groups are present for your area though, many local temples and pagan groups host their meeting info on facebook.

Ask around. Again, hit up those metaphysical shops and ask the people who work there if they know of any groups you could join. The people working in these places are often really plugged into the local community and can help you get a foot in the door.

If it’s safe, talk to your friends and family about it as well. While they may not share your beliefs, they might know someone who does!

5. Pick up one new witchcraft habit

Humans are creatures of habit. The vast majority of our lives are dictated by a complex series of habits that we hardly ever even think about! If you really want to make witchcraft a daily thing, you have to make it a habit.

Habit forming can seem complex if you’re new to it but with a little bit of knowledge about how habits form, it becomes incredibly simple. Habits are made up of 3 key pieces. If you want to establish a new habit, you have to have all 3 pieces in place or the habit won't stick.

#1: The Cue - The cue is what tells your brain it’s time to initiate your new habit. This cue needs to be something you are already doing every day, maybe it’s right after breakfast or your morning shower, maybe you use the moment you get back to your desk after lunch, or maybe you work it into your nightly routine. Whatever you choose as your cue, make sure it’s something you already do every day and make sure that you use the same cue every time.

#2: The Habit - This is the actual habit that you want to create. Whether it’s writing in your journal, meditating for 3 minutes, lighting a candle for your gods, or stirring an intention into your coffee, this is when you want to perform whatever action you’re trying to incorporate into your daily routine.

#3: The Reward - The reward is a crucial step in habit formation! Lack of reward is the primary reason why new habits fail to persist. You absolutely must follow your new habit with something that makes you feel good. Now, for many of you, this reward will be built in. Maybe your reward is the caffeine you get from your now magical coffee, maybe it’s the sense of peace and calm you get from meditating, maybe it’s just the chance to get a moment of quiet in your workday but whatever it is it needs to be consistent. If you’re the kind of person who sometimes feels great after meditation and sometimes doesn’t, then that feeling cannot be your reward! You’ll have to pick something else to reward yourself with. Even if the reward is smiling to yourself and giving yourself a quick “Awesome job!” after completing your new habit, you must find some way to end the habit on a positive note. The last thing to keep in mind, this reward needs to be instantaneous! Don’t reward your habit with the promise of chocolate later in the day, if you want the habit to stick have the chocolate as soon as you’re done.

6. Get out in nature

Sometimes the bustle of life just kind of drowns out the magic. If you’ve ever gotten to the point where you’re so worn thin that you couldn’t have felt the energies necessary to work magic even if you wanted to, you know what I’m talking about. There are times when it feels like that world of magic that we all love so deeply is about a million miles away. When this happens, one of the best ways to reconnect is to get outside. You don’t have to carve out a ton of time to go out and be by yourself in nature, even just 10-15 minutes of walking with a friend in the park can really help to reconnect you to your witchy roots. Get out, experience the raw natural world around you and don’t try to force anything. If all you can do is take a few minutes to appreciate some pretty trees and get moving, that’s plenty. You don’t have to reach a state of ultra-connectedness on this walk, just get out and experience it without needing to rush off somewhere or battling distractions!

7. Spend some time curating witchy music

Music can be an amazing mood modulator. Creating a playlist of nothing but music that makes you feel really witchy can be a great way to jumpstart your witchy mood anytime you want to. It doesn’t have to be stereotypical pagan music, you can skip the Celtic music if it doesn’t make you feel like a witch, and Stevie Nicks does not have to have a place on your playlist unless it makes you feel magical. Personally, I love listening to instrumental guitar music like Chon or putting on some Florence + The Machine. The only thing that you need to take into consideration here is whether or not it makes you feel witchy! Whether it’s rap, top 40’s, or Gregorian chanting, it just needs to get you into a magical mood.

8. Re-read your favourite witchcraft book, or pick up a new one!

When I’m really feeling stuck in my craft this is my go-to. I’m a big reader and find that my moods and interests are often very responsive to what I’m reading at the moment. If you have a favourite witchcraft book that you love, pick it up and re-read it! If you’re not big on re-reading, find something new. It doesn’t have to be a “how to” manual about the craft, choosing fiction, memoirs, or even historical accounts can be so inspiring! Below I’ve listed some of my most recent favourites in case you need a recommendation to get you started.

