#I’m literally just here to register you 👻

[petals2fish]

*deep breath*

*screams at the top of my lungs*

#petals talks #I am so tired of the boomer generation of college students #who decided to come back to school to better their lives #which is FINE but have no people skills #no computer skills #and sit there and get mad at me for setting boundaries #because no I am not a tutor #no I am not a tech expert #no I am not your personal punching bag #I’m literally just here to register you 👻 #that’s all #please leave me alone and let me do my actual job

[punkscowardschampions]

Grace, Nancy, Teddy & Gia Pt.1

Nancy: Safe travels, my lovely

Nancy: I totally understand why you didn’t want to stay until tonight, even though I’m gutted to see you go, obvs 🤍🤍🤍

Grace: ☁️🛫🤞🏽🤍🙏🏽🤍🛬☁️

Grace: you’re THE BEST for understanding TYSM & I’m SO sorry AGAIN!!

Nancy: No, don’t be silly, it’s happened to us all at one point or another

Nancy: And I looked at his socials, he didn’t post anything about you, so, that’s a positive

Grace: oh GOD why is it ALWAYS me though??! 😭😭

Grace: girl, I told you, he’s an 😇

Grace: 💔💔💔 FML

Nancy: I don’t even UNDERSTAND how you got quite that drunk… like, you were REALLY hammered 

Nancy: You must’ve had more than you remember, it doesn’t make ANY sense otherwise

Grace: idk idk 💀 what I DO remember is so so bad it’ll literally haunt me forever 😳😬

Nancy: If he’s such a 😇

Nancy: like… why did we end up here? I’m trying to understand your thought process 

Grace: it’s COS he is, I know that doesn’t make sense… 

Nancy: Because you didn’t feel good enough

Grace: 👌🏽 maybe it makes total sense, cos yeah

Nancy: Babe 🥺😭😭

Nancy: but you only ended up acting like 1000% worse than you actually are because of that 💭

Grace: 😭😭😭😭

Grace: I spiralled, I’m SUCH an idiot

Nancy: Look, he probably ended up as drunk as you when he went to the club after, he won’t remember [whatever embarrassing detail either she told you last night when wasted or Teddy did in that lil debrief]

Grace: 🤞🏽🤍🙏🏽🤍 cos I’ll wanna die if he remembers that or [something else you clearly did as bad or worse] BUT I can’t get my hopes up, like, I’m literally NOT good enough for him, last night proved it

Grace: I freaked out but I was right, still

Nancy: I bet he’s been on hundreds of worse dates, it’ll barely register

Nancy: You’re just insecure and traumatized, that doesn’t make you a bad person, AT ALL 

Grace: me too I’ve been on 1000000s & here I am 😱👻 ILY for trying to make it better but you can’t

Nancy: You should get a bloody mary on the plane, you’ve earnt it 

Grace: 💡👏🏽

Grace: ☕️ isn’t gonna be strong enough & it’s 🤴🏼 triggering now anyway

Nancy: If he actually managed to cure you of your caffeine addiction, you’d have to send him a thank you note 

Grace: 😂 he’d really be asking himself wtf is wrong with me then

Nancy: Aren’t manners very 😇? 😏

Grace: you’re asking the wrong girl, babes

Grace: I’m no 😇 if only 🥺😭😭 & me sending a 💌 would have the poor boy thinking I’m 12 now I’ve drank like it in front of him 

Nancy: He should have taken better care of you, I said it before and I’ll say it again 🤷‍♀️

Grace: it isn’t his fault, he thought I ate CARBS 👌🏽👌🏽 it’s mine I tricked him 

Nancy: 🤔🤔🤔

Nancy: Okay but who orders for someone in this day and age, that was weird, it isn’t the 50s

Grace: he was being romantic

Nancy: Oh God, you really like him, don’t you?

Grace: I’m just saying, I ruined it, he didn’t do anything wrong

Nancy: But do you like him, like actually?

Grace: it doesn’t matter, we’ll NEVER see each other again, I can’t & he won’t wanna 🙈🙉🙊

Nancy: Say he did, though

Grace: ofc I like him I’m not brain damaged

Nancy: As someone you’d like to see properly

Grace: in this, like, pure fantasyland we’re 💬 in rn, duh, but in reality there’s no way

Nancy: Stranger things have happened

Grace: mhmm & all the weird things that happen to me are BAD so

Nancy: 😔 Well, it’s over now, honey

Grace: thank god, I just wanna go home  

Nancy: 💔

Grace: I’m sorry, I didn’t mean like yours isn’t

Grace: you know that isn’t my 💭💭

Nancy: No, it’s fine

Nancy: I just wish I had somewhere I could run back to too, that’s all, that’s not on you

Grace: I should’ve stayed, none of this is on you 😔

Grace: I’m the actual WORST & you can hate me if you wanna

Nancy: You have school tomorrow anyway, you should focus on that, getting your grades to get out

Grace: idc about school I’m not getting the grades & they’ll lowkey have to keep me there forever or give up 🙄🙄🙄

Grace: you’re where my focus is 🤍

Nancy: 🥺 You’ll make me cry

Nancy: I’m just so sorry that it didn’t go better for you, I feel like it’s my fault for saying you should get changed or something 😟😟

Grace: no no no DON’T EVEN!! you did EVERYTHING right too!!

