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blueboxesandtrafficcones · 5 years

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The French Connection - Chapter 6

A HardyxMiller AU

Ellie Miller is left to go on her honeymoon alone after a devastating secret about her fiance comes to light - halfway through the wedding ceremony. Sitting in St Pancras International in London waiting for her train, she runs into none other than her uni rival/best friend Alec Hardy, on the run from his own recent heartbreak.

They decide to make use of Ellie’s pre-paid trip, rekindling their friendship and escaping real life; yet, it turns out their years at uni are the hardest to outrun. Based on this prompt from @timepetalscollective

Chapters will be posted every Wednesday and Sunday. Beta’d by the wonderful @stupidsatsuma

Masterlist | AO3

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“Ellie.”

The soft whisper of her name stirred her, making her whimper and hide her face in her pillow. It was soft, warm, and altogether heavenly; she didn’t want to get up.

“Ellie, we’re here.”

She grunted, swatting halfheartedly in the direction of the voice, wondering dimly why her pillow was speaking. This is the strangest dream I’ve ever had.

“Miller!”

Eyes snapping open she bolted upright, blinking rapidly as she tried to take in her surroundings. She was seated on an empty coach, against the window, alone but for Hardy who sat next to her – worryingly in the direction she’d just leaned away from. Was I asleep on him?

“Wha’?”

He stood, settling his hands on his hips as he waited for her. “We’re here,” he repeated. “Time to get off the bus.”

“Did I sleep the whole way?” She rose as well, turning her back for a moment to discreetly wipe at her mouth, grimacing at the crusted drool before sliding her purse over her shoulder. “Sorry.”

“S’all right.” Stepping back he let her lead the way off the bus, alighting onto a sandy carpark where dozens of other tour buses were parked, a steady stream of people walking past.

They fell into step, Hardy gently guiding her towards a vaguely-familiar looking woman wearing a fashionable scarf and holding a clipboard. She gave them a severe look as they joined the rest of the group, before beginning to speak.

“Bienvenue a Versailles. Originally a modest hunting lodge built by Louis Thirteen, he and his successors through Louis Sixteen built it up to what you see today, when the family lost it during the Revolution. What you see in front of you is le Cour d’Honneur, or the Royal Court. Then we will pass through the Gate of Honor, where we will meet our guide. Please, follow me.”

Eyes wide Ellie followed the group, breathless as she stared at the gates. The fence along them was gold, shining brilliantly in the morning sun. It would be imposing on its own, were it not for the gate itself, double the height and topped with beautiful scrollwork and, at the highest point, a crown.

“This is beautiful,” Ellie whispered to Hardy as they crossed in front towards the entrance. “I’m so happy I’m here.”

When she tore her eyes away to glance at him, he was smiling softly. “I’m glad. C’mon.”

“Oh, wow,” Ellie murmured, as they stepped out of the Palace into the gardens.

Hardy hid a smile by fussing with his sunglasses, situating them firmly on his nose to combat the bright sun. She’d been saying some variation of that for the last hour, all through the tour of the Palace. Even he had to admit that it was, maybe, somewhat impressive, despite his thoroughly-Scottish Presbyterian austerity. Of course, it’s no surprise they went bankrupt. “We’ve got an hour before we’re to be back at the bus – what d’you want to do?”

“Can we walk through the gardens?” She turned to him, smiling hopefully as if he might actually say no.

“If you like,” was all he said, waiting patiently while she pulled out her own sunnies and fussed with her camera. “Ready?”

They headed straight, and he let her choose the path, listening with one ear as she chattered on, recapping the tour as though he hadn’t been beside her the entire time, highlighting the parts she’d liked best.

“-oh, but that bedroom! Can you imagine? And who could possibly need all that staff! I mean, I wouldn’t turn down someone to do the cooking and cleaning, I’ll admit, and I suppose it’d be nice to have someone else do the laundry, but still! How do you live like that and take yourself seriously? Did they honestly believe that they had been chosen to be treated like gods, that they were so much better than anyone else? Not to mention-”

“Where are we going?” he cut her off, as they angled off past the third pond. “I mean, d’you have a direction in mind? Because if it’s a stroll to take in the gardens you’re after…” He gestured vaguely.

Ellie blinked at him before glancing around. “It’s nice,” she shrugged, “but actually, I was heading for le Petit Trianon. It was Marie Antoinette’s bolthole when court pressures got to be too much.”

