#I'm not sure he's capable of romantic love personally? he doesn't have the capacity to truly care about someone in that way

[rosiethals]

#The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes #TBOSAS #Coriolanus Snow #Lucy Gray Baird #Snowbaird #for me... no. #I'm not sure he's capable of romantic love personally? he doesn't have the capacity to truly care about someone in that way #he's got such a Capitol mindset where all he cares about is status power and possessions #and to him to love someone is to own them #that felt really evident to me in some of his thoughts re Lucy Gray #she was more of a... meal ticket than someone he had genuine feelings for #everything he did to help her was really to help HIM #anyway. sometimes I feel like swinging a bat at a hornet's nest so let me know where you land!

[undercoverpena]

Hey so i wanted to reach out and say that your writing is so so good and in depth that it just mesmerizes me, it's like a poetry and your grasp of ghost's characters made me fall in love with the character even more.

I wanted to ask: do you think he has attachment issues and not just in a romantic sense but all around? the way you convey him really speaks volumes to me as he's someone that can love someone but never properly expressing it, at least not through words, also it's probably not important since call of duty is not at all about any of this but it's really nice seeing writers explore and imagine characters in a different light . To me he just seems like the type of person that ultimately respects and loves his s/o but will require his own space aswell and the kind of vibe is especially if it's soldiers we talk about, people loving each other but never fully being able to be together. Idk im rambling but i think he's a good character people can explore in fics and give him different stories. Regardless, lovely work and I'd love to see what you think (if you want to ofc!)

aww thank you so much, that's so sweet of you.

i feeeeeel like this is a very loaded question, and I'm going to do my *best* at answering, but i feel i should preface this by saying: this is entirely my opinion, lots of other writers, artists, fans, cod players etc will have their own, but this is mine.

yes. i think he has a lot of issues and attachment issues is one of them.

it's expected though, with the trauma he has been through, the way he has to compartmentalise not just the things he's seen but the things he has to do, is super understandable. what will make the romantic side even more difficult for him is because he doesn't know what box to put his romantic partner in? especially if he meets them through his job. i think he likes order and that just seems messy and complex and out of his very sleep-deprived brain's capacity.

but, do i think he's very much capable of love? yes. will it be conventional or like the 'standard' most expect or see in movies, no.

but it'll be in the little things.

he's deffo not someone i imagine will find romance easy, and acts of service is deffo something he'll find the easiest. for example, him showing up for 'rain', and needing to check in on her, in my opinion, is what he can comfortably manage and articulate. him showing up for someone, him taking matters into his own hands to make someone's day a little better? is very much him. he will show it with actions, big or small. whereas rain, who also has acts of service (i kinda imagine from friends I have in the military-sphere that acts of service is a big one), is someone who wants to take care of someone, she finds comfort easy and makes them food, will get them a blanket, make them a bed etc. it's instinctive for her to show and easy for her to also show affection, physical touch, and while lots of people would overlook them, i imagine for him, even the small ones, feel really freaking huge.

for your point/question of loving someone but not being able to be fully with them, in my head, he's 'been' with people, but he's not really been with people, if you get me. i can imagine it feels a lot to let them in, and for them to put up with. which is why i keep tending to lean towards people from the military, as it's one less hurdle for him to have to try and get around. it's not that i think it'll be impossible, but it'll take so much work and time, and he doesn't have a lot. even with people he does meet in the military, there's the whole fear that if they get too close, they'll get hurt, either because of him or by him as he’s not sure what he can give someone.

do i think he's fearful of people seeing the real him? a little, but i think it's more that he'd just rather not form attachments because he can compartmentalise that better. it's easier. less hassle. because he does trust some people, even before this particular game, if we think back to price and him greeting him when he takes off his mask.

anyway, somewhat steering back to the initial question and using rain x ghost as an example, i don't think they'd struggle to show each other they care/love one another, but i think they'd struggle with finding a dynamic that works. ghost is used to being solo, working alone, being alone. he's already let a team in, and bonded in his own way, but loving someone is inviting them past that threshold a bit more. it's different. he'll struggle with it because he's not sure how to be without an action, and sometimes one isn't always needed. him showing up, when there's nothing wrong, doesn't have the same impact as it does when something is, so for rain, him being there may not seem a lot, but for him its huge.

for rain, the dynamic of him giving her orders, maybe benching her, will drive her mad because, irrespective of her feelings, she has a point to prove, and she'll worry (constantly, knowing the complex anxious issues i give my readers) and want to show him nothing has changed. even if even he can tell it has. she'd also likely whittle about the fact that it has changed, and she doesn't want it to, because she thinks he needs it to not look like it has. not realising that he doesn't make decisions lightly, he expected things to shift/change/evolve. this is a man who thinks through everything, and perfectly executes what he's told to do.

