#ah you know what i dont care

[mishapen-dear]

something about qbad mentioning how much horror he put red team thru every time purgatory gets brought up... something about how proud dapper was of him.

like this is just my late-night read but- it feels like guilt qbad is trying to twist into pride. he keeps needling away at it. “i killed them all, over and over and over again.” “they were hunted by a monster.”

it’s like- reassurance. like a nail he’s trying o beat into his head. he’s had SO much trouble with legitimately hurting his friends, despite making that vow all the way back when the eggs first went missing, despite all the tree talk and the promises to save the kids no matter what. He never faltered with elq, and that protected them. He keeps faltering now. Sometimes he doesnt remember the code, or cucurucho, or skeppy. But that doesnt matter, right? Because he’ll protect the eggs. He’ll be the monster. he is the monster. he can and he will protect them even as his seams start ripping and he keeps breaking further and further apart. even at his worst, he’ll do whatever he needs to protect the eggs.

he’ll be the monster. wont he?

#qsmp #he loves his friends and he wants to hurt them #he loves his friends and he doesnt want to hurt them #qsmp badboyhalo #ita like. He was torturing himself with the soul vultures because he kidnapped ron and threw down some scary magma mobs #and then forever changwd rhe whole fuckin narrative with that appreciation room and bad remembered the joy of community #and then cellbit. Where bad was like ‘i see him destroying himself to get the eggs back and i know where that road goes’ #’his loved ones dont want that to happen to him. i dont want that to happen to him’ #and then purgatory gave him the first actal legitimate lead for finding their kids and he just had to get worse #and so he fucking swandived into self destructive violence (and the cc was purposefully playing qbad more recklessly violent) #(bbgirl couldve been lured into a trap so so easily) #ive lost my point somewhere now im just rotating qbbh in my brain and all the parallels #ah yes. But now theyre out of purgatory. And he refuses to regret what he did because he *had* to do what he could to save dapper #and the other eggs #because he has a huge complex about being the ‘only one who can protect the eggs’ because of a thousand little cuts and his mental health #issues. Like he’s Wrong bur its such a fascinating little direction for his character. Yes king burn thyself on the pure of protection #and then burn in a nuclear blast too because your self sufficiency left you to care for your egg alone #you can take care of the eggs. you can hurt your friends. look at how much you hurt your friends #look st the monster you are . your teeth are sharp and your claws are large #never mind that time you sent tina into a panic attack because you tried to recreate safety #never mind that your friends and family are worried about you #you are falling apart. but so many monsters survive the killing blow

[nyarlylicious]

It's best boy's birthday in a few days, so I thought I'd do something special following up to it; I have a lot of sketches, drawings, doodles, and unfinished works--entirely Ovan centered--that I have had sitting in my ipad that I just never posted. I don't usually like to upload unfinished works or sketches but I'd like to start getting into the habit of it. Otherwise, they sit on my tablets and rot, and some of them are neat to look back on. Creative processes are fun to see!

Some of them are months old, others just don't have a date to really say how recent they were. Anyway, enjoy the light blog spam in the next few days as I gather all of these up and just dump them here.

#Nyarly's art #Ovan #dothack #.hack #.hack//g.u. #Really as I was looking through my procreate folder I was baffled by how much stuff was here #I cant even really lump the sketches together based on dates because I dont know how old these are apart from each other kek #ah well I like showing sketches off I just dont do it often #partially because theyre dated by the time Im comfortable posting them and I already improved since then but you know what who cares #also I'll try my best to write desc for each as I remember why I drew stuff in the first place

[warlordfelwinter]

"I dream of blood pools deep enough to bathe in. Run me a bath."