He stopped dead to stare at her, before shaking his head and sighing. “It must’ve been very hard to be Queen of France.”

“Oh, don’t be an arse.”

“What?” he protested, as they continued down the tree-lined path towards the mansion appearing in the distance. “I’m just saying, not exactly like she had to work for a living!”

Ellie scoffed. “Clearly you were never a teenage girl, because if you had been, you would not be saying that. D’you know how vicious women can be?”

“You kidding me?”

“No, I’m not kidding! She was under tremendous pressure to be perfect. The other women at Court expected her to have the best of everything, the latest of everything, while the average citizen saw her as an unapologetic spender, wasting money on clothing and parties while they starved. She was a victim of the French court, and it cost her her life! It’s easy for men, the expectations of them are minimal at best, but women are expected to be happy and light, a perfect hostess… witty but not too smart, knowledgeable without knowing more than the man she’s talking to, loyal and obedient to someone who doesn’t give a rat’s ass about her dignity or reputation! We’re supposed to just forgive any transgression, no matter how big, any humiliation or belittlement and just take it with a smile! It’s utter bullshit, it’s a ridiculous standard, and it’s not fair!”

Hardy stared at her, taken aback. Her chest heaved, eyes leaking tears, her expression heartbreakingly lost and small. This isn’t about Marie Antoinette, he realized, watching her lower lip tremble. “I’m sorry, Miller,” he said quietly, sighing. “You’re right, it’s not.”

“Don’t patronize me,” she warned, wiping angrily at her cheeks. “I don’t want your pity.”

��It’s not pity,” he rolled his eyes, before checking his watch. “Now, we’ve got forty minutes, and it’ll take most of that to get back to the bus. Let’s go see her hideaway, then get back to the group – I don’t fancy being left behind.”

“My father used to have affairs,” Hardy said apropos of nothing, making Ellie’s gaze snap towards him.

They were seated on a riverboat, the last leg of the tour being a boat ride up the Seine, getting on at Sèvres and sailing up towards the disembarkation point near the Musée d'Orsay, which was only a few blocks from their hotel. They’d claimed spots at the very back of the boat, and given the light load of the group, were practically alone, most people congregating at the front.

Ellie had been lost in her thoughts, wondering about any deeper symbolism in her desire to look back at where they’d been rather than forward towards where they were going.

“What?”

“My father,” he repeated, staring determinedly out the back window, “constantly made a fool of my mum. She always tolerated it, looked the other way, and I’m sorry to say I always thought less of her for that. That she should’ve gotten out when she could, that she shouldn’t have let him put her- put us through that.”

She tilted her head, trying to wrap her head around her words even as she marveled at his openness; he’d never discussed his home life before. “I imagine she had no easy choices,” she said diplomatically.

“My point is,” Hardy sighed, glancing her way, “that I’ve seen what happens when a woman just takes what her husband gives her-” his face tightened, suggesting things Ellie didn’t want to unpack at that particular moment, “that it will destroy her. If your family’s upset in the moment, that’s one thing, but don’t let them carry on too long about if you should’ve handled it differently. You have to take care of you – your ex isn’t your responsibility. If they try to tell you to make it work with him once you get back, tell them to get fucked.”

“They’re the only family I’ve got,” Ellie scoffed wryly, shaking her head. “I mean, I won’t have anything to do with him, but not sure I can get them to stop talking about it.”

He shifted on the bench to face her, pushing up his sunglasses in a surprising display of vulnerability. “Ellie. If they’re more concerned about him than they are about you, they’re not worth your time and effort. Hell, I’ll be your family if you want, or whatever. Just… don’t let them carry on about it. The one time my mum tried to leave, tried to get me away from him, her family made us go back. I never forgave them for it.”

“I’m sorry,” she offered, looking down at her hands. “That’s an awful thing to have happened. Thank you for… trusting me with that, I suppose.”

“She was like you, far as I can remember, when I was little. Bright and cheerful, always looking at the silver lining. And over time, he and her family dulled the sparkle until nothing was left. You have to make you a priority, because you can’t trust anyone else will.”

“Thank you.”

Her mobile rang while they were relaxing before dinner, the screen lighting up in time to the jaunty tune it played, vibrating on the desk.

Ellie grimaced, staring down at it. “Unknown number. What d’you think?” She was seated at the desk, inches from the device, but made no move to reach for it.

Hardy shrugged, sitting up from where he’d been sprawled on the bed flipping channels on the telly. “Send it to voicemail? Could it be work?”

