#HERE'S MY FIRST ONE SHOT... BON APETIT | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

amywritesthings · 2 years

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JUST OLD HABITS.

THE FAMOUS LAST WORDS SERIES.

gif credit @ pedrohub

Pairing: Dieter Bravo x Ex!Co-Star Reader ( Dieter x You )

Word Count: 3.1K

Summary: Hollywood knows the famous enemies-to-worse-enemies saga that is you and Dieter Bravo. When you find out he also got pitched a role in Cliff Beasts 6? You’re pissed. Dieter’s just horny.

Warnings: SMUT, Adult language, Ex-flings, Mentions of cheating, Oral (f receiving), Hate sex, Unprotected sex, Dirty talk, Praise kinks, Pet names, Power Bottom!Dieter

A/N: This is literally just bonafide smut one-shot with a pinch of plot. I did not edit, I did not beta, so God help all of us. Who even is this guy again and why are we so thirsty for him?

( Read on AO3 )

PREQUEL: SAME OLD MISTAKES, ACT ONE.

PREVIEW:

“We’ve done, what, four movies together? A sequel stack and two standalones?” he begins. “It’s been, like, six fuckin’ years, babe — sorry, shit, ma’am? I don’t know what you want me to call you. Babe’s a habit. But I thought it’d be nice.”

“For you.” You point in a verbal punch. “Because you want to get in my pants again.”

Dieter gives a small shrug of honesty. “We made our best movies that way, didn’t we?”

“Fuck off.”

JUST OLD HABITS.

You thought you were better than this.

Cliff Beasts? And it’s not even the direct sequel, but six fucking installments in?

Your agent swears all of the big stars are doing this cash grab, it’s already got incredible buzz on Twitter, but to your ears it screams two words and two words only: washed up.

Congratulations — you are now within the realm of actors that are one step closer to joining Dancing with the Stars, and you have two left feet.

You could believe she’s offering this job to save your feelings: chatter about you being in the next Cliff Beasts is better than the world heavily debating who was in the wrong in your very recent and very public breakup.

The last two weeks have been exhausting. This is just the icing to the cake.

When you ask who else is on the project, the look on your agent’s face tells you everything you need to know. She shifts in her chair with feigned disinterest, listing off names you’ve only heard in passing — oh, that one guy who did the funny SNL skit three years ago — and you wait with shaking fists in your lap for the name you know she’s avoiding.

“Justine, just say it,” you demand, dead-panned despite the simmering anger in your gut.

Justine pales, making brief eye contact before shuffling back to the papers on her desk.

Dieter.

Dieter Bravo.

Dieter fucking Bravo.

Yeah, that’s why they asked you to be in this project. Not because you’re washed up, but because the public is going to lose their live-blogging minds at the idea that two long-standing enemies will be starring in the same godforsaken shitshow.

It’s the money-making power duo, back in action and suffering for it, and you can already see the online bets debating if Cliff Beasts 6 will even make it to post-production without one of you storming off set.

“And that’s not all,” Justine quips quietly, tapping her pen into the stacked contract.

You leave your budding rage for a split second to tilt your head, eyes rounding.

“That… isn’t it?”

“He, uh…”

Justine’s nose scrunches, apologizing before the words leave her tongue. You stand, leaning forward with palms pressed into the desk.

“He, uh, what, Justine?”

“He left you a fruit basket and his new address, if you wanted to — uh, let me get the card.”

White-hot rage fills your system, bleaching your train of thought.

So he knew. He already knew you were being considered for this cast and figured he would intervene, rubbing salt in the wound. Were you the only one in the dark?

You don’t realize Justine’s left her office until the scent of fresh fruit fills the room, forcing you to glance over your shoulder. Justine stands in the doorway, face completely covered with strawberries and mangos and who-the-fuck-knows on sticks, cinched together in a wicker basket with a lilac bow.

Your favorite color.

You’ll fucking kill him.

At the center of the obnoxious display is a half-folded card with your name on it. You cross the room to pluck it from the basket, hastily flipping it open.

Babe,

Look at us. Back at it again.

If you wanna make new memories with the same old mistakes, check the back of the card.

See u soon.

- D

Flipping the card over, the heat creeps up the back of your neck when your gaze glides over a hastily written address.

Yeah, you were considering a rental at the same fucking apartment complex for this shoot. What an unfortunate coincidence.

“How long ago did he send these?” you ask hotly, waving the card in the air.

“This morning,” she responds behind the fruit basket. “Did you… Are you going to go?”

“Of course I’m not fucking going.”

You do.

Oh, you do, only two hours later when Justine’s taking her lunch break to talk to her newest up-and-coming actress freaking out for her audition.

It’s enough of a distraction to get in your own car, speeding down the highway to follow the address on your GPS. Over and over, his flimsy and all-too-cocky note plays in your head.

