#S2E17 my beloved

[its-kinda-snowy]

these old men have a death grip on me

#fanart #house md #hatecrimes md #gregory house #james wilson #hilson #is this cringe? #probably #do I care? #absolutely not #S2E17 my beloved

[jupitermelichios]

Smallville S2E17: Rosetta

Well this is a weird nothing of an episode, and everyone continues to be awful, but it does have a great cameo so that’s something!

Wait, why is this episode opening like the Christmas at Hogwarts scene from the first Harry Potter movie?! The arial shots, the twinkly music… I’m genuinely expecting fucking Hedwig to land on Clark’s shoulder.

Why the fuck does all Kryptonian tech explode when touched?! That seems like a very bad thing…

I love how consistent it is that Lex drives like an absolute maniac. No one ever brings it up, but every single time we see him in his car he’s going 100mph with no concern for pedestrians, other cars or personal safety.

Oh my god, Lex calling out 19th Century Egyptologists on their bullshit is everything I want from a TV show. Hey History Channel, call me?

Wow. All the adopted and orphaned kids are complaining about having to do a project on family history, and at first Pete insists there’s no reason they should find it harder than him, and when they point out he’s not adopted, his reaction is to say “not my fault I’m from a nuclear family” in the most entitled straight boy voice I have ever heard. God-damnit Pete, I rooted for you for a whole fucking season! Stop being awful!

Once again, touching Kryptonian tech causes an explosion. Jesus, you’d think I’d have expected people who built an omniscience murder robot and blew up their own planet to be morons but somehow I thought they’d at least have figured out how to stop things exploding any time you tried to use them.

You know Clark, if I was breaking into an important archeological dig site protect be LuthorCorp security, I’d at least have prepared some kind of cover story in case I got caught. Even just “Guess I was sleepwalking in the middle of a schoolday’ would have been better than nothing at all! “I wanted to commune with the ghost of Native American Lara Croft.” Something!

Oh joy, Chloe let Lana use her computer for five minutes, and literally the first thing she does it go through Chloe’s personal files to find upsetting details about her crush on Clark. When did Lana go from a barely animated shop mannequin to the worst person on the goddamn show. At least Lionel never pretends not to be a fucking snake!

So the magical kryptonian tech is trying to communicate with Clark, and it’s doing it by making him use his eye lazers to burn Kryptonian writing into the walls and nearly burn down the farm. That really doesn’t seem like the best way to try and communicate with lost baby Kryptonians!

Chloe Sullivan you are a dick, and also NOT A REAL JOURNALIST YOU 16 YEAR OLD ASSHOLE!

Ah dial-up noise, I have not missed you. Also Pete ‘my parents were financially ruined by the Luthors’ Ross has a laptop with wifi in 2003. Yeah, definitely super poor.

“Virgil Swan hasn’t made a phone call in thirteen years.” How the fuck do you know that, Chloe?! He’s a billionare based in silicone valley, are you telling me you have access to his phone records? Because I don’t believe you!

I love how any time someone apologises on Smallville, it’s always the person who was in the right. Given the morals this show espouses, I’m really not all that surprised one of the kids grew up to run a cult…

I hate this show for making me genuinely invested in the Chloe x Lana sibling relationship. I don’t even like either of them! But I’m a sucker for found families, and I’m a sucker for female characters having genuine relationships with one another that don’t revolve around men, and their sisterly interactions are the only actually positive things in this show.

CHRISTOPHER REVE! Okay, everything else about this episode is terrible but I fucking love that they got Christopher Reve in to play the world expert on Kryptonians, that was genius.

Oh good, the ‘I’m so alone, I have no family’ whining that is the worst thing about Superman has begun! Like this show doesn’t have enough terribly written angst in it!

Ah Jor-El, in every version of the Superman mythos the one constant is that you are an absolute knob. And you’re not even in this show yet!

Okay, so it turns out that Christopher Reeve agreed to be in the show in exchange for advertising for his charity. Which I have no moral objections to whatsoever, but it’s really weird to have the actors, in costume, asking for donations at the end of the episode. Does the Christophe Reeve foundation exist in the Smallville universe? Does this one billionnaire just happen to look weirdly like beloved actor Christopher Reeve? Are we in an Oceans 12 situation here?

#smallville #smallville recaps #charlie watches a thing #in oceans 12 julia roberts pretends to be tess ocean pretending to be famous actress julia roberts #and it's the worst thing #and no one remembers it because you all blanked it out because it's too awful #but I remember #that is my curse