#New River Pharmaceuticals developers of lisdexamfetamine I am kissing you on the mouth

[high-voltage-rat]

Vyvanse is such a silly little drug. I get up at 11, take it at noon, what's a normal sleep phase I don't know her.

The first hour passes and I'm like "dude nothings happening except me getting sweaty and my heart's going a bit faster" and then I blink and it's another 2 hours later and I've just blitzed doing every chore available to me, organized all my shit for the day, read through 500 tumblr posts, watched some random-ass YouTube clips, and made myself food I don't want to eat because my appetite is suppressed but I know food consumption is a task. It's like all of my ADHD bullshit for the entire day happens at light speed over a few hours.

Then I sit down and can do The Big Task of the day for 5 hours or more and, unlike with a hyperfocus, can remain focused on it even after taking breaks to go do other stuff.

Then the end of the day hits and I'm tired and need to go to sleep but I still feel the Productivity Need so for some reason I watch 50 more "Educational" YouTube videos until it subsides and then finally fall asleep at 2am.

Like. Does it cure my ADHD? Absolutely not. Does it make me less chaotic? No. But does it allow me to consistently channel my ADHD energy productively? Oh, yeah. I'm not 100% sure that's what my doctors were going for when they prescribed it, but I gotta be honest I kinda love it.

#not video games #late nights with ali #nd blogging #actuallyADHD #I'm pretty sure my docs were intending for a bit more... how you say... stability? #but a lot of my ADHD traits don't go away. just the most important one- activation-based executive dysfunction #And honestly without that I think I like the way I function with the rest? usually anyway #If I'm in control of it. I love my hyperfocus. I love my bouncing around chaotically. I love being impulsively spontaneous #don't get me wrong. there are days where I do hate my adhd. when the emotional regulation problems kick in it's hell. #rejection sensitive dysphoria is a bitch. I can forget self care in lieu of 'more important' things. my working memory can fuck me over. #but in comparison to how I lived before medication? it's amazing. and I've learned to be fond of aspects of my disorder #and to live with the ones that are inconvenient. it's so nice honestly #I could do without the sweating and appetite suppression. but it is SO worth it to like my own mind again. #before I was diagnosed I knew I had it. so my only options were self medicating with caffiene and developing an anxiety disorder. #the thing that bypasses the dopamine-based activation is adrenaline-based activation #so I literally just. got so anxious about stuff I needed to do that it would trigger the adrenaline activation where dopamine failed me #I don't think I actually 100% KNEW that's what I was doing per se. but I do think some of my anxiety came from intentional doom spiralling #anyway moral of the story. Vyvanse helps with ADHD is some truly strange ways but at the end of the day it's a fucking miracle #New River Pharmaceuticals developers of lisdexamfetamine I am kissing you on the mouth