#a teacher was stabbed to death in a school and several other people are badly wounded. kids are traumatised

[hedgehog-moss]

I've received some absolutely deranged anons since reblogging that post saying celebrating mass slaughter of civilians is fucked up no matter what. One ask saying "wtf are you talking about, no one is celebrating anything, people think Israel is the victim as always" was sandwiched between two other asks, one cheering for genocide, one confused and uncertain as to whether or not going house to house slaughtering entire families is always a bad thing. Not using the word genocide lightly btw, the first ask was like "death to colonizers, all colonizers should die, there are no civilians in Israel, the death toll should have been higher." Another ask was 3 paragraphs that amounted to a clearly satisfied "reap what you sow." What did the murdered babies sow exactly? Or the abducted grandma who was a lifelong peace activist, who regularly drove people from Gaza to Jerusalem for medical care? I've seen lots of such comments in the notes of one post the other day, bonkers levels of dehumanising antisemitism, which was what prompted me to reblog a post by someone with a moral compass.

For a lot of progressive social media 'activists' the question of whether or not to condemn child murder is a really complex moral dilemma when it's being done by the right oppressed group or, let's be honest, if it's Jewish children being murdered for a good cause. It's repulsive. The idea that you can "side" with the children trapped in Gaza subjected to war crimes by hesitating to condemn war crimes against children on the other side is repulsive. The adults at that music festival and in surrounding villages didn't deserve to be massacred either but it's hard not to keep focusing on the children in the process of desperately trying to find a line in the sand with people who claim to care about justice. I wasn't going to make any more posts because the last thing social media needs is more unaffected people giving their 2 cents on this topic, but yeah I'll just say, if your moral stance is that being oppressed and persecuted long enough gives you the right to fight for your land at any cost, including costs borne by innocent children, then you are ideologically aligned with Israel's current government. Not everything is justifiable if done by / to the "right" people in the "right" circumstances. Look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself what absolute (not relativistic, not contingent on context, incentives, or purpose) moral values you hold—any at all—if you can't draw a line in the sand with "rape" and "child murder" always on the other side of it.

#israel-palestine #might delete later i know this isn't what people come to this blog for but god #+ we've had an islamist terrorist attack in france today #a teacher was stabbed to death in a school and several other people are badly wounded. kids are traumatised #how someone can react to the current climate with rhetoric that advocates for even more violence is beyond me

[angelcatsiel]

I reblogged an ask game thing the other day but no one sent any asks so I just fuckin answered them all because I was bored and I am learning to not give a fuck what anyone thinks of me and it was fun

1. What is your favorite childhood story of yourself?

This is a hard one. I want to think of a funny one but my childhood wasn’t great. My dad has told me that when I was a toddler, before I can remember, he used to play AC/DC and I used to put clothes pegs in my hair for some unknown reason, stand on the sofa and violently headbang.

2. What is the stupidest way you have ever gotten hurt?

When I was about 11, I was swinging on a swing in the garden, and got curious about what would happen if I put my hands right at the very bottom of the chains while I was swinging. The answer was that I fell off backwards and hit my head. I went in to my dad crying, calmed down, and went back on the swing again. I tried to work out what exactly I had done to cause myself to fall off. I remember thinking, I think I held the chains near the bottom like this... and tested the theory, and fell off again, and hit my head again.

This is one of many stupid injuries. Other considerations were the time I climbed up a slide and hit my head on the bar at the top and knocked myself out, or the time I got kicked by a horse in a field and grabbed onto the electric fence to hold myself up.

3. What was the first PG-13 movie you watched?

Literally no idea.

4. What was the first R rated movie you watched?

I think it may have been the first Deadpool? Haven’t seen that many tbh

5. When was the moment you felt most badass?

When I was about 8, I was at the park with my brother, and this much older kid (maybe about 16 or 17, hardly a kid) with an aggressive dog stole my brother’s ice cream money. I marched up to him and demanded he give it back. He let his dog off the lead and it sniffed around my ankles and growled, and he told me it would bite me if I ran. I stood there and stared him down for a good 20 seconds or so before he called back the dog and walked away. I didn’t get the money back.

6. What is a band you can reliably always love?

Marillion. Favourite band, always.

7. What is your favorite form of self expression?

Probably singing even though I’m very bad at it.

