#Are Mel and Dany actually matrons of honor

[chispas-and-broken-bindings]

Chispas Does a Meta, Pt. I

and it doesn’t even mention Daario*...I know, right?

Sometimes I live in the country,

Sometimes I live in the town;

Sometimes I get a great notion

To jump into the river … and drown - Lead Belly

(Above quote used for no reason whatsoever)

Chapters in Question

Daenerys X AGOT

Jon III ADWD

I will also be pulling a few quotes from Daenerys IX AGOT & Daenerys I ACOK. For funsies.

Why these chapters? Fire & Blood sacrifices, baby.

Let’s meet our sacrificial lambs

Daenerys X, AGOT

Bound hand and foot, Mirri Maz Duur watched from the dust with disquiet in her black eyes. “It is not enough to kill a horse,” she told Dany. “By itself, the blood is nothing. You do not have the words to make a spell, nor the wisdom to find them. Do you think bloodmagic is a game for children? You call me maegi as if it were a curse, but all it means is wise. You are a child, with a child’s ignorance. Whatever you mean to do, it will not work. Loose me from these bonds and I will help you.”

Get it? Mirri is Lhazareen...who the Dothraki call Lamb men...lamb...sacrificial la— oh never mind.

“I am tired of the maegi’s braying,” Dany told Jhogo. He took his whip to her, and after that the godswife kept silent.

(above quote used and in bold for no reason whatsoever)

Jon III, ADWD

They brought forth the King-Beyond-the-Wall with his hands bound by hempen rope and a noose around his neck.

The Ghost of Christmas future is blowing in to remind everyone who only watched the show, or forgot everything that happened in ADWD, that it’s actually Rattleshirt who is sacrificed, glamored to look like our boy Mance...for reasons.

Speaking of reasons…

CHISPAS….Why ARE WE DOING HUMAN SACRIFICE? Isn’t that like...a crime against humanity**?

We can’t only gaslight and gatekeep our way into being girlbosses, okay? Sometimes we need to do a little murder. Still, for those of you who have forgotten what the context is for these two parallel sacrifices, let me bring you up to speed.

Daenerys X, AGOT is the very last chapter of book I. Dany just lost her baby, her warmongering baby daddy, and all of his warriors and riches (all the slaves worth any $$), because of 300 years of incest and some blood magic gone wrong (thanks Jorah). Despite Dany knowing who to blame (see exhibit A), Mirri had to open her mouth and go all sassy pants with her “liberator” (see exhibit B), so when Dany decides to try a little blood magic of her own, it’s the woman who pays (because for a fantasy, this series has quite a bit of unbearable realism).

Exhibit A:

Ser Jorah had killed her son, Dany knew. He had done what he did for love and loyalty, yet he had carried her into a place no living man should go and fed her baby to the darkness. He knew it too; the grey face, the hollow eyes, the limp. - Daenerys IX, AGOT

Exhibit B:

“You knew,” Dany said when they were gone. She ached, inside and out, but her fury gave her strength. “You knew what I was buying, and you knew the price, and yet you let me pay it.”

“It was wrong of them to burn my temple,” the heavy, flat-nosed woman said placidly. “That angered the Great Shepherd.”

“This was no god’s work,” Dany said coldly. If I look back I am lost. “You cheated me. You murdered my child within me.”

“The stallion who mounts the world will burn no cities now. His khalasar shall trample no nations into dust.”

“I spoke for you,” she said, anguished. “I saved you.”

“Saved me?” The Lhazareen woman spat. “Three riders had taken me, not as a man takes a woman but from behind, as a dog takes a bitch. The fourth was in me when you rode past. How then did you save me? I saw my god’s house burn, where I had healed good men beyond counting. My home they burned as well, and in the street I saw piles of heads. I saw the head of a baker who made my bread. I saw the head of a boy I had saved from deadeye fever, only three moons past. I heard children crying as the riders drove them off with their whips. Tell me again what you saved.”

“Your life.” 

Mirri Maz Duur laughed cruelly. “Look to your khal and see what life is worth, when all the rest is gone.”

Goodnight Irene, goodnight Irene, I'll see you in my dreams...Chispas has nothing to say about the above quote. Mirri does a bang-up job of explaining herself.

Where were we now? A yes. The King-beyond-the-Wall of it all.

Approximately one thousand years ago, in A Storm of Swords, when the Wall was under siege by Mance Rayder and his merry horde of wildings, Stannis “epitome of middle child syndrome” Baratheon showed up out of the BLUE to save the Night’s Watch while Jon “most conflicted boi in the North” Snow was supposed to be assassinating Mance. Instead, during the ensuing battle beneath the Wall, Jon guards Mance's tent while his wife, Dalla, gives birth...and dies. Look at Jon:  protecting babies, while Jorah...unwittingly murders them. I digress. This is not a meta about Jon and Jorah. 

After the battle Jon goes through it. He is imprisoned, released, offered Winterfell and a wilding wife, turns that down, and ends up 998th Commander of the Night’s Watch. Can I get a woop woop for Samwell Tarly?

More importantly for my very important ramblings, during the battle beneath the Wall, Mance is captured by the forces of Stannis Baratheon, along with a bunch of the wildings who weren’t strong enough to escape; a.k.a. the women, children, his baby, elderly, sickly, & injured (this is important later).

Stannis parks his ass at Castle Black and he and Jon Snow set themselves up for a real Chandler/Joey roommate situation in the upcoming A Dance with Dragons.

Gods...that was so much exposition. Can we get back to the murder, already?

Not yet...because I’m tired of typing. On the next episode of Chispas Does a Meta, look forward to “Murder Pyre Assembly for Dummies” & “Dueling Maid-of-Honor Speeches...if your Wedding is actually a Murder, and your guests are literal captives”

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*Daario, you blue-bearded rogue - Part II is fourthcoming (as in it will arrive in approximately four years)

**For Planetos legal inquiries, please contact….literally anyone else.

#my meta #dark dany #anti daenerys targaryen #asoiaf meta #parallels #fire and blood sacrifices #someone more sincere should really be writing this #but here I am #volunteering for a job I'm ill-equipped for #story of my life #Are Mel and Dany actually matrons of honor? #or is Dany the bride #or the mother of the... #shit #this metaphor got away from me