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eorzeaisnotcrash · 3 years

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(ARR Diary #6) Procrastination Crusaders: Gerudo Town

(I didn’t do all these things at once, but I can’t remember which sidequest I did when, so here are the things that stood out the most to me from all the times I stopped by.)

The city is gorgeous, but there are so many greedy mofos running around here I don’t even feel like joking about it. Not all, just some. The desert has some pretty nice sights to see as I travel through it, and I’m not even that much of a desert person. The music adds to the atmosphere, too. But why does it have so many zombies? The Calamity messed things up everywhere, but the undead seem to love Southern Thanalan. There are also a lot of refugees in this part of the realm. JoJo does what she can to help them, but that’s only so much.

- The only reason I pick up the gil dropped by one stuck-up cow is because I keep some of it. I hope she gets eaten by a peiste.

- When I first visit the city, a special event going on that involves an art show. The dude I end up talking with has a gorgeous glass piece depicting the Sultana, who went out into the street with a few loyal bodyguards to encourage her countrymen to not act like loot-happy criminals while the troops were away defending them. He hopes the subject he’s chosen will inspire those who see it to help their neighbors. In the end, he does reconcile with a businessman buddy of his. JoJo gets to keep a copy of the work to hang in her (nonexistent) house. She also speaks to a traveling musician who plays so well, he causes her to hallucinate a special thank-you message from the programmers. Yoshi-P has a cool avatar. Maybe glamour really IS the true endgame.

- I have to kill ladybugs again after all. But these were attacking merchant caravans and hurting innocent chocobos, so I feel less guilty.

- JoJo tries to help a dancer take her skills to the next level. I manage to track down a dancing master, but he rips my new friend for her terrible moves and praises me. She ends up wanting to be an adventurer like JoJo instead. I feel a little proud and a little embarrassed.

- I don’t really mess with gambling minigames unless I have to, but I check out the Gold Saucer because there’s EXP in it for me. There’s also a special event that leads to my first Yo-Kai Watch experience and an awesome-looking spear. I’ve been sleeping on that series. (I have also heard you can get fingernail polish at the Gold Saucer. So I’ll be back one day.)

- There’s a church and a graveyard in the desert. The graveyard has an infestation, which I of course need to kill. The priest is a good man whom the Brothers and Sisters respect, and JoJo agrees to take their money and buy some cookies for the man.

- The outpost near the church does pretty good business dealing in funeral supplies. One lady there asks JoJo, and everyone else who passes through, to kill seven wild dogs and hopefully spare others the pain she experienced when her fiancé was attacked.

- There’s also a spot near the church where many different flowers grow. I end up having to kill some more mandragoras, since they’re threatening the plants. A melancholy Brother informs me that I’m actually looking at the remains of a goobbue. Once it lived way up north, but the Calamity caused it to flee its home like so many others, and by the time it collapsed here its body had picked up seeds from the locations it passed through.

- A lot of the people at Highbridge are scholars or soldiers, but there’s also a man who keeps entreating JoJo to kill monsters and rub elixirs made from their blood into his bald scalp. Later, I encounter a FATE involving a very hairy monster, rumored to have once been a man who abused too many potions. Uh oh.

- I have to weaken some of the desert’s undead with blessed water, and this huge peiste with acid. I also kill bugs after luring them in with an alcoholic beverage affectionately known as cactus piss. JoJo is not curious enough to want to try any.

- Forgotten Springs is home to the U tribe, fearsome hunters all. Their leader (his title is nunh) is a traditional sort of man with two sons, each of whom is eager to get his job. The dude I most enjoy talking to... is actually six dudes; JoJo must yell at that many horndogs in order to make them stop ogling a woman trying to have bathtime. She says it’s okay if I watch, though. This will be the best proposition I get until I reach Camp Dragonhead.

- U'tykha Tia asks me to find one youngster who is still trying to get good. MOST of the U are fearsome hunters, then. I guess this girl is kind of like me.

- One of the zombies is somewhat friendly, and just wants me to help him locate his sabotender buddies. The first one is in the Shire and is easy to locate. So is the second one on Robot Pirate Island. The third one is in the desert nearby, so he should be easiest to get to, right? Hab gives me explosives, in case his friend has been kidnapped and shoved in a pot by some Amalj’aa. I figure if the programmers went to the trouble of including the stuff, I am meant to use it, so now I look all around for anything resembling a container. I check the map several times. I check every object on the hilltop within the orange circle on the map several times. After about an hour of this, I call for help, and am shown a small ledge with a small piece of pottery on it. FUUUUUUUUU- At least I get a very cute cactuar minion. I name him Bruno, after my favorite zombie in the whole wide multiverse. I wonder if JoJo’s armor will let her hug him without injury?

- The Silver Bazaar has seen better days, but the inhabitants still love it, especially Kikipu, who threatens to feed a crooked developer his own dick if he doesn’t leave them in peace. JoJo enjoys helping these people, and so will Kikipu’s friend Momodi after I deliver a letter to her.

- In northern Thanalan, the Empire has built a huge fortress, right near a plant that processes ceruleum. Everyone here is understandably on edge. JoJo helps deliver much-needed weapons and hunts ingredients for life-saving potions (and some ahriman wings, which she sells and then later wishes for when she becomes an alchemist).

Fun fact of the day: Qiqirn used to be able to trade in the city once upon a time. I wonder who banned them all and why? Probably had to do with money...

#playing ARR #exploring #I am 12 years old so I got a good chuckle out of Kikipu’s threat and out of the cactus piss

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