#a while back i caught the love bug for a friend and tbFCKNh it was the very second time i'd ever actually fallen In Love with someone and..

[trashbaget]

#wrote a fucking poem #because a bitch is fucking feeling things #cue venting in the tags because this is where i'm feeling comfortable to do it right now #a while back i caught the love bug for a friend and tbFCKNh it was the very second time i'd ever actually fallen In Love with someone and.. #the first time it didn't end well. long story short: i asked him out and he turned me down but we stayed friends and it actually made us.. #grow closer regardless. a little while later i'd realized my feelings were Different and it just came out one night when we were having a.. #really deep conversation. and i'm glad i told him because it helped me get over him and we got better and things weren't weird at all. we.. #stayed really good fucking friends. now i didn't get to see him for a summer and i definitely don't have feelings for him anymore and i'm.. #sincerely happy for him and his now partner. i consider him (and always have) my best friend. (among others but he's definitely Up There.. #like no. 2 probably) but way too soon after Talking was summer and we were both farthest from everybody and are both the kind of ppl who.. #pretty much don't text anyone except like 2 ppl and we are not one of each's 2. today i got to see him and a bunch of our friends for the.. #first time since fucking april and god have i missed them all. but seeing him again kinda fucked me up a second. threw me for a massive loop #i got Weird (neg) and i was NERVOUS as HELL at the start and for a few minutes i couldn't figure out what it even WAS because i hadn't felt. #that way in a long time. and i am not about to catch those feelings for him again because No. i chilled out after like 3 minutes bc i got.. #reacclimated to being around ppl My Damn Age again and things weren't Weird (neg) anymore. we talked we joked we sincerely said our I Miss.. #Yous and we hung out. with everyone and alone for a bit because ppl had gone out and come back and it was FINE it was NORMAL () and we.. #were GOOD. we ARE good. and i don't love him in that way anymore. i love him as a friend. and that love is definitely more intense than with #other friends because we have a deeper bond and yes because i Loved him. but the fact is i don't and it's ANNOYING to react like i still do. #and getting nervous like i still do. and i kept worrying that something i'd do might make it seem like i do and i don't and just UGH having. #feelings is annoying. i've never been able to stay friends with someone after having feelings for them at all let alone INTENSE IN LOVE FEEL #INGS!! like wtf!!! and this is sincerely one of the best friendships i've ever had and i don't want to and Won't. lose him especially for.. #this but god DAMN am i not having it right now. and my head's been spinning like a fucking tornado in the 5min ride home and i accidentally. #wrote it out in a poem because the words wouldn't go anywhere when i just tried to brain dump about it because Of Course They Did. because i #can't think about this man in anyway except poetically and i can't write a poem unless it's about love in some degree and just UGH love is #and i'm gonna leave it there because i'm running risk of repeatin myself. #if you read all this i positively adore you and also you need to touch some grass bc reading the vents of internet dwellers is for suckers #i am just kidding i really do sincerely appreciate you and love you very very much thank you for caring #please ignore the following organizational tags: #writing #poetry