#again: i aint checking exact facts here folks this is all in good fun

[entropic-introspection]

Final Fantasy XIV: A Quick(ish) Summary As Told By Someone Too Lazy To Recheck Exact Times/Things

1.0- We don't talk about it

A Realm Reborn (ARR)- for some strange reason the world got like, completely blown up 5 years ago, crazy! You are some dumb kid from nowhere in particular, with nothing but the clothes on your back and a weapon that is little more than a chunk of wood, or a book. Possibly just your fists. You have got 50 levels and a shitload of lore to get through until you reach the first expansion.

Essentially: you don't have enough money for chicken nuggets, your fashion game is nonexistent, and every high level player calls you a sprout and exhibits Concern about your every action (they mean well).

Garlemald bad, Ascians bad, Eorzea uhhh trying to be good but kinda racist/capitalist/pirates with a history of colonialism, Coerthas is French Catholic and in the Crusades with the dragons. Hydaelin... good? Confusing, for sure, often referred to as Mother in text. Primals bad and scary, but fortunately you are immune to their mind-fuckery techniques thanks to Crystal Mom and surprisingly good at kicking their asses. Garleans mad that you ""savages"" keep killing Primals, despite having a whole mandate against Primals and Primal summoning. Ascians mad that you keep killing Primals because Ascians are dicks. People die, there is an amnesia plot, some annoying twerp is annoyingly right about a lot of things and also you can't get rid of him, Moogles, possession, fucking Ancient Aliens Allagans (if it's a problem in ARR, it's Ascians or Allagans aight), and hey ho you go and kick Garlean asses until they throw a giant machine at you that they stuffed full of Primal juice. Such devastation-!

Then there is the slightly post ARR stuff, where we're still level 50-ish but not really into the next expansion. So basically, we meet Dragon Dad who slaps Crystal Mom's blessing off of you to build character, Ascians are once again dicks, Who The Hell Names These Things, wow Lysanderoth you're definitely not suspicious at all, and our annoying twerp is dabbling in politics and for some reason you're getting fond of him?? Just in time for...

Heavensward (Lvl 50-60)- Congratulations, you are now an enemy of the state! We return/flee to French Catholic Coerthas/Ishgard, where we get to room with our Dear Friend, Haurchefant.

Don't mind how all the high leveled players have started crying. This expansion is emotionally devastating, has a great storyline, and also features canonical consensual dragon vore as a plot point. You know that tweet that's all "Church bad because they won't let you fuck dragons"? Yes, that's Heavensward. You will still cry. We embark on an epic road trip with the annoying twerp (ft his existential teenage crisis), a famous dragon killer and sadboi, and a famous lady who advocates peace/fucking dragons. Somehow, none of you kill each other. Instead, you murder a weirdly attractive bug-man with good music and a desire for violence, a giant flying whale, and some old dudes. You also beat up the same Ascian from the first bit, again. And again, in his final(?) form. Dragon Dad has come along to watch your progress, and also check on his kids cause he's actually, y'know, the entire progenitor of the dragon race. Wow! His family is very sad, mostly. But he does like you, so hey, he can adopt you and have one kid that turned out ok and happy! Hahahahha there's no therapists in Eorzea :')

Then we get to deal with "Hey we ended your like 500 year+ Crusade and kind of upended your social structures, y'all good?" (no), something something Warriors of Darkness, something something Urianger sus, then ALISAIE JOINS THE PARTY. I love her ok, let me have this. She's the annoying twerp's twin, and she's more inclined to hitting things that politics and philosophy. She's also kind of crushing on you. Also Minfillia kinda fucks off to nowhere, which is weird, b/c she has been Important but also Not Involved with the plot for like. 8 years.

Stormblood (Lvl 60-70)- Return of Lysanderoth! Briefly. Before he fucks you over, again. And a bunch of other people, honestly. But hey, this puts Eorzea in open contention with Garlemald for the first time in years, instead of them hovering in an uneasy cold war. For the first goddamn time in the game, you canonically get your ass kicked. Hard. So hard you decide fuck it! And go overseas to Fantasy Japan/China to visit some nice people you helped out earlier. You get catfished. You meet a weeb. There's some pirates, and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. There's Ravana take 2, this time in a slightly more 'Forever 21' phase. Wild, young, free, REJOICE.

