#BUT IT'S SOMETHING I'VE STRUGGLED WITH UP UNTIL 8TH GRADE WHICH WAS LONG AFTER I WAS CURED. AND BEFORE THE DISEASE HAPPENED TOO

[eggsnatcheskneecaps]

BRO?

#I ALREADY KNEW MY PARENTS USED ME TO GAIN MEDIA ATTENTION WHEN I HAD L/Y/M/E #which for the record. i should really try to dig up articles where they were talking about me but it's harder to navigated the r/o/m/anian #internet. much more if it's stuff that happened. 10 years ago or more #but my sibling just fucking told me they stumbled upon an old article where they mention i have insomnia #AND I'M FUCKING LIVID? #MAYBE SOME OF IT WAS ACTUALLY RELATED TO L/Y/M/E #BUT IT'S SOMETHING I'VE STRUGGLED WITH UP UNTIL 8TH GRADE WHICH WAS LONG AFTER I WAS CURED. AND BEFORE THE DISEASE HAPPENED TOO #AND SO THEY KNEW I HAD INSOMNIA! THEY FUCKING KNEW I WAS STRUGGLING WITH IT! #AND YOU DARE TELL ME YOU DON'T FUCKING REMEMBER ME EVER ASKING FOR HELP REGARDING INSOMNIA WHEN I WAS A KID? YOU TALKED ABOUT ON FUCKING #TV? I STRUGGLED EVERY FUCKING NIGHT. I WOULD ALWAYS ASK YOU FOR FUCKING HELP AND YOU JUST MAGICALLY FORGET? #You never take my fucking medical issues seriously. you dismiss them or call them fake unless you can use it for profit i fucking guess. #yeah go ahead and tell me I'm pretending to have depression even with a diagnosis sure yeah go ahead and downplay my n/ys/ta/gmus #but then you fucking turn around and pretend for ages i have a talking impediments i don't actually fucking have. Those appointments were #fucking tiring. fuck #i thought for so long i had a talking impediment until my best friend told me (bewildered) that i fucking don't #what the fuck I'm so sick of this #what the hell. #egg.txt #tw abuse #i guess... #rant

[josie-bin]

Sometimes my sister makes fun of me for never having a girlfriend and makes jokes that I'm gay when I'm not and it really diminishes my self-confidence that I'll ever get a girlfriend. That being said I've only have had 2 crushes that i wouldve actually told my feelings to. I had other crushes but those were like small crushes like from a distance crush. Anyways my first crush was in 5th grade. I had a crush on this girl that was in my class. I really liked her and any chance i got i would be around her. Anyways some time passed and it was the end of 6th grade we were at the lunchtables with two of my friends. Since it was the end of 6th grade one of my friends suggested that we reveal some of our secrets. He went first and said that he used to have a crush on her back then. My bestfriend also confessed that he used to like her. I being the nervous idiot i am stuttered that i like her too but i also said that i didnt like her like that anymore. Which was a lie bc i still did like her. By the time 7th grade rolls around we get put in the same pre algebra class together as well as the same MESA class. Pre algebra was in 1st period and MESA was during 7th period meaning i would get to see her during those 2 classes. She sat behind me in pre algebra and i would turn around to talk to her and make her laugh while we were working on assignments. In my MESA class we were partners. We worked together on every project and we would talk and laugh. I liked being around her but i never made a move. But then i did move. I moved to WA far far away from her so i had to move on literally. But here in WA i struggled to make friends. No one really wanted to talk to me. In 8th grade i sat by myself with my sister. 9th grade i sat by myself. 10th grade i sat in the crowd. But i was lonely. Then came junior year. 1st day of school my English teacher made us do a get to know you activity. The first person i met in that class during the activity was my next crush. I legit didn't know she existed until that day. We introduced ourselves, i made a skrrt skrrt joke, she laughed. And then teacher said to switch people and we did. After the activity we went back to our desks and she sat 1 desk away from me. Nobody sat in that desk but that was the assigned seats so we couldn't move. I wanted to get to know her in that class but 1st i was too awkward and 2nd dad disappeared. My dad dissapearing messed me up i didn't want to talk with anyone not even her. Regardless i would sometimes turn to my left and glace at her when she was working. We didn't really talk all that much only when teacher said something and she didn't hear or understand or when we were working on the laptops i offered to get her one and then the rest of the row so peeps wouldn't start rumors. Anyways 2nd tri rolls around and i get another class with her and one of my friends which happened to be one of her friends too. He says hi to me and sees her and goes to sit next to her and i go sit next to him. It was in that class where i got to learn who she is. I learned she had some battles that she almost lost but she didn't and she still stands today. I had only just met her truely and i thought "i know i just met you but i don't wanna lose you". We would walk to class together. Make each other laugh i enjoyed her company. It was the first time in a long time where i truely felt something. But near the end of school year i knew those feelings weren't mutual. I walked into the friendzone at least it feels like it. Anyways here i am holding on to hope that something will happen. But now I'm gonna continue to hide these feelings by reblogging stuffss.

#crush