#look i learned how to add text #rain's magic staff adding a bit of a distracting effect here #but i'm not going to load back and take it off just to get the scene again w/o it #i don't care that much #fel's bg3 #oc: rain #i love this whole scene cause you can be really unsettling in it #and i also love that gale doesn't disapprove of you killing the goblins #but i am noticing now that he's refusing to look at rain while rain's having this little thought journey #which i kind of love #like he's not going to say anything but he is a little disturbed #maybe lightly questioning what he thinks he knows about rain #the test this time with the gifs was making them tumblr sized #which did save on file size so i had to optimize them less but i dont think its worth it for the lower quality #ah well live and learn

[trans-estinien]

i love being autistic cause sometimes i get a glimpse into how regular people perceive things and its like. what the fuck. what the fuck is that? you live like this? and its normal?? i think YOURE the weird one actually. im fine. thanks though.

#THERES SO MANY WEIRD RULES #LIKE WHAT DO YOU MEAN PEOPLE PAY ATTENTION TO HOW SOMEONE WALKS LIKE HUH????? WHY???????????? #can someone fucking explain the dude head nod thing to me why do we do that. whats that about. ive never seen anyone do that irl before #is that an american thing or do i just hang around too many afab people #i am learning the intricacies of cis people gender rules and i am. what fucking planet have i been on the last 17 years like what is this #was there some like. rulebook they handed out at somepoint they forgot to give to me or something #“best way to learn is to observe the men around you” OBSERVE WHAT. YOU PEOPLE PAY THAT MUCH ATTENTION TO EVERY LITTLE MOVEMENT???? #bruh i can barely make eye contact w people... #my ass has never intentionally copied someones mannerisms ever. #i do it subconsciously. but doing it actively feels weird and wrong and like im breaking someones boundaries #“men dont smile at people.” well they should. #ive decided cishet men are the most boring people on the planet #“dont move with your hands” YOURE BREAKING MY POOR THEATER KID HEART #i need to meet more gay men irl to absorb the vibe of cause i only know like two. not counting myself #i want people to look at me and go. ah yes. fruit. #at this point im just going to accept being misgendered for the rest of eternity. id rather die than be boring in the way cishet men are #my flavor of being trans is so influenced by my autism cause my perception of genders is completely off from what everyone else is doing #im like. yeah i want to be a man. and then i look at what the majority of men are actually like and its like. wait no. not like that #shoutout to flamboyant gay men where would i be without them #i think the thing that bothers me the most is that like #in my mind peoples genders are just. the way they express themselves. #its not like. this super big complex deal like how everyone else treats it. if that makes sense? like. #regular people have so many rules for what counts as a man or what counts as a woman or what counts as neither and its like??? #you can do what you want???? why do we care???? #and ive been doing this since i was little. on account of the autism #i just. dont get why its such a big deal to people. #i cant wrap my head around it at all #not nonbinary not a girl not aegender not a man but a secret fourth thing #(man but i do it my way instead of everyone elses way) #unfortunately doing it my way just. leads to the misgendering dimension. for some reason

[hoonclub]

#.................................... #everyone please look away .. ha.. i just need to save this somewhere #ha.. jongseong-ah. happy birthday #happy; happy birthday #my jongseong who has grown so much who has worked so hard who went through so much #jongseong who i have loved for a long time #jongseong who is unapologetic with everything he does. #jongseong-ah.. i love you. thank you for making me happy thank you for being born thank you for always working hard. thank you for always #trying to be a better version of yourself #jongseong who thinks his iland self is embarrassing and shameful and doesnt want new engenes to see him then.. i will never understand how #it was for you and all i can do is be sad and upset with you. but iland is how i got to know the jay that was so selfless so hardowrking #so kind and so thoughtful... i think it's sad and somewhat ironic that the version that you dislike is the one i fell in love with first #jongseong i hope you continue to live your life without regrets. i hope you always have courage and strength to carry on no matter what #happens. i hope you dont think so little of yourself and gain more confidence. i hope you know that so many people love you #i hope you continue to do all the things you love with the people you love and those who love you. i hope youre surrounded by people that #take care of you as much as you take care of them. i hope you spend your days with a light heart #jongseong who's born in the spring whose love is so warm and sincere who's like a light that makes my heart bloom #i love you. let's be happy let's be together for a long time. take care and eat well. #happy happy birthday jongseong-ah. #0420