You attempt to inspire rebellion (since your character doesn't talk much, this is quite difficult). Garleans crack down, and hey look, the dude who kicked your ass is back! Prince Zenos Yae Galvus, as by this point you've hopefully learned, even if you're bad with names like me. He kicks your ass again, but this time we break his helmet, and wait shit is he... kind of hot? Maybe? Fuck?? He pins you to a wall and tells you to find him later, it's all confusing and prompts strange butterflies in stomachs. (Side note: as a lesbian, I am making some assumptions here. Mostly based off of how I reacted to the idea of Tsukuyomi doing the same. Mm.)

Then he promptly fucks off, and to work off that sexual tension you square up and work with local friends on Rebellion! You get help from some neighboring nomads after proving you're cool enough to tame a bird, and this proves enough to free the area from Garlean control (for now). We go back to Eorzea, and prepare to kick Zenos' head in. He's playing hard to get though, so we gotta get through some other folks, learn hard lessons about war/colonization, and feel bad. AND THEN WE KICK HIS- oh no wait. Is he... coming on to us again? Oh jesus man, get a therapist, oh my god, this is awkward for us both. Turns out he's kinda depressed and just wants you. To fight him. To the death. There is some bullshittery and he becomes dragon. Fails to kill you, so he kills himself. (Spoiler: it doesn't stick)

The Garlean Empire is now pissed off at you, and Eorzea in general. Everyone is kung-fu fighting, but oops, Garlemald is preparing to commit ~war crimes~! Someone is doing something weird, which is making your Scion friends fall into comas, which is both very convenient and highly inconvenient, cause all of you are kinda needed right now! Zenos, or something in his body, is causing trouble as well. Look, even when we thought he was dead he was causing trouble.

Shadowbringers (Lvl 70-80): We find out what's been making our friends pass out- someone from another dimension has been trying to yoink you over to them, and like all attempts at using the Rescue spell, it just sometimes leads to hilarious accidents. In this case, some epic lag, so although your friends have only been out of it for a week or two at most, they've been in this other world for 5 whole years in some cases. Turns out, Garlean war crimes are all an Ascian plot (what isn't, by this point), and mysterious Crystal Exarch is hoping you can save this world and your own.

At this point, Yoshi P, the lead developer, pulls out a gun and asks if you've been doing all those side-quests and optional 48 man raids. He worked very hard on those, you know. He put in lots of lore. Then he asks if you remember all those dangling plot hooks from previous expansions. We're addressing a lot of those. And adding more. You are sweating and nodding frantically while scrolling a wiki on your phone.

You get to feel like you're in an Otome game, because there's two dudes being weirdly polite and interested in you, but also real snappish to each other in terms of "fuck off she's mine". Alisaie and Alphinaud off-screen character development. Urianger still sus. Thancred now a dad? Y'shtola still so good. A lot of things happen, and you get progressively sadder as the expansion goes on. You get a nice, great big burst of hope and love, and then SOMEONE is a DICK with a GUN. (It is not Yoshi P.)

Now you just feel bad. Your character feels bad. This is all build up for the A) some motherfucking revelations and B) the utter catharsis of "If you could take one more step... would you?" "What, all by myself?" "THROW WIDE THE GATE"

I have shed legitimate tears over Shadowbringers ok, between the music, story, and pacing it is an Experience. Oh my god tho, all the music from Shadowbringers is so good. La-HEE

#ffxiv #theres some spoilers in there but its all p nondescript #again: i aint checking exact facts here folks this is all in good fun

[witchygagirl]

Bachelorette Party for 2

When Adam plans a bachelorette trip for 2 to Vegas what's the worse that could happens? Ties into mine and @gottaboopthesnoot family fluff series (mentions of sexual acts? That's a warning aint it?)

"So I've been thinking" Adam said as he plopped down on the corner of your desk. You glanced over your computer screen and eyed him cautiously "That exact sentence has gotten me into so much shit over the years I am scared to ask"

A smile slipped onto his face "Oh come on now! It's been months since we got yelled at by Voight!" "It's been two weeks Ruz! Now tell me what you've been thinking before I decide to switch partners with Kevin for the day"  you were completely ignoring your screen now in favor of your over grown golden retriever of a best friend.