Grace: you told me not to 🤮 & I didn’t listen

Nancy: I just wish I could protect you from feeling like that, it really breaks my heart 

Grace: 😭😭😭😭

Grace: I put you in an impossible situation, I literally shouldn’t have told you, idk what I was thinking

Nancy: you can tell me anything, I always want that

Grace: it isn’t fair it’s TOO MUCH & all I’ve done is made you feel 💔 too

Grace: I’m so SO sorry

Nancy: Shh, it’s all okay, that’s what I’m here for, we get each other

Grace: I PROMISE it was a 1 time thing & I’m not gonna do it again EVER 🤞🏽🤍🤞🏽🤍

Nancy: 🤝🤍🤝

Nancy: Because you don’t even NEED to do it

Grace: I didn’t know what else to do but it’s okay cos I’m not gonna be there again, it’s over like you said

Nancy: You just can’t be with someone if they’re going to make you feel like that, even without knowing themselves

Grace: I’ll just have to die alone, at least I still have you & you’re not mad at me 🙏🏽🤍🙌🏽

Nancy: Girl, we’ll be together, because same

Grace: is THAT why you got a dog?? 

Nancy: That sounded filthy, Grace! 😲😂

Grace: UM 😂😂 I was just saying you missed the memo lonely old ladies usually get cats 😂

Grace: or dogs they can fit in their laps anyway 😂

Nancy: Wellllllll the person I know with the most cats is your mama and she ain’t ever been lonely so 😶

Nancy: It’s good to have one like Rex, living alone, he can protect me

Grace: 👌🏽👌🏽 no need to rub it in &/or bring her up rn ty

Nancy: We’re all jealous, sis

Grace: don’t I know it… me most of all

Nancy: Truly men are only good for one thing and she is so right for that

Nancy: I give up on them for anything BUT, I swear 🤞🤦‍♀️

Grace: wow, okay, cool then I JUST give up 

Nancy: Nun vibes 👰‍♀️✝️

Grace: or lesbian vibes, but no, I still CAN’T

Grace: that would be WORSE

Nancy: You are SUCH a bigot, OMG 🤪

Grace: 🏳️‍🌈 excuse you I’m an amazing ally 🏳️‍🌈

Nancy: 😂😂😂😂

Grace: whatever, how am I the freak, again, cos I don’t want the 1 thing men are good for?? it’s so rude

Nancy: You really would be better off if you liked girls, a man is never going to give you the emotional support you need, I swear

Nancy: Life is such a sick joke, honestly 🙃

Grace: I’d have to kms or date the UGLIEST girls ever

Grace: neither are the mood

Nancy: 🏆👸 is so real

Grace: UGH, this much baggage is EXHAUSTING

Nancy: and you 😴 for a thousand years, snoring SO LOUDLY

Grace: MEAN!! 

Nancy: my ears were bleeding keeping you safe, hoe 😘

Grace: IOU for not letting me die I GUESS though it doesn’t feel like a HUGE favour rn ngl 

Nancy: It’s okay, you’re allowed to be ungrateful rn

Grace: when are things gonna get better?? I wish I was gay then it’s, like, guaranteed they HAVE TO 

Nancy: When you get to train, be qualified, at least then you’ll have your business to build up and focus on… works for my parents 

Grace: cos they also have each other

Nancy: I think my mum would still be happy, without any of us, tbh

Grace: mine too

Nancy: Why did they bother, honestly? 🤷‍♀️😕

Grace: I can’t deal with how they can take for granted something I really badly want

Nancy: 💔 I know

Nancy: I’ll not do it, in solidarity

Grace: 🥺😭😭

Grace: I’d NEVER stop you though! you take SUCH good care of me, any kid would be the LUCKIEST ever

Nancy: No baby would be as cool as you anyway, even if it was remotely possible for me and the way my life is shaping up, no way

Grace: Rex is the lucky one for rn 💖👑💖

Nancy: True 😍😍😍

Nancy: My parents don’t need any more grandkids yet, I am NOT trying to compete with him on this 😷

Grace: Yeah I DON’T wanna talk about it either 

Nancy: I can’t believe they made it to now though, she must have got rid of some, right? 

Nancy: Like, she’s nearly 25, how long have they been together? There’s no way

Grace: STOP ⛔️⛔️

Nancy: I’ve got feelings about it too, babe

Nancy: She was like, my best friend since birth before they did… THAT

Grace: it’ll forever be too much to unpack, I just CAN’T

Nancy: There’s going to be a baby explosion in your family soon though, you need to prepare yourself mentally

Grace: … 

Grace: I’ll NEVER be mentally strong enough 😣😣

Nancy: It’s the reality though, AWFUL as it is

Grace: I know 😭

Nancy: Jan and Ava claimed to be more sensible but look at the pair of them

Nancy: Ugh, it stresses me OUT 😥

Grace: I’ve totally changed my mind, I wish I wasn’t going home now

Nancy: Don’t they all, like, live with you, basically

Nancy: I couldn’t STAND to watch Ava and James all loved up with his kids like they’re theirs all the time like that

Grace: I’m counting down the days til I can leave, obviously

Nancy: Yeah, I bet

Nancy: like he’s nice to look at but if that’s never coming your way it’s entirely depressing 

Grace: UGH 

Nancy: I should’ve locked it down with James whilst I had the chance, he is too intent on ruining my sister’s life with his mistakes now 

