#FEEL *THAT* BAD BUT IT STILLL FEELS BAD! WHY DO I HAVE TO ACHE WHHY DO I HA E TO BE EMPTY IT'S NOT FAIR! 😂

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I hate seeing the sun come up when I'm still awake

#just wasting away here bc all i ever do is be a waste :') #but blocking my curtains is no good either bc I've had em like that for weeks and #wakjng uo to some sunlight is good for me.. #but #hhghhhh idk i feel like crying all of a sudden like bro why am i so lonely why do i gotta feel this wayyy #i numbed all my emotions SO WELL i lessened my hyperfixations all my stupid aus and musings and rp ideas and shit like that i got rid of th #them all i. i dont cry anymore i dont get super depressed anymore NOTHING REALLY HURTS ANYMORE BC I GOT RID OF #ALL THOSE STULID ATTATCHMENTS THAT DO NOTHING BUT HURT ME CUZ IM SO ALONE LIKE EVEN RIGHT NOW I DONT #FEEL *THAT* BAD BUT IT STILLL FEELS BAD! WHY DO I HAVE TO ACHE WHHY DO I HA E TO BE EMPTY IT'S NOT FAIR! 😂 #i hate it so much and i hate how much resentment and bitterness i have i.n me even though it doesnt hurt like it could i #i hate not fitting in anywhere i hate how sick it makes me to se e people around me have actual connections with each other #i hate that i used to have that and im probably never gonna have that again j hate hiw horrible i feel over that i hate it i hate it so muc #i hate that this is all a problem because i feel everythign too strongly i have too mucb STUPID fucking love in me #for all tje stupidest meaningless who gives a shit things!!!!! all it does in the end is hurt me all it ever does it hurt JUST LLOOK AT ME #hjate that im fucking bawling right nosw like wtf where did this come from HAH WHERE DID GHIS COME FROM #i hate how everythjng in me has rotted so fucking horribly. just throigh and through. i hate how much ive used the word hate here #god help me lmao #im fine but also no the fuck i am not i judt. keep thinking about how much i suffered before and how it's not like that anymore #and it makes me think im golden because it eas SO fucking bad and agonizing before and now it's like. a 1-2 on a scale of 10 of how bad it #is but bad at alll is still bad any pain at all is still being in pain! even now i wanna be like 'ok but fr its NOTHING tho' shit #anyway the lonelieness andn tesentment is . so many and uhb god i hate that im THIS now inhate that im this #god.