The Physick Book Of Deliverance Dane by Katherine Howe - This book is a fictional account of a modern day witch discovering her magical heritage. It pulls heavily from pre-modern American witchcraft and is a very fun read for those of you who like witchy fiction.

Witches Of America by Alex Mar - Witches of America is a memoir of the authors exploration of American witchcraft. She explores a myriad of subcultures including Feri, the origins of Wicca, and Thelema all while weaving a compelling narrative of personal growth.

A Great And Terrible Beauty by Libba Bray - The first in a trilogy of novels, this time set in 1895 England. This is a far less traditional approach to fictional magic but the magic, intruige, and danger that underpin the story make it a gripping tale and no less inspiring for the modern day with.

https://thetravelingwitch.com/blog/2018/5/24/8-ideas-to-inspire-your-magic

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dorothydelgadillo · 5 years

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Inbound Leadership: 6 Hurdles You'll Face & 5 Ways to Overcome Them

If you've read our Guide to Inbound Leadership, and you’re fired up and ready to get after it -- that’s great. However, if you read it and are still a little skeptical -- like, "This sounds great, Chris, but where can we get tripped up?” -- that's also totally understandable.

(And if you haven't read it yet, that's OK, too. Just put it on your to-do list.)

Here’s the deal.

Whichever end of the spectrum you’re on -- from "Let's do this!" to "Huh?" or "What’s the catch?" -- we need to dive into some of the most common hurdles or struggles you are definitely going to encounter while you are on your journey as an inbound leader.

Some will happen at multiple times, while others you may only encounter once.

So, that's what we're going to do today. We're going to discuss those challenges to inbound leadership, and review the tools and techniques that will help you overcome and accept them.

The Most Common Inbound Leadership Challenges

When I say "hurdles," I'm talking about those moments where it's just hard to be an inbound leader. And those hurdles can be internal or external -- you may see them manifest in yourself, your team, your boss.

Related: The 10 Mistakes Even the Greatest Leaders Make at Work (+VIDEO)

The idea here is that the more aware you are of when these hurdles come up, the more armed you are to deal with them and return to the principles of inbound leadership.

But rest assured, everything you'll encounter is normal.

Hurdle #1: Reverting Back to Short-Term Focus

This is first for a reason -- it is going to happen unless you’re business is immune to market fluctuations and changes in the economy.

So, pretty much all of you will have to overcome this.

We all have to make payroll, pay the rent, pay our taxes, etc. This means at times we are going to need to focus on the short-term financial results out of necessity from time to time.

When this happens we need to be mindful that we don’t revert back to transactional leadership -- where we do whatever it takes to achieve our short-term financial results at the cost of our long-term organizational health.

We must remain focused on what it means to be an inbound leader.

Even though we are required to prioritize our focus on our short-term financial health for a period of time, we must never forget about our long-term goals.

We make decisions to meet our financial needs while ensuring that we continue to nurture our long-term success.

Hurdle #2: Lack of Buy-In (or Ownership) from Senior Leaders

This is a unique hurdle, as it is different depending on our role in the organization. Before we unpack some of the more specific topics based on role, let's talk about some commonalities experienced across all roles.

A lack of buy-in from senior leaders -- or anyone for that matter -- is most commonly due to their lack of knowledge on the topic. Don’t be discouraged here; simply seek to gain an understanding of their issues and what they don’t understand and educate away.

Another thing that will naturally occur over time is the folks who aren’t bought-in will see the results and energy you and your team have.

Now, let's discuss how this challenge evolves, depending on your role.

You're a C-Level or Other Senior Leader

The issues that you are likely going to face are from two areas -- subordinate leaders and your board (or owners/shareholders).

The latter will likely be focused on financial results and, frankly, may not care how you achieve them. The former is likely going to be resistant for the same reason above -- a lack of understanding.

For both, the key is to put on our teacher hats and educate our naysayers, so they understand how we are leading and why.

You're a Mid-Level Manager

This is where it gets rocky. If you don’t have senior leaders who lead this way, it can be really discouraging.

You’re doing all this great work to develop your team, you’ve gotten them engaged in the work you all are doing, and the senior leaders don’t care. Talk about a morale killer.

Still, don’t get discouraged.

