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purplesurveys · 3 years

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Have you ever tried a colorful macaroon? Maybe you mean macarons? I’ve never seen a macaroon with food coloring before.

Do you say macaroon or macaron? It depends on what I’m referring to because they’re two different kinds of food.

Do you know what a macaroon is? Yes, they taste terrible.

Would you rather go to Paris or London? Both sound a bit too boring of a trip for me tbh, I’d rather go to other European cities.

Which national flag do you like the best? I’m not that into flags to have a favorite...I like how Nepal’s has a unique shape, though.

Name 3 celebrities people say you look like. Lucy Hale, Anna Akana, and a local celebrity you wouldn’t know about.

^Do you agree? I never saw myself looking like Anna but that’s actually the most common one I get, so I just might not know my face all that well. The only one that’s agreeable enough with me is the last celebrity I mentioned.

Do you know anyone who looks like Taylor Swift? No, especially not on this side of the planet.

Have you ever been betrayed by a best friend? Yes but that was like back in the fifth grade. I’ve been very selective of my friends ever since.

What color is the sweatshirt that you wear the most? Black.

Do you have a mirror in your room? No. I don’t really feel as if I need it.

What was the last thing you painted? I last painted on a paint-by-numbers kit, but it’s been a while since I took up the hobby. I want to get back around to it someday, but proably not any time soon as I find it a tad bit time-consuming.

Do you correct grammatical errors online? Not other people’s, but yeah I edit my posts whenever I catch a typo or grammar error. I also edit survey questions if they aren’t in proper grammar, just so other people who’d want to take the same survey won’t have to deal with it and point it out anymore.

What’s the last thing you made out of clay? I’ve only done pottery once, and that time I was taught how to make a vase. I wasn’t able to see the end result though since they still had to bake it and everything, and I was only staying in that town for a few days.

Do you go for days without washing your hair? No, I absolutely hate that feeling. My hair starts getting itchy after a day or so of not washing it and it feels irritating, so I feel the need to shower everyday.

When is the last time you had scrambled eggs and bacon? Maybe around a week ago? It’s something my parents make regularly for breakfast, alongside other local breakfast dishes.

Do you like bacon bits on your salad? I don’t really eat salad but sure, I’ll take some bacon in mine.

What is your favorite salad dressing? See above.

What is your favorite kind of soup? Not a big soup person either. I suppose I’m most enthusiastic about miso soup, if anything.

Do you eat a lot of soup? Not at all. I don’t think I ever purposely ordered it at a restaurant either; I only consume soup if it already comes as a freebie with my order.

Do you collect Mason jars to use for crafts? Nope, was never a hobby of mine. This reminds me that I have a mason jar filled with date receipts and love notes on tiny Post-Its from my last relationship, though...I literally can’t remember if I’ve since thrown it out, but I also haven’t seen it in a while...hm. I guess I’ll try looking for it later today and throw it away if I do find it still lying around in my room.

What’s a trend that you never caught on to? Remember when I said streetwear like, literally a month ago? Lmaoooooo I’m into it now. That’s why I’ll just skip over this question HAHAHAHA I always end up being obsessed with the things I swear off in the beginning :((((

What’s a trend that you haven’t caught on to yet, but you want to? Vlogging? It’d be nice to make a video or two of my own.

Do you type fast? Very. My co-workers recently started sharing this typing speed website that we’re all free to try out and so far I’m the official reigning champion haha. No one has beaten my WPM record yet.

Did you learn to type through a computer program for kids? Yes. I never adopted the ‘standard’ finger practice though; I type only with my index and middle fingers.

How many years were you homeschooled? I was never homeschooled.

If applicable, what’s a youtuber you would love to collab with? Louise Pentland.

Do you think you’re successful in life? Not quite there yet, but I’m comfortable with the way I’m working towards it for now. It’s nice to be doing things that I know will lead to something in the future.

What color is the tree outside your window? If you mean the leaves, then green.

What color is your rug, if you have one? (not carpet, rug) I don’t have one in my room but the main one we have in the living room is brown.

What do you take for pain? I take a Biogesic pill for headaches. If I get muscle sores/strains, I rub Katinko on the spots that hurt.

Which pharmacy do you use? I never need to go to those but I can always take a drive to the nearby Mercury Drug.

Do you reapply nail polish when it starts to chip? I don’t wear nail polish at all.

What is this month’s calendar picture? I don’t use a calendar.

What was the last thing you ate? Sushiiiiiiiii. I made a very impulsive and rash decision to buy THREE ORDERS of sushi yesterday. I hadn’t eaten all day and I also had a crappy at work, and my clouded judgment thought buying 24 pieces of maki was the way to go. I’m still in the stage of trying to convince myself I deserved it anyway.

What are your favorite things to put in tea? I don’t drink tea tea, but when I buy milk tea I always go for chocolate flavors. I also don’t like pearls in my milk tea.

Do you wish the Unicorn Frappuccino was a regular drink at Starbucks? I never go for customized drinks, so I don’t care at all about this.

Is there a coffee shop in your town that’s better than Starbucks? Possibly, but I may not have checked it out yet. For now, I like buying from Starbucks.

Do you frequent any coffee shops? Back in college I used to alternate between Starbucks and Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf; I’d go several times a week to either because coffee shops were the best place to study at.

What’s your favorite Lisa Frank character? I was never aware that there were characters lol. I thought it was only her.

Which Disney character looks the most like you? Raya for sure, but before her, I felt a big connection with Moana.

Did you go to Disney World or Disneyland as a kid? No, I haven’t gotten to go yet. It would be nice if my first time could also already be a trip with my own kid in the future :)

Do you live with a demon? Talk about creepy question lol. No.

Who has the best personality on youtube? Who cares? < I mean, same. I’m sure they all put up a show to some extent - I don’ think anyone would ever know the answer to this...but personally, those whose personalities I find really endearing would beeeeee Grace Helbig, Kelsey Impicciche, Kelsey Darragh, and Andrew Ilnyckyj.

What are some of your goals for this year? Stay employed, be better at my job, collect more BTS albums.

Does it feel like spring yet? We don’t have spring, so I don’t know what that would feel like.

What do you do to celebrate Earth Day? I don’t wait until April 22 to do something for the planet.

How do you celebrate Easter? I don’t.

Have you ridden your bike yet this year? I can’t ride bikes, haaaaa.

What does your bike look like? The family bike has some blue and grey on it. Not that I ever practice riding it.

What is your favorite place that you’ve lived? I like the house that we live in now. I like that we have a rooftop and that we don’t live with extended family.

Do you shop at Aeropostale? No, and I’m not sure we have Aeropostale shops here. The only reason we ever got Aeropostale items of clothing in the past was because relatives living in the States would occasionally bring home a box of pasalubong for us here in the Philippines.