He glanced around the squad room before finally saying "You need a bachelorette party. Something to celebrate you and mouse tying the knot before you do" you leaned back in your chair and looked at him like he'd grown a second head "Adam are you forgetting the night you and Kim have all planned for three weeks from now?"

He shrugged and picked up a photo from your desk that was from one of the community picnics. Jay had snapped a photo of you, Adam, Kim and Mouse. The thing was you could barely see Mouse because he'd pulled you into his lap then Adam had flopped into your lap then Kim had ultimately climbed into Adam's lap.  It was a ridiculously goofy photo for a detective to have on her desk but you smiled every time you looked at it.

"Yea but that party is for all the bridesmaids. I was thinking you needed one for you and your man of honor" you tried to hide your smile. Adam wasn't jealous of Mouse taking your attention, no he loved your fiance. He was jealous of the possibility of one of your female friends taking your attention from him as your best friend. "So a trip for me and you?"

A grin spread across his face as he sat the photo down and looked at you "Exactly! Me, you, Vegas? C'mon it'll be fun!"  You sucked your bottom lip between your teeth chewing on it as you thought about his offer. "Let me talk to Mouse about it" his grin deepened even further and he patted on your desk "That's my girl! I'll start checking flights and reservations. It's gonna be awesome!"

----------------------

Come Friday afternoon Mouse was driving you to the airport to meet up with Adam. When he parked you were still holding his hand instead of getting out. "Baby are you ok?" He asked giving your hand a little squeeze.

You nodded then raised your eyes to meet his with a small smile "Are you sure you're ok with me going?" "That's what's wrong? Adam is your best friend! You two deserve a weekend to have fun. I'll miss you but come Sunday I'm sure we can make up the two nights we'll miss" his smile was always enough to bring one to your face.

"I love you Greg Gerwitz" he grinned and said "I love you too. Now let me get some kisses before you leave" you leaned across to catch his lips in a kiss. Every time your lips met his felt like the first time all over again. You never dreamed of feeling about someone how you felt about him and you couldn't wait to finally be his wife.

You felt his hands move to your hips and moaned into his mouth when he pulled you over into his lap as he deepened the kiss. "Greg" you spoke with your lips still against his both of you losing yourselves in each other but before either of you could speak someone slapped on the window and a very familiar voice said "Stop that! Good lord you're a detective and that is public indecency!"

You leaned back to see Adam standing outside the car with Kim standing behind him both of them wearing a grin. You rolled down the window not bothering to move out Mouse's lap "Hello partner! Can you give me like five more minutes to finish making out with my fiance? You and Kim can check my bags in then make out for a few before we have to leave"

He shook his head then held up his watch "Flight leaves in thirty. We've got enough time to get through security so Mouse sorry man I gotta take her" Mouse laughed and laid his head over on your chest kissing your neck lightly "No worries Ruz" then looked up at you and patted your thighs "C'mon baby. Let's go get you two checked in and boarded"

---------------------

There was a time you hated plane rides but after joining intelligence and helping in cases in New York a lot you'd gotten over your aversion. Nothing helped nerves better than Hank side eyeing you in turbulence.

Adam had booked you flights in business class which meant fairly comfortable seats. You'd fallen asleep not long after the plane had taken off and actually only woke up when Adam moved his shoulder which you'd been laying against so he could ask you if you wanted something to eat or drink.

You blinked the sleep from your eyes and smiled at the stewardness "Just a soda please"

She handed you a sprite from the cart then continued down the aisle.

Adam grinned at you then acted like he was wiping something off his shoulder "Adam Ruzek I do not drool in my sleep!" you argued but still felt your mouth just in case and he busted out laughing "Oh I was just kidding but now I know you actually do! Poor Mouse man do you drool on him?"

You raised an eyebrow at that question and he groaned running a hand over his face "Forget I asked and please do not tell me about your sex life again I know more about him than any man should ever know about his best friend's soon to be husband"

You tried and failed to hide your smile behind the soda can and shrugged "Sorry Ruz but that's a perk of having a woman as your best friend. We talk about our sex lives just as much as you men folk do. Besides I know a fair share about Kim as well"

He rolled his eyes and said "That's because you've both made it clear that should anything ever happen to me and Mouse you're marrying each other next" "Well at least you know she'll be taken care" you teased with a wink.