With a grimace she answered it, holding it to her ear. “This is Miller.” Almost instantly the blood drained from her face, hand shaking, and his gut knew who was on the other end of the line.

Springing off the bed he eased the mobile from her hand and put it to his own ear, barking, “What?”

“Who’s this?” a confused man’s voice came to him, and Hardy bared his teeth.

“Alec Hardy, I’m a friend of Ellie’s. Who’s this?”

“Joe Richards, her fiancé. Can I speak to Ellie, please?” He said tersely, rather rudely Hardy thought for someone charged with child pornography.

Hardy raised an eyebrow at Ellie, who shook her head violently. “No. In fact, she’d prefer to never hear from you again.” That got him a double thumbs up. “I strongly advise you never contact her- or her family- ever again.”

A pause on the line had him waiting with bated breath, and when the other man spoke, his words were entirely unexpected.

“Did you say Hardy? As in her uni boyfriend?”

Boyfriend? “Uh, yeah, that’s me.” Despite the situation, the corners of his mouth tugged upward, earning himself a confused glare from Ellie. “What’s it to you?”

“Now listen here, prick, Ellie is my fiancée, and as soon as I beat these charges-”

“If such a gross miscarriage of justice were to occur,” he cut Joe off, “you will leave- wherever it is Ellie lives, and you will run as far away as possible. Just know that no matter how far you do go, it will never be far enough, and you will always be watched to ensure you harm no one. Do you understand?”

After a moment, the line went dead, his face tightening as it occurred to him that he might have overstepped. Handing the mobile back to Ellie, it took all he had not to flinch when she pushed back from the desk and stood.

She stared at him, eyes searching his, and he held his breath, waiting for a verdict.

“Thank you,” was all she said, before closing the distance between them and throwing her arms around his waist, holding him tightly and resting her face against his shoulder. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

Slowly, scared she might bolt if he moved to fast, he returned the hug and held her close, resting his chin on the top of her head. “So am I.” It was nice, having her in his arms, and he felt a vise in his chest loosen.

I don’t want this trip to end.

#bbatcfic #broadfic #Broadchurch #HardyxMiller #Alec Hardy #Ellie Miller #AU #The French Connection #platonic honeymoon fic

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allofbeercom · 6 years

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‘Are You The One?’ Recap: Murder On The AYTO Express

HELLO AND WELCOME to without a doubt the most lit episode in history with the most fucking braindead bunch of degenerate fuckpoles you’ve ever seen. Seriously, the casting this season is A-1. And by A-1, I mean that half of these castmates will probably end up in jail one day.

As someone who thrives on the drama of others appreciates good reality TV, this episode brought me more joy than I could have hoped, and I actually learned a thing or two in the process. For instance, did you know that behind the creatures that live on Geles’ eyelashes, there is actually a genuinely fucking insane monster-woman?

Also, in exciting news and by request, my betchy Jewish mom has decided to return the world of and I’ll be featuring some of her commentary. This show is such a great bonding experience for us because I can consistently say “see mom, I at least I’m not throwing bananas at people on National TV” and honestly, I think that’s all a parent really wants to hear from their kid <3

AFTER THE MATCH UP CEREMONY

They got 4 beams and party like crazy, because nothing is more exciting than being drastically behind in life.

Keith celebrates by lifting weights in overalls, and watching him do so is as close as I’ll ever get to the Midwest. He’s talking to Alexis about how the best way to handle not being a perfect match is to have a threesome with whomever their perfect match actually is. Alexis is like “seems like a legit solution” and this kids, is why our country is in shambles.

They both eventually promise not to hook up with their perfect match. Psh, sure, Jan.

Kareem and Alivia are considering pulling their heads out of their asses and accepting the fact that they are almost certainly a no-match. Alivia is like “Keith is literally what I asked for in this game” and it’s like, soooooooo, wanna tell us what you’re doing with poor man’s mobster over there?

THE CHALLENGE

Keyana apparently got way too lit while celebrating and sprained her foot. Because it’s Keyana and the only athletic thing she’s ever done in her life is run in whatever direction Michael is in, she is in crutches with a full fucking cast. *cough, cough* pussy *cough*

It’s officially the best challenge of the year: The exes are hereeeeee! And hey, there is Taylor from last season? Hun, if you wanted another 15 minutes of fame, shoot for the stars and audition for .

