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knifeshoeoreofight · 5 years

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A03

(Here we are at the end!)

The holidays are very different for Sid, this year. This year he has Sofia running around the house in excitement and Zhenya beside him on the couch, an arm wrapped Sid’s shoulders, keeping him warm and grounded.

Sid’s mom comes into the kitchen to find him as he’s loading the dishwasher on Christmas Eve. She gives him a long hug, and when she pulls back she cups his face in her hands.

“You look happy,” she says, taking him in. “I’m so glad, Sid.”

“It hasn’t been long enough for me to feel this way, I keep thinking,” he admits to her.

“Well,” she says, as she adjusts Sid’s shirt collar. “I think there’s something to the expression, when you know, you know. Don’t be afraid of something good because it doesn’t look exactly like what society thinks a relationship trajectory should look like. Because to me? You look happy. You sound happy. And he seems like a wonderful man. That tells me this is a good, good thing.”

Sid gratefully kisses his mom’s cheek. “Thanks,” he tells her.

***

Sofia is getting the kitten for New Year’s. Zhenya wants to do the whole wrapped box-with-air-holes thing because he saw it in a movie somewhere. Sid picks up a festive-looking collar with a jingle bell and a tiny bow on it to complete the scenario.

Sid hadn’t understood when Zhenya had first told him about it. But he spent some time googling Russian New Year’s and now knows how big a deal it is.

It’s the wrong time of year to buy fireworks but he calls around frantically and as it turns out, Phil has some leftover sparklers from the Fourth of July in his garage.

Zhenya’s eyes go wet with tears when Sid breaks out the sparklers, and again when he notices the little paper Ded Morozes and Snowmaidens Sid printed out and hung on the tree with loops of ribbon.

He kisses Sid, deep and sure.

***

On New Year’s Eve Zhenya kicks Sid out of the kitchen and takes over. He sits Sid down in the breakfast nook and doesn’t let him help. Zhenya is a jovial hurricane, using what seems like every pot and bowl and kitchen tool Sid owns. He’s got a dish towel flung over one shoulder and is singing along to Russian pop, badly. Sid loves him so much.

They eat ridiculous amounts of Russian food and Sid gets pink and giggly with vodka.

Sofia is given her kitten, and when she opens the box, her jaw drops and she turns wide eyes to her father and to Sid.

“For me? For keep?” she asks incredulously. And then when she’s told the kitten is hers, she cries big, emotional tears, and both Sid and her father get strangling hugs.

Sid laughs softly as he pats her back. “You okay, sweetheart?”

She hiccups. “The baby is so beautiful!” She wails into Sid’s neck. Sid trades smiles with Zhenya and his family over her head.

***

The period of time after the holidays always feels a little strange and empty. It’s a quiet time for the farm, a snowbound lull between the holiday season and spring planting.

“Sad?” Zhenya asks him, stepping up behind Sid where’s he’s standing looking out the window, to wrap him up in his arms and hook his chin over Sid’s shoulder. “Miss family?”

“That’s part of it,” Sid says. “But I’m not sad, really. It’s just a weird time of the year.”

“Lots of time for think,” Zhenya agrees.

Sid folds his arms over Zhenya’s. “Speaking of thinking.” He pauses, a little afraid. But only a little. “I know it’s probably too fast, and maybe I’m a little crazy to consider it, but, have you been thinking any more about housing?”

Zhenya is very still for a long moment, and then he nuzzles Sid’s neck, pressing a kiss to the thin skin below his ear. “What you thinking, Sid?”

“About the new year, what that means. About what I want the year to look like. Whenever I think about it, all I can picture is you. You and Sofia here, with me.”

More kisses, deep and fervent, to the back of his neck, his hair, and then when Zhenya turns him in his arms, to his cheek and the side of his nose. Finally, Zhenya makes it to his lips. Sid yields easily to him, giddy happiness rising in him at the “yes” he feels in the touch of Zhenya’s mouth and the slide of his hands over Sid’s back and down his sides.

But just to be sure, when Zhenya moves once again to his neck, Sid asks.

“Yes?” It comes out as a sigh.

“Yes, Sid,” Zhenya murmurs into his skin. “You sure?”

“I’m sure.”

***

He doesn’t tell Zhenya, but he gets a can of pale blue paint at the hardware store and repaints what used to be his guest room. He sponges clouds onto the ceiling in white, and takes apart the dark, heavy old furniture to paint it in shades of dusty pink.

He figures Sofia will hopefully still like the blue walls when she’s older, and the furniture can be repainted or sold if she decides she’s not into pink anymore later.

He enlists the help of Vero to find a fluffy white bedspread with little gold horse silhouettes all over it, and a lamp with a ceramic unicorn as the base. He tries to have all of it be kind of realistic, not too cartoony, so it’ll grow with her. He tries to think of stuff girls would like, like wooden pegs for scarves and necklaces and things, and a felt bed for her kitten shaped like a cat head with ears.

