#I'm SO Positive if I'm honest with my therapist he'll be like

[donnerpartyofone]

I made the mistake (well, it had no consequences, but it was pointless!) of asking Quora how NPD is treated, because it's something I've always been curious about, and of course I got this long pompous answer from a "former consultant child psychotherapist" about how "mental illness" doesn't really exist, it's just a diversionary metaphor forced on the world of emotions by the medical industry, and also any psychology professional who claims to specialize in anything in particular "has lost their way". Like, I have long since realized that people use Quora almost exclusively to work out their own personal problems--I'm lucky I didn't hear from someone who tells me to "buckle up" for an answer in the form of a long story about how they hate their mom or whatever--but I still think there are ways of answering my question that could avoid troubling taxonomy issues.

What I was getting at was, for instance, when I was being treated for depression, we were really addressing my feelings of self-hatred and unworthiness--and not that that's EASY exactly, but in the grand scheme of things it's not so bad when a professional tells you that it's ok to like yourself more, to acknowledge your own virtues, and learn to treat yourself as a deserving person instead of punishing and depriving yourself all the time, and subjecting yourself to other people's abuses. I imagine that, on the other hand, if your problem is that you consider yourself way more deserving than everyone else, and you expect everyone to react to you with fawning admiration and loyalty no matter how you torture them, and you're mostly in pain because you can't understand why other people don't reflect back your grandiose fantasies about how superior you are...then what an honest therapist would have to say to you could be way harder to hear, than "you're BETTER than you think and you should give yourself MORE credit, etc."

I think about people I've known who were constantly weaving elaborate jerkoff fantasies about themselves and their personal importance, and how obvious it was that their problems were rooted in that difference between how they thought of themselves and how the world responded to them, and the elephant in the room with all their friends was always "Too bad we can't just tell X that they need to be less obsessed with themselves, and more considerate of other people, too bad they're making it really clear that facing that reality would send them to a rubber room--and anyone who has ever confronted them is immediately banished and shunned anyway." Like someone who is always obsessing over how everyone should worship them is not going to want to hear that their exact problem is that no one owes them worship. I'm thinking of my ex who used to absolutely lose his mind if he wasn't greeted at every door with bowing and scraping--even if the ones who failed to celebrate his arrival were animals or five year old children. I'm thinking of how he accused people who actually liked him of harboring secret insulting thoughts about him, just because they didn't grovel for him like peasants. I'm thinking of one night when we weren't even dating anymore, at about 4am, he chatted me a set of instructions for his funeral, which included loading his corpse into a space rocket to be shot into the sun; he was trying to position this as a way of completeting obliterating himself, like it was really humble of him to want to be annihilated like that, like this was not the single most expensive, ostentatious, attention-starved thing he'd ever dreamed up about himself in his whole pathetically narcissistic life. How do you tell THAT guy that he has narcissistic personality disorder, and that he'll be a lot happier when he stops believing he has to be the God of everybody? Surprising no one, Quora cannot answer my questions, but I'd still love to know.

[souljellied]

tw: emotional abuse

the last month or so has thrown so much into sharp relief and it's been a lot to deal with. this is really personal but hey it's my blog I can do what I want, I need to throw this into the void so here we are.

I knew my mother was a narcissist but somehow forgot the word whilst still holding onto the coping mechanisms (grey rock, low info diet, therapy, etc) over the last fifteen years or so. Coming back whilst on ADHD meds and seeing it all up close, with perfect clarity, for the first time... it's fucking bonkers. We were raised to think this was completely normal, we were isolated from everyone who could have helped us. I'm fucking furious to be honest. Corroborating stories with my uncles and aunts - the parasite's siblings, who have kept their distance and who I'm only just getting to know - confirmed even more and filled in a lot of blanks.

I finally told my dad (I could have told him back then but I didn't know where he was in this at the time, I didn't trust him to not tell her and it was too much of a risk, and now I know he's been a victim as much of the rest of us) and we're in this together, getting through the mess in quiet solidarity as we grey rock our way through the next few months of living under this roof.

