#The book is called The Spare Man. Written by Mary Robinette Kowal

[nerdnag]

I keep finding it so uncomfortable when people differentiate between women and men in my surroundings, and assume that some people are men and some are women. It's uncomfortable both because what if someone doesn't identify with whatever gender they may look like, and because why is it an important distinction in the first place?

Granted, there may be circumstances where it's relevant, but for context let me list some examples of what I mean. These are examples that I've experienced in the recent weeks:

When playing a game that requires two teams, someone suggested that the women should play against the men, and then when this ended up being the case, regular jokes were being made related to gender whenever someone made a bad play

At lunch, someone said "looks like we're all women here today"

Whenever someone who presents as a man has done something stupid or whatever (whether a celebrity or just a regular person), it's common for people to tie that stupidity to the fact that the person is "a man". This seems like a tactic that's sometimes used in order to gain social benefit with women. For example, ending a story about something stupid someone did by going, "ugh, men"

It's also common to hear people mention someone's gender in a story they're telling as though the gender is relevant to the story, when usually it really isn't relevant at all. For example, "... and then she did X and Y, which isn't strange at all because she's a woman, and then he said Z ..."

I know these are innocent things people do and say, and they likely aren't even aware that it can be uncomfortable for some people. Maybe for people who strongly identify as either gender it can even be affirming to have people say these things. I just wish I knew a good way to say that it's making me uncomfortable without having it become a big thing or making them think I'm overreacting

#part of it is definitely because I'm starting to think that the distinction is useless in most contexts #But I'm also wondering what this says about my own gender identity #I still haven't figured out whether I do identify as some variant of nb or not #It might honestly just be that I'm uncomfortable about being lumped into a group based on a factor I deem irrelevant #But idk? I wish it was easy to figure out my own identity. Sigh #Maybe I just want to be part of a group without having to be arbitrarily lumped in with others based on how I look #I'm reading a book rn btw which takes place in a future where gender identity is never assumed #Whenever a new person is introduced the they/them pronouns are used until that person's specific gender identity is presented #The author describes people based on aspects of their appearance but the gender identity doesn't always correlate with appearance #So appearances that today are commonly viewed as 'male' or 'female' do not always correlate with people's actual gender identity #And it's deemed disrespectful to assume gender identity when it's not been confirmed yet #I haven't read very far yet but there's been one scene where a person did assume someone's gender identity #And it was presented in the book as 'wow this person is an asshole who assumes gender identity in order to insult me' #I think it's so refreshing to read #The book is called The Spare Man. Written by Mary Robinette Kowal #Anyway gender norms are annoying 😔 #nagnerd #Genndar