He manages all of it without Zhenya seeing it, and it helps fill the long winter hours.

He worries a lot about it it being presumptuous, or it not being his place. But he wants Sofia to feel comfortable and at home.

The same for Zhenya. He clears half of his closet, and half the dresser drawers. He finds himself worrying about little things, such as if Zhenya will like the bedspread or if there’s enough room on the dresser for any pictures Zhenya will want to put up.

When he calls Taylor to fret at her, she tells him to relax.

“If he feels the way I’m pretty sure he does, minutia like that won’t matter,” she soothes.

“I just want him to feel like it’s his home too,” Sid says.

“Your house is awesome, don’t even worry about it, Squid.”

Sid tries to take her word for it.

***

Zhenya and Sofia don’t have a lot of belongings, thanks to the moving around they’ve done. They have a a couple suitcases between them, and a handful of boxes, mostly full of books Zhenya needs for teaching. Everything fits in the back of Sid’s pickup.

“Had to get rid of almost everything, lots of my favorite books,” Zhenya says, sadness tight around his eyes and pulling at the corners of his mouth. Sid leans over to kiss him across the gear shaft, and vows to himself to put in a set of built in bookshelves in what used to be the formal parlor of the farmhouse. They don’t need it, what with the cozy family room. It’ll make a great office for Zhenya though, with its windows looking over the fields. After that, they can start rebuilding his book collection. There’s extra income coming in from the partnership with Tanger’s distillery, not to mention Zhenya’s teaching salary. They can manage it.

“What you smiling at?” Zhenya asks, bemused.

Sid uses the opportunity presented by a stop sign to lean over and kiss Zhenya again.

“Just happy.”

***

Ref dances happily around them as they get everything inside. There’s mud and slush tracked in and Zhenya makes himself anxious about it until Sid reassures him that it’s easy enough to clean, just part of winter where they live.

“Let’s get Sofia settled first, eh?,” Sid says, twitchy with excitement. He so hopes she likes her room. “I set the old guest room up for her.”

They troop up the stairs, and Sid swings the door open. It looks good, he hopes. He’d shut her kitten in here earlier and he’s asleep in a little ball on the bedspead, and there’s snow-bright light coming in through the sheer curtains Vero picked out.

Sofia gasps, and steps slowly inside, like she’s afraid to believe it’s real.

Zhenya has seen what the guest room had looked like before. He looks around, mouth agape, as Sofia bounces around the room, exclaiming over her kitten and the unicorn lamp and the ceramic horse on the windowsill.

“It’s Puck!” She exclaims. Sid laughs.

“That was my Aunt Esther’s. She and my Uncle Jack had a lot of draft horse knick knacks. I thought you’d like that one.”

“Sid.” The rough edge to Zhenya’s voice makes Sid start upright from where he’s been crouching to talk to Sofia.

“Wha—“ he starts to ask, heart in his throat, but it’s broken off by Zhenya grabbing hold of him and pulling him in to an embrace so tight it’s just this side of painful.

“Zhenya,” Sid wheezes, and Zhenya’s arms loosen instantly.

“Sorry Sid, sorry,” he says. “Just—don’t know how—“ he takes a shuddering breath and murmurs something that doesn’t sound like straight Russian or English into Sid’s hair. Sid waits patiently for him to gather his words.

“Keep wondering and keep wondering, how you real,” he finally says.

“I could say the same about you,” Sid says, thinking of the time before he’d met the both of them. The loneliness of it. He rests his head on Zhenya’s shoulder and lets Zhenya sway them a little, like they’re dancing without any music.

Over Zhenya’s shoulder he can see Sofia curled up around her kitten on her new bed, eyes bright as she smiles at the both of them.

***

It’s a busy morning, Sid’s been up since dawn doing chores. When he comes back into the house, Zhenya is up, sleepy eyed, hair standing on end as he hunts for the messenger bag he takes to work. Sofia is at the kitchen table supposedly eating breakfast but actually trying to feed Ref bits of toast.

“Living room, babe,” he tells Zhenya, dropping a kiss on the top of his head. “You were grading papers in there last night, remember?”

Zhenya groans. “Essays so bad, Sid. So bad. Tiny freshman babies are hopeless.”

Sid laughs as he checks the coffeemaker and digs Zhenya’s travel mug out of the cupboard. “Good thing they have you, then.”

Zhenya grins at him. “Sofia and me already feed cats and Ref. You going to meet Kris today?”

“Yeah, later. Need anything from town?”

“Out of shaving cream.”

Sid adds it to the shopping list on the fridge and noisily kisses Sofia’s cheek. “Ref shouldn’t have that, hon. Where’s your backpack?”

