#CBEEDUO WILL YOU EVER COME BACK FROM THE WAR??

[stardustanddaffodils]

nlm!cbeeduo is. hmm. like dancing in the rain, and it's pouring and it's thundering and a little dangerous and your clothes are plastered to your skin but he's smiling and laughing like a maniac and spouting absolute nonsense and there's a brief moment where you meet eyes and the rain on his face looks like teardrops and you think, oh. this is what i'm living for.

it's desperate, too, and awkward smiles and stilted conversations because you don't quite know who you are, with or without each other, but you still want to try to learn—the former, at least; the latter is much harder. and then he straightens your tie and you watch sunset turn into stars and it feels like hope until the sun rises and he moves like he has picked up the burden he set to the side last night, like he is carrying the world on his back once again (he probably is).

and you rebuild and talk about government and elections and wars and he says there is nothing beautiful left in this world, that if there ever was a god he's dead and rotting now, but you watch him hang lanterns in a city trying to make a home out of a crater and think that there is, at least, one beautiful thing left

it's desperate, at its core, where you want to know him but you don't know how, and you want something more than a crater and scars that he won't tell you about and names that linger in the air more heavily than smoke from TNT ever did, and you watch him strain under the weight on his shoulders - but you don't know how to relieve it, so instead you write his minutes and your memories, you help rebuild and watch stars that could look like hope if you squinted just right (but he says that stars aren't hope, they're just flaming balls of gas, and maybe he's right), and you bid him farewell and don't let yourself wonder if tonight will be the night the world ends; you don't let yourself worry that he won't be intact come morning.

you hold hands and walk around the city he's created and he smiles with tired eyes that say, this won't last. and you meet his eyes for a moment and it doesn't hurt like it should and you whisper in your mind, maybe not, but how do i love you while we're here? how do i love you?

#its midnight & im vaguely incoherent just. when the dash is Like That sometimes you just have to. say the thoughts #instead of waiting to have the time to properly write abt them (spoiler alert: u never will) #bee duo #dsmp #stardusts snippets #thought puddles #ranboo #new l'manberg #tubbo