What’s the last thing you wore from Aeropostale? Idk, probably a shirt. Have you ever been to a church that just wanted your money? Aren’t all churches like that? < Can agree and can confirm. My local parish has been undergoing a ridiculously extravagant renovation for years now and the thing is that the renovation is meant to be so fucking fancy they clearly can’t afford it, so they’ve been pooling money from churchgoers for years now as well. When we could still physically attend mass I used to keep myself from laughing everytime one of the church staff would come up on the podium and ask for money again.

Who is someone you are struggling to forgive, if applicable? I don’t struggle to forgive. I just don’t forgive. If someone does me wrong I just do my best to block them out of my memories, get into the mindset that they never existed, and live peacefully from there.

Have you ever had someone try to intentionally bully you to suicide? I don’t think so, at least not intentionally. My mom always did it unintentionally though, especially in my tween and teen years. She was always very harsh with her words and actions (she still is, but we don’t butt heads as often anymore). I didn’t have a very good emotional foundation mainly thanks to her and I had to claw my own way to get to be the much more stable self I am today.

What’s your favorite type of cereal? Sweet ones.

Who are your favorite kids that you’ve babysat? I never babysat kids outside of younger relatives.

Who is your favorite cousin? My eldest cousin from my mom’s side. I’ve always viewed him more as a brother than a cousin since we did live under the same roof for nearly a decade before my family moved to our own home.

Does one side of your family live in another state? My family is spread out everywhere, dude. I have relatives living in another town, another city, another province, another region, another island, another country. Idk about cultures but that’s generally how Filipino families are to begin with.

What states did your parents grow up in? I’m not saying that.

Do you want kids? If yes, how many? It would be nice. I just don’t know if I’ll ever be able to find someone I would want to marry and have a family with. It definitely seems bleak, but then again I’m 23 lmao. I’m not in a hurry.

What’s a craft that you’ve seen online that you don’t think will work? Most of the shit that that 5 Minute Crafts channel or whatever they’re called puts out.

What, if anything, are you severely allergic to? Grass.

Have you ever had an allergic reaction to an insect? Nopes.

How do you react to bee stings? I’ve never been stung and I hope that never happens to me.

Is there a good hospital where you live? I’m not so sure; I don’t take trips to the hospital frequently.

What’s your favorite kind of tea to drink in the spring? I never drink tea. Never been my...cup of tea? Hahahaha.

What are your favorite biblical names for girls? Elizabeth and Eden.

…for boys? Luke, Noah, Jacob, Seth.

What color nail polish do you usually wear in the spring? Again, I never put on nail polish.

What’s your favorite color that you’ve dyed your hair? I haven’t tried dyeing my hair either :( It’s something I want to explore, though.

Do you ever eat ice cream in the winter? We don’t have winter but yeah, I’m not opposed to having ice cream when the climate is on the cooler side.

How often do you wash your sheets? Every month or so.

What was the name of the biggest bully in your high school? No one got away with pulling that kind of shit in my old school.

^Did everyone hate her/him? -

^Were you his/her target? -

#survey #surveys

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macmilllan · 4 years

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“ i want to stay. i want to leave. i am three oceans away from my soul. ”

cis male / he/his. ┊ if you’re looking for FINNIAN MACMILLAN, you’ll probably find HIM in the HUFFLEPUFF dorm with the rest of the SEVENTH years. they’re the TWENTY-ONE year old PUREBLOOD who looks kind of like ROME FLYNN. they seem CURIOUS, QUICK-THINKING, & JUDICIOUS to me, but apparently they’re also IMPATIENT, DISTRUSTFUL, & RECALCITRANT. maybe that’s why they remind me of waking up early, so it feels like you have the whole world to yourself; the salty breeze off the sea; making up your own rules to board games; family photos and heirlooms locked in a trunk you don’t open; the adrenaline rush of thriving at the last minute; a feeling deep down that you’d never make it on your own. ( ooc: zoe, 22, cst, she/her. )

WARNINGS: parental death, car accidents, manipulation, underage alcohol use ADDITIONAL MATERIALS: finn’s playlist, stats page, & pinterest board

the macmillans were always a large family, sprawling and warm and bright. generations ago, they found themselves written up as one of the sacred twenty-eight and were, if not quite baffled (for they were proud to make and display beautiful family trees, and thought it made sense they were one of the stronger pureblood clans around), uncomfortable with the company that put them with.

for years they’d been more than content to exist as their own enclave, almost; existing in the wixen world and attending hogwarts and welcome members of society, but always, always happy to return home to ireland away from the larger wixen communities. it was rare to see a macmillan settle down in hogsmeade or godric’s hollow; they preferred to do business with muggles in their communities when they could, only went to diagon alley when it could not be put off any longer.

it was strange; but the sort of strangeness easily written off as eccentricity, that didn’t seem to ruin their standing in good pureblood society.

perhaps that was because they weren’t reclusive — for years and years, they made friends with other families, saw their children married off with greengrasses and abbotts and longbottoms and happily attended the large society weddings. they were proud of their various children and their various accomplishments.

augustine macmillan was only one macmillan out of many. he was the eldest son of an eldest son, going back several lucky generations that made him favored.

if the macmillans were the sort of family to call a certain child the heir over all the others, it wouldn’t have been a question: augustine was the heir. the golden boy. beloved not just by his family but by everyone who had encountered him at hogwarts, where he met his wife, briar shacklebolt.

no one was really surprised when they moved back to the macmillan family home. augustine’s father had recently died. his younger brother was also recently wed, and moved to spain to live near his wife’s family. it fell on augistine to keep up the old macmillan estate on the sea. he and briar were happy to take on the responsibility; they agreed that there was no better place to start their family.

and they did — they were, like, really good at starting a family, actually. they had their eldest son, shea, shortly after settling into the macmillan home, and five years later had lark and lonen, the twins. the twins were joined by niamh three years later, finnian three years after that; when little astrid was born a year after finnian, the couple finally decided they were done. they had their perfect, large family. the macmillan-estate-on-the-sea was loud, filled with love and laughter and a perfect amount of lived-in chaos. everything was perfect.

ii.

later, all the wixen gossip and newspaper tributes would call briar and augustine’s death a senseless tragedy, an unthinkable thing. plenty of muggles die from car crashes; but purebloods, from good families, heir to their names, just — didn’t. they died from well-earned old age or an illness that had them in st. mungo’s for months leading to their demise. from spell inventions gone badly, or from being on the wrong end of a duel. those sort of deaths made sense; they were noble or expected. strangers heard news of the macmillans’ death and found it shocking enough to reveal disdain.

it wasn’t altogether strange for a pureblood family like theirs to have a car. even the ministry used the muggle vehicles, charmed to weave through traffic with an ease everyone felt wixen had earned. briar and augustine didn’t have anything flashy — just a nice family thing, affixed with an extension charm so all six of their children could ride in it comfortably, if they needed to.

technically, the extension charm was illegal; but everyone who knew about it looked the other way. after all, the youngest macmillan kids attended a muggle school at the local town, so they could have friends and socialize before moving on to an intermediate academy. people whispered about that — the illegal magicking of the muggle vehicle, the fact that their children attended a muggle school — in the wake of the couple’s death. the macmillans had spent generations currying enough favor for people to willfully forget that, despite their perfect lineage, they were a little too comfortable with muggle things.