Grace: but then instead he’d be ruining yours

Nancy: She’s my little sister, I’d do anything for her

Grace: 🥺 I know, but you’re like my big sister, I can’t let you 🥺

Nancy: 💞💞💞💞💞

Nancy: I just wish I could make her see it for what it is, that’s all

Grace: me too, I’ve tried talking to her loads of times even though she treats me like I’m stupid whenever I do

Nancy: They’ve got way too much pride, they can’t see we’re trying to help but

Nancy: at least we try, however unappreciated 

Grace: I wish you were my sister, I hate the ones I’ve got, they don’t try AT ALL

Nancy: I’m more than that, it’s special 🤍🔒🤍

Grace: I should be allowed to live with you, it’s not like anyone cares if I go to school or not when I’m back there OR what else I do

Nancy: The way your school works is SO confusing though, if you were here you could already be in your last year of your beauty course instead of them forcing you to do like sixth form schooly vibes

Grace: IKR?! 

Nancy: Like, you DON’T want to go to Uni and be that girl… such a waste of time 💀💀

Grace: & when I don’t pass which DUH I’m NOT gonna, hello??! they’ll try & make me redo the year, they do it ALL the time 💀💀

Nancy: Oh babes, not you being like 20 still in your uniform, you cannot, that’s TOO much

Grace: 😷😷😷

Grace: I’ll have to walk out with no exams 👋🏽😘 idc cos I don’t need to look back when I leave ❤️💂🦁🌹🤍☔️🤍🫖🎡💷💙 

Nancy: We cannot wait 🥳🥳🥳🥺🥰🥰

Nancy: we being me and Rex, obvs 

Grace: not you & whoever you hit up last night while I was being unhinged in [whatever the restaurant is called] ?? 

Nancy: Lord no, no daddy for you yet, sorry 😌

Grace: I’m the opposite of mad about it 🥳🥳🥳🥺🥰🥰

Nancy: I would call you out but as you plan to be forever single too, it’s all good 😘

Grace: sorry not sorry!! I need you 🤍🔒🤍

Nancy: Forever and ever, girl

Grace: I miss you already & always

Grace: this is gonna be the LONGEST week of my life 🙄🥱

Nancy: I don’t even know HOW I’m going to fill my weekdays, for real 😩

Nancy: Gonna have to hit up this 🔗 even though idc about him

Grace: with dog walks ?? 😂😂😂 jk I know you would NEVER 😂

Nancy: 😆 My 🍑 would thank me but nah

Grace: ❌🐶💩🚫

Nancy: ABSOLUTELY NOT

Grace: … can I ask you for a favour that’s maybe almost as bad?

Nancy: … Go on

Grace: can you keep checking in on Teddy for a sec?? cos I had to unfollow obvs & I wanna make sure he’s not, like, swearing off all girls & planning to die alone too… I’d feel worse than I already do atm 💔💔

Nancy: Of course, we have plenty of mutual friends anyway, I will undoubtedly see or hear of his whereabouts 

Grace: thanks, it’s cringe to ask but, like, I have now so ✌🏽

Nancy: It’s cool, he’s not going to find out you did

Grace: yeah true 🙌🏽

Nancy: You don’t want a report back, do you?

Nancy: Like I’ll just make sure he’s cool but I won’t blow you up over it

Grace: I’ll be calm, it’s none of my business anyway

Grace: as long as he’s okay & over it

Nancy: 👌

Grace: IOU again 🤍

Nancy: [Me like, should probably come at this boy and cackle so you don’t lose your composure here hun]

Grace: [go for it gal]

Nancy: I was THIS close to losing it

Teddy: Dare I ask why?

Nancy: [just send him a screenshot of this poor gal earnestly wanting to check you aren’t heartbroken]

Nancy: See?

Teddy: That I did an incredible job on her? Yes but I already knew it 💔🧸💐 Poor me

Nancy: God, you make me sick 😏

Nancy: I thought she was joking, in a rare display of self-awareness

Teddy: I’d love to make you sick, choose your preferred method & get back to me

Nancy: Haven’t you got a noose to fill? 

Nancy: The devastation being as real as it is

Teddy: Okay, auto erotic asphyxiation it is 👀

Nancy: 🙄😘

Nancy: With the mood she’s in, my death will look like a suicide pact

Teddy: She’s gone, get in the mood I’m in

Nancy: You’re being so subtle, however will I guess what mood that is? 

Teddy: & you’re being hilarious, of course I miss you

Nancy: I miss you more

Nancy: having to listen to her holier-than-thou version of you just made me want to talk to the real you 

Teddy: Invite me over & you can do more than talk

Nancy: Do you have to be invited in 🧛‍♂️

Teddy: No, but it’ll upset Rex if I barge in, he’s protective of you

Nancy: He is 🥺

Nancy: you’ll have to be nice, if you come for a visit

Teddy: It’ll be different when I have a 🔑 but for now I’ll behave well & let him be the man of the house

Nancy: It’d be mean of you to put him in his place today, he doesn’t know he isn’t meant to be top dog yet, poor baby

Teddy: I’ve missed him too so I’ll be 😇 daddy & not 😈

Nancy: 🤏 triggering for me but I’ll let it slide, you can’t help how boring she’d like you to be

Teddy: It won’t be boring for either of us when you relay everything she said about me

Nancy: We talked about A LOT of stuff, there’s definite potential for progress

Teddy: Good

Teddy: & has your new bed arrived yet?

