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blcrazed · 3 years

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This has turned into a Jihwa stan account all of a sudden, huh

So we got a glimpse into Jihwa and Seungho's past, I'd say this was about 1-2 years ago, given Jihwa's hair length. So he and Seungho got into a fight apparently and...

Did Seungho just cut off Jihwa's topknot? I feel like that is big, giant, astronomical fucking no no, given their equal social status. But hey, Seungho was a bit of a self-important lunatic before Nakyum came into his life. Because this is what is being suggested right? Them talking about a fight between them, dead on shot on Jihwa's short hair, and him twirling it, why would Byeonduck position the scene like this if that wasn't what happened? (Please correct me if I'm misremembering things from previous chapters about Jihwa's hair, I still get things wrong even though I've re-read the series n times.)

And despite everything, Jihwa really does care a lot about Seungho. Look at his worried face, it's incredibly sweet, even if he is a petty, jealous, vindictive bitch that needs some character developement, quick. They have shared trauma and that enables them to be closer to each other than what their other fuckbuddies can be. Seungho still keeps Jihwa at an arm's length but Jihwa has gone all in.

Going back to chapter 50, I feel like Jihwa's nightmare wasn't only fueled by guilt and his fear of Seungho, it was also care. Because he knew losing Nakyum would put Seungho in the same broken state he was because of his father. That darkened expression, those eyes that "the light had left" as the doctor had put it, Jihwa might not want to be the person to be put him in that hell again. He won't want to become like Yoon Patriarch, who had hurt Seungho in such an irreversible way.

This look, as he sees his goal so close before him, I don't think he will cross over that finish line. He isn't a murderer, we've established that. He doesn't want Nakyum dead, he just wants him gone somehow. Because as he'd put it,

He has had fights with Seungho and has thrown these tantrums before, but the man always took him back, because they have shared trauma and they were the only point of comfort the other had. Seungho might not had realized it but he really did need Jihwa in his life BNE (before Nakyum era) in order to keep himself sane. They were each other's oldest, closest friends and it honestly sucks that as soon as Seungho found his new point of comfort, he'd ditched Jihwa. Of course he'd feel hurt and betrayed, but I hope he will come to realize that the man just isn't worth it. I hope Jihwa will see that someone else, cough Mumyeong cough, can be his new point of comfort.

Ergo, Jihwa won't go through with this because:

He's not a murderer.

He still cares about Seungho and won't want to hurt him this bad.

He'll realize that killing Nakyum will not win him back his point of comfort.

Writing this just made me realize that Seungho really is a shitty person. He literally used Jihwa when it benefited him and threw him away as soon as he got a new safety blanket. Pfffft, I dunno know what to think of him now.

Bonus round for pretty Jihwa because I love him and I believe in him and I'm sad for him from this chapter.

Look at babie sulking ❤

Also,

This made me laugh way too hard. His man's carrying him like a sack of rice because he is being a lil brat.

#painter of the night #potn #lee jihwa #yoon seungho #mumyeong #nameless x jihwa #seperate post for nakyum and seungho because holy shit i dedicated this whole post to jihwa and thats fine but it wanst planned

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fishylife · 3 years

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Guess who caved and read all 66 chapters of Painter of the Night? I don’t normally like to read comics that are still ongoing because I don’t like losing momentum while waiting for updates but here I am 🤡🤡

Spoilers.

I typed this while distracted so sorry for any muddled thoughts.

Story

I am glad that I read up to Chapter 66 because a huge misunderstanding was cleared up (the fact that Nakyum legitimately did not run away this time). I would’ve been pulling my hair out if the misunderstanding went on further (I HATE misunderstanding/miscommunication as a plot device).

A lot of people on the subreddit theorized that this was a huge turning point in the story. For the first time, we’re seeing Seungho show legitimate remorse and sadness over Nakyum’s suffering. Hopefully we’re going to see change his behaviour and act more reasonably towards Nakyum, and be more communicative about why he’s doing what he’s doing.

