#SBC System tag: Lucky 🍀

[osddid-i-do-that]

Being chronically ill makes me feel so fucking stupid.

At work, we have a day where we play games for a bit before lunch. And I always lose. By like, a lot.

I know it’s meant to be fun but I struggle so much to think of things quickly. It just highlights all the areas where I fucking suck and struggle and it’s NOT a good time for me.

It’s not even like I’m gaining skills over the course of the time spent failing. I’m just slapped in the face with the fact that I’m slow and stupid over and over and over again and I hate it.

I didn’t used to be like this. I used to be really witty and smart. Now I can’t even get through a conversation without stopping and having to dredge up the word I want. It takes me forever to even put together a text.

I hate being chronically ill. I hate that my brain doesn’t work right. I feel stuck in this body. I want out.

#vent #chronic illness #chronic panic #brain fog #fibro fog #chronic lyme disease #mast cell activation syndrome #postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome #SBC System tag: Lucky 🍀