I sent him Dr Ramani's videos and he's finally free as well, knowing it wasn't him this entire time, but oh my god it makes my heart hurt to think about how he suffered alone for so many years with us all brainwashed to be against him. I don't think he'll ever get my siblings back. He must miss his children so much. I see why he was driven to alcoholism so clearly and that could have been me on another path if I hadn't coped with self-harm instead. Dad's calling therapists today and I'm praying someone can help him through this because the shockwave of feelings he's going to experience once he realised an emotional parasite masquerading as a human being stole the best years of his life, decades and decades, is going to be intense. To say the least.

I never had a mother, there was just a monster pulling the strings on my life, and my family's life, the entire time.

The feeling of having emotionally processed that is very strange. There's no sense of loss, just detachment. I am just so, so glad my dad is sober, that he has the information he needs to heal from this and that we're in touch again. I am really looking forward to having a positive relationship with him in full defiance of what that parasite tried to take from us.

I'm counting the days until I step foot out of this house for the final time. I'm getting all my ducks in a row with a solid plan to achieve escape velocity, then I am cutting contact with said emotional parasite forever. She's never getting a single thing from me ever again. Not one iota of my thought, regret, emotion or energy.

Fuck, I feel like I've been waiting for this moment my entire life. I guess I have! It's so weird that it's finally here. Like I've been playing a game for years and once I've defeated the final boss I get to put it down and walk away forever.

My life is a surreal mess at the moment.

#emotional abuse #surviving narcissism #soul rambles

[quiltwork]

Processed another trauma, don’t know if I really wanna type it up. Went on my first ever vacation, and came back Mega depressed and suicidal, dissociating and getting drunk?? Wild

#Went on TheHopeLine chatline for help again #like I've been doing for 2 1/2 years #Didn't think it was such a big deal until they were like #Go away you need long term help #cut the chat on me #Now I'm desperate again #trying to figure out my life other than my traumas #I'm SO Positive if I'm honest with my therapist he'll be like #We don't do that here we just do EMDR lol #I'll be like oh cool guess I'll die shrugs

[otakusheep15]

Helloooo, are the matchups still open? If ap I'd like to ask for one! :)

My name is Rex and my pronouns are he/him, I'm a gay male (mlm only).

One of my positive traits is that I consider myself a great listener, and I've always been kinda the therapist friend (even though I struggle with bad mental health too but whatever), I also often get told that I'm funny and often make people happy when they're around me, even though they were sad before.

A bad trait of mine is that I have extreme mood swings and get WAYYY too attached to objects/interests/people too fast, and become obsessed with them.

My hobbies are skateboarding, listening to music (metal and punk) and drawing, I also love reading and writing (I write my own poems! :))

My favorite color is green, I even have green and black hair!

Please only ship me with guys, thank u!<3

-Rex

I match you with Satan!

Let's be honest, Satan needs someone who will listen to him rant about his daddy issues feelings for certain individuals who shall not be named. As much as he should see an actual therapist for his problems, confiding in someone close to him is as close as he's gonna get. As a bonus, he'll also be more than willing to help you with your mental health, or at least find you someone if you'd prefer a professional of some kind. Someone with a natural humor and brightness like you would also contrast well with Satan's more serious (at least in public) demeanor.

Satan totally understands getting mood swings. He probably has to deal with them on a daily basis, from both himself and his brothers. By now, he probably has thousands of ways to cope with mood swings if you'd like assistance with them. I feel like Satan would also understand hyperfixations pretty well. I mean, Levi seems to get them pretty often when it comes to anime and games, and Satan himself isn't always safe from them either. So he gets it, he really does, and he'll be there to support you in any ways you need him to.

As for your hobbies, I think he would enjoy them. Skateboarding doesn't seem like something Satan would be super into at first, but he might be able to get into it with a little bit of time. If not, he'd still be happy sitting off to the side and watch you instead. Metal and punk sound like genres Satan would probably listen to when he's stressed out or angry since they can usually help calm someone down, so he's be down for listening to music with you. Satan most likely isn't the best at drawing, but he appreciates that you have that talent and will gladly praise any art you make. Obviously, Satan is a huge fan of literature, so reading and writing are two things he loves as well.

Rules for matchups

#matchups #obey me #obey me satan