Remember you’re not in this for you, you’re the leader because you are obsessed with your people’s success. Focus your energy on your team, on what you can control.

Eventually, senior leaders are going to see what you’re doing and realize its working.

Related: Effective Leadership Requires Practice; Here's How We Rehearse

Hurdle #3: Ye Olde Burnout

Being an inbound leader isn’t easy. You have to be present for your team, understand their issues, underwrite their decisions, hold them accountable, be their coach, teacher, and mentor… and that's only a few of the things you'll be doing.

So, yeah. It's going to feel overwhelming sometimes.

One of the things that will likely increase feelings of burnout is how we use empathy in our interactions.

Here's a story of something I experienced at IMPACT, which shows how this can be triggered and how you can work through it... although, fair warning. It's a bit like INCEPTION, with a story within a story:

It was late in the afternoon on a day in the third quarter. I noticed a member of my team (senior leadership) was in one of the back rooms. He had just finished up a 1:1 with someone from his team and I could sense he was struggling.

I walked in and sat down, looking at him to see what was going on. After a moment or two, I asked, “What’s going on? Everything okay?”

His response -- and I’m paraphrasing here -- was, “I can feel and taste the pressure my team is feeling. I remember what it’s like to feel that way and I hate it.”

He showed classic signs of fatigue and burnout.

His 1:1 had obviously been tough. His folks were under a lot of pressure to make things happen and he was feeling every ounce of that pressure along with them.

I’m pausing real quick to highlight that I’m sure some of you are saying, “Isn’t that the type of empathetic response we should have as inbound leaders? Shouldn’t we feel the pain of our team so we can lead them better?”

The answer is no.

When we have this type of empathic reaction, it is that -- a reaction. We are not leading in this moment, we are letting our emotions lead us.

OK, back to the story, so you see what I mean:

I paused, took a breath, and then said something like, “That must be really hard. I’m sorry you’re feeling like that. Here’s the deal though, I believe you are looking at this from an empathetic position, and we may need to switch to a compassionate one.

It reminds me of this story I read somewhere.

You’re walking in the woods and finds a person with a boulder on their chest.

The empathetic response is to lie down on the road beside them and “put a hypothetical boulder” on your chest and feel the exact same pain and suffering.

A compassionate response is to see that they have a boulder on their chest, know it is causing a ton of suffering, and then go get help so you can get the boulder off their chest!”

I let the story sink in for a moment, then it hit him.

“I need to work with them to relieve the stress and figure out how to set the conditions for their success rather than feel the same way they feel.”

And with that, I could sense a ton of weight being lifted from his shoulders knowing he now knew what he needed to do to move ahead.

(David Gelles shared that boulder story in Mindful Work, originally the story was published by Jeff Weiner in an article called -- Managing Compassionately, where Jeff tells the story as told by the Dalai Lama.)

As leaders, we need to take the compassionate approach.

We need to do our best to understand what our people are feeling and work towards setting the conditions for success.

Don't let well-intentioned empathy burn you out.

Hurdle #4 Potential for Dependency

This is a hurdle you are going traverse a ton as a leader. There are going to be times when it is more efficient to simply answer a question rather than dive into a coaching session to help your teammate arrive at the answer themselves.

Fight this urge as much as you can.

If you create a relationship with your team where you are providing answers -- especially when your team has all the knowledge and ability to get there themselves -- you are enabling a situation where they become fully dependent on you.

Related: How to Listen Like a Leader -- the Biggest Lesson from My Unconventional Career Path

This leads to teams that don’t do anything without their leader’s approval, in essence killing any initiative they’ve built.

So, remember -- you are there to set the conditions, to identify the problems, and provide the purpose behind the initiatives.

You are not there to tell your team how to do their work.

Hurdle #5: Your People Say, "But There's Too Much Ambiguity"

Some people are going to thrive in the environment developed by inbound leaders and some people are going to struggle. Those that struggle may find the idea of transparency and autonomy to be too vague -- at least some of the time.

Related: How I Actually Find Time to Learn & Know My Team

For those that struggle we need to understand how our people are feeling and work through their actual issues. At the core of their feelings will be some unmet need or value that we need to help them understand.

In these moments we need to be super-communicators.

