#add the borderline phobia of firearms I had despite no exposure to any of these things

[beastofwant]

now that I think about it, it was really weird that my reaction to seeing police from the time my parents adopted me was to start hyperventilating and shutting down because I genuinely feared for my life despite being trained that police were safe

#mad scrawl #add the borderline phobia of firearms I had despite no exposure to any of these things #Either something fucked happened when I was very little- before I was adopted even- or I have insane past life memories #I hope for neither but. Things are adding up. Lifelong phobias and fears and feelings that were unexplained might. Be severe trauma. #I associated them with the feeling of... The End. Finality. Disaster. Something very very bad. #I have a few memories of being triggered by seeing a cop as a kid and my parents laughing because to them it was ridiculous #But I really was terrified.