no one brought it up, at briar and augustine’s funeral. no one wanted to punish those six kids for what they knew were the sins of their parents, and their parents alone. little shea macmillan was only eighteen, barely an adult in the wizarding world and still at hogwarts; there was no way he would have a car, and charm it, and drive it around roads where muggles go like that’s at all safe.

no, people were quick to help him, and jump to his defense and his aid. because they were quick to want him to turn out different from his parents.

iii.

finn was seven when his parents died and suddenly everyone turned to his oldest brother like he was the head of the family now, the one in charge of the gaggle of macmillan kids. shea was still going to hogwarts. even the well-meaning strangers who wanted to meddle in their lives didn’t want to steal a hogwarts education from shea. he had three years to finish out; everyone knew he’d step up as caretaker as soon as he was done, because that was the right thing to do, and everyone was sure shea would do the right things.

an older woman, somebody’s grandmother, if she wasn’t theirs, came to stay at the macmillan-estate-on-the-sea with the kids during the school year. finn and niamh and little astrid were still too young for intermediate academies; so she took it upon herself to pull them out of the local muggle school and homeschool them.

she was kind and helpful, and shea was too grateful to wonder at how determined everyone was to keep the last of the macmillans away from muggle life.

she never stuck around during holidays and summers, when shea was back from school. finn liked her plenty, but he was happy when shea finished school and strongly encouraged her to stop sticking around at all. the macmillan home never really felt like it used to; finn was seven when his parents died and that was old enough to remember what life had been like with them around.

but it was amazing to have shea back for good. finn felt like things returned to normal, a little, when he had his brother around for good. their house was filled with love and laughter and a perfect amount of lived-in chaos. no, life wasn’t all around perfect anymore. but it was good.

iv.

their parents had left more than enough gold in the family gringott’s vault that life was always comfortable for the six macmillan kids. shea could easily fall into the role of guardian for his siblings without worrying about money. by the time shea was done with school, finn still had one more year before it was time for him to start at an intermediate academy. it was a golden year, him and shea and astrid, with lark and lonen and niamh coming home for holidays, everything feeling as right as it could.

all six kids remembered all too well how often people had popped into their home, trying to load their ideals off on them. those distant cousins and family friends never seemed to be around now that shea was back for good. finn, for one, was glad. he’d been raised to be polite, and kind, and so he’d sat and nodded and listened to all those adults like he knew they wanted him to.

but you could only take so much of hearing near-strangers try to disparage your parents without explicitly speaking ill of the dead. even the not-grandmother who’d looked after him and his sisters when their brother was at school had made more than one snide remark about the troubles that came with forgetting that wixen stood apart of muggles for a reason.

finn didn’t feel all that charitable towards the attempted correction everyone seemed to think he’d needed, grief-stricken at seven. pureblood society had seen the macmillan family floundering after a tragedy and leapt on them like vultures. the intent, he was sure, was to sway the kids back towards wixen society. it probably did the opposite.

the macmillans were still an upstanding pureblood family that no one would look down their noses at; especially not knowing now that the remaining family members were all orphans, deserving of canned sympathy even years removed from their parents’ deaths. people were kind to finn, and he was kind to them in return, polite in his careful dismissals and practiced brush-offs. he had his siblings and had learned at a very young age that he just couldn’t rely on anyone else like he could rely on them.

shea was protective of his siblings, especially finn and astrid who had been so little when they were thrust into his care like he knew what to do with them. he encouraged the two of them, and niamh and lonen and lark, to keep their distance from anyone who seemed too intent on getting them to believe a certain thing or act a certain way.

people had ulterior motives, and they were ruthless in getting children to believe those motives were right and just. the macmillan family had always been self-sufficient, and they were all determined to keep it that way, now that they didn’t need to rely on anyone for anything.

everyone had their job within the macmillan home — the thing they did for their siblings that kept things running smoothly, everyone useful, everyone loved.

finn had learned to cook at the elbow of lark and their brief not-grandmother; when he was home from school, first his intermediate academy and later hogwarts, his first stop was the kitchen. it was a huge, spacious room in the macmillan-estate-on-the-sea, the place where so many of his well-worn memories of briar lived. he felt most connected to his mother there and insisted, along with lark, to be in charge of meals. he and his older sister were a well-oiled machine.

it was no surpise to any of them when he followed her lead and was sorted into huffelpuff.

she owled him all the best spots in their common room and the best snacks to request from the kitchens, and her twin lonen wrote to him with old pranks he’d pulled as a gryffindor, in case finn felt like keeping up family tradition. niamh was at hogwarts with him, and rolled her eyes at how much everyone seemed to coddle little finn — but she had a mean right hook and promised her fellow slytherins would have finn’s back if anyone tried anything with her baby brother.

shea owled him, too. but just to say he was proud of finn. finn glowed with love at that one and decided he’d keep all three letters for the rest of his life. maybe it was a silly, sentimental sort of choice to make, when he was fourteen now and supposed to be a grown-up hogwarts student, but finn stood by it.

he’d had an early growth spurt and carried himself with the sort of well-worn confidence that made other people decide he was cool. he had a tendency to play his cards close to his chest and slap on the same practiced niceness with everyone — if other people thought that lent him a sense of mystery, that it made him cool, that was fine. it just meant everyone would leave him alone, for the most part. that was how finn liked things.

there was this potential in him to be soft — he was the youngest boy in the family, and for a while there, when he and astrid were the only ones not in any kind of school, everyone looked after them as the babies of the family. he used to need an army of stuffed animals on the bed at night to keep him safe, used to cry any time he smelled something like his father’s old cologne. it wasn’t just that there was a potential in him to be soft; he was soft, deep down, and always had been.

but that didn’t really serve him well, did it? all those well-intentioned strangers had swooped in on him and his family in their greatest moment of weakness. finn was a good guy, a sweet boy. that’s what adults always used to call him, when they were trying to weave their way into the macmillans’ lives.

but he could wrap all that goodness and sweetness in steel and wield it like a weapon if need be. it was safer for him and his family, that way.

vi.

finn loved himself a task. he wasn’t a believer that idle hands were the devil’s plaything or anything so brimstone-y as that, but he just didn’t like to sit doing nothing. some part of him always had to be moving, lest his mind take over and decide to race in the stillness. one summer, he and lark worked their way through julia child’s mastering the art of french cooking. it felt like a kind of fuck you to all the wholesome, magical, english cookbooks people had left them as gifts when they’d seen how many muggle ones were in the macmillan kitchen.

they owled their uncle, still living in france with his wife and kids, progress reports on each recipe. when he came to visit during christmastime, finn and lark cooked his family increasingly elaborate french meals until his wife laughed at them and snorted wine out of her nose. they just ordered a pizza from the muggle place in town, after that.

