#again im probably just distortion bc my sister used to publicly call it out whenever i was being weird but idk

[opens-up-4-nobody]

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#u kno what i dont like? when i talk abt doing something completely bananas that i would absolutely do if i was even a little less socially #conscious and then whoever im talking to is like lol do it #idk maybe im just slightly distorted abt it but i have a compulsive need to do what ppl tell me to and i kno ppl would think i was real #weirf for doing the things so im just like. r u making fun of me? bc truely i cannot tell #like i dont have a good grasp on how well i read ppl. sometimes i think im ok at it. like i can deduce things from context clues #but if someone is not being clean then its fucking way over my head but idk sometimes i cant tell if im being made fun of #like u kno when u make someone laugh and ur like well i wasnt really trying to b funny. i was just saying whats in my head #so was that nervous laughter bc i said something kinda off the walls or was it laughter at my expense #again im probably just distortion bc my sister used to publicly call it out whenever i was being weird but idk #i just wish ppl said what they thought more. like dont say one thing to my face and then later text me something that indicates u were #thinking something entirely different in the moment. bc that's disorienting and it makes me think i can't trust my reading of ppl #i mean. it doesnt help that i dont look ppl in the face lol but whatever #i should sleep. i have jury duty tomorrow and i pray that i am not selected. tho it would force me to have a day off #bc im fucked up like that. no fun allowed. only work. and not enough sleep :-P #idk why im even thinking this? #i guess bc i was helping one of my lab mates with coding stuff and like idk ive spent way too long around him and i still dont #kno whats going on in his head. like idk hes not too bad but he also is very quick to jump on it when i do something wrong #like when i make a lil mistake i mean. and i think its in a teasing way but idk it feels weird. like he thinks hes caught me fucking up #and im like ...yea? i mean yea that was a dumb thing i did. or like yeah i cant spell or remember plant codes? idk maybe he just thinks #its funny. it doesnt upset me or anything. i just think its kinda weird and i dont get it so it puts me on edge #idk he says things sometimes and im like... ok ur star war5 options make me nervous abt the general opinions u hold but i dont kno how to #manipulate u into a revealing conversation. idk his not that bad just puts me on edge a lil and i have to b around him a lot so i sit here #man wtf is his deal? let me psychoanalyze u #unrelated