#I always get hyperfixated on media that barely has a fandom LMAO | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mandalhoerian · 1 year

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I have an urge to talk in Turkish here but I gotta keep it to myself now haha. Your page gives me a sense of comfort with the fact that you're Turkish.

What I was trying to say, that if you feel like no one's is interested in our girl Vera etc or the content/posts you want to make for her here apart from the fic writing, don't think like that because it is your page and your followers follows you for a reason.

But most importantly, what I was trying to say, that Vera gives me so much comfort as a Turkish woman myself like her ( my hair is also wavy like her how her hair gets after rain haha ). I love your Vera content. I just wanted to say that. She is also giving me inspiration for my own oc making. Back in the time I was so hesitant with the thought of making Turkish ocs, but with her and you of course, I started to beat that voice.

i'm answering this a bit late so my apologies! I wanted to say a lot but ramadan has me lazing around not wanting to do anything, so I procrastinated 😭

i know the as bayrakları as as as 🇹🇷🇹🇷🇹🇷 feeling like the last thing I expected to find here was another Turkish RE creator like. It's such a bizarre kinship and comfort, I know how you feel! I'm happy I was able to give it back.

Our girl Vera has me GRINNING, but not to change the subject too much, I know,,, it's a feeling that comes and goes. I used to barely get any interaction regarding her prior to the release of RE4R and when im deep into the hyperfixation i don't care much for feedback, I just create. Like. I guess multiple chapters beyond the 10K threshold are proof of that, looking back i had to be insane to be in it that deep. i remember being like "OMG 180 HITS BETWEEN CHAPTERS THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!" on ao3! 😭 the lack of interest gets to a writer, eventually, i guess, you just want the readers to show they're enjoying to work or not in some way. But the reminder that (some of, at least) my followers follow me for Vera is extremely consoling, thank you so much!

I'm so happy that you like Vera! It's very humbling to hear she as a Turkish woman is resonating with you, I never thought about having any Turkish readers at all when I was working on her... I always thought if I had, would it be cringy or not.

Because us as people really have an inferiority complex and are too self-conscious regarding these things, I remember how literally all of my Turkish writer friends (every single one of them) thought a Turkish main character would be EMBARRASSING in any fandom we would write for. We hated it, and everybody and their other writer friends also did. The idea of a Turkish character was cringy. But when other foreign writers would write Turkish OCs suddenly it was so cool and "AS BAYRAKLARI" .

I had a couple Filipino friends on wattpad who would write Filipino OCs and be so proud of their heritage and how they were incorporating it into the story, like, for example, I had a friend who re-designed and rebranded the planet Alderaan from Star Wars using their culture because the actress who played the queen was Filipino and she was so happy about it. It was so fascinating to me how she genuinely did something so creative and made it work so well. Another Filipino friend did this for Stranger Things, and in the heart of her story was immigrant struggles.

I never really questioned why Turkish people couldn't be like this until I was working on Vera, and her being Turkish started out as a joke. I wanted to immediately scrap it, thinking "no lmao what the fuck of course not" .

If another person did this, I would eat !! it !! up!!

But when I seriously wanted to make her Turkish it was suddenly embarrassing. It was a hard thing to get over. English fanfic reading really wires our brains to accept characters only of foreign nationalities and ethnicities because "it fits the story better" -- we only consume western media and hold it in higher regard.

I understand you so well, and I'm so glad I'm somehow encouraging you on this matter. Because why are we so embarrassed of ourselves?

Thank you for this ask, it really meant a lot to hear all of this! and I'm sorry I really went off on a tangent 😭

#an ask for shai

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icharchivist · 3 years

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why did you lose interest in hxh?

ahah quite the question is it not

there’s multiple reasons in general, but i think the main one is just that i got interested in others things and all instead? I always go by cycles of hyperfixations and such, like only one thing on my mind at all time, and so generally well, after a while i tend to lose interest, especially if something else catches it instead.

though there were others factors if i’m being honest in also not trying to keep the interest pumping.

The most major one is just that, sadly, the reality of the hiatus is that with lack of new contents it kinda felt like circling back on the same topics and thoughts over and over again (which i don’t fault Togashi for, his health comes before anything else) and it is true that the current arc, while interesting, has... less of a linear track and is kinda confusing and i don’t have the brainpower to always remember everything that’s going on in between months of update. (my energy has drastically been running out those past few years so i kinda dread coming back to it at the state the story is at. Togashi is a master at his craft, i just don’t think i can follow at the moment)

Back then, I also started to take issues with the fandom a bit; i’m still mad at how Gon gets misinterpreted sometimes and i’ve talked soooo much about it at this point and all that i think i’ve run myself out of energy, and, the reality of fandom is, you can say whatever you want, you can wish you cleared something up, but not everyone will see your points and stuff will start over and over and over again. I still follow some hxh blogs to that day and i get echos of dis//courses that are still happening and it makes me dread to think we’re still at it years later - but that’s how fandom rolls, there’s nothing one can do about it, and it’s healthier for me to stand back than to get worked up about it.