We need to uncover what the actual issues are and work with our folks to resolve them. In some cases, people simply won’t be a fit for the demands that will be placed on them.

We as leaders must help them recognize that and help them transition to a role in or out of the organization that is better aligned with their needs.

Hurdle #6: Feeling Like You've Arrived

Now we get into some of the very personal hurdles you may encounter. As we’ve discussed, being an inbound leader is more about the journey or path than it is about arriving as an inbound leader.

Why is this?

The answer is that if we believe that we’ve arrived, we are going to be more prone to presenting ourselves in a way that goes against the thought processes and principles of inbound leadership.

We may be inclined to lose our sense of “student” our growth mindset approach that is necessary to remain humble and open to new ideas.

That said, there are going to be times when we feel like we’ve achieved some new found skill or that we completely understand a topic and now can be seen as “master” of the topic.

This is where we need to remember that there is always something else to learn.

There is another perspective that can be taken.

When we start to feel this way, we need to reflect and ask ourselves, “Do I really know everything about this topic?”

We need to remain curious. We need to remind ourselves that our minds are not fixed, but rather that we have the ability to continually grow and add new skillsets…

If we get stuck here believing that we’ve arrived, our journey as an inbound leader ends and several of the hurdles from above will come flooding in…

"OK, I Understand the Hurdles; What's Next?"

Here are the tactics that should live in your inbound leadership toolbox:

Solution #1: Find Your Tribe, Talk About Leadership & Life

Surrounding yourself with others who are experiencing the same things you are is a critical piece to dealing with the struggles that come with the journey.

This can take many different forms -- online groups, formal groups, or simply a group of friends who get together to talk.

The key piece here is sharing your experiences, getting an outside perspective, and hearing the other’s stories. This allows you to see that you’re not alone.

I’ve been lucky throughout my journey to always have a few friends that are “part of my tribe,” meaning they are also students of leadership who are on the path of always getting better.

Both from the Army or today, I still meet with some of these folks to talk about the struggles I’m facing, to hear about what they’re dealing with, and to see how we can help each other.

If you’re worrying that you can’t think of anyone to get together with to talk leadership, it's going to be OK.

Reach out to other leaders in your organization or industry. Look through social media for folks that talk and write about leadership and see if you can make a connection with them.

Another way to find some like-minded folks is in IMPACT Elite -- I hang out there quite a bit.

Solution #2: Work with a Coach

I’ve been lucky in my career, especially in the Army, to have had some of the best coaches.

They weren’t coaches by title -- they were usually my boss, but they were leaders who led in an inbound way. They focused on my development rather than on simply pushing me to get results.

In my post-Army career, I’ve had the opportunity to work with a few executive coaches. My first experience was as a part of my boss’s coaching, so I wasn’t the primary subject.

Even in that experience, the outside perspective they brought was critical to my growth as a leader, specifically in understanding where some of my blind spots were and how I needed to be more self-aware.

Over the last three months, I’ve been working exclusively with an coach. We’ve done a bunch of assessments and we recently conducted a 360-degree qualitative review with 20 or so members of my team, and a few folks from my past.

Working with a coach directly has been one of the most enlightening things I’ve done.

Our sessions help to focus my own growth and development as well as serve as a place for me to discuss what’s on my mind to really help me understand what’s actually happening.

Solution #3: Get Feedback from Everyone

This is a tough one. While we all know intellectually that feedback is very good for us, we are all (in some way) reluctant to hear it.

Here is the secret -- a lot of the struggles we may face could be located in our blind spots, places where we aren’t looking. If that’s the case and being aware of our struggles is a key to overcoming them, then we we need to get other people’s feedback to be able to see!

As I said above, I recently received a 360-degree assessment from a bunch of people. I asked my superiors, my direct reports, my direct reports' direct reports, remote employees, in-office employees, past coworkers…

The idea was to see how people saw me from all different perspectives. The result was an amazing document of feedback that is helping me understand myself better.

If you are truly going to work to become a better leader every day, you need to be open to and embrace feedback.

Solution #4: Make Time for You

Inbound leadership is so much about having focus on other people, you might forget how important it is that you take time out each day to take care of yourself.

This time is for reflection and self-care. This can mean many different things. Some folks reflect while exercising, some reflect in the bath. However you choose to take care of yourself, make sure you do it as regularly as possible.