[shinayashipper]

If I were to get Fired after Disappointing a customer (who hasn't paid and the worst thing happened to them is their orders late for a day and we cancelled his orders because he couldnt Wait any longer- DEMANDING us to finish the thing and said "I dont care I /want/ my orders Now" after we told him it will take us until midnights to work for it?? YOU HAVENT EVEN PAID), then I would gladly Leave. Certainly they didnt appreciate me at all

#yes it was my mistake for working on his thing Late #but its not even a life-threatening thing? he can easily *wait* if he wants his orders done #but he doesnt wanna wait and instead of making my production team work Harder I cancelled his orders #like SURE call me a bitch call me whatever but at least fellow coworkers dont need to deal with you #mind you Havent Even Paid #how can people be so heartless? if he really told our boss about it HAH go For it #was planning to get outta here anyway #'i'll make this viral' sir by all means go for it #the only thing you would discover is Overworked 18-20s trying to make a living for their families #and maybe then you will 'ah thats why this one order was Late' #but no huh- because you're so Heartless you really Didnt Care what happen to us and just want your orders done #we have apologized #you didnt even pay anything yet what does it cost you? #pls be Kinder sir you dont want your own customers to be so heartless dont you? #i know retail is a nightmare so dont add to it #(and then he would def come order at us again after all this because our services the Cheapest) #yes I acknowledge my mistake #and I also acknowledge a heartless asshole when I encounter one

[todayisafridaynight]

i personally think jo wouldve just insisted they left masato there and would try to make the argument that its too late for him and even if he DID save masato i dont think he wouldve been half as supportive of him and his condition as arakawa was. like,, i think the only thing that made him okay with it in the game is the fact that he was able to see that it wasn't treated as a burden to arakawa whereas it definitely wouldve been to jo had he'd been the one raising masato

not sure if ANY of that made sense but gfhdsgfd

NAW I HEAR YOU the most important thing to remember is how differently jo behaves compared to when he was a teenager versus when he reunites with masato

what made jo care so intensely about masato wasn't that he understood he was doing fine after The Incident or that he was in good hands. it was the fact that jo bore first-witness to how much the incident did affect masato- that was when jo really had a change of heart and decided to dedicate everything to making ammends

jo did attempt to 'reason' with ikumi and say that what they did had already been done and there was no point in reversing the situation, so i dont think that alone would have fully stopped ikumi from trying something

moreover i definitely don't think jo would have cared for masato as intensely if he was given the chance to raise him from day one. at the same time, it's really hard for me to imagine how he would've gone about the whole situation if it came to that..

#snap chats #AH no one ever writes in about my random lore prattling... jumpscare... #but on the real i just dont know what wouldve happened theres just too many possibilities #there exists a possiblity that ikumi might have raised masato on her own if jo was really stubborn on staying out of it #jo's main gripe with the sudden baby was that they wouldn't have the money to take care of it WHICH. fair point #I Repeat there's two avenues this follows: jo plays ball and tries to work harder for the three of them or he dips #there's also the chance ikumi tries to find work to help financially... but then who da fuck lookin after da fuckin baby at home.. #THEEN there's the timeline where they do just argue in front of the lockers but like. that's real public now innit #now there's going to be onlookers- or at least a better chance of getting caught #throwing a baby in a locker's one thing but hanging around and arguing with each other With A Baby In Your Arms. Wowzers #DO YOU SEE THE FUCKN BULLSHIT MY BRAIN GOIN THROUGH theres just too much to consider.

[selkiecoded]

did you know that theres a boot of the legally blonde pre-broadway tryouts????