He shook his head and checked the time on his watch "Well we don't have long before we land. Want to go over the game plan so far?" You grinned and said "Of course! I'm curious as to what you've planned and just a little worried"

--------------------

By the time the plane landed Adam had went over the basics of where you were staying, what bars and casinos he planned to hit and the fact that come saturday you'd both probably be crawling out of bed around dinner time from the hangovers.

You followed him through the airport after you'd grabbed your bags and out to the sidewalk where he hailed a cab.

You slid in first then he climbed in behind you and told the driver where you were headed. "Ready for a fun weekend?" He asked you with a broad smile that you returned fully "Hell yea let's do it"

--------------------

He'd gotten the two of you adjoining rooms at the Excalibur Hotel & Casino so the plan was to drop bags off, get ready then head out. It was a little after six so you still had plenty of time to grab a bite to eat before the night even started good.

Considering the hotel offered a wide variety buffet you chose just to eat there. The food was delicious and there was a lot of variety.

Once you were both content and had let Kim and Mouse both know you'd landed safely Adam grinned at you then rubbed his hands together "So are you ready for your official bachelorette party? The one in a couple weeks is just the hometown one" 

You waved your hand towards the door "Lead the way partner. You're the man with the plan" he grabbed your hand and said "Then let's get on it!"

--------------------

"Adam what in the world are you wearing?" You nearly choked on your beer when he made it back over to the table. He wiggled his hips with a smirk "ya like it?" For some ungodly reason he'd added a coconut bra over his tank top considering he'd shed his shirt when you said you were cold so you were now wearing it over your top.

"Where did you get that?" You asked rubbing a hand over the shell closest to you. He swatted your hand away "First off ma'am hands off. Secondly I am sure I'm the one that planned tonight so I've got a few more surprises up my sleeve"

"Such as?" You asked with a raised eyebrow but he simply grinned at you. Your phone started ringing so you pulled it out to see Mouse's name flash across and smiled but Adam moved a bit faster than you and snatched it away to answer it "Gerwitz you know the rules!"

---------------------

Mouse wasn't surprised when Adam answered your phone it was a common occurrence when you were home and out in the field. He could hear you laughing in the background "Ruz give me my phone!"

"C'mon Adam I just want to check on her" he offered but Adam tsked then said "She's with me. She's fine. She loves you and will see you Sunday and the two of you can do all that stuff I hate having to hear about ok"

"Ruz" he tried again but Adam cut him off by saying "The strippers just got here man I gotta go" strippers? Adam hadn't said anything about strippers.  "ADAM" he hollered but all he got in return was a quick "Bye Mouse" and heard you giggle before the line went dead.

He sat there for a second then clicked Kim's number in his contacts. After a few minutes she answered her voice heavy with sleep "Mouse? Is everything ok?" He tried to talk calm but the first thing out his mouth was "Strippers Kim!"

After a beat that was clearly her trying to wake up enough for a conversation she said "What?" "Adam got her strippers" she laughed lightly "Yea I know. I helped him pick out which ones"

Why did that not surprise him? "Ok but tell me this isn't the world's worse combination. Adam, Y/N, strippers, alcohol, a lot of cash and the Las Vegas strip"

She laughed again then said "Mouse do you doubt either of them" "No I'm not worried about them! I'm worried about Vegas. I don't think even Voight and Trudy could get them out of destroying an entire city"

"Mouse get some sleep. They'll call when they're hungover and laying around tomorrow" he chuckled then said "Yea you're right. Night Kim" "Night"

--------------------

When his phone started chiming for a facetime call Mouse reached out blindly to grab it then clicked to answer. When your face popped up on screen he couldn't help but smile. You had glitter all over your face, you were wearing Adam's long sleeve shirt over your own top and was wearing a bride to be sash. You were as always the most beautiful woman he'd ever laid eyes on.

"Hey baby!" You giggled leaning against Adam's shoulder as he told the uber driver where the two of you were headed next. "Hi beautiful are you having fun?" He asked and you nodded "Yes I am! Adam planned an amazing time. The strippers were gorgeous and loved when they found out I was higher ranking than him! They even gave me a hat look"

You disappeared from the screen for a moment then popped back into view wearing one of the cop hats like strippers wore. "You gonna wear that for me when you get home?" He asked and you smiled "Of course baby! The one girl gave me some ideas for our honeymoon. She even offered a demonstration but I told her a lap dance was where I drew the line"

He laughed when you said that "I know baby you wouldn't do anything with anyone" you nodded then stared at him for moment. He was worried the call had froze before you finally sighed and said "God Greg you're so fucking sexy. I miss you!"