The most you’ll do is sock him in the face, then depart to grab a drink alone in your hotel room — just like old times.

Six floors up, you stalk down the hallway and slam a closed fist against the door three times. Shoving the same hand in your coat pocket, the door opens with apprehension a minute later — only to fling wide open when Dieter Bravo stands on the other side, recognizing your face.

“Hooo-ly shit.”

“Don’t,” you warn.

The grin spreads across his lips, fingers flicking down the daytime sunglasses to peer at you.

“Guess you got my congratulatory basket. Was it sweet? It looked sweet.”

“I didn’t eat any of it,” you quip, jutting your chin. “Can I come in for a second? I feel like we should establish a couple of ground rules—”

“Ground rules?” Dieter interrupts, pulling a face while simultaneously standing out of your way. “The fuck do we need ground rules for? Are you that afraid of falling in love with me, babe?”

You step in, boots clicking across the floor and into the threshold of this already lived-in apartment. Clothes are hanging up everywhere. Script pages litter the ground with scribbled notes. A swirling scent of cologne invades your nostrils that smells entirely too much like him.

“Rule number one: don’t 'babe' me.”

“Boring.”

“Rule number two: did you know?”

“Know what?” he asks, gently shutting the door behind you. He shoves his hands into his gray sweatpants pockets, a stark contrast to his neon green Hawaiian shirt.

“That they were asking me to be a part of Cliff Beasts?”

“Hell yeah,” he answers, nearing with a nonchalant shrug. “I asked.”

Your expression drops.

Justine didn’t mention that part, either. Motherfucker.

“You asked?”

“Yeah, said you’d be a perfect fit or what-the-fuck ever. Why talk about you and that sad sack of shit that cheated on you when everyone could be talking about you and me?”

The involuntary blink of rage passing across your features must have spooked him, because Dieter nears with his hands up like he’s corralling a scared animal.

“Hey — hey, no, I didn’t mean it to come out like that.”

“But it did, Dieter.”

“Let me start over.”

His hands come to his chest in prayer, head dipping for some humility points. You stand with your arms crossed over your chest, brow quirked and waiting.

“We’ve done, what, four movies together? A sequel stack and two standalones?” he begins, still nearing. “It’s been, like, six fuckin’ years, babe — sorry, shit, ma’am? I don’t know what you want me to call you. Babe’s a habit. But I thought it’d be nice.”

“For you.” You point in a verbal punch. “Because you want to get in my pants again.”

Dieter gives a small shrug of honesty. “We made our best movies that way, didn’t we?”

"Fuck off."

You scoff, rolling your eyes and turning forty-five degrees from him.

“And I’m a great rebound.”

He’s somehow made it from the other end of the living room to right in front of you, hands still pressed together. Dieter ducks his chin further, trying to catch your eye.

“The best fucking rebound and you know it. I didn’t even know the guy, but I knew he was a mega piece of shit. And this coming from King Shit himself. So let me out-shithead him. We’ll make this movie, we’ll make a ton of money, and we’ll…”

He trails off, gaze dropping from yours to stare at your lips.

“...Christ almighty, you’re stunning.”

Although you’re this close to pushing past him to leave, you can’t deny that the attention is flattering. After two agonizing weeks of tag after tag, your name slandered in the social media slug for a decision that wasn’t yours to make…

“Is that a line you’re rehearsing from the script?” you ask instead to save face.

Dieter perks. “I can ask for rewrites if you want it to be.”

“You’re a mess.”

“You can’t be a mess if you send fruit baskets. That’s like the height of having your shit together.”

The snort leaves faster than you can suppress it. Dieter stands taller, eyebrows high to his forehead as he reaches between you, holding your elbows gingerly.

God, history really does repeat itself.

Every time there was a failed romance or a date gone wrong, he was always there. Dieter Bravo, the everlasting playboy, the arm candy in a pinch. Whenever you needed it — needed him — he was always up for it. Granted, you can say Dieter’s always up for anything if his dick has anything to say about it, but there is familiarity here.

And it always starts like this: a fight, a promise to be better, and the soft touch you’re starved for. A quick fix to an ever-present problem.

He knows how to play you like a fucking fiddle.

“Dee…”

“What?” his voice drops an octave, head tilting to avoid your face entirely as he buries his face into your neck. You suck in a sharp inhale, opting to stare at the ceiling. Dieter nuzzles at your skin with his nose, pressing a light kiss. “Tell me, what is it?”

Despite yourself, you sway and lean into the pre-emptive kisses. Your arms gradually unlock from an iron-clad grip to loosen down your torso.

“We shouldn’t do this.”

“The movie or the sex, because I agree with one of those responses.”

The laugh bubbling in your throat is genuine, abruptly stopped by the way his teeth nip at your neck. God, he really does know you in the way so many never have.

“You know what I mean.”

“You don’t gotta do anything, babe,” he murmurs, using his hands on your elbows to swivel you towards the couch. “Just let me.”