(Potential) Solution #5: Meditation, Which Isn't for Everyone

This one isn’t going to be for everyone, and I’m not going to try to force this down your throat.

But I am going to speak to how I've helped myself through a commitment to a mindful meditation practice -- some of you may have heard the early parts of this story during this 2018 episode of Creator's Block.

Over the last 20 months or so, I developed a daily meditation practice.

It started with 10- to 15-minute daily sessions and has evolved to a 60-minute per day practice for the last six months.

Along with this daily practice, I’ve been doing a ton of reading on mindfulness and neuroscience, which has only helped reinforce how important I believe the practice to be.

Related: As an Inbound Leader, I Read 52+ Books in 2018 & Here Is What I Learned

Without going to deep into the pool, here is one major thing this practice has allowed me to do -- I have been able to become incredibly aware of the feeling in my body.

(This may not sound like something that belongs in an article about leadership, but stick with me.)

This awareness allows me to truly connect with my emotions as they present themselves. Whether it is a tensing in my chest, elevated heart beat, or butterflies in my stomach, I can now mentally become aware of how I’m feeling and not simply react to what’s happening.

Through this practice, I am better at avoiding those moments where I simply react. I have created more space to think and respond.

Related: Flash-to-Bang Leadership -- Are You Reacting or Responding to Your Teams? (+VIDEO)

This has led me to become more open to differing thoughts, to feedback, to dealing with bad news. I tend to judge less and focus on what actually happened or is happening, rather than let my mind tell me some story that I react to.

Like I said, I know this isn’t something that everyone here is going to adopt. But has been the most beneficial thing I’ve done to improve my overall life.

Be Aware & Know You're Not Alone

I know that reading through the hurdles you may encounter as you walk the path of an inbound leader is an exhausting endeavor all by itself.

However, the mere act of understanding and recognizing what may occur will make handling those moments -- or even side-stepping them entirely out of self-awareness -- much more like.

The Jedi trick here is to not judge yourself as you fall into a hurdle.

Instead, I challenge you to become aware and simply adjust your behavior back to where you want it.

We are all going to have to navigate a ton of hurdles and they are all going to be the same. All we can do is be aware that this is going to happen. Do the work. Set the conditions for yourself to be able to identify and overcome these struggles as they present themselves.

Most of all, when you struggle, don’t keep your armor on. Reach out to your friends, mentors, colleagues, and other folks from your tribe to help you work through whatever it is your working through.

We are all on this journey together. Know that you’re not alone.

from Web Developers World https://www.impactbnd.com/blog/inbound-leadership-challenges

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touristguidebuzz · 7 years

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Why I Quit Being A Digital Nomad (And Moved Back To The US)

I’m No Longer A Digital Nomad

Personal Stories

Last week I spent all day packing up a small U-haul trailer with my belongings, preparing to move to Los Angeles, California. It felt a bit surreal after 7 years living as a digital nomad.

A bed. A couch. A TV. A desk. Cat toys. A cat (no, he’s not going in the U-haul). Pulling it all behind a new Jeep. I haven’t owned this much stuff in years!

What the hell happened? When did I stop being a full-time vagabond, traveling the world while living out of a backpack?

Well, it’s a long story. And it’s about time I shared it with you.

2010: My First Backpacking Trip in Mexico

Becoming A Digital Nomad

So if you’ve been following my journey for a while, you’ll know that back in 2010 I decided to save some money, quit my job, sold most of my belongings, and started backpacking around the world, blogging about it as I went.

It was a super scary decision at the time, and I had no idea what the future would bring. My guess was that I’d travel for a year, run out of money, then move back to the US and get a “real” job again.

What actually happened? I managed to build a successful business from my travel blog, and continued to travel almost non-stop for the next 7 years.

Working as a digital nomad from my computer anywhere there was a wifi connection. It was a relatively new kind of lifestyle at the time, and everyone thought I was crazy for attempting it.

During those 7 years without a home, I visited over 50 countries. I lived for months at a time in places like Thailand, Mexico, Turkey, Spain, Nicaragua, and South Africa.

Everything I owned fit into a pair of backpacks — I was completely nomadic. Working for myself. An expert vagabond (hence the name).

I was living the digital nomad dream!