Time the words left your mouth Adam grabbed the phone "Nope I'm not hearing this! Mouse man do you realize after the first time you slept with her I couldn't look at you for two fucking days? No man should know that much about another man unless they're together"

He heard you giggle from next to Adam so he asked "Impressed or intimidated Ruz?" Adam shrugged "Little bit of both honestly and a little weirded out cause I never knew she was such a freak until the next day she kept going on and on about your fingers while you were typing"

This time Mouse busted out laughing "You're welcome then" Adam was laughing by then but still said "It's not funny! I'm fucking scarred man!"

"Sorry man..now hand me back to our girl!" He said and Adam nodded "No sex talk?" Mouse knew you so he said "Not on my end" Adam side eyed you then shrugged "Good as I'm gonna get here she is"

---------------------

When Adam handed the phone back Mouse's ears were red from how hard he'd been laughing but smiled when he saw you "Hello again gorgeous" "Hey baby. I promised Adam no more sex talk and we're about to get out the uber but before I go I want to say I love you and can we try to mark off number three on the tech room list when I get back"

"FOR FUCKS SAKE PARTNER" Adam hollered and mouse grinned "Of course beautiful. I love you too. Have fun and be safe" you clicked off the call then handed your phone to Adam.

He was quiet for a moment then said "What's number three?" You shook your head "Oh you don't wanna know" he took a sip from the flask he'd bought a couple bars back then said "Naw I'm drunk enough I want to know"

You turned to face him then said "Number three is mouse eating me out in the tech room during lunch so there's a chance of anyone walking in" he looked like a fish out of water for a second then said "Hold up what's one and two?"

You scratched the back of your neck then said "Well I gave him a blow job while he was updating our coms a while back and we had sex while you, Kim and Jay were upstairs doing paperwork"

He took another swig then grinned as he said "Anywhere else in the precinct I need to disinfect?" You felt a blush warm your cheeks when you answered "Um break room, a few desks in the squad room, a couple cars in roll up and Voights office once"

"Hold on...Voights office?" He asked stunned and you shrugged "What?" He shook his head "Nothing you and Mouse are fucking insane though" you laughed then said "Yea but we have an amazing sex life Ruz"

About that time the uber stopped in front the next bar and Adam grabbed your arm "Thank god I need another drink" you let him pull you out and laughed "You asked!"

--------------------

You groaned as you rolled over and glanced at the clock on the wall. It was a little after noon. You tried to sit up when the room started spinning you laid back down on the floor and closed your eyes. Floor?

You could vaguely remember you and Adam opening the doors between your rooms and proclaiming the blanket fort you were gonna make would break any world record. You opened your eyes and looked around before spotting him a few feet away curled around a pillow still wearing the coconut bra and a pink tiara that you had no memory of him getting "Ruzek!" You spoke but grimaced from your own voice.

When he didn't stir you grabbed the nearest pillow and threw it at him. He opened one eye and looked at you "Did we survive last night?" You laughed and said "I don't know. I feel like shit" "Me too. I think we're getting too old for this shit" he agreed as both of you crawled closer to each other so you could sit up leaning against each other.

"We're staying tonight too aren't we?" You asked and he groaned then said "Why don't we stay in and get pizza and watch a movie?" You patted his hand closest to you "You read my mind partner"

---------------------

Sunday evening Kim and Mouse were standing together and spotted Adam first when the two of you walked off the plane then spotted you.

Both of you were wearing matching t-shirts that said "We survived" with a photo of the strip as the background along with bright orange sunglasses. When you spotted him you smiled and practically ran to him.

"I missed you" you spoke with your face buried in his neck. He kissed your forehead then asked "Did you have fun?" You pulled back and looked over where Adam and Kim were also hugging "Oh yeah. My man of honor made sure I had one hell of a weekend" "and the hangover to prove it" Adam added with a wink.

#chicago pd imagine #chicago pd fanfic #chicago pd drabble #chicago pd fanfiction #platonic adam ruzek x reader #adam ruzek x reader #family fluff series #inside amys head