one summer, finn taught himself to play guitar. he was awful at it for a while, and niamh, whose room was next to his, cast a silencing charm on it until he promised to keep an eye on the clock when he was practicing so he didn’t keep her up until three in the morning. he got better, like, eventually. his siblings had never been under the illusion his peers were under, that finn was cool.

mostly they made fun of him for picking the guitar when the family had a perfectly nice piano in the living room he could have used, instead of the guitar he bought second-hand from a shop in the town next to the macmillan-estate-on-the-sea.

the six of them had elaborate board game tournaments, and games that weren’t quite board games with rules they made up themselves. exploding snap was an event at home, everyone tipsy on mulled wine and cider, well-fed on whatever finn and lark had made for dinner that night. they organized three-on-three quidditch games on the beach and yelled at anyone who let the quaffle fall into the water.

vii.

it was different, in school. finn was less himself at hogwarts than he was at home, where he could laugh with his siblings as they laughed at him and feel like not even his missteps would be looked down on. despite his years at school fully immersed in the magical world, finn still felt wary around people who weren’t directly related to him. it even took him a while to warm up to his uncle and his wife and kids, once they finally started coming around again.

finn couldn’t help but feel like he couldn’t fail in front of anyone he didn’t already trust with his life — and the list of people he trusted with his life was a very short one.

his peers weren’t as bad as adults were ( there was not a single professor finn had ever trusted. the ones who were nice and likable were worse than the ones who everyone else disliked ) but there was something about being simultaneously abandoned and conditioned by strangers when he was a kid that made him not want to let his guard down around anybody. it felt like both a personal failing and an act of survival.

making friends for him was both very easy and almost impossible.

people tended to like him. finn wasn’t sure what it was — maybe he just had a face, or his habit of being unfailingly nice to everyone paid off in unexpected ways, but there had never been a shortage of people willing to walk with him to class or sit with him at breakfast. he could talk to them, and joke with them, and even fall into something that looked enough like a friendship that he was never really alone.

but finn wouldn’t have cared if he was alone all the time, which — he was reasonably sure was not most people’s reactions to having friends. it was fine; he was fine. at the very least, it made it easy for him to satisfy that itch under his skin that said he had to keep moving at all times. people with friends never sat alone at quidditch games, and they always knew when there was something fun going on. there was always someone willing to play wizard’s chess with him, or go to the library to work on notes.

finn was technically thriving at hogwarts. his grades reflected as much, and he knew he’d have no trouble making it in the world outside of the castle. but he never really felt like he was thriving, and was mostly just happy thinking there was a world outside the castle.

viii.

shea and lark ganged up on him, sometimes. both of them thought he was doing himself a disservice by phoning so much of his life in. it was true that all of the macmillan kids had been messed up, in some way, by their parents deaths and the three years immediately following them. finn just carried it differently than any of them; and despite it all, he was still one of the babies of the family, coddled and looked after. finn preferred to be the one looking after things. it made him uncomfortable to be seen.

for them, only for them, finn promised he’d try to live more in his life; to not be so distant and practiced and kindly removed. it didn’t feel right on him, like a borrowed coat. he wasn’t sure anyone else would’ve noticed he difference. he’d gone through the motions of being involved, of being a friend, for years now — and he’d been good enough at going through the motions that trying for real felt more like faking it.

honestly, just this once, he wasn’t pleased his siblings were looking out for him. he’d coasted through most of his hogwarts career and then spent his last three years floundering, trying to act like a real person and then remembering it wasn’t supposed to be an act at all.

the world was changing, malleable and more malicious than ever, right outside the warm glow of his family home. during christmas break, the ministry made changes to the auror’s office that made all the macmillan kids look at each other with worried eyes. there were several warring forces shifting under the surface of things. their home was a safe enclave, and everyone felt he and astrid were protected enough within hogwarts’ walls.

but there was no denying that things weren’t going to sit peacefully for much longer, if there’d ever been any real peace. finn was just enough of a pessimist to think it was only a matter of time before the world boiled over, like a pot unwatched. it sure as hell felt like he had picked a poor time to try and give himself into feeling things for real.

#fallacyintro #this is like. way too long.#god i suck

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queenzufufu · 6 years

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Youngsters (14/?)

Summary: For the kids at The Rooster Teeth care home, life hasn’t always been easy. They’ve come from broken homes, broken families. They’ve escaped with broken bones and broken spirits. But at least now they have a second chance to be happy with a real family.

Well… that’s easier said than done when your family includes a hyperactive midget, an overeager wrestling fanatic and a boy who just can’t go a day without punching something… or someone.

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“Truly a modern miracle.” - Barbara

“Go! Go! Go!”

Geoff pushed his legs harder, feeling the burn in his calves and the unpleasant taste of saliva forming in the back of his mouth.

“Come on!”

His heart pounded. And his lungs were ready to burst. But he was close. He was oh so close. Just a little bit further, a little bit more. He was almost there…

Faster, faster, faster -

“Wooo!”

God damn it.

Instead of coming to a graceful stop, Geoff continued sprinting. He’d built up too much momentum - his legs carried on moving, even though it was all over. A tree became his crash pad, as he hurtled towards it, thrusting out an arm around the rough, gnarled bark.

Now eventually still, his feet wasted no time sinking heavily into the fresh snow, disappearing until it was up to his shins. It was still freezing outside but he might as well have been in the Mediterranean at that moment, the way his shirt was sticking to him with sweat. Who’d have thought? Running in the snow was fucking hard.

“Aww, Geoff, you got beaten by Bruce,” came a mocking little voice.

Geoff aimed his best glare at the taunting ten-year-old. It had no effect. Adam was too busy dancing around Bruce - him and Elyse, looking like two little gnomes, their cheeks rosy, heads covered in brightly colored bobble hats.

The eldest took a moment to regain his breath, inhaling and exhaling deeply, before straightening up and pretending to be unbothered by the results of their little impromptu race.

“Yeah, well he looks like a stick, and his hair is neater, more aerodynamic,” he grumbled, crossing his arms and attempting to lean back in a nonchalant manner against the tree.

Unfortunately, he missed.

Shit! He quickly scrambled at the tree trunk to prevent himself from falling butt-first into the snow drift. Luckily for him, the other three were still enraptured with Bruce’s celebrations to notice his pitiful attempts to regain his balance.

“Bruce isn’t like a stick,” Adam was still cheering, tugging on the skinny teen’s arm. “Bruce has got muscles!”

“Yeah, yeah, show off your muscles, Bruce!” Elyse chorused, trying to jump along with Adam onto Bruce’s back.

Bruce was taking the playfulness with a good nature, as he always did, but Geoff didn’t miss the slight wince that crossed the younger teen’s face every time one of the little ones attempted to climb him. And Bruce being Bruce wasn’t likely to say anything anytime soon, so pushing his grumblings about losing aside, Geoff stepped back into big brother mode.

“Alright, alright leave him be,” he said, marching over through the snow. “You two aren’t that little, y’know.” He grabbed them by the back of their necks and pulled them towards him, allowing Bruce room to breathe.