Though I think Nakyum is still a bit confused about his feelings for Seungho, he’s past the point of hating Seungho and wanting to leave. He said that he’d tried to run away before but he had nowhere to run to. He acknowledges that Seungho is a constant in his life, a protector and an indirect caregiver. But he’s still struggling with his feelings for Seungho.

In that way, Seungho and Nakyum are sort of opposite. Seungho recognized his romantic love for Nakyum first, but he couldn’t see how he was hurting him. As for Nakyum, he figured out how he could make Seungho happy early on, but he’s still struggling a bit with regards to how he feels about Seungho, likely because a part of his heart is still with Inhun. Again, he definitely recognizes Seungho as his protector (he’d instinctively called out to Seungho for help when he was kidnapped), but he’s still struggling over whether he’s in love with him.

This week we’re getting a continuation to the spinoff story so we won’t see the story pick up again until next week.

I do think the spinoff story is interesting. Currently, Seungho holds a lot of power over Nakyum, both in terms of political/administrative power, and physical power. But with Seungho as a peasant and Nakyum as a son of a noble family, Nakyum holds the social power over Seungho and it evens up their power dynamics a bit, which I do like. It feels safer for Nakyum lmao.

In terms of the style of story telling, it’s mostly angst, I’ll be honest. And it is rather melodramatic because miscommunication tends to be something the author uses quite a bit as a storytelling technique. Luckily, they’re not dragged out for too long.

Art

The art is pretty nice. It’s all in full colour, which surprised me. The art is extremely detailed. I wonder how the artist can do so much in a week lol. I hope they’re not overworked.

Seungho

Both Seungho and Nakyum have had their share of past trauma, but my thinking is that they’ve manifested in different ways.

It’s implied that Seungho’s father knew about his sexuality from a young age and tried to treat it through medical means and then by locking him up, which effectively stopped his education, despite him having been a bright student. Seungho then lived out his young adult days in debauchery. Early on, he implied that he was just living by his father’s principles, or something along those lines. My guess is that his dad left him behind so he could debauch in isolation without affecting the rest of the family.

So Seungho grew up without many close friends. He was surrounded by servants and yes men (like Jihwa) who would not call him out on his bullshit. So I think that’s how he developed his extremely bossy and abusive behaviour.

Why Nakyum was different for Seungho was that initially, he didn’t have power over Nakyum. He would tell him to do things, but Nakyum would not necessarily heed his commands, not painting, or trying to run away. His heart was still fully loyal to Inhun. So I think that was why Nakyum elicited extra violent behaviour from Seungho. Seungho had never been defied like this.

But I think Seungho was also intrigued by Nakyum. Nakyum was a contradiction because he drew smut but was always super embarrassed when faced with sexual situations irl. Seungho should've felt better when Inhun was sent away and Nakyum became submissive during sex and yet that’s when Seungho felt like something was wrong. Nakyum just kept eliciting unexpected emotions from Seungho. I definitely think Seungho saw him as a plaything at first, but came to care for him after he got to know more about him and his personal life.

Nakyum

Nakyum also came from a tough background. He was an orphan, and was raised along kisaeng ladies. Inhun was the first authority figure whom he’d had a positive impression of, and he latched on to him. He admired Inhun so much that he tried his best to listen to him when he told him not to draw erotic art anymore.

Inhun unfortunately didn’t see their relationship the same way. He showed a kind face to most of his students but he looked down on their lowly statuses. Only when he saw Nakyum as a pawn, did he give him attention. But he never hid his emotions, visibly expressing his anger when Nakyum wasn’t being a good spy, brushing off Nakyum’s confession of love.

Nakyum’s love for Inhun was so extremely pure and all-consuming. I cried when he was so swiftly rejected and condescended upon by Inhun T_T Because I knew how much courage it took for Nakyum to confess, how he wanted nothing but for Inhun to have good things, and Inhun cared not for any of that because it wasn’t want he wanted. Nakyum wasn’t helping him in the way he needed, and he cared far more for ambition than romantic love (not to mention romantic love from a lowly peasant).