Nancy: Luckily after she got to the airport

Nancy: she’s already confused about the sudden appearance of the dog

Teddy: You live alone, you need him

Nancy: Yes but you know, I can’t fit it in a handbag and I’ve not made him his own social media profiles… so why did I bother ???

Teddy: 🙄 hers are full of cats, she’s hardly the authority on dogs

Nancy: She has no taste, sorry to say

Nancy: She definitely thinks he’s scary but is not gonna say that to my face

Teddy: I’m aware, darling, the disgusting clothes she tried to pick out on her own before I stepped in spoke for themselves

Teddy: but she’s correct about one thing, she should be scared of him

Nancy: You have pretty good taste in clothes, if my memory serves 

Teddy: Nothing is going to look anything but awful on her body regardless but I like that you’ve noticed

Nancy: Yeah, well, I kept the lingerie on for ages

Teddy: I still owe you an outfit too, I haven’t forgotten

Nancy: How is your head this morning?

Teddy: Fantastic, if you’d like me to make us our reservation at [the restaurant he took Grace too so they can recreate it] for tonight, I will

Nancy: I suppose we’ll have to eat at some point, true

Teddy: I’ll bring home for Rex what I ordered for her, I couldn’t possibly suggest you eat it

Nancy: You wanted to make me sick, not give me a lifelong disorder, yeah?

Teddy: I want to make you happy, baby

Nancy: You’re helping

Nancy: how comfy this bed is is high up the list too

Teddy: Are you going to show me? 

Nancy: [send him a pic on this enormous bed like omg]

Nancy: You could fit so many 🐶 in this thing

Teddy: I’ll make you 🤰 sick & we’ll see how many babies we can fit in there

Nancy: I am really in the mood to get pregnant after promising her I would never so

Nancy: good thing our moods are matching

Teddy: Because you’re breaking a promise to her I’ll make one to give you twins that aren’t mutants like your brothers, for yours & your parents’ sake

Nancy: You’re SO giving

Nancy: I’ll make sure they’re boys, for your sake

Teddy: Thank you, it would mean A LOT to me

Nancy: Anything for you seems like a risky precedent to set but I’m not scared

Teddy: I couldn’t be any prouder of you for overcoming your fear of me

Nancy: You’re even cuter than Rex, just don’t say anything

Teddy: I’m only in the mood to say your name

Nancy: let me hear it

Teddy: [SUCH a shameless voice note, me like sir you live at home, thank god you do have a rich person gaff and are probably as far away from your parents as poss]

Nancy: 🥴 Oh

Nancy: the fact you can do that as loud as you want now

Teddy: I’m determined all your neighbours are going to hate me LONG before I move in

Nancy: They’ll be begging me to throw another party instead 😁

Teddy: They’ll have to wait until I’ve finished begging you for what I want

Nancy: Baby

Teddy: It’s quite a list, they’ll probably be rather impatient, I’m sorry

Nancy: I’m not

Teddy: Me either, not at all

Nancy: I can’t leave you needy

Teddy: What kind of mother would you be if that’s the precedent?

Nancy: The only mother of your children you want

Teddy: Yes

Nancy: I’m really glad you get to give me everything you have, it’d be wrong to hold back, wrong for us

Teddy: Our moods definitely are matching

Nancy: I couldn’t have got her out the door fast enough 

Teddy: You know I’d have to trick you if you didn’t want what I want & I’d feel bad about it

Nancy: Sorry I’m as fucked up as you

Nancy: we can trick everyone else, whenever we want to use them

Teddy: I’m not, I love that you’re as fucked up as I am

Nancy: It makes me want to be with you always, how high I feel thinking about the things I can admit to liking to you

Teddy: You can tell me anything, I’m not afraid of that as a set precedent either

Nancy: I want to feel you getting hard under me when I tell you everything she said

Teddy: Okay, I’ll try & think about something else for a while so it’s how I have to become again instead of just the state I’m already in

Nancy: It’d be so hypocritical of me to expect that, but you’ll get more turned on, twitchy, trying to fuck me, it’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen

Teddy: I am a new level of turned on since we started doing this

Nancy: it’s unreal, you are

Teddy: You are, it’s unbelievable I haven’t fucked you yet, the amount I’ve thought about it & the amount I’ve cum for you

Nancy: I want to feel like I’m full to the brim, like genuinely can’t move for it, that’s the only thing that would be appropriate

Teddy: You will, I woke up feeling like that

Nancy: 🤤 you should’ve woken up in my mouth, I’m so sorry

Teddy: It isn’t your fault you had to wake up to her big mouth, I’m sorry, you deserve so much better

Nancy: Her crying is foreplay, that’s as good as she will be for us

Teddy: Please tell me you recorded it 🙏

Nancy: Do I love you? 