“That’s never any fun,” you answer, nose scrunching the minute you say it. Dieter stops momentarily to draw back and look at you, really look at you, as his expression darkens to something of desire.

You miss being wanted.

(In a way, you miss him.)

“Yeah?” he breathes for consent, wetting the seam of his lips.

God, you’re going to regret this in twenty minutes. He’s never going to let this go on set.

(Neither will you, because just as it always happens, he’ll be your dirty secret for a six-week shoot.)

“Has old age slowed you down?” you tease, cocking your head.

Dieter takes the playfulness and runs with it, crouching to snatch your thighs under his arms. He hoists you up, navigating the two of you to the couch. With a flop you sit into the cushion, and he crowds your space with teenage eagerness.

“Absolutely fuckin’ not,” he concludes, pawing for the buttons of your jeans. With dexterity he pops one, then the other, and tugs your panties and denim down your legs. You laugh, lifting your hips to aid in his endeavors.

“Jesus Christ, hel-lo. ” Dieter maneuvers his hand under one knee to spread your legs wide for him. He swallows thick, like a dehydrated man in the middle of the desert laser-focused on the only source of water. “Y’know, I really missed her.”

As much as you hate to admit it, you’re already wet. The sight of him alone brings back memories of being bent over vanities in trailers, desperate hands finding purchase against walls, quickies in-between set changes.

Yeah, he is the greatest rebound. He’s unfortunately the man who knows you best.

Sliding from the couch, Dieter is hellbent on keeping eye contact when he kisses the inside of your knee. You suppress a moan, desperate to maintain some upper hand in these stakes.

Dieter, on the other hand, doesn’t need grace. He’s never needed pride. He wants the right now, the high, and you chase him for it.

He drags his lips along your inner thigh, kissing with intent every time — six, to be precise, for every year you’ve left him high and dry on read.

You hate him. You really hate—

This right here is Dieter Bravo’s favorite thing. The feeling of someone being at his mercy, the taste of them, the way your legs shiver when he finally runs his tongue along your slit — according to him, there is nothing like eating pussy, and there is nothing like you.

Where Dieter is lazy in learning his lines and showing up to set on time, he is not when it comes to where it counts: in the bedroom, in the shower, and evidently on his couch. He locks both arms around your hips to press them down, tentatively swirling his tongue around your clit.

Your hips buck automatically, whimper exiting your throat as your hands thread into his hair. You tug the way he used to like, causing him to moan against your core. The vibrations force your toes to curl, head bent back on his couch as he finds a rhythm to your noises. Encouraged by the enthusiasm, Dieter continues to lick, swirl, flick without an ounce of mercy on his mind.

It’s been ages. Six years too long since he ate you out like this, like he was drowning and thanking you for it.

The other boyfriends you had were timid, reciprocal, but Dieter is game.

There is nowhere else he would rather be.

The minute he closes his lips around your clit to suck, your hips fight against his grip to fly off the couch. He hums in a chuckle, letting go with one arm in order to snake his hand between you. One finger teases at your entrance, barely sliding in, and you feel like your brain has left planet Earth.

“Fuck, Dee, can you— stop teasing.”

He briefly pauses to look up at you, facial hair glistening. “There’s another word you can use, babe.”

“Please?” you grit, teeth clenched as you chase him.

Dieter just grins. “There she is. Good fucking girl.”

You ask, he delivers. He slides a finger in with ease, curling to find that spot in you that will make you sing. He puts his mouth back to good use, relentless against your clit as he adds a second finger to his game. Your limbs shake as the waves climb higher, higher—

You don’t even realize you’re whimpering his name under your breath until your orgasm hits you like a freight train.

Dieter greedily takes anything you can give him, swirling his tongue as he pumps two fingers with precision. You push at his head when it becomes overwhelming. He obliges, but not without staring with a smugness you want to kick clear off his stupid face.

His chin sits on your knee, a smile spreading to grin as you find your breath. “Still got it, huh?”

“Don’t get an ego,” you huff, shaken in your ascent on the couch.

“Too late, babe. That doesn’t go away.”

Your gaze drops to find his hand already fisting his rock-hard cock, sweatpants half-hanging off of his ass to get there. His nostrils flare in the attempt to keep up his nonchalant composure, but you can see the little cracks in his persona.

He wants this. He might have wanted this more than you.

“How badly do you want me to fuck you?” you ask, and something burns behind his eyes.

He swallows to find his voice, nodding with a belated answer. “You want to—”

“Ride you?” He groans at the bluntness of your interruption. “Yeah, yeah I do.”

“Fuck, babe. Been so fucking long…”

You slide off of the couch to meet him on the floor. Remaining on your knees, he falls back and hastily removes the sweatpants from his legs. Crawling to him, Dieter continues to lose his cool with every passing second, hand squeezing his cock at attention.