Elyse and Adam were both extra hyper that day, the results of being cooped up inside for so long, and Geoff could only be grateful James wasn’t with them as well because those three together… he shuddered at the thought. Those three were like the three musketeers recently, a dangerous concoction of creativeness and mischievousness. Geoff was also pretty sure James had been teaching the younger two the delicate art of the “puppy face”, which only made them that more deadly.

Fortunately, he could just about trust himself to keep control of Elyse and Adam. Just. And that was why he’d offered to watch over them while Burnie did more important adult stuff in the city. The two both had contact with their families that day - the first in a while due to the Christmas celebrations.

Normally, Geoff would have believed Burnie totally comfortable with taking the two with him but, well, let’s say recent events were starting to drain the man. Geoff didn’t blame him one bit. A job like his… shit, he couldn’t imagine anything more stressful. He might have no idea what he wanted to do with his life yet, but one thing he knew for sure. There is no chance in hell I am ever going to work with kids. I’m already a big brother for ten, I don’t need any more, thank you very much.

So anyway, Geoff and Bruce were going into to town - or rather, Geoff was going and was dragging Bruce with him - and he’d offered to watch over the youngsters while Burnie did his thing. They were good as gold, really. Better than Geoff had been at their age.

He’d released his grip on them but they’d done as they’d been told and refrained from jumping on Bruce, resorting to jumping up and down beside him. “Geoff’s just jealous cause he’s not stronger than all of us,” Adam was continuing to taunt, his eyes wide and bright as he looked up at Geoff, expectant.

Oh, well that was a challenge if he’s ever heard one.

“Oh really? I’m not as strong as you?” Geoff grinned menacingly, crunching slowly forward through the snow.

Adam watched him get closer, excitement spread across his face. He shook his head with a big smile. “No.”

That was it. With a battle cry, Geoff launched forward, grabbing the ten-year-old and hoisting him into his arms, making sure he had his legs and arms tightly secured.

“You’re right, this is really hard. I’m going to have to put you down soon, I’m sooo weak,” he acted out a stagger, jostling the boy in his arms. “Oh no! A strong gust of wind is blowing me over to the lake!”

Adam wriggled in his hold, one escaping arm reaching out to Elyse and Bruce. “Save me!” he cried out through his laughter. Elyse scampered after them and grabbed onto him, trying to pull Adam back. Bruce just followed behind, a small knowing smirk on his face.

For his part, Geoff carried on with his Oscar-worthy performance, standing by the edge of the water and swaying some more for effect. “Oh no, my poor, little, weak baby arms can’t hold you much longer.”

Even if he was serious and did drop the kid, the most harm it would do was make him wet and grumpy. The lake had frozen over solid a few weeks ago but it was mostly thawed out by now, only a thin layer at the very edge. A host of ducks had settled in the center, and Geoff hoped he wouldn’t have a repeat of two years ago. Those stupid little motherfuckers, gone and sat too long on the ice, hadn’t they? Sat so long that they’d frozen themselves stuck. And so, of course, he’d had no choice but to go out and rescue them. That mission had taken a whole day and he’d been paying back Jack for two weeks after dragging the boy into helping him.

There was no way he could have left them though. Not the ducks.

Ducks and chickens. As sad as it may sound, there was a time when ducks and chickens had pretty much been his only friends.

Growing up in rural Alabama, getting “homeschooled” by their creepy neighbor, having no kids his own age around, he hadn’t exactly been spoilt for choice.

Burnie had picked up on it quickly, because of course he had - noticing that a reliable way to get a young Geoff out of one of his funks was to take him down to the closest park to go and feed the ducks. It’d been Geoff, Burnie, and then a load of parents with their toddler aged children. Geoff hadn’t cared - he just remembered being in awe of the fact that, for the first time in his life, there was someone who wanted to do something for him.

Anyway, presently Adam seemed pretty certain that ducks or no ducks, he did not want to be dunked in icy cold water.

“No, Geoff! No, no!” the boy continued to beg, although he was running out of breath from already laughing and shouting so much.

Geoff still didn’t have what he wanted, though. Kid’s gonna have to learn somehow.

“I’m sorry, Adam. I just can’t carry on,” he wailed, like it was his last dying breath, beginning to buckle his knees.

“Yes you can, Geoff! You’re strong! You’re really strong!”

Geoff bit back grin. Now I’ve got him where I want him.

He continued to lower the boy closer to the ice, maintaining his pained expression. “I don’t think I am…” he said, voice hoarse.

“You are! You are!” Adam was now positively clinging onto him, laughing in his face.

“Yeah, you are, Geoff!” Elyse joined in, still desperately trying to bring her friend back to safety. “You’re the strongest person ever in the whole of the universe,”

“Ever? So that includes Brucie?”

Adam nodded furiously. “Yeah! You’re way stronger than him. Than everyone in the whole universe!”

“Well then…”

With one swift motion, he easily swung the ten-year-old around, back onto firm ground, a not unjustified feeling of pride in his chest. The two immediately screamed and ran off together in case they were attacked again, but Geoff had already done his fair share of physical exertion that day and let them be.

When he glanced back, Bruce was stood with his arms folded across his chest. His eyes rolled as Geoff met his gaze but the smirk was still there, obviously both uncaring and unsurprised at Geoff’s little routine to make sure he was still top dog.

Geoff smirked back, corner of his mouth tilting up cockily, an expression that read “well, what did you expect?”.

The moment was cut short by Elyse and Adam running up to him again, latching onto an arm each.

“Geoff! Geoff! Can we go on those hamster ball thingies, please?” They were eagerly pointing at what had caught their eye, a way down near the closed park cafe.

Although the majority of the lake was still covered in ice, the guys who ran the floating orb activity thing had managed to smash a small area near their little pier, obviously hoping to cash in early with all the other main attractions still closed.

Geoff had been on one of those when he was younger. Had seen Michael throw up in one too, a scene that made it into his top three of most disgusting things he’d ever seen in his life.

He smiled apologetically at them. “Nah, it’s too expensive, guys. And anyway, you’ll be having fun with your brothers and sisters later.”

That elicited two very different reactions. Elyse let out a small sigh but she smiled ruefully, content with Geoff’s judgment. Adam, however, did not.

“No, I won’t,” he muttered, mood flipping in an instant, so quick he reminded Geoff for a second of James.

“No?” Geoff peered down at the boy, who stood defiantly, head lowered and brown fringe peeking out of his hat and flopping over his eyes. “Why won’t you, Adam?”

The boy fidgeted with the sleeves of his jacket for a moment, mouth pursed tight while he struggled with his thoughts.

“Cause it’s not the same,” he admitted. “He don’t feel like my brother as much anymore. Don’t think he’d even mind if he missed out on seeing me. He’s more happy being with his new family than being with me - and he don’t even really like seeing mom anymore.”

Ah, it was what he suspected. Only the other day he’d been talking to Trevor about how Adam had been mentioning more and more recently that he wished he could live closer to his little brother.