8. What is something from your childhood you wish you still had?

My stuffed rabbit Hoppy. I haven’t been able to find him in several years. Can’t think about it too hard or I’ll cry.

9. Where is your favorite place on earth?

The Isle of Wight. My dad used to take me and my brother there for holidays every few years. It’s beautiful and full of memories, the most precious memories being the time we saved up vouchers in the newspaper to go the year after my dad left his abusive wife and ended up homeless. We were so poor but with the vouchers we could just afford to go, and it was the first time I saw my dad happy in a long time.

10. What is the longest friendship you have ever had?

My best friend @van-helsa124 who I have known since literally nursery and I love her so much.

11. Is there anyone is your life you wish you had met sooner than you did?

Maybe my friend Luce who I only met a couple of years ago, but we’ve grown close pretty quick.

12. Do you believe in ghosts?

Yep definitely. Pretty sure I was visited by my gran after she died and I’ve had a few creepy experiences.

13. What is the coldest water you have ever swam in?

No idea tbh, I don’t swim much

14. How old were you when you learned how to swim?

Maybe 8 or 9? I had lessons in primary school.

15.  What song do you listen to when you’re sad?

Never Grow Up by Taylor Swift. It’s my cry song.

16. Are you an adrenaline junky?

Yep! Love roller coasters and stuff like that, and would love to do something extreme like jump out of a plane or something.

17. What is a song that takes you back to childhood?

I have a few but the main ones are probably Man on the Moon by REM, and You Were Right by Badly Drawn Boy.

18. What is your favorite word?

Not sure I have one. For some reason the only one coming to mind is a place not too far from where my family live called Biggleswade, and I have to say it every time we drive past because I love saying it. I also love saying tiddies at every opportunity.

19. What is your least favorite word?

Don’t think I have a least favourite either, the usual infamous ones (e.g. moist) don’t really bother me.

20. What scent reminds you of childhood?

Cherryade. I drank some several years ago and the smell before I tasted it transported me immediately back to my childhood and a memory I’d completely forgotten, which was my gran constantly buying me a shit ton of cherryade every time I stayed over her house.

21. Were you sad when you found out clouds weren’t like pillows, or did you never think that?

I don’t think I was sad, I think I was just curious and interested to learn, and I tried to come up with new interesting ways of describing the feeling of clouds in my head, since even as a kid I loved to write.

22. When in life did you laugh the hardest?

A few times come to mind and they all involve @van-helsa124. A lot would make absolutely no sense, no matter how much I tried to explain. They’re now ‘friendship memes’. The only one that might be explainable is the first time we ever got drunk, to celebrate achieving ultimate friendship, after we found out that her mum had believed me and her were in a relationship for a year and a half. We even created our own drink, named the year and a half, which was literally just a mix of vodka, koppaberg, rose wine and cloudy lemonade. Tasted better than it sounds. Got me drunk in about 0.5 seconds. Ended the night hugging her trash can trying not to throw up while she read me a destiel fanfic to take my mind off feeling sick

23. What makes you laugh when you don’t feel like laughing?

Old yogscast videos.

24. Do you come from a big family?

Fairly big, lots of aunts and uncles and cousins.

25. What is your favorite part of yourself?

My positivity and the inner strength that I have, that helps me find happiness and courage even when my mental health is low.

26. What is the worst pain you have ever felt?

Trigeminal neuralgia pain (facial nerve pain). Spent 90% of January this year constantly crying and even screaming in pain. Hospital couldn’t do anything for me. I get occasional flare ups now but nothing that severe, but it’s probably going to come back. Feels like someone trying to rip out my cheekbone and jawbone or like someone is literally drilling into the bones in my face, and that’s the milder part. Every so often that pain is interrupted by stabs of sharper pain like electric shocks which have caused me to collapse to the floor screaming. 0/10 do not recommend

27. Do you swear often?

Not super often out loud but very often in my head.

28. Do you get confused for being older or younger than you are?

People always assume I’m younger than I am. I get asked for ID for everything.

29. What is your favorite way to eat a potato?

Probably roast potatoes, but they’ve gotta be done right. Soft inside, crispy outside, and obviously with herbs and spices.

30. What is the best compliment you have ever received?

Honestly no idea.