Your knees slide to his hips, straddling him and nudging the tip of him at your center. Dieter’s head falls back, but you catch it with a harsh grip on the hair at the nape of his neck. He stills with a grunt, fully ready to fall apart at your mercy.

“This doesn’t become a habit,” you remind him, teasing the tip of him by gliding him along your wet fold.

Dieter begins to shake his head, but you tug harder — changing the direction to a nod.

“Baby, this — fuck — always becomes a—”

In one delicious descent, you slide onto his length and bottom out, causing him to choke on his words. Your breath hitches, the stretch from him setting your nerves on fire.

You really did need this, after everything.

You really needed him.

Dieter, it appears, needed it by the way he babbles the filthiest things into your shirt as you finally roll your hips and move against him.

“Such a good fucking girl, always a good fucking girl for me, always ride my cock like a fuckin’ champ, no one ever does it like you do it to me, only took the goddamn movie so I could be buried in this pussy every — fuckin’ — day—”

You rise on your knees, riding his cock the way you used to back when you didn’t mind so much when he called you pet names. Back when you’d spend hours like this in his trailer, in his hotel rooms, in the back of a limo at red carpet premieres.

Back when Hollywood didn’t feed into the narrative that you hated every inch of his guts.

Your former co-star bucks up into you, wrapping arm around your waist to take over the rhythm. You keep one hand on his chest, the other using his shoulder as an anchor as he fucks up with a desperation six years in the making.

All you can do is hold on and accept it, allowing him to stretch you to oblivion as your second orgasm creeps in.

Sliding a hand down his chest, you reach between to furiously rub circles against your clit, moaning into his ear as he growls nonsense of praise into your shirt. As if it’s a movie scene itself, you both fall apart at the same time — he bucks up into you, coming apart as you squeeze around his cock for all he’s worth.

You cry out his name, earning a broken whimper of your own along his tongue.

Resting your cheek on his head as you come back down from the high, Dieter pants to catch his breath beneath you, peppering small kisses along your clothed chest.

Neither of you say a word for minutes on end, simply existing in the bubble of what has happened — and what you can’t take back.

Then Dieter speaks up with a hint of euphoric satisfaction, always aiming to ruin the moment.

“Like I said, babe: just old habits.”

#dieter bravo x reader #dieter bravo #the bubble #pedro pascal #dieter bravo fanfiction #fanfiction #LMFAO I DONT KNOW WHAT I'M DOING?#HERE'S MY FIRST ONE SHOT... BON APETIT

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thecarlosramos · 5 years

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Time Squad’s Adam & Eve Ep

...so back when we started, Dave and I wrote our Time Squad scripts like books. We quickly learned Final Draft once Michael Karnow was hired and set us straight. Here’s an ep that was never made. I believe I wanted Tommy Chong to play Adam but I remember Dave thinking he was too obvious a choice.

This is my thank you to all the TS fans <3

©️®️

In Dagada Da Vida

We open on the satellite where we see a montage of different rooms and corridors as the sound of a dollar bill being inserted and rejected from a candy machine is heard echoing through the ship. We then see Tuddrussel calmly entering a futuristic looking dollar into the candy machine’s money insertor as it once again spits it out. We see Tuddrussel’s reflection in the window as he licks his chops while eyeing a shrink-wrapped donut. We cut back to see him calmly step back off screen. We then hear the sound of a full run as Tuddrussel re enters with a scream as he tackles the machine. We cut back to a hallway as Larry and Otto come out of their rooms to the sounds of laser blasts and screaming. They both run and turn a corner to the sight of Tuddrussel standing over the smoldering candy machine triumphantly holding his laser gun as his chest heaves up and down.

“Oh, hey guys.” Tuddrussel says out of breath.

“Wha…what are you doing?” Otto asks.

“Just getting a donut.” Tuddrussel says as he reaches into the broken glass and pulls out a packaged donut. He then begins to unwrap it with all his strength, which then leads to him biting and clawing at the plastic cover. He then throws it down and blasts it with his phaser. We cut back to Larry and Otto as they shield their faces from the laser fire. Tuddrussel again is left standing in the charred hallway with his chest heaving.

“Hey, it’s gonna be alright.” Otto says as he slowly takes Tuddrussel’s hand while Larry cautiously removes his phaser from his other hand.

“Now, you didn’t need all that junk food after all. I’ll make you a nice healthy breakfast.” Larry says cautiously.

“Doesn’t that sound nice.” Otto says in a kindly tone.

“Stupid donut.” Tuddrussel says under his breath.

We then see Otto standing in the kitchen with Larry as he looks at Tuddrussel squeezing two stress-balls in his hands.

“Calm blue ocean, calm blue ocean, calm blue…” Tuddrussel chants quietly while swaying back and forth at the breakfast table.