It was something Geoff could understand, but not quite relate to. Sure, he’d been through bad shit back in his day; knew what it was like to be hurt and uncared for, still carried the damned scars to prove it. And yet… and yet, he’d never known what it was like to fear for others. Never had to think about protecting others before protecting himself. Every choice he’d made back then, they had all been made for him. Geoff, himself, he had been his number one priority - no fucks given to anyone or their mother.

How much pressure, he wondered, had it been on the young boy? Deciding to put his mother and brother first when he was still so young. It had certainly affected him in a way that made him, at times, a very serious boy - warm and giving to his friends, but extremely cautious around new people.

Learned how two-faced people could be when he was young. Too young.

“He’ll remember what you did for him,” he assured Adam as best he could. “How you protected him, looked after him. Maybe he doesn’t quite know how to express that gratitude right now, but when - as he gets older, he’ll let you know just how awesome his big brother is. Nothing’s gonna change that, Adam, you’ll always be his big brother.”

Adam shrank in on himself then, all the pent-up frustration leaving him in one wistful sigh. “I wish he lived with us,” he whispered, the pure longing in his voice upsetting to hear.

“And I bet he’d love it if you lived with him,” Geoff said, reaching out a gentle hand to fix the bobble hat that had slipped down on one side. “But you’re with each other in the only way you can be, right now.”

The brown eyes shut for a moment, and a tiny frown appeared on Adam’s forehead. “Am I complaining too much?” he asked.

Geoff’s lips twitched. Another thing with Adam was that he worried more than most about how he came across to others. On one hand, the kid always spoke his mind and did what he thought was right, on the other, he second-guessed himself often, always hyper-aware of his actions and what people might think of them. Both he and Jack had problems with that.

“No. No, you’re not,” he assured Adam again. “Don’t you ever think of it like that.”

Adam’s eyes gazed up at him - old eyes - Geoff had seen many a pair of eyes like those in his day.

“Anyway, Adam, you said you’d see if you can introduce me to your brother, so you have to go so we can team up against you and annoy you.”

Geoff turned to grin at Elyse. She really was a little ray of sunshine - always so positive and friendly to the other kids. At that moment she had come up to Adam, wrapping her smaller arms around his shoulders.

Adam twisted his head until he could see her and slowly smiled back, small but genuine.

“Seems like you’ve got no choice,” Geoff said to him.

The matter seemed settled for the time being. Adam seemed to be less stressed now anyway. It wasn’t the first time he’d had anxiety before going to contact and it probably wouldn’t be the last.

Geoff looked at him, at the two of them, him and Elyse. There was a funny, fizzing eagerness he felt in the pit of his stomach, and he knew he just couldn’t help himself.

“You get five minutes. I’m not paying for more.”

At first, the two were at a loss as he grabbed the notes out of his pocket and held them out to them. Then, in unison, their eyes wandered back to the floating orbs, to each other, and before Geoff knew it, they were squealing in excitement, snatching the money from his hands with cries of thanks and charging as fast as possible to their treat.

Geoff watched them run off, feeling both pleased, amused, and slightly annoyed at himself. Sensing Bruce’s judging look on his back didn’t do anything to help the matter. “Don’t tell me I spoil them too much,” he said, turning around.

Bruce just gave a shrug and a funny little smile. “I didn’t say –”

“Adults say that you shouldn’t give in to kids, bribe them, whatever. What do they know? How much happiness would they have experienced before living with us, huh? I just want them to feel happy as much as they can.”

Geoff was unsure why he’d burst out with that, but Bruce took it with a grain of salt. “You’re a big softie.”

“I am that too,” Geoff said, and shrugged, one side of his mouth pulling up into a crooked grin. “I’m not gonna argue with you on that one.”

Bruce nodded smiling, but other than that didn’t add any more to the conversation. He’d been quiet that day, but that wasn’t all that unusual. Boy reminded Geoff of himself in that way, could either swing one way or the other. A complete extrovert or introvert depending on the time. Jack was usually the one to bring the loudest side of him out, although anyone who played or sang the right song could get the teen hyped up.

Geoff had fond memories, of the two of them being around Elyse and Adam’s age, dancing around the kitchen - the room a good deal smaller back then - on the tables and chairs, listening to the radio until Gus eventually told them to calm down before they hurt themselves.

Why don’t we do that now? Why must adults, and teens, be expected to be so… so un-childish all the time? Where was the harm in simply playing?

“Talking about big softies, they didn’t hurt you did they?” he checked, remembering the look he’d seen on Bruce’s face earlier. “When they were climbing all over you.”

Bruce shook his head. “No, they weigh like half a pound each.”

Geoff chuckled. T’was true. All the little ones were kind of skinny motherfuckers, it almost seemed impossible when he thought about it, seeing as they consumed all the food that was bought for them at an alarming rate. They were growing kids, he supposed. But there was also a lot of catching up to be done. Some of the kids might be considered “tall” amongst the other kids in the home, but compared to other kids their age, they were usually on the smaller side of the spectrum. Years of neglect had left them a few steps behind in life, and not all of it was neglect.

Jeremy and Elyse, for example, they’d technically been fed enough, just not the right stuff. From what they’d gathered, Jeremy’s diet had consisted mainly of cheese and crackers or McDonald’s as a treat. While Elyse had been raised on some sort of “edenic diet”, he thought it was called. Super healthy and good for the planet and all that, but not the best for little kids unless you did your research and did it right.

So, as Ryan so often called it in his very politically correct manner, they were living in Midget Mansion.

“Just thought you looked in pain at one moment…” Bruce just brushed his concern away with a shrug. He didn’t seem bothered - probably just Geoff being over paranoid again. With so much going on at the moment, he was more concerned than ever with the happiness of his younger siblings.

He started walking in the direction of Elyse and Adam, hearing from the crunching footsteps that Bruce was following. “Heard you’ve been making waves on the airwaves, well, near them anyway. How long will it be before I hear you on there?” he asked.

At that, Bruce smiled, scratching the back of his head bashfully. “I dunno… maybe not until next year.”

They chatted about school for a bit, seeing as it was something they were going to have to return to very soon. At one point Bruce brought up how the president of the club had taken a shining to him, asking Bruce to stay late or come in during lunch to help him with prepping the shows. Geoff’s face lit up at the name when he heard it - a good friend of his, they no longer saw each other as much as they liked, but still, she was a solid girl.

“Teri,” Geoff mused fondly. “That girl’s freaking funny,” he said, recalling a time the girl had put up their whole class up for sale on Craigslist, including the teacher.

realized he was actually laughing out loud as he caught Bruce’s eye again, the younger giving him a strange look. “Mmm,” Bruce hummed, letting Geoff’s strange giggle fit slide. “She’s been more than good to me.”

Geoff’s laughter cut out. There was something in that sentence sounded odd. Something that Geoff couldn’t work out as he studied the boy. They’d stopped walking now - waiting by the lake’s edge for the entertainment to commence. Bruce’s gaze had dropped from his to the snowy ground, one booted foot skimming lightly across the surface in front of him, sending up tiny flurries of settled snowflakes.