But then my dreams began to change. As they often do over time.

The Downsides of Nomadic Living

Digital Nomad Burnout

I started noticing a change after about 5 years into my fully nomadic lifestyle. Constantly moving from place to place came with it’s own set of problems that became increasingly annoying as the years went by.

Traveling around the world and making money online sounds incredible, I know. And it is in many ways! I’m not complaining. This lifestyle has been very good to me.

However there are also downsides to being a digital nomad.

THIS LIFESTYLE IS EXHAUSTING

Many digital nomads hang out in a country or city for a few weeks before moving on to the next. But you can’t earn money if you’re not working, so now you’re trying to cram work & vacation into a short period of time.

Just when you get into a comfortable routine, it’s time to move and start all over again. Packing up, navigating your way around a new city, a new culture, and all the challenges that go along with those things. It gets tiring!

THIS LIFESTYLE IS LONELY

Yes, you get to meet all kinds of cool people around the world when you’re constantly traveling. But because everyone is always coming or going, it’s tough to form a meaningful connection with anyone.

I missed having a regular group of friends to hang out with. I missed being so far away from family. And unless you plan to date fellow digital nomads, relationships are complicated when only one of you can travel freely.

THIS LIFESTYLE IS UNPRODUCTIVE

Well, I should say less productive than it could be. Sure I managed to build a business while traveling, but it wasn’t easy, and I think I could have grown faster if I worked from a home-base instead of hostels & coffee shops.

Trying to juggle a normal work routine when you’re also trying to figure out where to sleep next week just isn’t ideal. Often, I never wrote much about the places I was living because I was too busy catching up with work after months of traveling.

Nothing Is Perfect

Basically, there is no perfect way to live. By becoming a digital nomad, you simply trade one set of problems for a completely different kind.

“Instead of an addiction to status and possessions, we are addicted to experience and novelty. And the end result is the same. Our relationships, our connections to what’s real, sometimes suffer.” ~ Mark Manson

Maybe, like me, you won’t be bothered by these things for a few years — it was still far more exciting than my previous life in the rat race! But eventually the problems amplify over time… and you’ll have a choice to make.

View of Los Angeles, California

Moving Back To America

As the negatives piled up, I began renting apartments for 3 months at a time. Eventually I signed a year-long lease in Playa del Carmen, Mexico. I was slowing down, taking trips that lasted 1-3 weeks, and enjoying them more.

It was nice having a base, a place to call “home” for a while.

However as much as I loved living in Mexico, I soon felt an urge to return to the United States. To spend more time with family & friends. To pursue more lucrative business opportunities there.

And, to participate more fully in my own country’s democratic process, no longer content watching from the sidelines as the United States seemed to spiral into a depressing (dangerous?) abyss of ignorance & hate.

But where to go? Moving from Mexico with my girlfriend Anna, we decided to try Boulder, Colorado for the summer. We’ve been living there with our new cat Poofy (yes, he’s on Instagram!) for the past 5 months.

Boulder was pretty, but not exactly what we were looking for. It was kinda small, very homogeneous, and full of families & students. With our unconventional lifestyles, we felt a bit out of place there.

So now we’re off to California to give Los Angeles a try.

Marriage: Our Next Adventure!

Plus We Got Married!

Surprise! It’s been a busy year. I first met Anna in 2015 at a travel blogging conference called TBEX in Florida, where travel personalities and companies come together to network.

She’s in the same line of work as I am, running a popular travel/fashion blog and Instagram account.

We hit it off right away, with a common love of travel, cats, and working online. The city girl and the adventure guy, both taking risks & working hard to pursue our dreams.

Anna is a remarkable woman. Originally from Poland, she’s been traveling the world for longer than I have. She holds degrees in International Law, Journalism, and Fashion Marketing from multiple universities (including Harvard). She’s fluent in 5 languages, and has lived in places like Mexico City, Cape Town, London, Miami, and LA.

Soon after we met in Florida, Anna came down to Mexico, where we began dating. Eventually we moved in together, using Mexico as a base to travel from. It was one of the happiest periods of my life, and I fell in love.

After a year and a half of dating, living, working, and traveling together, I proposed early one morning at a remote mountain cabin in Colorado. We eloped in Las Vegas a few weeks later at the famous Graceland Chapel!