31. Describe yourself in 6 words?

Slightly unstable yet somehow happy weirdo

32. What is the worst insult you have ever received?

Can’t think of any major insults either lmao no one talks to me apparently

33. Have you ever taken in any media that changed your life?

The Good Place and Supernatural. With supernatural it wasn’t the actual show so much as the friendships it made me and the confidence and happiness the conventions gave me, at a time when my mental health was at its worst, although the show helped massively too. Idc if it’s cringey, it kept me alive. The Good Place changed my entire worldview and actually made me less afraid of death.

34. Have you ever collected anything?

My model horses! I have at least 10 at this point

35. Strangest thing you have ever broken?

As in bones or objects? Can’t think of any objects and the only time I ever broke a bone was when I broke my toe at like 12:01am on new year’s day when I got up to pour myself another drink and tripped over the table

36. Weirdest food you have ever eaten?

I’m not that adventurous with food so nothing that weird

37. Childhood nickname?

My dad would call me Flo. Not sure why.

38. Most people you have shared a bed with in a non sexual manner?

Two. Shared a bed with my best friend and my other friend Josh, once at a convention, once at Josh’s birthday. Birthday one is a bit blurry as I was drunk but at the convention I got to be in the middle and spooned Josh while my best friend spooned me and it was very cosy

39. What is something that makes you fall asleep?

The Marillion song Angelina, or this one ASMR video that’s supposed to be the sound of being in the Impala with the Winchesters. Laugh all you want, I like it.

40. Did your parents ever accidentally lose or forget you?

No but my teacher did once, can’t remember the context, I think she had to drive me and some other girls somewhere for some club event and when we got back to the school she forgot me in the car because I was so quiet lmao

41. If you were a superhero what would your weakness be?

I would be a terrible superhero and have many weaknesses. Loud noises would immediately put me out of action. Someone makes eye contact with me and I disintegrate immediately

42. What food reminds you of home?

Tuna pasta! With this one specific sauce that my mum used to make it with

43. What is your comfort food?

Probably also that tuna pasta. And chocolate. A shit ton of chocolate.

44. Cold room with lots of blankets or hot room with no blankets?

Cold room with lots of blankets, no question.

45. No shoes without socks or no shoes with socks?

No shoes without socks

46. Do you run hot your cold?

I am presuming this means ‘do you run hot or cold’ and the answer is, usually, both simultaneously. My body has no idea what temperature regulation is. Catch me out for a walk in short sleeves in the snow, sweating profusely while violently shivering bc I’m feeling extremely hot internally but my skin is freezing (and yes, I have actually done this). Do I have some sort of legit medical issue? No one knows, least of all my doctors!

47. Favorite condiment?

Probably ketchup. Though I also love garlic dip. Does that count as a condiment?

48. What utensil do you use the most?

Probably my tongs for turning chicken and stuff

49. When are you most comfortable?

Any time I’m home alone, just doing my own thing

50. If you could be really good at one thing, what would it be?

Singing! I would love to be an amazing singer but sadly I am a terrible singer though I do practice every day in the vain hope that maybe my voice will improve. If the neighbours could hear me they would have killed me by now

#personal

[depressedvegetable-blog]

Dreaming

I have been tormented with nightmares for the better part of two years, ever since I went through a very traumatic period in my late teens. Almost every night without fail I have horrifying dreams that utilize every guttural fear I didn't know I had. Seriously I could make horror films about some of these. For example.

I was going down a deserted road in a sir urban neighborhood in a shopping cart when I came across a hill at the edge of the neighborhood, which bordered a swamp. I went down the hill under no control of my own as shopping carts don't have steering wheels, and veered off the road into the wooded area. There was also a very steep drop off where the ground literally disappeared and reappeared 30 feet lower with no angle of decline, just a fucking mini cliff. And of course I fell down it in my shopping cart, as the vines got caught in the wheels and the branches in the trees blinded me. I don't remember hitting the ground.

There was a Russian man like Gru from despicable me(I hate that movie) but like actually evil and grim reaper powers ish. He told me that he knew when my mother would die, and then he set out an outfit for her that she would die in. This would signal to me, who was the only one who could talk to the Russian man, that this was the day my mother would die, as he would not tell me the date precisely. I talked with him in a heated conversation in an attempt to figure out how to stop it, but I could do nothing. The outfit was bumble bee themed, with a striped black and yellow dress with matching socks and various other black and yellow accessories. As I was talking with the Gru Reaper my mother entered the room, unaware of any danger. Then I was forced to clothe my mother in the bumblebee outfit, signaling to me that I had wasted all my time arguing with death and now my mother was about to die but I couldn't tell her(for dream reasons).