Apparently she’s Joe’s ex and color me shocked. I honestly never pegged Taylor as Joe’s type (and vice-versa) but I think it’s so cute that they can cut costs and share hair products. Lord knows everyone from season five needs to save as much money as possible.

The game is speed dating like and the castmates have to hang out with their ex while other castmates come and interview them. One time my boyfriend and I saw my ex at a bagel shop and I legit hid behind a trashcan, so honestly I’m cringing forever.

Here’s a couple things about the exes (sorry, you’re not safe from this either):

UCHE’S EX: My mom and I both agree that either she met him at Church or she helped him when he had fallen and couldn’t get up. Seriously, how old is this dude?

SHAD’S EX: If Shad was as good of a boyfriend as she said he was, he should have kindly pointed her to the nearest hair salon.

CLINTON’S EX: Poor girl got the fucking FBI shakedown from Uche, but I don’t trust anyone who calls fooling around “sexual encounters.” Who let the narc on this show?

DD’S EX: Is from her junior year of high school. Damn, the desperation levels are strong with this one.

MICHAEL’S EX: Looks like she probably has the personality of cardboard. So very obviously still into Michael, which makes me think she probably has the brain cells to match her shining personality.

MALCOLM’S EX: “Well… she’s not what I expected.” – Mom. That’s putting it kindly.

MY FACE LOOKING AT MALCOLM’S EX:

ANYWAYS, Geles and Taylor seem to be hitting it off in the way only two fame-hungry, moderately hot girls can: fucking screaming at each other over a dude with a man bun and chipmunk teeth. It’s not a good look for Taylor, but as the professional drama expert here at Betches (please see my LinkedIn for more), I’m putting my money down that Geles probably came in more crooked than her left eyelash atm.

As they continue to insult each other, I realize this might be the fight I never knew I needed? TBH watching people sink to their low really has got me thriving. Either way, putting on my expert hat again, editing is a fickle bitch and I’m going to explore the ever-loving fuck out of Twitter (or employ the detectives on the AYTO subreddit) to find out EXACTLY what happened.

Oh also, I forgot to mention that Shad apparently lasts for like, three seconds in bed. Just a heads up!

Overall, Keith and Alexis win the challenge. Say what you will about these redneck trash bags, but those fuckers know how to win. Take notes, Democratic Party. Anyways, Keith picks Alivia. Alexis, in a form of petty that is honestly inspiring, picks Kareem.

MOM: Alexis and Kareem need to reroute their date to the nearest asylum.

BACK AT THE HOUSE

Anthony decides DD might be his match and wants to get to know her better. Cute, stupid Anthony. Anyways, he sets up a drinking/20 questions game on the balcony of the boom boom room.

Malcolm, the perpetual cheater, gets super mad that they even looked in the direction of the boom boom room and is like “WE ALL KNOW WHAT HAPPENS IN THE BOOM BOOM ROOM!” Of course, in a move that MTV def made happen was exceptionally dramatic, he runs and tells Geles too.

Geles is like “DD is easy and I want to throw her down a flight of stairs.” Well that’s not cause for alarm. Maybe Kareem and Geles should give love a shot. Also, that’s pretty tough talk coming from a girl who is like 85% silicone. DD would beat some ass, so I’m pretty excited about this possibility.

What’s even worse is that this game Anthony and DD are playing is totally innocent. He even asks her if he can kiss her and she says that “she has too much respect for Malcolm to do that.”

Meanwhile, in probable-domestic-violence land, Alivia tells Keith that Kareem is like pushing her away by being the most controlling and shitty human ever. Huh, what a weird concept.

She tells Keith that she’s afraid of Kareem and Keith’s like “I’m not afraid of Kareem.” Okay, so suddenly the whole fanbase (me, the subreddit and six teenage girls in Brazil) want to fuck Keith. This episode has so many twists.

Keith and Alivia start kissing and Alivia immediately does what she ALWAYS does and runs her ass to Kareem to tell him. She’s like “I’m sorry, I wanted to be honest.” Whoever told you honesty is the best policy was seriously disturbed. Of course, Kareem feels so betrayed, which is crazy because I didn’t know psychopaths could feel any emotion.

When DD leaves the date with Anthony, Malcolm immediately calls her a “dick rider.” Which would be okay if you were starring in a superhero porno, but otherwise it’s like, the most insulting shit I have ever heard. DD rightfully flips out because that’s just like, the rules of feminism.