“I pack it already,” Sofia says. “Can Ref come in the car?”

“He need to keep Sid company,” Zhenya says. “So he’s not lonely. It’s important job.”

“Ref,” Sofia says, solemnly putting her hands on either side of the dog’s face. “Be nice for Sid.”

Ref whines and licks her face, because Sofia has become his favorite person in the universe and he adores her.

Sid stands on the porch and waves them off. Pretty soon school will be out for Sofia, and she’ll be home all day. He’s looking forward to it. On the weekends she’s his shadow, and she loves helping him out as much as he decides is safe for her to do.

Six months, he thinks. Sofia and Zhenya have been living at the farm for six months now. It’s June, and the apples are starting to show hints of the colors they’ll blaze with in September.

It shouldn’t have worked out this well, by all the common wisdom about relationships. It hasn’t been picture perfect every step of the way. And yet. He’d buy Zhenya a ring tomorrow, if he gave in to his impulses.

Reminding himself to be patient is the hardest part of all of this, and it’s a burden light enough.

***

In the evening he has Zhenya and Sofia both to help out with evening feed and putting all the animals up for the night.

Dinner is quiet, but content, as Zhenya recounts a ridiculous department meeting and Sofia tells about the book her teacher read them today. Sid updates Zhenya on the state of the orchards and the u-pick berry fields.

“That and produce stand this year,” Zhenya says. “Glad you have Jake to help.”

“For sure.” Sid eyes Sofia. “Eat those peas, sweetheart. Those are the ones you helped me with, remember? Remember the little baby plants we started in the sun porch?”

Sofia frowns at the vegetables on her plate but starts to eat them.

Sid is just telling Zhenya that another Amazon package of books came for him when Sofia interrupts them,

“Is Sid my dad?” she asks, and Sid can’t breathe.

“Is that what you want?” Zhenya asks her gently.

“We read book yesterday,” she says, frowning thoughtfully. “And there’s a boy who have a papa and a daddy. I have a Papa. So is Sid my dad?”

Zhenya looks over at Sid, eyes soft, expression saying that it’s up to them. “What do you want Зайка?” he asks Sofia, still looking at Sid.

Sofia looks at her father; then at Sid. “Do daddies go away?” she asks, voice small. Sid’s heart aches. She has to be thinking of her mom.

He reaches out for Zhenya’s hand as an unspoken question. Zhenya takes it, and looks back at him, steady and certain.

“No,” Sid says, voice rough. “I’m not going anywhere. And I— if you want to call me that, I would be so happy—“

She catapults herself off of her chair and into his arms. He rocks her back and forth a little, feeling too big for his skin, like what he’s feeling is filling the room.

“Dad,” she whispers into his shirt, and he hides his tears with a kiss to her hair, feeling Zhenya’s hand settle warm on the back of his neck.

***

Epilogue- a year and a half later

They’re married in the spring, when their orchards are foaming with pink and white blossoms.

There are lights strung up between the trees as twilight falls blue and heavy. Candles flicker in glass jars all up and down the long tables they’ve all gathered around to eat at.

The night is laughter and music and the heady bubbles of champagne. At one point Zhenya is called upon to make a speech. He raises his glass and smiles down at Sid, eyes soft and red-rimmed from all the emotion of the day.

“First time I’m see Sid, know he’s special. Second time I’m meet him, know it’s hopeless, know I’m going to fall in love. We dating for one month when I’m start thinking about how good a ring look on his finger. Nobody else I want to spend life with, nobody else be such a good father to my daughter.”

Sid kisses Zhenya fiercely as soon as he’s back within reach, then buries his face in Zhenya’s shoulder until he’s composed enough to face everyone again.

There’s a furious tinkling of silverware against glasses and more cries for a speech and so he clears his throat and tries to articulate what he’s feeling.

“I, uh. I always felt like something was missing. Thought it was something I was never really going to find, and that I’d have to resign myself to living without.”

He feels Flower reach over and grip his shoulder in comfort. “Then, I find out that missing thing is you. You and Sofia. You—”

His voice cracks, and when he goes on it’s hoarse with feeling. “You both make me so happy. So, so happy. I love you, so much.”

It’s Zhenya’s turn to pull Sid into a kiss, and Sofia scrambles out of Taylor’s lap to climb into Sid’s and nestle against his chest.

The speeches continue, and as Jack recounts some embarrassing high school memory, Sid looks around, as the smiling, candle-lit faces, at the beautiful trees, at his horses grazing peacefully in the falling dusk beyond the lights. At the glowing faces of his husband, and his daughter.

Sid takes a deep breath, perfumed with the scent of apple blossoms, and lets the deep happiness of the night settle into his body, and wrap itself warmly around him.

#sidgeno #sidney crosby/evgeni malkin #hockey rpf #if wishes were #dana writes a thing

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