“Larry, I’m a little worried about Tuddrussel. He’s seems a little…stressed lately.” Otto says as Larry wears a chef hat and cooks diligently.

“A little, ha! His blood pressure is through the roof. All he really needs is a good hot breakfast though. Go out and talk to him while I finish these ‘eggs ala bolognese’. Now shoo!” Larry says while pushing Otto into the dining room. Otto takes a seat next to Tuddrussel.

“Hi buddy, how ya feelin'?” Otto asks Tuddrussel.

“Pretty good, oh you mean…with the donut? Oh that was nothing! I was just a little hungry.” Tuddrussel says blowing off the entire incident.

“Oh, well that’s good ‘cause Larry’s making a great breakfast!” Otto says relieved. Just then Larry comes out of the kitchen carrying two covered silver platters and sets then down lovingly in front of Otto and Tuddrussel. Larry then lifts the lids off the trays revealing Tuddrussel and Otto’s expressions as Otto smiles and Tuddrussel goes from a happy face to a grimace as they look at a very fancy mixed assortment of food oddities.

“What’s this?” Tuddrussel says disgusted as he runs his fork through a runny egg in a piecrust.

“Why that’s ‘gruere preschutto quiche’ in a plumb sauce glaze! It was King Philip of the Vector quadrant’s favorite dish.” Larry says with a smile.

“Larry, what about this dish?” Otto asks while cautiously cutting into a fish plate.

“Oh that’s a pescado brochette with a warm potato galette in an onion fondue with a flying fish caviar cream. I hear it’s quite delicious.” Larry says attentively.

“Wow, this is good!” Otto says with a smile and a mouth full of fish.

“I’m not even going to ask.” Tuddrussel groans as he pushes away a plate of snails.

“Why that’s the ‘Cassolettes d'Escargot’! A lovely little dish I learned to make in culinary school in Brussels. Bon Apetit!” Larry says in a cheery voice. We see Otto chew happily as Tuddrussel slowly grabs the edge of the table in an angry fashion.

“This all looks…TERRIBLE!” Tuddrussel says in a rage as he flips the table over. Otto still chews and swallows what was in his mouth. Larry gasps. “I haven’t had a decent meal in months! Can’t a guy get a sandwich around here?” Tuddrussel continues. Larry looks on in shock when Otto comes to the rescue.

“What he means is…uh, he’s not used to eating such exquisite dishes.” Otto says trying to cover up Tuddrussel’s action.

“No, you were going to have me eat snails! I have been stuffing the mattress of this chair with food for months.” Tuddrussel says with a red face to Larry as he points to his chair that has a bushel of meals stuffed in it. Larry gasps as Tuddrussel continues his rant. “Bacon, eggs, toast! That’s a breakfast! All you make is foo foo soaked in…poo poo!” Tuddrussel screams as he begins to turn bright red while breathing heavily and sweating.

“You…are the worst cook…ever! Ow, now my arm’s gone numb!” Tuddrussel grabs his left arm as he weases out and collapses face first into all the food on the floor in an Inspector Clusaue manner.

“Well fine, I’m never cooking for you two again!” Larry says in a sassy tone while looking down at Tuddrussel on the ground. We cut to black and fade up in a blur from Tuddrussel’s POV to an up shot of Larry and Otto.

“Wake up Tuddrussel, are you okay?” Otto asks.

“Wha…what happened?” Tuddrussel grumbles.

“I think I’m going to have to zap him!” Larry says as his hands begin to glow with electricity. “Clear!” Larry says as Otto steps back and Larry shocks Tuddrussel’s chest.

“Aaaaagghhhh! What did you do that for!” Tuddrussel yells as we cut back to show him jump to his feet.

“Well according to my readings, you just passed out from nervous exhaustion. I was reviving you!” Larry says while he reads charts being faxed out of his chest.

“Sounds more like food poisoning to me.” Tuddrussel says in a sarcastic tone to Larry.

“Tuddrussel, it’s obvious you just need some time to relax, when’s your next vacation?” Otto asks.

“Vacation?” Tuddrussel asks.

“Back in the time Otto’s from employees were allowed a certain amount of time away from their jobs to relax and not work. It was believed that this made for a happier and more productive worker.” Larry informs Tuddrussel.

“Pfft! Well, la-dee-da! That may be fine for some tea-sippin’ pansy, but I’m a cop and we don’t need…” Tuddrussel starts in a cynical tone. Suddenly the ships alarm goes off and Tuddrussel startled by the noise clutches his left arm and falls downward off screen.

“Here we go again!” Larry says as he charges his hands and goes down off screen. We see a blue glow and hear Tuddrussel scream as Otto flinches at the sight of him getting fried. We cut to the ship’s computer as Larry walks up and starts typing coordinates into the keyboard. Tuddrussel and Otto walk up behind him as smoke trails off Tuddrussel’s body. The screen shows an image of a perfect naked couple with blonde hair and blue eyes covered in fig leafs. It reads under them, ‘Adam and Eve, Garden of Eden’.