After the rejection, Nakyum internalized Inhun’s words when he called him a prostitute. A part of him still loved Inhun and if he said that, Nakyum figured he must’ve been right. The other part of him decided that acting submissively to Seungho was the only way to survive.

Basically, Nakyum’s going through a huge emotional journey because his hero Inhun has kind of abandoned him (though he hasn’t forgotten him completely), but Nakyum hasn’t found a worthy person to give his heart to.

Seungho & Nakyum

I’m still thinking about their relationship and why we ship them despite the shit they’ve done (mostly the shit that Seungho’s done to Nakyum).

For Seungho, I think Nakyum was the first person he met who had a different way of expressing love. He’d never met someone like Nakyum who would stuff he despised just to help out Inhun. Even when Inhun didn’t show an inkling of appreciation. Perhaps Seungho felt that he didn’t know what love was until he met Nakyum.

As for Nakyum, he theorized that he was only desperate for affection and that was why he felt himself drawn to Seungho. I think that is technically true. But more than that, I think Seungho has arguably shown more levels of care to Nakyum than Inhun has. Yeah, Seungho has done horrendous stuff to Nakyum, but he’s also shown more affection to Nakyum. That includes physical affection, but Seungho also bought him warm clothes, called on a doctor to care for his health, etc. Again, all of the care absolutely does NOT cancel out the abusive behaviour on Seungho’s side, but that’s how I think Nakyum found himself feeling more and more comfortable with Seungho. Loving someone is about showing your bad sides as well as your good sides.

I think both Seungho and Nakyum are finding affection/care in forms that they’d never experienced before, and that’s why they are drawn to each other.

Problematic?

I had a feeling that this would be a story that a lot of people would consider problematic. It’s probably because I’m older now, but it doesn’t really bother me. I obviously know that there is toxic behaviour shown by the characters and I would never want that in real life, but it’s really not difficult for me to separate what works in fiction vs. what works in reality.

This was a different time period, when rich and powerful people could just do whatever they wanted. Not excusing problematic behaviour, just explaining the entitled behaviour of some of the elites.

Seungho for sure shows extremely toxic behaviour. I think the point is that he is a problematic man who has trouble expressing emotions the normal way, and it ends up hurting those around him and those he cares about. He’s definitely an imperfect person who’s unpleasant to be around, but I think one thing the author wanted to show is that bad people are still capable of having emotions. By no means do I excuse his toxic behaviour. But I am all for showing that flawed people are still worthy of attention. We are still interested in what Seungho does in spite of his poor behaviour because we recognize that he is still a person.

I also recognize that Nakyum is woobified a lot. He’s constantly put in situations where he is the victim and he doesn’t/can’t fight back. In the latest event with Jihwa ordering Nakyum’s kidnapping/murder, the Nameless one had threatened Nakyum’s life so that he wouldn’t reveal the fact that he’d kidnapped him, and that caused all of Seungho’s meanness in the past few chapters. I recognize that whump is a popular trope, but usually because it ends in comfort. (I specifically can’t enjoy whump if it doesn’t end in comfort) It sets up a situation in which it feels reasonable for the victim to receive comfort. Again, this is stuff that I only enjoy in fiction. I recognize that in real life, people shouldn’t have to get hurt to be worthy of love and care. But I can see why people may say that Nakyum being the victim might be a problem.

Other

I thought Jihwa & the Nameless one were going to be a side pairing from the moment I saw the Nameless one’s jaw lmao. It was angular and I was like, that’s a handsome man’s jaw. I’m glad that Jihwa realized before hurting Nakyum that he couldn’t possibly fix his relationship with Seungho anymore. He recognized that even with Nakyum out of the picture, Seungho wouldn’t want to come to him. Seungho’s mind would always be filled with Nakyum, and if Seungho had found out that he was behind the murder, he’d hate Jihwa even more. Like Nameless one, despite the despicable things that Jihwa had done, I did pity him. He was in love with Seungho for a long time, and thought that giving him everything he wanted (including letting him have sexual relations with others) would endear himself to Seungho. But they were just not meant to be.