Teddy: Desperately

Nancy: and I as desperately wanted to touch myself whilst she was, so, yes, it was necessary 

Teddy: I as desperately need to marry you right now

Nancy: the answer is yes

Teddy: You’re fucking perfect

Nancy: Boys are always too nice and I hate them for it so much

Nancy: you’re the most special, my dream boy

Teddy: Tell me about it, most girls are pathetic, it makes my stomach turn over in the opposite to a fun way

Nancy: I’ve spent so damn long being unsatisfied by everything and everyone, no matter the combination or how long I kept it all going

Teddy: I know, so was I

Nancy: We were with the same people, on the same things, it barely touching the sides

Teddy: I was beginning to feel as devastated by it all for real as Grace thinks she is

Nancy: Tell me about it, it’s exhausting, staying on their level when I want to go so much further

Teddy: & then you get reckless, do things you wouldn’t & shouldn’t otherwise

Teddy: I stayed with [the girl from the very beginning she asked him about] too long

Nancy: She’d turn you normal, I’ve watched it happen so many times

Teddy: I felt it starting to happen

Nancy: You were born for this, to be depraved

Teddy: You can’t decide you want something besides this, we’ll never find anything else like it again

Nancy: I just want more, no boundaries

Teddy: I don’t have any, my father paid a fortune every term to prevent me from being expelled from school

Nancy: As he should, how much of this is his fault

Teddy: I insist upon the majority of the credit, naturally

Nancy: You’re the one I want, not either of your siblings, so it must be true

Teddy: Nurture, or lack of, can only be blamed to an extent

Teddy: DNA the same

Nancy: Our kids don’t stand a chance

Teddy: They stand every chance of being just like us, which is why anyone reproduces in the first place

Teddy: at least your ego, unlike your brother’s, is worthy of being gifted that, because you’re incredible

Nancy: No, you

Nancy: I don’t know how I’m meant to act around all your mini-mes 😍

Teddy: However you like, they owe you everything, they wouldn’t even exist if not for you

Nancy: They’ll be the most spoilt, there’s no way to resist

Teddy: No, you will

Nancy: 🥰

Nancy: Nothing is changing this, touching what this is

Teddy: I’d seriously go insane

Nancy: Not in a fun way

Teddy: When I thought this was over

Nancy: I could feel the spiral coming, the amount of shit I’d have to do to try and replace what this has given me already

Teddy: It’s irreplaceable, I wouldn’t be able to try, I’d have to give up & become like them

Nancy: I won’t let it happen

Teddy: We can’t

Nancy: I’m done watching everyone get taken over 

Nancy: you don’t deserve that slow death

Teddy: I’m going to watch you get everything you’ve ever wanted, nothing else

Nancy: This is going to be the best week of your life, you have no idea

Teddy: I have lots of ideas

Nancy: that is what I like about you

Teddy: But yeah, it is going to be the best week of my life, no doubt

Nancy: So far, anyway

Nancy: I don’t plan on stopping

Teddy: & I absolutely don’t intend to stop you

Nancy: At least you can seem suitably subdued on your socials but still have things you can post, keep her 👀 off you

Teddy: Hers are going to be too funny

Nancy: Are we going to be genuine with how we’re struggling this week or act like we’re living our best life? 🤔😂

Teddy: Genuine isn’t something she can do, clearly

Nancy: yeah but what if you’re stalking her socials because you’re SO into her?!

Teddy: Of course

Nancy: The weird confidence with a total lack of self-esteem in general is so weird

Teddy: It would be sufficiently jarring to frighten off other boys with a different motive

Nancy: That is what she does best, yeah

Teddy: I’d offer her some tips if it weren’t entirely counterproductive & a secret how much they like me

Nancy: It’s safe to say you do not have the same type, if she was honest with what she wants and not what she wants to look like she wants

Nancy: should actually go to church to find herself a man but there we go

Teddy: She’d rather live a lie & she’s about to

Nancy: She’s so welcome 🥰

Teddy: 🧚🏼‍♂️

Nancy: You’ll really wanna ease up on the fairy stuff though, she is basically homophobic

Teddy: I can’t wait to introduce her to the family, she’ll fit right in

Nancy: Gross

Teddy: Her mother will sleep with anything with a pulse, a paid therapist isn’t necessary to recognise the correlation

Nancy: She would choose to ignore how the multiple baby daddies are the issue there 🙄

Teddy: She’d have her own by now, she obviously doesn’t see it as an issue

Nancy: It unavoidably is, kinda shocked she didn’t go that hard into her trauma once she was hammered but well done, sis 💁‍♀️👏

Nancy: She just wants to be normal, despite the fact her complete lack of defining or unique features is what makes her so easy to overlook

Teddy: She’s given me a ridiculously easy task at least, be a bore & a romantic cliche 

Nancy: 🥱🥱🥱🥱

Nancy: Thank God I’ve given you other chances to impress me

Teddy: I would’ve found & taken the opportunity if you were for some reason yet to be impressed

Nancy: I usually am but 

Nancy: I want you to change that so you better

Teddy: Is that my eagerly awaited invitation? 

Nancy: Are you really not on the way already?

Teddy: Perhaps, or perhaps not

Nancy: I’m not getting out the good paper to write you one, come on 

Teddy: There’s the dyslexic privilege I’m ready to exploit

Nancy: Focus on exploiting me, thanks

Teddy: Focus & you’ll be aware I’m on my way

Nancy: I’m very focused, I have no other plans today

Teddy: I’m very pleased to hear it

Nancy: This bed is too nice to get out of

Teddy: It should be, we worked hard to make it nice with all those decisions

Nancy: I hope you like it, enough to stay

Teddy: I like you enough to stay

Nancy: You make me feel 

Nancy: it’s like weak and dumb but in a good way, somehow?