so, i think they'll both need space. they'll also need to find a rhythm, and they'll both find they do things for the other without making a song and dance about it. he might make her a drink because she looks like she needs it; she might persuade soap to go for a walk with her, so ghost can have time alone. he might show up when her plane lands or find her to be there in case she needs something; she might find him painkillers and leave them on his pillow because she knows he isn't sleeping and that he gets headaches when he doesn't.

i'm not sure i've answered your question with facts, more ideas and headcanons i guess, but this is how I've shaped him. and that's how we ended up with the latest piece, and probably helen.simon because in both of those worlds, he's trying to wrap his head around 'what it all means'. i think he has a cargo plane full of things to work through, but i also think the people i write him with tend to know that without him verbalising it, and allow him the time/patience he needs to shift through that.

but yeah, there we go. one very long answer to a question I'm still not sure I've answered. sorry, anon.

#kind souls #asked and answered #simon ghost riley #ghost riley #ghost riley asks #anon

[hightidelowmood]

Blindspot season 3

OK OK OK I have returned back to this 10/10 show and hello!!! EPISODE 15 LETS GO

I like Keaton... why oh why do I like this grub???? and the chemistry between him and Zapata?? they're a great team. I love the dynamic so much! Zapata's 'I am at capacity at keeping secrets' is literally hot. I love when she throws down back at Keaton hahahaha

I can really understand why Avery continues to push away from Jane especially because Jane continues to try and pull her into the storm. Not that Avery shouldn't be part of all of this, but I can understand her adversion to thinking her own father is capable of all the terrible things they continue to push at her!

eeeeeEeeeEeEeEep I still think Roman is... hot. The turmoil he feels about loosing Blake is very, very interesting. I like that he has all of these romantic feelings. His character development is so great to watch.

UGH ok Jane has just woken from her slumber to a sound... and wtf is Kade doing back here. "I'm not going to kill you.. I need your help" bitch why should she help you???? also her husband is going to bash him surely??? Kade's an idiot to be completely honest, Jane and Kurt have no problem going for the kill shot LOL they will literally murder without thinking HAHAHAH ooooft, CIA totally stuffed everything for Kade... interesting. Of course he wants a new deal what a headache.

HAHAHAHA of course Keaton is freaked out that sand storm has been found what a great moment in Blindspot hahahaha and of course Jane trusts Kade's word for it, there is another bad terrifying bad dude loose in NYC, love this for us. OH OH OH Crawford is involved!

200 million... for Blake back?? I am looking forward to seeing how they're going to get their children back. OoOoO they're being kept in a night club... god Roman's accent is H O T anyway, he is the only person talking sense. He doesn't want to start a gang war... but I am surprised that Crawford agreed with his business buddy over Roman??? especially because Roman is clearly educated and cares for his daughter? i n t e r e s t i n g

OoOoFT Keaton and Zapata is so hot... why are they so attractive? they are currently arguing over what they'll be doing with Kade. when they fight its full of vibesssss anyway, Keaton being honest and telling Zapata what's happening with Kade's husband.

Anyway, we are back with Jane and Kade interacting and I love how truthful Jane is. She is so sincere when she tells the people from her past.

Oh there's a building rade happening tonight?!!??! Kade just dropped the beans!!! yay, wonder how many headshots there will be by the team??? lets go lets go!!

FFS what is wrong with Crawford??? why isn't he listening to Roman? I don't understand why Crawford isn't listening? oh of course Roman is going in to get Blake. Boy oh boy, he has it bA A A a a a a a d, I adore this side of Roman SO MUCH!

Oh god Kade is seeing his son :( I am crying, this is sooo sad. His son started crying, AWWW get me a big big big tissue and a bottle of wine because I feel too emo for Kade and the situation he has put himself in at the expense of his family. What an idiot but also... circumstances hey??? I wonder if Kade holds back knowing his son doesn't recognise him anymore?

ANYWAY, Avery is baaaack and she wants to know what her dad did on his past life and I still wonder what angle she has... does she actually want to know? Does she even care???

Oh!! Kade is going to share his knowledge! ~how interesting, he doesn't know what's going on but he does know who the bad lady is... who is the bad person I wonder...? is it someone they know? Quinn BONITA?!?! who are you?!?? so you're a bad bitch? Why are CIA bad guys always wearing army pants and tight shirts and OH MY GOD THEY JUST got to a hotel and she's locked down the hotel and shot someone in the head??? why is Quinn going rogue??? oh because her husband was killed how awful :( this poor woman

Quinn is about to attack the CIA with full rights because her son was killed and wasn't at all rescued, you can't really blame her especially if Keaton is the piece of shit poster guy for them. Anyway oh my god the undercover office is at a research university "Belmore" uni!! oh that's so interesting!! the outpost, they've found it! how interesting!