But Min implied that Jihwa had crossed the line already this time by kidnapping Nakyum. After the happenings of Chapter 66, Seungho’s going to have a field day with Jihwa and I’m not sure how he’s going to get out of that one. Not sure if Nameless one can do anything to help.

I don’t know how long this manhwa is supposed to be, but there are several story lines other than Seungho x Nakyum that haven’t been addressed yet. Like I said, I think we’re going to see Jihwa x Nameless one expanded upon a bit. There’s some stuff going on with the Yoon family, since Seungho’s brother keeps coming over. I wonder if Seungho’s going to try starting a career (this isn’t based on anything, I’m just wondering). And I also have a feeling that Inhun might return, which will likely force Nakyum to choose between Inhun or Seungho once and for all.

To be completely honest, I don’t want this manhwa to drag out for too long. For selfish reasons because again I don’t like waiting for ongoing comic chapters. I don’t know how long the manhwa is intended to be, but based on my paragraph above, it’d still take a lot of time for all of those loose ends to be wrapped up. But considering the fact that Seungho and Nakyum’s relationship is probably finally going to get better, hopefully we’re over half way through? Just me being hopeful.

Final

I didn’t write a full review for this on my Dreamwidth because, like, this comic isn’t even done yet. But as you can see, I enjoyed reading it. I feel like I’m missing a hundred things that crossed my mind while reading this. And there are a lot of interesting analysis posts on Tumblr and Reddit that are opening my mind to other interpretations too.

I had a BL manga phase when I was a teenager and now I’m like “...is it time to get back into it?” Lol. In any case, it’s interesting reading BL as an adult now because like I said, it’s so much easier to separate the fiction from the reality now. I can read BL purely as fiction while recognizing what tropes are not healthy, and they don’t diminish the story. It’s melodramatic because it’s exactly that: melodrama.

#thinking out loud #manhwa #painter of the night

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he-is-mine-i-am-his-blog · 3 years

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Of reflections and revelations

Fandom: Painter of the Night

Pairing: Baek Nakyum/Yoon Seungho

Ratings: E

Word count: ~2 900 words

Story summary: Nakyum hasn’t still confessed to Seungho. He doesn’t quite know what is stopping him.

This is the second part in a series Of love, devotion and gratitude.

Read below or on AO3.

---

Nakyum is slow to awaken, as the fine threads of dreams drag and stretch. They still hold onto him, as he turns to his side and reaches a hand forward on the mattress.

The space beside him is empty.

Wakefulness doesn’t come with sadness though, even when he finds himself alone in the bed. It comes with joy, as he can’t suffocate the smile that is already tugging at the corners of his mouth.

His eyes still closed, he thinks of Seungho, of the previous night. He imagines him before him, on top of him, just as he was then.

He lifts his arms above his head and arches his back in stretching himself. There is a dull throb of pain, no more than a gentle wave that caresses the rocky shores of a beach. He is blissfully sore from the way that Seungho had so carefully ravished him.

Seungho is rough as a lover, but he is generous too. He is thorough. He doesn’t push Nakyum too much, too hard, especially after – everything. He pushes him just enough so that he may drive Nakyum absolutely mad with how much he wants and needs, how much he feels.

Nakyum takes his sweet time lying in the bed, in the sheets that still smell of his lover, before he finally gets up.

The air feels cool on the bare skin of his body. The nights have got colder with the winter that is looming not too far ahead. Seungho’s sleeping quarters are undoubtedly the warmest in the house, but it’s still cool enough to have Nakyum to take his robe from the dresser and slip into it just for warmth.

When he turns to face the room again, he notices the small table that is settled beside the door. It is covered by a dozen or more small dishes.

He walks over to examine the bountiful offering, and it is then that he notices the flower. It is placed next to a cup of sweet treats. He picks it up, his fingers wrapping gently around the stem.

The flower has deep, brilliant red petals, gathered around the soft yellow center. It is one of the few flowers to bloom this late into the year. It is the flower that Seungho picked for him on another day long ago, when they had walked alone in the gardens at the back of the residence, when so much between them had been still fragile, ambivalent.