Teddy: Well, I did insist I’d treat you better than your father & that’s what they do in the negative, so I’m on the right track

Nancy: I hadn’t forgotten, sort of seared into my brain, that one 😳

Teddy: I hated when you said you weren’t going to hold me to anything I’d said

Nancy: Yeah, I know, it was mean

Teddy: You’re not allowed to forget, it’s too important & we both know how in your face Grace & I are going to be

Nancy: Alright, I’ll hold myself to it

Teddy: I love you, remember I said it to you first

Nancy: and you’ve told me, any motive you could have

Teddy: I’ll repeat it every chance I have

Nancy: I’ll try not to be cunty to you, remember why we’re doing this

Nancy: at some point, I’ll have to turn into your biggest fan anyway

Teddy: Fighting just means making up, I’ll try & remind myself

Nancy: I don’t do jealousy, this would be a stupid reason to start

Teddy: You being jealous of anyone is laughable, over her it couldn’t be more ridiculous

Nancy: You can call me dumb about this, I’ll not fight you

Teddy: It means you care, I don’t want to fight about that

Nancy: I know you like it, you’re soft

Teddy: I most certainly am not

Teddy: [photographic evidence nobody asked for, soz as per to whoever is driving him rn]

Nancy: Oh, OKAY

Nancy: I’ve never been happier to be proven wrong 🥺🥺🥺

Teddy: Did you pick me because you think I’m soft?

Nancy: I didn’t know you were

Teddy: I’m curious what it means, aside from a blatant 🧚🏼‍♂️ slur, possibly?

Nancy: Yeah, I’m cyberbullying you right now 😉

Nancy: I’m not sure exactly what I mean… just that you’re more invested than I thought you’d be, maybe? You want more than what I assumed you would

Teddy: You expected me to be more calculating, callous, I understand why 

Nancy: Just more predictable even

Nancy: All I offered you at the start was the chance to use her and a share of a decent stash, remember

Teddy: I haven’t forgotten you owe me A LOT of K, predictable as that may be

Nancy: 😏 we’ll find somewhere not entirely predictable to take it

Teddy: One thing you should’ve already had a fixed idea of about me   is I’ll always be willing to go deeper down the rabbit hole, Alice

Teddy: the moment a better offer comes along, that’s what I want, regardless of how far away from the starting point it is

Nancy: I didn’t imagine you’d say no to a chance of hooking up

Nancy: but more like you’re ticking off a who’s who, not this

Teddy: Nobody, aside from your sister, has ever said no to hooking up, it’s not what I said yes to, I didn’t imagine that part would even be much fun

Nancy: That’s a little rude

Teddy: I’ve never been happier to be proved wrong either, darling

Nancy: You haven’t yet, no pressure or anything

Teddy: But I have, it’s been the most fun so far

Nancy: But if it’s shit now I’ll have to pretend I never said any of this and kick you out

Teddy: Oh please, I’d refuse to go anywhere until it was good

Teddy: Who do you think I am? 

Nancy: You’re the one that’s put it in my head

Nancy: You’ll have to take the spare room and start paying rent

Teddy: I’m used to being disappointed, I’ve been open about that, it isn’t a personal attack worthy of charging me rent

Nancy: 👌 roomie

Teddy: Okay, fine, I’ll add it to our roleplays

Nancy: but I know what you mean

Nancy: and can guess why you wanted to do it in the first place

Teddy: We’ve talked through our motives pretty extensively by now, but if you feel like there’s something you’re still doing guesswork on, you can ask me

Nancy: The lack of a challenge she presents is more than made up in the one I do, it’s simple enough

Teddy: If you were a challenge

Nancy: Really?

Teddy: Come on, it hasn’t exactly taken us long to get here

Nancy: Wow

Teddy: There’s no reason to be offended

Nancy: I’m not, just disappointed, so what’s new

Teddy: There’s less reason to be disappointed 

Nancy: I’m not about to play into your hand, so you have every reason to be disappointed, actually

Teddy: It isn’t a game, you know that

Nancy: but it is, and that’s why you said yes

Teddy: It was when I agreed to do this, it’s not anymore

Nancy: Alright

Teddy: What are you upset about?

Nancy: I’m not upset, you just reminded me what we’re actually doing here

Teddy: Nancy, this is silly

Nancy: You only feel it now because you reckoned you were about to achieve your goal

Teddy: No, I don’t feel it because that isn’t what my goal is

Nancy: We have no reason to trust each other, that’s stupid

Teddy: Are you seriously going to do this again?

Nancy: Obviously

Teddy: You do trust me

Nancy: That would be stupid

Teddy: You’re being stupid not to when the entire reason we’re here this fast is because we’re so well suited

Nancy: and not just how easy it was because you’re so great, right?

Teddy: How many times can I tell you I’m not playing you?

Nancy: That’s what you say when you’re trying, you slipped up, sorry

Teddy: You want me to slip up because, you said it yourself, you feel under pressure

Nancy: If it was real, of course I would, that’s intentional too

Teddy: Call it off because you’re scared, it’s nonsense to go for this angle & turn me into someone I am not

Nancy: Be who you want, Teddy

Teddy: If who you want to be is crazy I can’t talk to you

Nancy: We don’t need to talk, it’s not useful to either of us right now

Teddy: When you’ve seen sense you know where I am or am likely to be

Nancy: I’ll avoid where I imagine you’re more likely to be if you do the same for me

Teddy: I don’t promise to

Nancy: Why would you bother

Teddy: It isn’t beneficial for either of us for me to give you your own way when you’re this wrong about why you want it

Nancy: all I want now is to party and there are so many places I can achieve that, even if I have to walk out of any you might be in

Teddy: I won’t be there, I have no interest in piling disappointment upon disappointment, it’s all boring, I told you