OH MY GOD, THE CIA BIG WIG!!! HE WAS IN CHARGE IN ALIAS TOO!!! HOLY SHIT!?!?!?!? WHY DOES THIS ACTOR PLAY ALL THE BAD GUY LEADERS?!?!? LOVE THAT SO MUCH!! anyway, sorry I am totally fan girling right now... Robert, the director you're living your best life... how interesting. ANYWAY, holy shit we've got two bloody hectic storylines happening... now we've shifted to Europe and Roman is saving Blake's ass right now.

Let me take three guesses here and say that Blake survives this ordeal. OH OH OH Crawfords business partner set this whole thing up?? how interesting!?!??

OH ok oh oh oh my god Quinn's terrorists just literally shot another agent in the face. ~this is deep right now Quinn, she's right this will not bring her husband back and I can kind of understand the whole thing. Oh so Keaton is a hero then?!?!??! head shot... 4 now. 4 people have been shot in the head so far! hahahahahah + the ones Roman shot... that's 8 people HA HA HA HA HA

Interesting.......... dID i miss something? Did Roman set this shit up??? did he set up the whole thing???

Anyway, wow Keaton is a piece of shit for not upholding the bargain with Kade. That is terrible, I hope that Zapata makes sure he gets free. She shouldnt have to lie directly to Kade. Kade shouldn't be treated in this way, it's wrong and I think Z knows that too. I hope Z comes clean. OH she didn't have to come clean, Zapata looked like a big ass liar anyway!!

Oh sis... Zapata you big piece of shit

OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH O H ROMAN IS UNCOVERING THIS SHIT HAHAHAHAHA of course Crawford set this shit up ahahahhaa I actually thought it may have been Roman lol anyway, wow Roman.. why are you so clever. What a terrible father to Blake but Roman... you clever clever boy. Crawford is going to try and kill Roman I think??? i think that's where we're heading...? OH CRAWFORD Poisoned him/?!?!?!?!? hahahahaha I jdore crawford 'messing' with Roman but Roman is a nasty piece of shit right back don't mess with him bby crawford.

AWWW ZAPATA AND EDGAR GUYS she's still so but hurt with Reade and I need to know if they end up being endgame?!!? please tell me they do I'll be pissed if they don't end up being end game. That chemistry is still hot too??? there's so much hurt and loss there, so much tension.

AWWW AVERY has come full circle and realised the truth about her dad, she now knows her dad was a murderer and how heart breaking :( I dislike that she now knows he didn't choose her. That is so awful :( I wish that Jane didn't tell her! Was it really necessary?

#blindspot #blindspot spoilers season 3 #blingspot spoilers #lets goooo #and another episode bites the dust #APOLOGIES FOR THE TYPOS

[media-offline]

"Sex is just Sex"

I'm not sure how much I agree with that phrase while knowing my natural attachment style makes more out of sex than others might. Here's the thing, often times sex means nothing until I want it to mean something.

I create the importance around my relations; it can sometimes be hard to remember that it's under my control to determine importance.

I feel that I have been safe, honest, and open. I have taken what the universe has to give me, and I move forward knowing I should not feel shame (though my Christian upbringing tells me I should). 1.) I had sex with a close female friend. She is bi-curious, and I am bisexual. I love her as my friend, and I find her beautiful; I hope she does not walk away with our intimate time harming our friendship. I feel no differently about her, but I understand she may feel different about me. She is in a transitionary phase of life (as are we all) and I am happy to be here for time being. I hope she texts me again, and I am happy to hang out in whatever capacity feels good mutually. I feel I can be very honest with her, and I hope she feels the same towards me. 2.) Date number 3 with Mr. sommelier, and I felt comfortable choosing to have sex. Nothing amazing, but nothing bad. Not yet anything to write home about. Here's my biggest issue: after the sex I asked him what he likes in bed, and he was happy to answer. And THEN... he doesn't event follow up to ask me what I like in bed. I wait. And wait.

He says nothing. So I say "would you like to know what I like?" The problem is, I already had to push you to ask. Why? Shyness can only take you so far. Fucking ask me, or else I assume you don't care about my pleasure. In which case, I don't want to be romantically intimate with you.

3.) This requires an entire reflection of itself. I will circle back on this "celebrity crush"

4.) Mr. X. The problem persona, yet I have also chosen to shut down my fantasy of him. I know he can never commit, can never love in the way that I need, and can never change. It is fruitless and pleasant sex in the meantime. I told him about the others, as that is a part of our open consent, and he was non-judgemental, only curious in the sense of his own safety in sexual health. He says no sex after I tell him about the others, yet within an hour, soul-invigorating sex commences.