The words that Seungho said to him then come back to him now, so vivid, as does the soft look in his eyes when he spoke them.

I will come back – soon.

Nakyum’s smile grows wider yet at the memory of it.

He has no doubt that it is Seungho who has picked it for him this time too, it is him who arranged this table to be set here for waiting him. The flower is like a wordless love note left just for him, and it’s only him who can understand it.

---

After a lonesome mid-day meal, Nakyum is sitting by the opened window at Seungho’s sleeping quarters, although the man has yet to return.

He is staring at the view of the courtyard, wholly lost in his thoughts, in the memories.

He thinks of his first winter here, of the time when everything changed. He thinks of how things were between them.

Nakyum was already in love with Seungho then. He suspects he has been in love with him for much longer, only he didn’t realize it. He didn’t even examine his feelings before he learned of Seungho’s.

He lowers his gaze to his hands that lay on his lap, fingers teasing at the loose stitching on the edge of his robe.

He hasn’t still confessed to Seungho.

He hadn’t confessed when Seungho said the words to him for the first time. He hasn’t since, although Seungho has said them to him a dozen times.

He doesn’t quite know what is stopping him.

There is still fear in his heart, he knows. He isn’t afraid to want him, to devote himself to Seungho. There is no fear for that.

Words are more difficult though. He feels vulnerable when he thinks of speaking aloud what he carries in his heart. It feels like standing on the edge of a cliff, contemplating on a step forward that would determine if he would fall or learn to fly.

He is afraid he will get hurt. He knows Seungho will not hurt him willingly, but he is still afraid.

The heart of an artist is made of the finest porcelain, pure and beautiful but too easily shattered into a thousand little pieces.

Nakyum shifts his eyes towards the flower again that he had laid on the dresser.

Seungho is not afraid. He hasn’t been since he spoke the words.

He has expressed his feelings in words plenty of times. He had expressed them in acts of care and kindness even more.

Seungho isn’t afraid.

Maybe it’s in him where Nakyum could find his courage too.

Nakyum looks back to the courtyard. The day is cloudy, grey. The sun is hiding behind the nubilous veil, with only a few rays pushing past in stray beams of light.

After a while, his attention is caught by a servant walking towards the entrance in hurried steps. When he looks towards the gated door, he sees Seungho who has just stepped in.

He looks down, as he steps into the courtyard. His head is inclined in greeting the man who comes to meet him. He exchanges a few words with him, shaking his head minutely, before he sends the man on his way.

It is then that Seungho’s eyes turn towards the opened window. They instantly set on Nakyum’s. There is a smile on his lips, small and private, just for him.

Nakyum smiles too, his heart aching with the sight of him. He is always aching for him.

---

They settle down side by side at the long dining table of the common room for the evening meal.

After his return, Seungho came briefly to see Nakyum at his sleeping quarters. He kissed him and whispered to him that he had missed him, which felt – silly, ridiculous, given that they were apart for no more than a few hours. Seungho smiled though in that way that he does on occasion, just for him. In a way that is both cheeky and shy at the same time.

Seeing him like that, Nakyum could not help but respond in kind. He told Seungho that he missed him too.

After, Seungho retreated to his library where Nakyum did not follow.

They did not see each other again until Seungho came to escort him for dinner.

Sitting beside him at the table now, Nakyum leans closer only so that he may get the small cup of sliced sweet cucumbers.

Seungho does not help him to retrieve it, but he leans closer too, his shoulder brushing against Nakyum's. There's a smile on his lips, faint but teasing, although his eyes are cast down while he fills his cup too. It was not accidental that he didn't move or help Nakyum. It was not rudeness either, as it is part of this physical play between them.

As they begin to eat, Nakyum asks Seungho about his day. He answers easily, as if there is nothing he wishes to hide or keep from Nakyum, as if there are no secrets or lies between them, and no need for either.

Nakyum listens to Seungho talk. He doesn't talk much himself.

In listening, his mind soon drifts though.

He said to Seungho that he missed him too.