(which is a point i bring up especially because i did use to get a lot of ask about those scenes and after a bit it did get me worked up to repeat the same arguments over and over again - but, like, i can’t expect people to have read through all my blog to figure out my opinions on specific things either, so, it’s not like i can fault anyone here)

aaaaalso a bit after i officially left the fandom (and joined a fandom that made me quit on the idea of being in fandom altogether lmao that’s why nowadays i just ramble on my own and eventually reblog stuff from trusted mutu) there was major, major drama that started happening in the fandom that fucking terrified me. I don’t want to enter details, i don’t want to revive the dis//course that happened, but it was mindboggling and terrifying. I still read *nowadays* echos of some hxh fans being extremely toxic too in general and, considering the stuff i’ve seen, i’m dreading the idea of being around while they are. idk how it happened, perhaps because it’s that popular, because the dub is probably over by now (?) or something but man i’m seeing dramas that just makes me want to turn off my internet and never visit a social media again lmao

Nowadays i admit i haven’t interreacted with any hxh in years (i think since the last update of the manga?? that’s it) aside from some content i see from hxh blogs i still follow from back in the days (people whom i still really enjoy seeing around and they remind me of the appreciation i had for the story with their posts - i’m just not inclined to interreact further with it)

but it’s not like i dislike the manga either.

To be honest my opinions on the fandoms have often ended up skewying my view on the stories that brought me joy, like annoying dramas end up me getting worked up and disgusted with the source material and go “it’s not even that good to be worth of it”, and i kinda hate when it happens? because if i hyperfocus on those stories it’s not because they’re good but because they bring me some sort of joy, and i hate the idea of this joy being destroyed not because the story is failing me, but because i get worked up about what some random people online say about it or to each others. (re: why i barely participate in fandoms these days)

hxh is one of the fandom i decided to take a step back in order to be able to remember why i liked it this much without having to think about the people factor into it.

So, i still really like hxh and i don’t regret having been a part of its fandom back in the days, i hold fond memories of this time, and i just don’t want to ruin it by forcing the interest back. (and honestly this is more than what i can say for many fandoms i’ve been into)

That said, in general: i feel like the ambiance in some fandoms i’ve lurked on have grown into territories that makes me profoundly uncomfortable, and my life has been getting complicated enough that i don’t want to add fandom worries on it. I feel like the ambiance nowadays is far more hostile and unenjoyable and kinda scary and don’t feel as comfortable talking about the stuff i like in places people can read me. (the reasons i still do so with g//b//f or a//3, aside from the fact those are part of my current hyperfixations, is that they’re niche enough that i feel like my posts gets posted only for the people unfortunate enough to be following me, not “basically anyone”, privacy babey)

so, in general, i’ve taken a major step back from interreacting with people in fandom space and gets waayy too self conscious when i’m posting anything online these days, and since the fandom which was the last straw for me was the one i got into right after my hxh phase, while i was seeing stuff go down in my previous fandoms, this is about the time i started to just, be less active in general, talk less unless i know it’s niche enough people won’t find me, and stuff like that

hxh isn’t the first fandom i did that with but i think it was striking because i did it more drastically right after it, and because i used to be really active and loud there. My posts still circulate a *lot* too even to that day, moreso than posts i’ve made for any others fandoms, so i suspect that adding to that the fact the fandom is pretty much alive and well (unlike some fandoms i love like d/g/m love u sweetie we’ll get ham when the flashback arc is over i’m sure, eventually,) people liked my posts enough to still read them nowadays, and that’s very humbling and touching.

but yeah, i ended up rambling ahah ^^” but yeah tl;dr it’s just a mix of the fact i just ended up interest in other things, got a bit tired with the same topics repeating themselves especially since with the hiatus it’s not like we could do more, and hxh was the last fandom i genuinely wanted to be active in before i decided to drop being active in fandoms all together.

so yeah here you have it ^^” hope it makes sense

take care nonny! i wish you well!

#ichafantalks hxh #man what a clusterfuck of a post i'm sorry dKLFJDF #Anonymous #ichareply

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