Nancy: I know what it is, it’s what I have

Teddy: No, we have each other if you just stop

Nancy: How, you made that impossible

Teddy: Nothing is impossible, even while you’re having an insane identity crisis about this, I know who we both are

Nancy: Don’t be so bloody patronising

Teddy: Don’t behave like your clueless cousin

Nancy: Shut up, she has no backbone, she wouldn’t say any of this

Teddy: It’s the same act of sabotage with an identical end result

Nancy: If you think I’m going to sit around and cry about you like that, dream on

Teddy: I’m painfully aware of what you’re going to do & it’s as tragic

Nancy: I don’t call you tragic for being a slut

Teddy: Because I’m not going to fuck someone else instead of you in order to fake I’m still in control when I’m really losing it

Nancy: I just have no interest in fucking you now, as shocking as that might be to you

Teddy: It doesn’t shock me at all your new plan is to lie to yourself & to me

Nancy: Jesus 

Teddy: Have a blast being deluded with most of the city about one thing or another, I hope you get the chemical help you need to do so

Nancy: You’re delusional if you think anything about this is attractive

Teddy: I’m not on a mission to attract you, you’re the one who thinks I am, or was

Nancy: Just another day for you, obviously

Teddy: Believe what you want, Nance

Nancy: You’re shit at this

Teddy: Because I’ve never done it before, a fact you’d know if you dared to accept this is actually different

Nancy: Every time I try, you just remind me how it ain’t

Teddy: Maybe you’re right, because whenever you doubt my motives & question me constantly, I have to ask myself why I’m trying to change anything about the way my life is

Nancy: Nothing about this is easy, chat all you want about me wasting my time and being delusional like it’s not what you’re going to go back to

Teddy: But that’s where you’re wrong, it would be easy for me to stay with you

Teddy: I don’t want to go back, I want to go fucking forwards, together

Nancy: I don’t know what’s forward, what’s there

Teddy: Yes you do, but you don’t want it, you don’t trust me enough to let yourself

Nancy: I don’t, and I don’t trust myself

Nancy: I should already be there by now

Teddy: Then that’s it, we can stick to the Grace plan or not, whatever you like, take some time to think about if that’s something you still want

Nancy: Don’t talk to me like this is a meeting

Teddy: It more or less is

Nancy: You can fuck off then

Teddy: Okay

Nancy: Not okay, prick

Teddy: [just leave that there for now hun like the petty bitch you are fucking off despite the fact she wants to keep having a go]

Nancy: [we really fucked you over genetically for having a temper hun, keep your mouth closed though, just unfollow him dramatically everywhere you can for the petty spike of feelings that will give you at least]

Teddy: [obvs you gotta unfollow her too & most importantly you gotta interact with whatever Grace is posting even if it’s just a like or a story view or something because duh, hard same on being cruel and dramatic]

Nancy: [when Grace would definitely tell you so you’re just here seething]

Teddy: [soz not soz, well soz to Grace but you know, oh lads you do amuse me]

Nancy: Can you actually stop, thanks

Teddy: I’m having my own fun, you can’t stop me

Nancy: You said take some time so let me

Teddy: I’m likewise not preventing you from doing that

Nancy: You obviously are because what is that if not going ahead with the Grace plan

Teddy: For all she knows my finger slipped, it commits you to nothing because it can just as easily mean nothing

Nancy: I’m the one who has to discuss what it does or doesn’t mean with her, so no, cut the crap

Teddy: 🥱

Nancy: Teddy, I’m serious because I’m not in the mood to humour her about this

Teddy: I’m done, you don’t need to cry about it

Nancy: You know the damage is already done, that’s why you did it, thanks SO much

Teddy: You’re SO welcome

Nancy: You’re making the decision easier to make

Teddy: Oh good, after all, it is what a gentleman would do & I’m about to forgo the role, have to do what I can while I can 

Nancy: You’re as free to continue wooing her as I am to tell her why you started

Teddy: If I was interested in doing so for its own sake, I wouldn’t need your permission, you’re correct

Nancy: You’re that transparent, don’t worry

Teddy: Yes I am & yet here we are 

Nancy: You really had to make her talk to me though? Think of something better

Teddy: Why would I? It’s the ideal punishment

Nancy: Because I could call it all off for real if she doesn’t shut the fuck up

Teddy: I don’t care if you do, it’s you who’ll lose out

Nancy: Bullshit

Teddy: I’m not invested in Grace or in any of the rest of your family, I am in you & as you’ve pointed out, I’m wasting my time

Teddy: there’s a multitude of other things I can use to do that too

Nancy: And none of them are as fun, clearly

Teddy: Well, I’m hardly having fun with you either, so as I’ve said, who cares?

Nancy: Because I can’t wreck my family on my own and you can’t yours

Teddy: I’ll find a way which doesn’t involve you or needing anyone’s help, I’ll have plenty of time, nothing but, in fact

Nancy: Right, of course you will

Teddy: There’s no need to pretend my family will be that difficult to ruin, they’re halfway to having done it themselves

Nancy: And how long have they been like that, centuries?

