#Friends up until becoming an adult and now jts... Its hard. I love many people and i want to give them as much of me as possible at a time

[mrfoox]

.... I feel bad bc my friend is sad ) :

#miranda talking shit #I feel a bit guilty too... I think thabks to my meds i am taking this better than normal but yeah #Fabian and me have only like spoken twice over the past month or two? Which is not much #Considering we have basically talked almost daily for years (a minimum at once per week) ... #The irony is that he implied that he was too big of an part of my life before we had this ... Break #... But as far as i know the few friends he have... Are the ones we have in common. Two irl friends . And me #Hes .... Been feeling lonely. He is now. He wants to talk to people etc and im like ): ... #I... Like oliver said 'i think fabian takes solitude a lot harder than you do. He does mind being alone' and yeah... #I think i may have unintentionally made him rely on me rather hard for socializing... For years hes basically only been in my social 'hot' #Zone. And now he have ended up in my 'cold' zone for the first time for this long... Like oliver said i dont mind solitude. #I grew up playing pretend on my own 80% of my time at home. Now i can get in isolation periods where im focusing on a video game #And literally not... Talk to anyone for a month or more. Then i talk to someone again and i realize i had been lacking social time but i #Dont actively... Feel it. I only get lonely at night badly id like to share bed with someone. But ... Yeah. Fabian is probably used to #Getting all this attention from me constantly and now im... Not providing it. Bc im focusing on other people socially... #I said im glad he shared feeling lonely with me and that i am here for him etc but... #I feel like ive failed him. Is failing him. Idk... I know its not my fault and so on but... My social... Functions have many downsides #I probably make people feel very special. I love to listen and ask about everything and encourage them and such. But then i can just stop #Talking for a long period of time and its .... Its never intentional but its how ive always been. Its why ive always kept to having like 3 #Friends up until becoming an adult and now jts... Its hard. I love many people and i want to give them as much of me as possible at a time #So instead of dividing myself to everyone always... I give one or two people all my attention at a time