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unproduciblesmackdown · 7 years

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i'm a LITTLE bit joking about my war on romance, but not really. its the isolating construct and its justification/advertisement in pop culture that i dislike, not anything about the existence of two people who want to be together because their lives are enhanced and nourished by their relationship. even if they fit the nuclear family. i love that people love each other and want to be together and i hate that there is no alternate way to briefly refer to this without calling it "romantic" and also i hate that even words like love and everything referring to the desire for and process of building such relationships is loaded with association with romance(tm), such as dating/crushes/marriage whatever etc. i mean, i don't love straight relationships no matter how against the norm they are because who does, but i dont want even those to be poisoned by the smothering crush of proper "romance." i dont want any relationships to be that way on account of it just brings guilt and shame and damaging self-denial and you know, isolation i also have a horse in the race as someone uninterested in a lifelong relationship with a single person, or even a relationship with any number of people where we get all emotionally intimate and stuff. i know life is unpredictable but luckily, even though if this was cishet romantic propaganda i'd learn the error of my ways by finding a charming [individual of the other cis binary gender] who wins my headstrong heart, i'm a gay so i cant contribute in the cishet narrative. but this goes along with the part how it doesnt matter if i do find and enjoy such a relationship in the future, as the present such-relationship-less version of myself is just as legitimate (also if a future self was in any relationship that any rando fuckin herbs were like "oh but that could be considered equivalent to a romantic relationship according to certain elements so just call it one" i'd introduce them to a swing or two. youve got cis people thinking their ideas are transcendent going "well if you define the binary genders this way or that way, everyone could be considered cis" and thats an infinitely dumbassed thing. unfortunately "nonromantic" is supposed to mean superfluous and no-kissing and of limited emotional scope/investment etc etc. and the idea of relationships is different from the idea of gender so) most of what bothers me is that as someone without a romantic relationship who can't be satisfied by considering myself as waiting/looking for a romantic relationship (which isnt a valid substitute anyhow for everyone being able to feel secure, supported, and content with whatever forms of relationships they have at any stage in their lives) then again i can be considered any number of the following: 1) having an inherently deficient life, 2) possibly having a pointless life, 3) being an inherently deficient person, 4) required to be of greatly reduced importance to everyone who has/gains a romantic relationship (supposedly literally everyone), 5) inherently disposable, etc. i have to resent that, and resent that any grievance with the idea of everyone pairing off and leaving it at that can only be resolved by accepting it. i dont want to feel like romance is attainable for me, but i would like to feel like im not doomed to being on the peripheral of the lives of everyone i interact with as a convenient source of interest instead of someone of value. you are inherently inferior and worth much less time/energy/love/attention if you can't be someone's romantic partner you know. like i'm not even saying that all relationships in anyones life have to be equal and interchangeable. just that its crap that there's meant to be only one relationship between adults which takes all precedence and is defined by whether you can eliminate all other relationships from your life in favor of it. that shit is not only bs for stuff like my case when you're not even about being with someone, but also people who do want to be with other people but aren't, and also people who are with other people. coz that is a nightmarish definition that doesnt even focus as much as what good things you find in a relationship as much as what other good relationships you could damage. god knows not everyone has infinite time but its ridiculous to think that friendships and any relationships with any level of intimacy can just continue without being given any effort or valued as something that can only exist 100% at ones convenience. and the isolating definition of romance is bad to feel one needs to adhere to coz that shit is gonna keep ppl from having a full life and require them to deny basic needs. thats just healthy sacrifice lol more like nah, not being selfish in a relationship is different from hurting yourself for the sake of the relationship Fun Fact I Forget: interestingly, re: how i complained about how i have to essentially define intimate, loving relationships (which can include friendships but according to romance friendships = limited importance, limited intimacy, no sex, no formal commitment, very limited physical affection, is the only other format of relationship besides romantic; aka why even "platonic" doesnt work as an alternate label bcoz the scope is so wide and its the idea of platonic sex/kissing/cohabiting becomes laughable when "platonic" = "not romantic") my own personal slang quickly evolved a substitute would-be equivalent to "romance." not so much anymore but i used to get a few confused asks about why i was calling a pairing between a boy and a girl "gay." and the answer is in part because bi ppl can call themselves gay and a bi relationship isnt straight just becoz some rando thinks it looks str8, but the realer answer is becoz i started using "gay" to the kinds of relationships that You Know Which Kind I Mean But I Have No Term To Refer To It As. like how "gay" also means any synonym of "good." it doesnt confuse people becoz often i am referring to obviously gay relationships as in not hetero, because those are better, but im also genuinely using "gay" as an alternate to "romantic" because i have to invent a word when romantic is practically synonymous with relationships and i dont want to invoke that construct. someones gotta do it. maybe i'll come up w/ another word, but "gay" became that word a year or two ago

#linguistics in progress here #long post ////#ive already forgot what i wrote. where's the memes

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