It was spontaneous, non-traditional, and fun, just like our lives up to this point.

Hiking in Afghanistan

Are You Giving Up Vagabonding?

Yes and no. Yes, I’m giving up on the pipe-dream of constantly moving from place to place, living out of a bag for the rest of my life. What initially sounded romantic, adventurous, and free has become a burden over time.

My goal for this wild experiment has always been to experience as much of our large & diverse world as possible NOW, while I’m relatively young. Not stuck behind a desk working to make someone else rich.

Sharing my travel experiences to help and inspire others, while earning a living on my own terms.

The freedom to do as I please. No approval needed. No bosses to report to. Following my passion and making a living through adventure travel & photography.

Well, I’ve achieved these goals. I am completely location independent. I work for myself, setting my own hours, traveling when and where I want to. I’ve also been fortunate to make a great living doing what I love.

Am I just getting older and feeling a need to slow down? I’m 36 now. Have I simply become financially independent enough that I’m no longer forced to live in cheap backpacker destinations in order to get by?

I think these may have been factors in my decision too.

Chilling In Morocco

Choosing Location Independence

I wouldn’t trade the last 7 years of my life working as a traveling digital nomad for anything else. It’s been a wild ride, and the experience has taught me so much about myself and the world in general.

However I now realize that I prefer location independence over fully nomadic living. Because there’s a difference.

Location independence simply means you are free to choose where you live, not stuck living somewhere you hate because of a particular job. Being a digital nomad means you’re always traveling, with no real home.

We spent the summer in Colorado. We’re planning to spend 2018 in Los Angeles. Maybe after that, we’ll decide to move somewhere else. Italy? Spain? Iceland? Kansas?

With location independence, all our options are open!

The important part, is the freedom to choose my location, and the ability to update that choice at any time.

For those of you who are interested in becoming digital nomads, I don’t want to completely discourage you. The lifestyle does have plenty of benefits, and I’m not saying you shouldn’t give it a shot.

However after 7 years living as a homeless digital nomad, I personally no longer think it’s sustainable (or healthy) on a long-term basis.

I’m not the only one who thinks this way either — it seems to be a common choice for many after a few years on the road:

The Beginning Of The End – Nomadic Matt

9 Years Of Legal Nomads – Legal Nomads

Leaving Is Easy, Fighting Is Harder – Adventurous Kate

The Dark Side Of The Digital Nomad – Mark Manson

My Nomadic Lifestyle Comes To An End – Ottsworld

After 70 Countries, Why I Moved To Portugal – Neverending Footsteps

Life Is A Highway, And I Wanna Ride It

What’s Next?

Honestly, not much is changing. I’m still planning to travel a ton, about 6 months every year. The only difference is now I have a wife, a home, and a cat to come back to once my trips are over!

Sometimes Anna & I will travel together, sometimes I’ll be on my own. I’ll continue sharing my wild travel adventures with you from around the world through blog posts, YouTube videos, and travel photography.

Having a home-base simply means I’ll be more productive, creating useful travel guides, sharing fun travel stories, and teaching tips & tricks I’ve learned after 7 years working as a professional travel blogger & photographer.

To kick off the change, next spring I’m co-leading my first adventure travel & photography tour in a remote part of Russia (sign up to my newsletter for details)!

After moving to Los Angeles this week, Anna & I are researching the possibility of TV and media appearances while continuing to build our businesses here in the United States.

Having LAX airport as our travel hub will keep flight costs low, allowing us both to travel often. We have friends here, and more pass through all the time.

There is a wide variety of epic coastline, mountains, deserts, canyons, and forests within a day’s driving distance from the city if I want to get outside into nature for a while.

I know some of you may be disappointed in this change. Those who romanticize living on the road out of a backpack. It’s one of the reasons I’ve been putting off publishing this blog post for so long… I was scared.

Unfortunately there’s not much I can do about what other people think. I’ve lived as a vagabond for years, and don’t regret my choice, but my passion for constantly moving began to fade.

When you stop loving something, it’s time for a change.

I don’t spend my life trying to make everyone else happy with my choices, if I did that, I’d never be where I am now.

So onwards! To the next chapter of my life — I hope you’ll continue to follow along on my travel adventures, wherever they may lead. ★