#the master's only got it up for trade or purchase which whatever but LUCKILY for ME they uploaded CLIPS OF SOME OF THE SONGS. #did you know originally elle didnt tell emmett what happened at the end of legally blonde????? thats CRAZY. #theres a little bit before the remix they showed in the video (for ME!) where he confronted her and told her hed expect her at the trial #i overall prefer the broadway vers (a little less accusatory) but i can appreciate aspects of the tryout vers. #in legally blonde he doesnt do his little love confession! dont enjoy the miscommunication though or his 'dont you care??' line #what i DO think interesting is how in the tryout vers legally blonde shes like 'i cant be legally blonde..' while bw is 'just let me be' et #different framing! thats intriguing! i really enjoy that framing actually! #and you know what i DO LIKE??? elles goes 'goodbye' and heads behind her door and theres this swell of dramatic orchestral music #and the door turns and. ah! its very very good. if youve got a stage that can rotate then use it to its full advantage! #i think that bits cool and emmett talking to elle before the remix may have paved the pacing a little smoother but nevertheless. #i still prefer open communication and him. yknow. not inadvertently blaming her for her own reaction sort of.

[sunlit-mess]

*hugs you*

thank you. Hugs for everyone!

#why cant i have nice things. am i not working hard enough. do i have to endure suffering more #messyr #i think im relapsing #HAHAAHAHHA something just fucked me up big time that same day i couldn't help but spiral back #when youre given something. youd think that its finally because they care of love you so you do your best to take care of it #but man it didnt even last a day and its already fucked because of random malfunction that you dont know what to do but know #that you may have caused it #to the point you spiral: aH.. I dont deserve these nice things. this is my karma- my bad luck! It's god's punishment of my past actions!! #until it just goes to a downward spiral- #my family hates me HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAH

[robocops-a-christ-allegory]

So just so everyones aware Mallah and The Brain appeared in the superman cartoon and Im now dead fucking convinced that everybody appearing in that peacemaker miniseries is there purely for synergy reasons

#I guess its makes sense to be like 'well this is a miniseries for show peacemaker so lets get characters- #-people who might watch the other DC shows will know' but at what fucking cost #ALSO I WOULDNT CARE IF IT WERENT SO FUCKING ANNOYINGGGGG #IF IT WERENT SO LIKE 'haha see guys Im a comic nerd Ive read comics' I WOULDNT CARE LIKE FINE #FINE. FINE HAVE THE CHARACTERS IN THE HBO SHOWS AND CARTOONS I DONT CARE #BUT IT KEEPS TRYING TO BE LIKE ah ha look at this funny DEEP CUT bet you havent heard of SNOWFLAME #Ah Ha Deathstroke's kinda like batman right. #My stance is still 'im glad it turned out this way so nothing annoying happens to characters like Vigilante or Jaime or any of the other- #-charltons' but like come on. If theres not a joke about the 30 vigilantes this is hack stuff

[thesewers]

people treat Jamie from yellowstone as if he wasn't Horribly neglected from birth, adopted to strangers, then emotionally manipulated, neglected, and abused some more. Shocker! The dog you raised in fear and loyalty only knows Fear and Loyalty.

#seriously fuck this show though #disgusting handleing of extremely sensitive topics #the amount of times women are senselessly abused sucks. I swear they dont even utter the word Rape until season three #oh but John happily used the word to.. describe what tourist are doing to his land. #awesome #anyways Yellowstone should ACTUALLY be about the land and be made by natives or really! anyone else. #none of you care about yellowstone and if you do I don't pft #i think it would be cool if they went supernatural horror with it. I wanna see the land fight back baby! #never get over the scene of Jamie taking Beth to a clinic on a reservation for an abortion because he was worried about their reputation #and the attendant tells him patients are FUCKING STERILIZED HERE. #like one. you really think their sterilizing the pretty little white girl walking in? #and two. WHAT THE FUCK WHY IS THAT BRUSHED OVER. #NONE of the natives problems are EVER acknowledged beyond 'ah thats awful. anyways doesnt effect us right haha?' #like FUCK. my blood was boiling. #n its such a- like- THE POINT WAS MISSED SO BAD? like yeah sucks for Beth but she's not the main victim here #They had the money and resources to go Anywher else hell go out of State. The people living on that reservation Don't. #but there not even awknowledged for a Second. #infuriating. #sorry for how rough that is I dont know if i should content warning tags #hell i'll probably delete this later. still if this needs to be tagged (feel bad for this being at end of All That) lemme know 👍

[junkie-virus]

AAAAAA I LOVE FANFICTION !!!! I LOVE MUSIC !!!!! I LOVE FAN ART !!!!! I LOVE CREATION !!!!!!! I LOVE LIFE !!!!!