Geoff felt his big brother spidey-senses tingling, and in fact, he sensed his earlier intuition had been right. There was something up. But he had no clue if it was something good or bad or just plain embarrassing… the closer his little brothers got to adulthood the harder he found it to judge. All the childlike telltales blurred by the adolescent maturity.

“Bruce is there –”

“What are you getting Jack for his birthday?”

Geoff blinked. The interruption had been so sudden he wasn’t sure if Bruce even realized he’d interrupted.

What perfect timing…

However, it wasn’t exactly strange, mentioning Jack’s birthday. Shit, that was coming up soon, wasn’t it? Too many damn kids, Geoff once again grumbled to himself. At this rate, I’ll be broke before I even start college!

They switched the conversation for a while, until Adam was shouting at them to watch and two giant hamsters were being pushed out onto the lake.

The two were absolutely ecstatic, and Geoff had to admit, it was rather amusing to watch. He made sure to film it all on his phone - all the laughter, every time one of them fell with a bouncy thud, or when one of them got caught in a running cycle, little legs racing on the spot before they face-planted forward - the carers would want to see this when they got back. And he wanted to keep the memory for himself.

By the time they’d finished, they were both red-faced and out of breath.

“That was awesome!” Adam bellowed, returning to them with glee.

“You should have a go!” Elyse insisted.

Honestly he’d considered it, but both rules and practicality stood in his way. “I don’t think I’d fit,” he told them. “Anyway, we need to get going, we’re meeting Burnie in ten minutes, you don’t wanna anger papa bear, do you?”

He’d talk find time to investigate Bruce later. Right now, his main challenge was going to be getting the two back to Burnie on time - although, let’s face it, they were definitely going to be late, and then he was going to have to try and explain exactly why they were late.

Either way, Geoff thought, I’m always the one who ends up in the shit. It’s my fucking luck for being the big brother.

––––

Barbara never considered herself someone particularly intuitive. People always said, go with your intuition, you know what’s best deep down. But honestly, she couldn’t recall a single time when she’d made a decision based on her intuition purely. Everything in her life had happened for a reason, and that reason was because she made it happen. There was no invisible thread leading her along, or some unseeing hand guiding her way.

She’d gone to college because, one, her dad would have killed her if she didn’t, two, because that’s where all her friends were going, and three, because she wanted the education. More education meant more opportunities. And for someone who didn’t have a fucking clue what they wanted to do with their life, she figured she could do with all the open doors possible.

She’d majored in creative writing but minored in media. When that was all over with she’d taken a job as an intern, managing social media for a local business. She’d been offered a job with the same company once her initial contract had ended, and she had accepted it.

She’d found herself working at Rooster Teeth because she needed a change. Don’t get her wrong, she’d loved the media side of things. It was always a fun, creative process. But one day she just stopped what she was doing, stopped and stared around her, really taking everything in.

And she envisioned herself staying there, in that same room, doing the same job until she could retire and collect her social security. And she’d asked herself a question.

Is this where she wanted to grow old?

She’d handed in her notice a week later.

Turns out she’d made a good impression during her time there.

Turns out her boss knew a guy.

Turns out that guy had been Matt, the son of a guy who’d built up a company specializing in child services. Turns out Matt had gotten a job at one of their newest care homes for some friend of his when they were basically kids themselves. Turns out that friend was Burnie. And it turns out that he’s looking for some fresh talent.

Looking back, Barbara often wonders how crazy she was at the time making the split-second decision she did.

The pay she’d been on was great, and choosing to head down a completely different career path meant starting from scratch, going through a whole new course of learning. And God, that training had been grueling, working in detention centers, seeing kids so young acting like they had nothing left to live for… She respected the hell out of anyone who tried to make a difference there, but that wasn’t for her, and she was glad she got out of there when she was done.

When she’d eventually started working full time at Rooster Teeth, it felt like every step she’d made in life had all been leading up to there, and it was only now that she’d reached that destination, that she could look back and pinpoint exactly which choices she’d made had lead her to where she was.

Her choices. Her decisions.

Not intuition… just a well-judged gamble.

Going out those doors then… why had she done that?

It was raining, hard. It was getting dark, quickly. She was intending to go and put some of the kids' clothes in to wash. There had been absolutely no reason for her to go outside.

But she had, because…

“Treyc’s? What you still doing here?” she asked, spotting the man sitting under the wooden decking, on top of some breeze blocks that had been left there since the last building work. He was supposed to have gone home an hour or so ago. Had a trip planned from forever ago with some of his old buddies.

What the hell?

It was unnerving, seeing her friend and colleague sat there, barely illuminated by the outside light, barely visible through the gaps in the planks. Barbara kept her voice calm as she quickly walked down the steps to crouch down and get a better look. “It’s your night off, isn’t it? Thought you needed to pack everything.”

As if he’d only just heard her, the man jumped. “Hey! Scared me there, yeah - I mean it is…” he trailed off - and he looked around, like a man waking from sleep, and laughed lightly as if he was only now realizing the ridiculousness of his situation. “Shit,” he said with a chuckle. “I’m sorry.”

Then the smile on his face disintegrated, and all of a sudden it looked like he was trying his best not to cry.

“Hey,” Barbara crawled over, sitting down beside her friend. Her protectiveness was warming, and she couldn’t help the way her own eyes stung, seeing Trevor so distressed. “What’s the matter? Who do I need to knock out?”

Trevor glanced up at her, and managed a little smile.

“I uh… I just feel like I shouldn’t be taking time off at a time like this. With all the stress you guys are under and the recent stuff with the kids. Just seems wrong that I’ll be going off to have fun without any of you.”

“We all need time off now and then. And you’ve, what? Had this trip planned for how long? Six months? When was the last time you had a break? And don’t say you have weekends off, I know you’re here just as much, you just don’t sleep here.” She reached out, a hand on his shoulder. “You need to make sure you leave time for yourself too.”

“I know, I know. It’s just… I…”

“The incident with Michael and Lawrence hit you hard.” As the words left her mouth she saw his face crumble, barely holding back the tears now. “Oh, Trevor, c’mere,” she said, pulling him into a wet and soggy hug, feeling him shake underneath her.

With the way Trevor spoke and acted, Barbara often found herself forgetting just how young he was. He’d worked there longer than any other of the junior carers, but out the permanent staff, he was the youngest.

He looked young now, like one of the kids; his hair flat against his forehead, raindrops dripping off his eyelashes and down his face, looking up at Barbara with those soulful brown eyes of his.

He sniffed loudly, turning away. “I’m sorry. It’s stupid.”

“Naw, you’re just making me feel bad that I don’t have as big a heart as you,” Barbara teased gently. “But seriously, Treyco, you’re the best of us, you know that. You’re unbelievable with the way you connect with the kids and the staff and any lovable idiot interns we get in.”

“I’m no Burnie.”

“And he’s no you,” she said, unsure what that had to do with anything. “Burnie might be one of the best, but you are… you’re one of a kind.”