“Wow, it looks like we’re going all the way back to the Garden of Eden to see Adam and Eve. They were responsible for ruining paradise when Eve ate the forbidden apple.” Otto says. All three begin to walk towards the time transporter.

“Garden? (shivering sound) Sounds awfully organic.” Larry says in an irritated tone.

“Tuddrussel, the Garden of Eden was a utopia. This mission might be just the thing you need.” Otto says enthusiastically.

“Well, It couldn’t be any worse than getting shocked twice by this walking cattle prod.” Tuddrussel says eyeing Larry.

“Hey, I saved your life.” Larry says offended. The three get into the time transporter and bam, they are blasted to the past. We cut to a blue sky as our three heroes blast on screen. The camera has all three in a medium shot close together.

“Paradise huh?” Tuddrussel says skeptically while looking around. We pull back to reveal the three of them sitting on a large zebra. It suddenly starts to kick and jump while yelping. Time Squad Patrol hold on for dear life. Tuddrussel Larry and Otto are then bucked off and fall hard onto the grass and the zebra runs off in a huff.

“Ugh, I’m allergic to large beasts.” Larry says cowardly.

“But you’re a robot, how can you have allergies?” Otto asks.

“I don’t know. I just do. Augh, a snake!” Larry screams while jumping into Tuddrussel’s arms. A devilish looking snake slithers bye Time Squad Patrol.

“(Cough) I think…(Cough cough) I’m having another attack!” Tuddrussel says dropping Larry.

“No Tuddrussel, (Inhale, exhale) that’s just fresh air!” Otto says with a grin. Larry looks around cautiously and takes in a breath and immediately sneezes.

“WACHOO! Ohhh.” Groans Larry.

“(Inhale) Wow, this is kinda nice.” Tuddrussel says with a smile. We pan over the horizon and show paradise. From waterfalls to rolling green hills, the Garden of Eden is breath taking. As the music swells we cut back to Larry spraying an entire can of bug repellent at a butterfly as it falls to the earth.

“Well our mission seems obvious. We need to find Eve, get her to eat one of those forbidden apples and we can be on our way.” Larry says as he sprays the fallen butterfly a couple more times with the bug repellent. We then see some bushes rustle next to Time Squad Patrol. Tuddrussel immediately pulls out his phaser and aims in its direction.

“Who goes there!” Tuddrussel barks in a stern tone.

“Whoa, hold your fire man, we come in peace brother.” A shirtless man says as he rises up out of the bushes. He and the girl with him are hardly dressed wearing fig leaves and other natural covers. The two come out toward our heroes. They both look like flower children. The man has a beard and wild long hair while the woman has face paint and many flowers in her hair.

“Welcome to the Garden of Eden!” The man says. “My name’s Adam and this is Eve, my cosmic soul mate.” Adam says as he gestures to Eve.

“Peace.” Eve says holding two fingers up as she walks over to the gang and puts leis around each of their necks. Larry flinches as Eve gives him a peck on the cheek along with his lei.

“We were going to go on our daily swim in the enchanted lake. Come join us friends. It’ll be groovy.” Adam says walking towards the lake with Eve.

“C’mon Tuddrussel, a swim will do you good.” Otto says as he runs behind Adam and Eve. Tuddrussel follows as Larry is left standing.

“What about the mission?!” Larry yells as we hear an elephant roar in the distance and Larry follows the gang terrified. We then cross dissolve to the lake as Adam and Eve swim around and laugh carelessly. Larry and Tuddrussel stand at the lake’s edge.

“Wow, I haven’t been swimming in years.” Tuddrussel tells Larry.

“Look out dude!” Otto says running past Tuddrussel and Larry wearing only his underwear. (And no glasses) He cannonballs into the lake with a splash. “C’mon in guys, the water’s great. In fact, it’s perfect!” Otto says while treading water. We cut back as Larry is now standing alone. Tuddrussel runs bye him wearing only his mask, shorts and a belt as he jumps into the water almost splashing Larry.

“Last one in is a rotten egg! Woohoo!” Tuddrussel yells. Larry walks to the water’s edge and lightly dabs the tip of his metal foot into the water. We cut in close to see Larry’s metal instantly rust on contact. Larry jumps back in fright.

“Ugh! Rust!” Larry says in a high pitched voice as he scrambles backwards. We cut back to the lake as Tuddrussel and Otto ride dolphins through the water.

“C’mon Larry!” Otto yells in the distance. Larry grumbles. We cut back to Otto and Tuddrussel in the water.

“Man, this is great.” Tuddrussel proclaims.

