#Prompted by Tae... Good lad... Speaking up straightforwardly

[serendipitybutterfly]

i think it's one think to be like "so and so would be cute together", but then you get the delulus who try to prove that they're actually together and gif every single interaction they have and present it as proof. also, to say it to the artist directly is SO inappropriate.

Hmm... Well my opinion is this; it's fine to think the relationship between two people as presented to you, as not only a third party, but a distant third party who doesn't even know them personally, is cute. If it stays there. "Oh the relationship between x and z is sooo cute!" is totally fine and I don't think there's anything weird about that.

However, when finding a relationship between two people cute moves into the territory of obsessively trying to prove that every interaction between them is fraught with romantic or sexual tension or trying to prove that they're actually secretly in a relationship... You've moved into unhealthy territory where you need to check yourself and reflect on why exactly it's so important to you that these two people who are unrelated to you are romantically involved.

Again I can only speak my personal opinion, but I strongly believe that the obsessive shipping I see amongst young women in kpop / boy band fandoms has to do with insecurity. Shipping in general, even when it involves fictional characters (something I'm no stranger to. I love to ship and have since I was a little girl... You know fictional characters) usually stems from relating in some way to one character and seeing in the other character an ideal or fantasy partner you'd like for yourself.

You like those characters together because, maybe, you can see a lot of yourself in one of them and you see the kind of relationship you'd like to have in their dynamic. For example, as a kid I shipped zutara because I saw a lot of myself in Katara and I found Zuko attractive as a character (the reformed Zuko!... Forgive the ATLA reference). Of course this isn't necessarily always the case but I'm basing this purely on my observations and experience in various fandoms since I was a teen girl myself.

Now when it comes to real life people and kpop stan culture... I think there's two main things that happen when people get too obsessive about their own fantasies (keeping in mind that the whole culture of boy bands is intended to indulge and titillate the fantasies of young women in a 'safe' way). There are firstly those fans who essentially 'ship' a specific member or members with themself, in that they enjoy fantasising about being in a relationship with a certain member... Which is again, totally fine once it stays within the realm of fantasy and the person fantasising is aware that it's just a fantasy.

The truth is boy band members want to be your fantasy boyfriend... That's kinda the point and how they make bank... But it's like a role playing game where it's only fun once the people involved are aware it's just pretend... When one person flips the switch and starts believing it's actually real, things get scary fast and that's where we get saesangs and stalkers and the people who go ballistic and threaten bodily harm to themselves and others when it turns out their bias is dating or even might be interested in other girls at all (see what happens basically anytime BTS interacts with women around their age) .

This category of fans are usually those who are using the idols as replacements for actual boyfriends and often have such low self esteem that they don't think they'll be able to get a real boyfriend and that's why they become obsessed and fall so far into the fantasy being sold...

This is the dark side of boy bands really which BTS very cleverly addressed in Pied Piper. They are very aware that they are flirting with this obsession... Both wary of it and worried about how unhealthy it is and at the same time wanting fans to continue to love them so intensely... It's indeed a dangerous game...

The second category are those fans who, from my observations I believe, have even lower self esteem and / or issues such as internalised misogyny which actually leads to a fear of or inability to explore their sexuality by fantasising about being with the object of their admiration themselves... There is such fear or trauma surrounding putting themselves into that picture, that it causes them to instead relate themselves to one member and see that person almost as an avatar through which they can reach the object of admiration and furthermore, explore sexual and romantic fantasy from an even greater, and seemingly 'safer', distance.

Again, if this is kept in the realm of fantasy well... It's your fantasy! But this too can become an addiction and obsession because the fan may begin to subconsciously attach themself more and more to the idol they relate to and thus place more and more meaning on their connection to the idol who is the object of desire... Essentially, if someone relates a lot to say... Jungkook (because I honestly think this is often the case) and they are hugely attracted to Jimin or Taehyung (which is also often the case) there's a sense in which Jungkook becomes the reader self insert in the shipper's own personal fanfiction and the shipper desperately analyses every one of his interactions with the member they're 'in love with' because, through relating to Jungkook, and through Jungkook being perhaps in a relationship with this object of desire, they feel an ego boost... They feel the vaguest sense that perhaps the object of desire might be attracted to them too...

Or if not, a sense a that at least it's not another, more attractive, girl... Because that would mean the already weakened ego would take a bigger blow... By imagining a scenario where females are entirely removed from the equation, they feel a sense of freedom from the turmoil of 'not being attractive enough', 'sexy enough', 'cool enough' or just simply 'good enough' for the object of desire. 'At least if he's not interested in girls at all, I don't need to feel bad about him never being interested in me. At least he can be with a guy whose personality is like mine...' this is the state of mind of a lot of these obsessive shippers from my observation.

Of course aside from the fact that these obsessions are unhealthy enough for the fans, they are also extremely uncomfortable and even downright harmful to the members, their relationships with each other and with friends, family members and perhaps even significant others we don't know about! People need to be aware that once you put something online, it has left the realm of fantasy because you've put it out there in the real world. Keep those boundaries clear because when the lines blur for you between fantasy and reality, you're in dangerous waters.

I mean... Even my mother as a relatively new fan randomly came across a shipping video on YouTube and asked me what that was all about... At that time, I could only think of what their mothers would think coming across videos like that... And I really think that's something people need to think about more when it comes to these fantasies. The members are not characters in your own personal drama or fanfiction, they are real people with real lives and real friends and family members... who use the Internet and see the weird stuff you post! So think twice before you put those thoughts out there!

This has been an opinion post...

#There's a lot i have to day about certain very unhealthy things in kpop stan culture and this is one of them... #Prompted by Tae... Good lad... Speaking up straightforwardly #Shipping #Think before you post #Opinion