This is more recent and probably the most horrific objectively. There was this girl I didn't get along with in school named Amanda and she was a fucking bitch. She was. She made up lies about me and was always being rude for no reason. Anyways, I hadn't thought about her in a long time when I had this dream. In the dream Amanda had gone rabid and was trying to kill everyone in school, as a rabid person does. She would run around with a knife/multiple knives of various styles and sizes trying to kill my schoolmates and myself. I tried over and over to defend myself without hurting her, because although I hate that bitch I wasn't just going to try and kill her if I didn't have to. But I did have to. And I think one of my friends actually did end up hurting her badly or killing her but it turned out she was like an actual demon or something and so she couldn't be killed unless every piece of her body was completely destroyed, think like terminator 2, or the silver metal melty one, whichever one that is. She was like that. So I ended up having to,HAVING TO stab Amanda in the back with her own knife, in the trapezius muscle, around the spine of her left scapula in the upper middle portion of her back. I dragged the knife right so I cut a long line across the top of her back near her neck. I then drug the knife cut around her neck, cutting her Carotid and jugular from the back so I wouldn't have to look at her while she died. I held her head away from me as she thrashed and bled out. I stabbed her several more times to make sure she was dead, and then I chopped her up Hannibal lecter style. I spirilized all of her body into flesh pasta(raw btw) and had to eat it so she wouldn't come back. And she was a big girl so I had to eat A LOT. And I don't eat meat irl so it was hard to deal with that. It tasted texture wise like undercooked butternut squash, which I had eaten a month earlier that had been unpleasant. The flesh pasta had no sauce since I cut her up in school and there was no communal kitchen so I ate it without salt or marinara or anything. I told one of my friends what I did and I gave him and one other unknowing friend the last two pieces of flesh to eat(because dream logic) and the unaware guy ate it just fine but the knowing guy flushed it down the toilet LIKE A FUCKINNG IMBECILE and made all the work and calories I just consumed literally useless. So Amanda regenerated in the sewer and the rush started over. Thanks Todd for throwing out a bite sized piece of human flesh. IT WASNT THAT FUCKIG HARD TODD. GOD.

Next one was scary because of mental issues I personally deal with. There was a monster that takes away your soul when you're most alone(which is almost always when you take a shit) and then incorporates it with all the other souls it's taken and blends you into itself, erasing your identity so you no longer exist, you are only the monster now without a consciousness. Two scary things about this: 1)losing your identity and being aware of your consciousness stripped from you and 2) shirting in front of people. Two very real fears. So I end up shutting in a clothing drawer of mine which still hold clothes because the toilet is under the control of the monster and I hold my friend's hands and look into her eyes as I do so so the monster can't get me, but he does. I feel myself being erased and it was one of the most horrifying things to be aware of your consciousness being erased. Then I became this digital version of myself that was exclusively existing inside a daily talk show. I wore a cobalt blue lace burka. I was angry because the monster made me, the white girl, representing the traditionally Arabic Muslim community. It was a whitewashed cast in my opinion.

I accidentally murdered four people and threw their chopped up corpses into an underground pool with crocodiles and empty suits of armor in it. This came way before Amanda, and I shot these guys with a heavy duty gun which left big holes in their chest. It wasn't good. I'm not pro gun just as an FYI, I feel like I am coming across as psychopathic because of these dreams. PSA I have no control over what happens in them. Interestingly this dream also had a shopping like cart in it too in which I hauled around the dead body pieces, which was also cobalt blue, but larger than a traditional shopping cart and with plastic siding.

A demon monster of an underground school lagoon possessed and killed hundreds of kids. There wasn't much plot there but the monster made all of the possessed kids into marble like statues that she could take control of. It was refreshing to see a female character in my dreams in such a position of power.

My art teacher told me I was too annoying to be worth teaching. I was also told that I have a 49% in my hardest class going into the final. In reality I have a 96% in that hard class and, well, my art teacher may find me annoying, I have a bad habit of talking back to his criticism.

There's more but these are the most poignant in my brain. As I throw this into the empty void of the internet, if anyone wants to hear more of these let me know and I'll post another of these with more. I have plenty of them. It's every night bro.(fuck u Logan Paul)

As always, with disgrace and shame,

X