“I agree, paradise is excellent!” Otto says as Adam splashes him in the face. We cut back to Larry’s point of view as Tuddrussel, Otto, Adam, and Eve splash one another and laugh carelessly. Larry grumbles to himself. We cut to a series of activities between Adam and Eve and the gang. First we see all of them prancing through a flower patch. Everyone is happy except Larry who follows behind, sneezes and falls. Next we see all of them swinging on vines in the jungle. Each one goes from vine to vine in unison like Tarzan. Larry again is last slamming into a tree like George of the Jungle. Last we see the gang all petting a monkey. We pan over to Larry approaching at a sinister looking monkey to the side. He tries to pet it but as soon as his hand meets the monkey’s head it attacks him. Adam and Eve and the gang laugh at his misfortune. We cross dissolve to the woods as we see a light swarm of flies hover over a rustling bush. The sound of a zipper being pulled up is heard as Larry rises.

“There isn’t even a decent place to dump my oil. I’m already starting to chafe!” Larry says in an annoyed tone. We cut to Otto and Tuddrussel as they lay under a tree. Larry comes out of the woods spraying bug repellent everywhere.

“I just saw Adam and Eve singing ‘Kumbaya’ or something on the other side of the forest, let’s figure out a way to get Eve to eat that forbidden apple so that we can finish the mission, leave this filthy national park and get back home.” Larry says in a strict tone

“Leave? Are you out of your mind? This place is great!” Tuddrussel says.

“Yeah, and look how relaxed Tuddrussel is. Just watch…Hey Tuddrussel, what is Time Squad Patrol’s motto?” Otto asks.

“Uh, to protect…and uh, look out or something.” Tuddrussel says as he goes back to sleep.

“Y’see! Anyway, Adam and Eve are really nice. And tonight, we’re gonna trip out looking at the stars .” Otto says as he lies back down.

“Ugh, have you two gone mad?!” Larry protests. Suddenly Adam and Eve walk up to them holding hands.

“Hey, you guys wanna go prance through the flower garden again?” Eve asks.

“You bet!” Tuddrussel says as he leaps to his feet.

“Yahoo!” Otto agrees.

“Groovy.” Adam adds. They all skip away leaving Larry standing alone.

“Fine, I’ll do it without you.” Larry screams.

We then fade up on Larry picking an apple from the forbidden apple tree. Larry then runs off screen in a sinister fashion. We cut to Larry walking up to Eve as she, Otto, Tuddrussel and Adam play with a hackey sack on a hill.

“Hello Eve, you looked famished. Would you care for a bite of this apple?” Larry asks politely.

“No way, we’re not supposed to eat from the forbidden apple tree. And anyway, I’m a strict vegetarian, no fruit! Fruit kills the earth.” Eve says in a strict manner.

“No it doesn’t. Look.” Larry says as he opens his metal mouth and puts the apple in and we hear a sound like an apple being dropped into a bucket. “Mmmmm!” Larry says with a fake smile. He then removes the apple from his hollow chest by opening a lever door in his front and tries to hand it to Eve. “Now you try one!” Larry asks again.

“No. Look man, your harshing my mellow.” Eve says authoritatively. Suddenly the hackey sack comes from off screen and nails Larry in the face. We cut to Tuddrussel standing off to the side.

“Yeah, don’t harsh her mellow. Larry!” Tuddrussel yells. Larry takes the apple and stomps off.

“You haven’t seen the last of me!” Larry says in a harsh tone.

“Man, what’s that dude’s problem?’ Adam asks Tuddrussel.

“Oh, he’s a robot.” Tuddrussel replies. We then cut to a montage of Larry offering Eve apples in different places around Eden. (It will be played as an homage to ‘Green Eggs and Ham’.) We first see the gang braiding each other’s hair as Larry presents the apple and a pair to Eve.

“Would you like an apple with a pair?” Larry asks.

“No!” Eve responds. We next see Eve and the gang dancing around a fire at night as Larry walks up with an apple as a bear stands beside him.

“Could you eat one with a bear? Larry asks.

“No!” Eve responds. We then see the gang playing frisbee.

“Would you like one in a park?” Larry asks.

“No!” Eve responds. We then see Eve and the gang meditating while sitting Indian-style on the ground at night as Larry walks up and whispers to her.

“Could you eat one in the dark?” Larry asks.

“No!” Eve whispers back. Next we see the gang sun bathing on a beach.

“Would you eat one near the sea?” Larry asks.

“No!” Eve responds. Finally we see the gang folk singing while sitting next to a tree as Larry’s head comes in upside down out of a tree’s leaves as he offers the apple.

“Could you eat one in a tree?” Larry asks.

“No!” Eve responds as Larry falls. “I do not like them with a pair, I would not eat one with a bear. I do not like them in the dark; I would not eat one in a park. I do not like them when I tan, I don’t like to eat apples man!” Eve protests loudly to Larry.

“Yeah, lay off!” Otto adds.

“Fine. I give up! If I never see any of you again it’ll be too soon!” Larry says storming off.