Trevor flushed at her praise, and even more so when he met her gaze and realized she wasn’t joking. Still, he played it off as best he could.

“One of a kind?” he echoed. “No, no… I’m not one of a kind. One who’s been through it maybe, one who can - on occasion - look them in the eye and tell them, honestly, that I know what they’re going through, one who they might find it slightly easier to trust at the start when adults represent everything bad in their lives.”

He paused, expression vacant for a moment, as if reliving another time and place.

“I’m nothing special,” he said, a hollow sound. “And moments like the other day highlight how this fucking job can get to you and reminds me that, out of everyone here, it always seems like I’m the one who handles it the worst.”

“You don’t…”

“Course I do,” he said, firm but not angry. Merely acceptance. “I’m the one who’s sat under the terrace in the pouring rain.”

Barbara took a deep breath in, nose flaring as her grip on Trevor’s shoulder tightened.

“Stop it, you fucking idiot,” she said flatly, and Trevor’s eyebrows shot up. “Stop beating yourself up over it. Maybe we fucked up somewhere down the road, maybe we could’ve seen it coming, maybe this was bound to happen at some point, maybe we’ve bitten off more than we can chew.”

“But –”

“But we as a team, as a family, what is it that you’re always telling us to do?” she continued. “To deal with the shit as it comes. And you take shit better than anyone I’ve ever seen.”

As she finished, Trevor, head half-bowed, rain still cascading down his hair, could only turn and stare at her. There was a very awkward pause before he nodded.

“Trevor Collins: Master Shit Taker…” he said, rather uncertainly, before smiling. “Doesn’t have as great a ring to it as I hoped.”

Barbara had to hold back a snort; at least his sense of humor was still intact. “There’s the smile I love.”

Trevor snorted at that.

“You’re right. I know you’re right. You just gotta keep on keeping on. If there was anything my experience taught me as a kid, it was that,” he said, and Barbara’s eyes softened again.

“And don’t dwell on all the bad stuff,” she insisted. “There’s always a silver lining. It can be so easy to get caught up in the stuff that’s gone wrong, but there’s so much good that I see here, every day. So much good. So much life.”

“I did finally get Jeremy to stop swallowing his toothpaste.”

“See? There you go!” she exclaimed. “Truly a modern miracle. You’re doing the Lord’s work.”

Trevor chuckled again, although his smile still didn’t quite reach his eyes, didn’t quite drive away the shadows still lurking there.

Barbara frowned, and the asked: “How many years have you worked here now, Trevor?”

“Uh… seven,” he replied, taken off guard by the question. “Yeah, just over seven years. Fuck.”

“And in those seven years how many times have you been the voice of reason to all the guys?”

“You tell me,” Trevor replied, and Barbara flung an arm over his shoulder.

“Every day,” she said. “Every day I’m reminded why I chose this job rather than following my dad into programming or my mom into nursing. Every day I’m reminded why I pushed through those grueling work experience days at the detention center. Every day I think I learn more and more about how to be a good carer for these kids. And every day there you are, with some comment or insight that changes my perspective all over again. And it’s frustrating, that you’re that good and you don’t even know it.”

Trevor was staring at her, and Barbara released his shoulders to squeeze his hand.

“Me, Peake, Matt, Gus too,” she added, softer now. “We can hopefully be good enough to keep the engine in this place running. Help keep things running smoothly. But you and Burnie? You guys can actually make a difference. You’re the real game changers. Maybe start taking a little credit for yourself. What d’you think?”

“I think…” Trevor whispered, before letting out a shaky breath, smiling at her with an emotion that wasn’t quite sadness, wasn’t quite happiness. “I think you’ve built me up to be someone I’m not.”

“Yeah, keep telling yourself that.”

“I’m serious, Barbara.”

“You think?” she asked.

Trevor just stared back, still looking mostly perplexed, tilting his head to the side like the kids often did when they were confused. Barbara could only smile back at him, and slung an arm over his shoulders, tugging him close. Trevor didn’t pull away, happy enough to hug her back. The tip of his nose was cold where it brushed against Barbara’s cheek, but a warm fondness swelled up in her chest as she ruffled the man’s hair before giving him a light shove. “C’mon, get your ass out of here before you make yourself sick.”

She’d had enough of being soaked for one night, and crouch-walked out of the space, watching to make sure Trevor followed. Once they were back inside, she grabbed a towel from the kitchen, flinging it over the other’s head.

“You’re soaked,” she said, and Trevor pulled a face as he removed the towel from his face.

“You’re soaked too,” he muttered.

For once, she didn’t rise to the bait, instead murmuring: “Take care of yourself, Treyc’s.

Trevor nodded, shyly turning away and drying himself off.

There was a more comfortable silence as they made themselves look something half human rather than two drowned rats, and when that was done, Barbara wasted no time in making sure Trevor had his priorities sorted, ordering him to make a run for his car.

“And I don’t want to see or hear from you until you get back. For a few days, I want to forget you even exist.”

The man allowed her to push him along, albeit extremely amused. “Bit harsh –”

“Nope, no, starting from now - I’ve decided you no longer exist,” she said pushing him towards the door and opening it for him. “Go on. Out, out,” she flapped her hands at him. He glanced back at her, possibly about to argue, but then she saw him give in, a grin flashing across his face as she practically bundled him outside.

She shut the door straight after him, although she cracked it slightly open again after. Just to make sure he was being a good boy and doing as he was told.

Sure enough, after a minute or so, the small car was driving off, taillights disappearing around the corner.

She sighed, happy with the way things had ended up.

She loved Trevor - loved everybody she worked with - but that guy… there was always that little special something about him. And God, she hated the times she saw him get like that, though rare.

And she’d meant every single word of what she’d said to him.

And she knew that Trevor could spend days wondering what had gone wrong and what he had done wrong, and that was okay, he needed his time to process things.

And she also knew that she wasn’t like that, and maybe that was a fault of hers, but honestly, things seemed to have worked out for her so far. Because you could wonder what you did wrong all you liked, the fact was nothing was going to change unless you moved on, learning from that experience and carrying on with life.

Call it fate, intuition, God’s will, whatever. The fact was it was up to you what you made of your time on this Earth. Or at least she was in a lucky enough position where she did have that freedom. With that said, she was more than happy to not ask too many questions about what’s, why’s and how’s.

What that made her, Barbara had no answer, but it didn’t concern her. Sometimes the greatest and most important things in life weren’t there to be simply broken down into understandable segments and answers.

Sometimes life was just crazy and wonderful and scary and weird, and if you spent too much time worrying about everything trying to figure it all out for yourself you’d never be able to simply be and let it be.

Life was life. Sometimes it sucked. Sometimes it didn’t. Even a kid could understand that.

Speaking of kids…

Stopped Jeremy from swallowing his toothpaste, huh? Well I never… Maybe he’ll even go to bed on time tonight…

She shook her head, ridding the ridiculous thought. No. Now that was a known fact, some things in life were just never meant to be.

#my fic #ah fic #funhaus fic #rt fic

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