He has said a lot of things to him, a lot of small admissions of his affections.

He has not said the words that mean the most.

Why could he not say those words? Why does he find them impossible to speak aloud?

Why does he need to say them at all? Why isn't it enough that he feels them?

He is staring down at his cup, lost in his thoughts, when he feels the light touch on his forearm. When he lifts his eyes, they meet Seungho's concerned gaze.

"Are you okay?"

Nakyum nods and says quietly, "I'm fine."

He is not fine.

It is not Seungho who is hurting from the words unspoken. It's Nakyum himself, but he still swallows them down.

---

Nakyum is lying next to Seungho on the mattress, his head pressed on the bare, firm chest. His fingers draw circles on the bare skin, not far from the long scar on Seungho’s side. The one that he had gained in protecting Nakyum.

He is listening to Seungho's deep, rich voice, as he is reading aloud.

In the past few nights, Seungho has been reading him a sweet, heart-aching story of two soulmates separated by time and distance, separated by impossible circumstances. Much of what he has read recently has been romantic. Much of it has been filled with feelings that go far beyond casual, feeble affections.

Nakyum listens, his heart beating wildly in his chest.

Hearing the stories of pain and heartache, he is faced with the notion of how very lucky he is to have Seungho now, to be in his arms, safe and so hopelessly in love with him.

He feels lucky not just to have found a lover but to found a confidant and a home too, all in this one person who loves him back, who would give him everything he wished, anything he asked. A person who would do anything to keep him there.

The journey they took to get here was long and winding, and it feels as if it was nearly impossible too. It feels as if it is a story that should be immortalized in the books too.

He listens to Seungho's voice.

Seungho reads the beautiful words on the page, an artful and passionate confession of love. He reads them with his voice low but steady. He reads them as if he is speaking them for Nakyum, saying them for him, meaning them for him.

There is no fear in Seungho in his absolute certainty.

And then, there is no fear for Nakyum either, at least not enough to stop him.

Nakyum takes a deep breath in, and he closes his eyes. He whispers, “I love you too.”

It’s quiet and careful, his admission. It’s hidden behind Seungho’s words, as he continues to read. It’s not lost though, because Seungho falls quiet then.

He doesn’t lower the book, he doesn’t even move. He just breathes if only that.

Nakyum's heart is racing in his chest, faster and harder yet. The fear comes crashing in then, stealing the very breath from his lungs with the force that it rushed in.

He has stepped over the edge of the cliff, into the abyss that awaits beneath.

When Nakyum is about to pull his words back, Seungho finally speaks.

He will not let Nakyum fall.

“I love you so much.”

His voice is thin, frayed though, as if he wasn’t expecting Nakyum’s confession, as if he wasn’t as full of confidence and courage as he always seems to be. Perhaps he was not, is not.

His voice is anguished too, as if he loves him so much that he pains over it too. Perhaps he does love him so very much.

“I love you,” Nakyum says again.

This time it's easier.

This time it's a relief to speak the words, so he says them again – and again. Every time is much bigger of a relief, because he has bottled all of it for far too long, because Seungho didn't let him fall, he never does.

It is Seungho who will always catch him when he falls.

Nakyum can’t help but smile as he says it again.

It is then that Seungho puts his book aside. He turns to Nakyum, and he is pressing a kiss into Nakyum’s smiling mouth before he can say it once more.

---

When Seungho pushes Nakyum onto his back, Nakyum yields.

Seungho is kissing him, lips moving in a tantalizing dance against his mouth. His hand comes to cradle Nakyum’s jaw, to hold him steady when he kisses harder, deeper yet. He kisses Nakyum until he is breathless with it. Even then, Seungho pulls back only for a second or a few.

It’s just long enough for Nakyum to see the half-lidded look on Seungho’s face, just long enough for him to say again, “I love you so much, Nakyum.”

And then, Seungho is kissing him again.

Nakyum allows him.

His hands are on Seungho. One arm is wrapped around his upper back, while the other hand grips his bare shoulder. The muscles tense and punch under his palm, when Seungho’s hand, too, roams down Nakyum’s frame.