“Ah, who needs ya!” Tuddrussel yells. We hold a beat.

“Now who wants to go prance through the flower patch?” Adam asks.

“Well, we did that yesterday but…okay.” Tuddrussel says

“Groovy!” Adam says as the group skips away. We then show the gang prancing, swinging on the vine and swimming two more times as Tuddrussel and Otto seem to grow tired as Adam and Eve continue happily. We end on Tuddrussel and Otto standing exhausted in the flower patch. Also Tuddrussel has grown a beard and Otto’s hair is long. Adam and Eve skip up to them.

“What’s wrong? You guys aren’t prancing.” Adam asks.

“Uh, that’s all we’ve done for months.” Tuddrussel protests.

“Then we’ll just go swing on some vines!” Eve says.

“I’m gonna choke you with that vine!…oh sorry, I didn’t mean that.” Otto corrects himself.

“We’ll catch up with you two later.” Tuddrussel says through his teeth.

“Okay, groovy.” Adam says and the two skip off holding hands.

“If he says groovy one more time…Aaugh! I’m losing my mind. Everywhere I look is a tree or a flower. If I have to see one more rainbow I’m going to scratch my eyes out! Uh oh.” Tuddrussel says in a fit of paranoia as he grabs his left arm and falls over. Otto looks down at him.

“I miss TV.” Otto proclaims. We fade out. We then fade up on Larry sweeping the entrance to a cave marked with a scratch for every day he has spent in Eden. He is a bit rusted and ragged but still his pompous self.

“Larrrrrrry!” Otto is heard off in the distance.

“Where are you!” Tuddrussel yells in a panicked tone. Larry shakes his head in disgust. Suddenly Tuddrussel and Otto spot him and run up.

“Oh man, are we happy to see you buddy.” Tuddrussel says while grabbing Larry’s shoulders.

“We’ve been looking everywhere for you!” Otto adds.

“We need to finish this mission and get out of this nightmare world of relaxation and love and swinging on vines!” Tuddrussel pleads. Larry pauses for a beat then speaks.

“Well, well, well, I guess Larry wasn’t so dumb after all.” Larry starts.

“We never said you were dumb!” Otto protests.

“Yeah, I just said you were a terrible cook.” Tuddrussel says.

“Aha! The truth comes out. And now what do you think.” Larry asks.

“I’ll eat all the snails you want when we get home!” Tuddrussel pleads.

“Apology accepted.” Larry says as Tuddrussel kisses his hand.

“Look Larry, I’ve got a plan, but we’re gonna need your help.” Otto says. We fade out. We fade up on Adam and Eve as they stand around the forest. Eve’s stomach growls.

“Whoa, I’m like hungry man.” Eve says.

“You said it dude.” Adam agrees.

“Did somebody say, hungry?” Larry says from off screen as he comes in holding a large silver platter under a dome as Tuddrussel and Otto walk behind him. He sets it down in front of Adam and Eve.

“Wow, is all this for me?” Eve asks innocently.

“Think of it as my little way of saying, thank you.” Larry says raising the lid to reveal a beautifully exquisite looking pie dish.

“Crepe de Chafonne flambé! You see, where I come from we have this thing called cooking! It makes food taste good!” Larry says in a sharp manner as he looks at Tuddrussel. Tuddrussel rolls his eyes. Larry then lights the pie with a flame coming out of his finger as Adam and Eve ‘ooh’ and ‘ahh.’ Larry then blows it out. “Bon apetit!” Larry says with a smile.

“Wait, what’s this made of?” Eve says skeptically.

“Oh, just some things I found…around.” Larry says innocently. Adam and Eve look at each other, shrug and lick their lips devouring the entire plate as they begin to push each other away like rabid dogs.

“Get away, he said it was for me!” Eve proclaims to Adam.

“Stop being so greedy!” Adam yells as they finish the plate off.

“That was delicious!” Eve proclaims licking her fingers.

“That is the best thing I’ve ever eaten. What was it?” Adam asks.

“Oh, just a French recipe for…apple pie!” Larry says letting out a sinister laugh as lighting strikes behind him and dark clouds form.

“Apples? Adam you idiot, I told you it was a trick you dirty hippie!” Eve yells.

“Hippie? You’re the one that’s naked!” Adam says pointing at Eve.

“Shut up!” Eve screams. The two go into a light slapping match as rain falls and lightning strikes everywhere and the ground begins to crack bellowing with red light.

“Aw, look at them. All full of anger and rage. It’s beautiful.” Tuddrussel says with a sentimental smile.

“Let’s go home guys.” Otto says.

“I hate you Larry.” Tuddrussel says as he puts his arm around Larry.

“And I hate you Tuddrussel.” Larry says as he gets choked up and smiles. Larry types the coordinates into his arm and BAM! They’re gone.

THE END

#Cartoon Network #Time Squad

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