His consent and honesty, just as much as mine, was key. I am glad I told him... though I was nervous, as I had made the scheduled time for us prior to any of the other unexpected experiences. I didn't want to cancel, or tell him over text, so I waited until in person.

He was not upset, nor did I expect him to be. ~~~~ MR. X I feel I can be deeply honest with this person, because at this point, his feelings are somewhat irrelevant to me. If I was even capable of hurting his icy soul, I would see it as karma for what has happened thus far. Yet I am not; therefore, I can be as factious and honest as needed. Factious.

I love this word. It encapsulates how I feel right now. I am hurt, and how else can I make light of my feelings without it? I am not hurt by an individual , I am hurt by myself. I create all my own expectations and attachment, and I am the person who is, in turn, let down by my own fantasies. It's interesting how much fantasies can take over. Losing a sense of what is actually happening for what you want to happen. ~~~~ REFLECTION I have dreams and aspirations. Some for me as an individual, and some for my relation with others. I need to spend more time on my own aspirations. I have no control over others. This life is mine. Something big is coming for me; I am in transition.

[reverse-the-jellybaby]

owen and romance

owen absolutely has the capacity to love someone romantically, and when he does, he falls hard. that's what scares him about it post-katie. he's scared of having that same feeling for someone again only to lose them.

think about how quickly he fell for diane in out of time. think about how completely smitten he was for katie in the flashbacks for fragments.

in the extended universe novel slow decay, think about how willingly he was to give away these intimate details about himself to a woman he barely knew, simply because he felt a connection to her that was more than just sex. he'd finally found someone he was able to speak to as more than just another fling, because he wasn't able to physically touch her. he could only speak to her. this one woman managed to crack owen open in a way that not many others did. this story was canonically parallel with ghost machine, so this is before even his affair with gwen, and i have my own seperate theories on how THAT relationship went down. my theory is that this form of intimacy was more akin to what owen and gwen ended up having, but plus the sex bit. gwen figured out a way to allow owen to be open, but to a point. that's why they butt heads a lot.

diane came to owen, literally, out of nowhere. at first he and i'm sure the audience assumed she'd just be another shag, but then we see them together, and we see how purely happy owen becomes with her that we realise that he is capable of those feelings. when they have sex the second time, it becomes more than just sex, it's more akin to "making love", and that scares owen. his monologue about his feelings in the moment absolutely breaks my heart, because i can feel his pain. i've been that person. i've been someone who's wanted to walk away from a relationship that's becoming more than i bargained for. i've been someone that's avoided that emotional intimacy with someone, or just not been with someone who's been able to crack me open like that. i've been that person who can't communicate their feelings properly. when owen confesses that he's scared, it's one of the first times in the series that we see the true broken man underneath the snark, and the tough exterior. but the most fantastic thing about this moment is diane's answer. it's so simple, but it says so much. all she says is "I love you, too." it shows that she understands owen's language, it shows that she's capable of listening to him in a way that he's comfortable with, and in turn that allows him to be comfortable enough to love her for the fleeting time they have. so no wonder he's torn apart when diane returns to her own time. no wonder he's even more broken than before when he has to return to his regular hardened exterior, his dying fling with gwen, and a life with no meaning or recognition.

but while owen doesn't let himself fall in love often post-katie, it does manifest in other ways, and that's often through how much he cares for his team, and the women he's invested in. multiple times through season 1, particularly at the peak of their affair, owen puts his life on the line for gwen, or disregards everything around him until he knows she's okay. he does the same for martha in season 2, even getting himself killed for her and the team at the end of reset. multiple times throughout the series he puts himself on the line for his team. could this be out of genuine care? or could this be out of disregard for his own life? could be either, or could be a bit of both.

now let's think about tosh.

owen is surprisingly quite coy with tosh. usually with someone he's interested in, he just throws it out there and hopes it sticks, but with tosh, he sticks with sly flirty jokes that he hopes she understands so he doesn't have to explain himself.

case in point - kiss kiss bang bang, when they're in the storage facility doing john hart's dirty work together. owen coyly says he's looking for a real woman that he's got someone in common with, asking if SHE IN PARTICULAR KNOWS ANYONE. in my mind, that's textbook flirting. it's obvious baiting for her to say something like "oh I've got a friend in mind" (meaning herself) back.

but when she DOES make the moves and suggest a date, his first instinct is to find a way to avoid being alone with her! perhaps he's scared of what it'll mean, perhaps he doesn't want to fuck it up, perhaps he doesn't want to fall for her because it means he'll end up losing her just like the rest of them.

thank you for coming to my umpteenth owen harper ted talk goodnight

#oh hey i'm here to make you all sad about owen again #just all in a day's work for the owen simp #owen harper #torchwood #dw rambles #but they're actually for torchwood