Without breaking the kiss, Seungho peels off Nakyum’s clothes. He pushes off to disrobe himself too, his eyes raking down the length of Nakyum. He looks at him as if he has never seen him before.

There is not just want and need in his eyes. There is affection. There is wonder too as if he can't believe that Nakyum is his.

Nakyum extends his hand towards him in an invitation. He doesn’t ask. Instead, he says, “I love you, my Lord.”

Seungho doesn't stay away any longer.

He rejoins Nakyum with kisses and touches that are quick to trail down. He laves his torso with kisses, his hand smoothing down what his lips don’t caress. He does it with such care that leaves no inch untouched. He does it with such skills that leaves Nakyum nearly oblivious to all else.

Only when he glances down, does he realize that dispersed between the kisses, there are quiet words of love and admiration whispered into his bare skin.

When he gets down, Seungho doesn't hesitate to take him into his mouth. It is then that Nakyum has to look away, to close his eyes.

It is with feverish attention and dedication that Seungho prepares him. He does more than that. He brings Nakyum such pleasure that it’s almost impossible to bear.

“Please,” Nakyum begs and grips at his shoulder.

Seungho releases him then. When Nakyum looks down, he finds Seungho already staring at him, his eyes dark and intense. They stay on his, as he moves closer to Nakyum.

Their gaze is only broken when Seungho glances down between them to take a hold of himself, to guide himself where Nakyum longs to have him. He lifts his eyes back to Nakyum’s though before he pushes into him.

He stills upon being fully sheathed. He blinks his eyes a few times, before he closes them and presses his face against the crook of Nakyum’s neck. He breathes.

"You wreck me, Nakyum," Seungho says, his voice quiet, anguished, "Must you always wreck me so?"

Nakyum is too overwhelmed to respond. He doesn’t get the chance before Seungho begins to move. It’s impossible after.

Seungho thrusts into him, his moves careful and controlled. He wraps his around Nakyum’s shoulder, but the grip is strong, almost painful in its hold. With his face hidden, it is what betrays him, what betrays the need, the despair that he hides inside.

Nakyum feels it too, that despair. He feels much more.

To be this close to him now fills Nakyum with so much emotion that it has tears prickling behind his closed eyelids.

Overwhelmed, Nakyum knows he can’t last long. He can’t find the words to express it, as his hands grapple to pull him closer yet. He speaks only words he knows, he finds now.

"Please," Nakyum says, as the first tear rolls down his cheek, "Seungho, please. I love you."

Seungho doesn't respond in words, but he can’t swallow down the low moan upon hearing Nakyum’s either. He still responds, with all of himself. He grips Nakyum’s hip and thrusts into him, hard and fast. He does it, relentlessly.

Nakyum cries aloud when the pleasure rips through him. He writhes, bucking against Seungho half a dozen or so times until he finds his pleasures too.

When they sag against the mattress in a breathless heap, the tears brim to Nakyum’s eyes. He can’t stop them from falling. He can’t stop the sobs from escaping his lips.

Seungho pulls back in an instant, confused and concerned. His hand on Nakyum’s shoulder and his eyes on his, he asks, "Are you okay? Did I hurt you?"

More tears well into Nakyum’s eyes. He swallows heavily, his voice weak and frail when he replies.

“No, I just -… I love you so much.”

There is relief in Seungho’s eyes when he hears the words. There is understanding too, because he knows what it means to hold back, to harbor the words inside.

His hand comes to cradle Nakyum’s jaw once more. He kisses him then, sweet and tender, before he presses his forehead against Nakyum’s.

"I know you do," Seungho says in a whisper against his lips, "and I love you too."