MOM: Well, this explains his ex. — That’s like, way harsh Tai. REAL PIC OF MY MOM AND I:

THE DATE

They go to a palm reading and tarot cards reading date. Really MTV, y’all take Kareem’s and Alexis’ crazy asses into a witch shop? This is the lamest episode of ever.

Alexis is like “I’m super into witchcraft” and I’m honestly afraid for Keith rn. She’s got little white bread voodoo dolls in her eyes.

Alivia and Keith have a pretty real chemistry so they start making out again, obviously. Nothing gets Keith’s dick harder than the fact it’s probably going to be chopped off by Alexis within the next few hours.

Kareem and Alexis, meanwhile, are bonding over their shared mental instability. Kareem decides to tell Alexis about Keith and Alivia’s kiss and they rile each other up faster than a Disney Channel movie basketball team hearing an inspiring speech in the locker room at halftime.

They are like “just because we fucked up and did the same thing doesn’t mean that anyone else can!” Republicans have the weirdest logic.

Alexis and Kareem do the mature thing and confront Keith and Alivia on their date. Alexis yells at Keith for not telling her and how they agreed not to hook up with their matches. Keith is stuck in the age-old predicament where he tries to decipher what “hooking up” means.

Alexis thinks it’s a kiss and Keith thinks it’s anal. Tale as old as time.

If you think Alexis is crazy, Kareem is like, hold my beer. He’s hitting shit and yelling at Alivia while Keith stares on, wondering how this dude escaped his padded cell. Of course, Kareem has to fucking throw a table at Alivia and now MTV brings in producers, because maybe, just they have a problem here.

BACK AT THE HOUSE

The only thing I have seen Geles do in this house is shit talk, apply makeup and pine over a very average-looking dude named Anthony. Geles is basically every sorority sister I have ever had.

Geles and Malcolm team up to belittle DD for doing nothing wrong, and DD is not having it. She and Audrey start yelling back at Malcolm/Geles and it’s a mess.

TYLER: I hate this place, but it’s great. 

ME AND MY MOM: #tru

TRUTH BOOTH

DD and Anthony explain exactly what happened and Malcolm is like “everyone knows what happens in the boom boom room.” Everyone knows there is money in the banana stand.

Terrence J is like, “you know the boom boom room is like, the only room with a door, right? Maybe they just wanted to get away for a second.” Malcolm acts like someone just explained quantum physics to him.

This show should just be called “twentysomethings considering basic concepts.”

Nurys and DD, bonded over the fact that Malcolm ain’t shit, make up and become friends. There is no stronger friendship than one bonded through mutual hate. That’s like, the only friends I have.

Keith word vomits that he and Alivia kissed again and of course Alexis and Kareem flip the fuck out.

Alexis tells Keith “to go die” and is two seconds away from asking her murderer cousin for a repeat performance. Terrence J is like “damn that’s harsh”, which is a weird way of saying “YOU ARE A FUCKING CRAZY PERSON.”

Alivia calls out the hypocrisy of this whole thing and tells the house about Kareem throwing a table and everyone in the house is like “what, Kareem?! No way!”

Shad’s like “hey, if I was a girl I would not want him to be my perfect match.” As a girl I also want sex to last longer than two seconds, but sometimes dreams are meant for when we are sleeping.

Zoe is like “I thought Kareem was my match but he’s getting a little too domestic violence-y for me.” Oh, did you not tell the matchmakers you wanted that?

MY MOM: You know poor Alivia’s mother is somewhere praying on her rosary that Kareem is not her match.

Kareem stands up, starts yelling, and leaves the room. He swears that Keith and Alivia are not a match and now he hates Alivia and is going to start the smallest chapter of the He-Man-Woman-Haters Club in the boom boom room.

Of course, Keith and Alivia go to the Truth Booth. They like, want this to help them win the money, but more importantly they want this so they can tell Kareem to take his perfectly sculpted facial hair and fuck right off.

The episode is about to end, and if it ends on a cliffhanger I will throw my laptop across the room. Kareem is obviously affecting me.

Because there is no such thing as happiness on reality TV, they are a NO MATCH. Gotta say, this bummed me out.

Kareem and Alexis start laughing their asses off, while Alivia and Keith make their walk of shame towards two people who legit want to murder them.

MY MOM: Is this going to turn into a murder mystery show? I actually really like that angle. — Your move, MTV.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/are-you-the-one-recap-murder-on-the-ayto-express/

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