Teddy: Darling, I’m not as old as you, it isn’t as pressing

Nancy: Your choice

Teddy: Yeah

Nancy: Good luck, sorry if she runs to your inbox to shout, or, you’re welcome? Whatever

Teddy: 😘

Nancy: 👋

Teddy: [that went well, go and cause a family argument IRL or something to try and feel something, I’m sure they’ll be thrilled]

Nancy: [we’ve probably likewise snapped at Grace without fully doing a tell-all and now need to have a party and piss off the neighbours again with our behaviour, thanks gal lol]

Teddy: [me like don’t you turn up at that party, boy]

Nancy: [she says don’t you do it honey]

Teddy: [like, he’s very much not above it, especially because his dog is there but it’s probably a bigger fuck you to act like you’re ignoring her entirely unless you’re gonna show purely to take said dog but then what sir, you live at home, you can’t]

Nancy: [that really makes it not the move you think it is, like where are you taking that dog, boy, yes this flat is entirely funded by our parents but at least they aren’t here lol]

Teddy: [mhmm, exactly so don’t, flop]

Gia: Why did you choose today to be a colossal nightmare?

Teddy: Why not today?

Gia: Because it is the only day I can guarantee any time spent with my family

Teddy: Noted, every day of your life is a colossal nightmare, but that’s hardly something I’m to blame for

Gia: You are to blame for Seb not wanting to do this every week now

Teddy: Please, shortening his name like that isn’t going to magically make him look or act your age, but it WILL make me gag 🤢

Gia: And here was me hoping University might make you mature slightly…

Teddy: Hasn’t ‘girls mature faster than boys’ been your entire reason to live since before I was born?

Gia: I’ve never acted the way you do, even if I’d wanted to, I’d have never gotten away with it

Teddy: 💔 I’d suggest you try it but it’s rather too late now, unless you intend to take behaving as I would as far as forsaking your husband

Gia: As I said, I have literally no desire to throw a tantrum like that

Gia: Why are you?

Teddy: Why are you acting as if you suddenly care?

Gia: Assumedly, that’s what you were after, attention

Teddy: Incorrect, but it’s always the goal to make everyone suffer as I must

Gia: Precisely

Gia: If you didn’t want the parents to have to have hushed conversations about you, you would do as the rest of us do and keep it to yourself

Teddy: Well, if they won’t have full volume conversations about each other & address the real issues

Gia: Is that why you’re sad, mummy and daddy are fighting again?

Teddy: No, but I am cheered by your slight attempt at humour 

Gia: If mocking you can be considered a joke, I suppose

Gia: Could you not find an excuse to absent yourself if you were going to be in such a mood though, it isn’t as if James attends, you don’t have to

Teddy: It’s extremely laughable you think you have any grounds to mock me, yes

Teddy: & that you would dare to comment on my mood given your spouse’s inability to do anything with his face but 😒

Gia: He’s only like that around you, actually

Gia: and who could blame him?

Teddy: I’m doing him a favour, his brats are going to be my age soon, it’s best he practises because he can’t exactly leave the supportive parenting to you

Gia: I’m not your mother, I don’t need to handhold you through your hangover/heartbreak to prove that I’m a capable parent

Teddy: You’re nobody’s mother, Gia & LONG may that continue to be the case, truly 🙏

Gia: If I had such news, I would have cut through your nonsense with it

Teddy: Such a pity he’s incapable of delivering it for you, in any sense

Gia: Do you have to be so disgusting?

Teddy: You married him, that’s disgusting

Gia: No one asked your opinion, how you feel about him is irrelevant

Teddy: & yet here you are defending yourself against my opinion, it’s obviously relevant to you if you feel the need

Gia: You defend your partner, that’s pretty standard

Teddy: When he’s so frail, of course

Gia: So instead of finding yourself a job, you’re spending your time working on your stand-up, are you?

Teddy: Oh I’m sorry, do you have news of our father going bankrupt? I would’ve given you the floor

Gia: Exactly, I was doing work experience with the firm and had my own part-time job during Uni

Teddy: But you still never got the attention you were after, did you? 🥺

Gia: I don’t want attention, I want, and have, a career

Gia: What do you want, Teddy?

Teddy: Currently, I would like you to stop boring me to tears

Gia: For God’s sake, grow up

Teddy: Like you have? No thanks

Gia: Do you want to be a joke, like James?

Teddy: You’re a joke too, don’t exempt yourself

Gia: Except I work hard for what I have, don’t sponge off of mum and dad and I also don’t embarrass them, at every opportunity I have, so, no, I’m not

Teddy: You married into what you have & mother is mortified

Gia: She is not

Teddy: She is

Gia: You’re just saying that

Teddy: She says it, drunk words are the truest, G

Gia: Perhaps she ought to lay off the liquor then

Teddy: Perhaps if she’d married better herself she would

Gia: I fail to see how she could, and this is such a tired, irrelevant fantasy of yours anyway, they’re fine

Teddy: I’m not going to open up about my newer fantasies, especially not to you

Gia: I will never, ever ask you to

Teddy: Go away, you’re making me more upset

Gia: What on earth is wrong with you? You’re behaving more strangely than usual

Teddy: You literally just said you’d never, ever ask

Gia: As a rule, don’t bring your girl trouble to the table if you wouldn’t actually bring the girl

Teddy: I would, but she’d reject the invitation 

Gia: 💔

Teddy: Thank you for your incredible contribution

Gia: You’re not serious, you aren’t serious about anything

Gia: you’ll be fine in the morning

Teddy: It would serve you right if I was dead in the morning, but I’m not pathetic, at least

Gia: You are SO dramatic

Teddy: I have intense feelings about her, you’re dismissive about anything which doesn’t involve your husband’s life insurance