#potn #painter of the night #potn fic

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fwopfwop · 4 years

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〖REVIEW〗POTN 2.46

Summary

Our little doe-eyed cutie is making snowmen just outside the kitchen while the servants are preparing food and he seems content. Then Grumpy Servant Deok-Jae from the end of the previous chapter knocks over one of Nakyum’s snowmen ughhhhh. He’s ticked off that Nakyum doesn’t work like the other servants in the house and that he must be hanging out with them to rub it in their noses. A female servant comes out and tells Grumpy Servant off. Nakyum had actually tried to help out so she told him to hang out outside instead. She has a brain and heart and understands that Nakyum has no say in his current situation and is actually having a hard time. Grumpy Servant counters that Nakyum actually has it easy with the nice meals and warm clothes he’s gotten.

...he might as well be another master.

Grumpy Servant leaves in a huff, bumping shoulders with Nakyum, that jerk! Kind Kitchen Servant reminds Nakyum to not worry about that potato head since he’s just servant. She brings Nakyum’s meal to his room despite his protestations that he’s fine eating in the kitchen, telling him that Seungho had actually ordered her to bring Nakyum’s meals to his room.

Kind Kitchen Servant tells Nakyum that the lord actually cares about him very much. (me: *sits up, adjusts glasses* oh ho ho really?) She assumes Nakyum knows it hence why he hasn’t tried to run away recently. She reveals that all the servants have been keeping an eye on him since the day he ran away and was brought back by Sir Inhun since they got a beating that day (Seungho you assface!). Nakyum apologizes and reassures her that he won’t try anymore. He also admits that he had tried to run away one more time after Sir Inhun left.

He was going to return to the kisaeng house he grew up in but remembers the words one of his noonas there told him presumably on the day he left.

You might miss your noonas, but you must never come back! You understand, don’t you?

He’s crying, I’m crying, we’re all crying!!! She had asked Sir Inhun to help him. Ughhhh this hurts. Nakyum then realized that even if he ran away, he had nowhere to go to. And his life in the Yoon household ain’t too bad since his basic needs are met & he’s always liked painting.

And he doesn’t tell the kind servant this but Nakyum reveals that though he used to hate Seungho, when he faps now, he sees Seungho and all the things they’ve done together.

My Thoughts

It was sad to see Nakyum’s slight smile turn into a frown. Poor baby can’t catch a break anywhere. AND IT’S ALL SEUNGHO’S FAULT! *shakes fist*

As the two servants argued, Nakyum’s in a weird position in the Yoon household. While he’s lowborn, Seungho has made it clear that Nakyum is not to be treated like he’s lowborn or a servant (he’s not allowed to work like the other servants & gets privileges like eating in his room, etc). Grumpy Servant’s jealousy is justified although he doesn’t have to be such a little shit about it. His anger is directed towards the wrong person anyways.

I think Nakyum’s ambiguous status will be something he needs to deal with this season. I’m certain this will actually wear on Nakyum’s mental state more than his sexual relationship with Seungho. We’ve seen that he’s quite lonely and yearns for love and acceptance. He’s never had a place to belong to and it must hurt him a lot to be considered an outsider amongst his own people.

I assume Nakyum’s noona told him to never return to the kisaeng house because she wanted more for him. She probably hoped he could have a better future with Sir Inhun’s assistance. After we get the flashback of her telling Nakyum that she asked Inhun to help him, there’s a quick flashback to when Sir Nutface told him he was born to be a prostitute and ughhhh fuck that slimey fucker. She entrusted this poor kid into his care and the whole time he was looking down on them AND he didn’t even fulfill his promise. Nakyum still ended up in a position that’s not too much different than him remaining in a kisaeng house. His noona would be so pissed if she knew TT___TT

I really liked this chapter. It provided a lot of insight into Nakyum’s character. Pretty sure Grumpy Servant ain’t the only servant in the Yoon household who’s ready to make Nakyum’s daily life miserable out of jealousy but at least he has some allies. I don’t think the fire in Nakyum has been completely extinguished yet. While he’s kind of accepted his fate, I do think he can run at any moment. Seungho better be on his best behavior (he won't tho ughhhh). Sexually, he’s warming up to Seungho since sex is his only source of joy atm, which is just the saddest thing. Unfortunately I can only see things getting worse for Nakyum before they get better.

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#fwop reviews: potn #fwop reviews

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