#ro rambles #i am feeling surprisingly good for someone who both has covid and is presumably still on my period #but maybe that just means i deserve the vibes more #anyways im happy. #read a fic & listened to music that sounded new again & i feel like ive felt before but now and just as good #what an unplanned break from school & days of rest does to a motherfucker haha #im so happy. i dont know. feel new. #getting a bit sappy on main but its MY niche tumblr blog no one sees so I can scream into my void all i want. #though i got a bit too many people following me here even if its just bots & dead accs. #SHOO ! begone with you folk! #i do wanna put this somewhere more. i dunno. special lol ??? than my tumblr. maybe in a journal. #LOL HOW CRINGE #ah but i cant even care #eh its fine here for now #i dont wanna forget & i can always delete or edit as i please.

[steelycunt]

every day remus lupin is a dead frog in a cliché american highschool science class and i am a sophomore student dissecting him with a scalpel carefully and precisely

#it has to be an american school bc we dont do that here. although i feel like they dont really do it over there either do they #idk i watched ahs coven im going off that innit #also I don’t know what a sophomore is #you might wonder ridi this feels like a post you would make about sirius not Remus. but let me explain why that’s wrong #i would not take care to dissect sirius I would not do it precisely. i would put him in a blender maybe #i would be violent with sirius in ways i would never b with a little frog #but I would handle Remus so so carefully. i would #i would be careful with his frog limbs and such. i don’t know how to make this make sense #posts born out of the sheer desire to string words together. honestly

[circuslollipop]

......

#hi!! person who actually needs glasses here!! i think glasses imogen is neat :) #and i know for a fact im not the only one!! #saw a Take floating across my dashboard and im Incensed right now #also like. i dont get the argument that 'there would be pushback against it if it was any other character' like no?? the more the merrier??? #i actually like glasses molly a lot for instance!! i hc that in a modern au he gets them #in canon i dont think he'd realize he needs them #and like. besides that ive seen beau caleb essek and jester all with glasses? fjord too i think at one point?? and like!! #heck yeah!! you do you!!!! #anyway im mad lmao #why do we keep bringing this up just let fanartists do what they want as long as its not like whitewashing and such #like tbh i didnt even like. care that much at first i was just like ah neat!! when ppl started doing it #but when this whole pushback started it just made me become a fierce defender out of spite

[ride-a-dromedary]

Just thinking out loud:

I was honestly expecting that exchange between Charly and Isaac to go a little differently; not in the sense that Charly would forgive him or anything at all like that, or her revealing she was in love with Amanda (honestly I called that Episode 1), but rather when Charly asked: "Does your machine brain have any concept of what love is?" Isaac answers: "I do not understand."

Judging by how he has otherwise been reacting to "the big concepts" this season, I kind of expected complete silence in response. The tilting head. The "clarify"/"go on, I'm listening" or even the "blank expression but something is turning around in that head" reaction. First season he would have defined the term.

But then thinking further about it...Isaac doesn't clarify what it is he didn't understand, nor did he specifically indicate that he didn't understand the question. I think, if I had to put reason to it, Isaac understood the question, but didn't understand what it had to do with anything - the context was missing. Then during the rest of Charly's reveal, *then* he is silent because the reasoning for the question has been explained. The reveal goes on. He reiterates his thanks regardless of her personal feelings. He is processing it now. 

But damn would that have ever been a good time for another well placed "I believe that is a common experience we share" though.

Just mic drop that into the conversation and go back to work.

#Jemi talks the Orville #orville spoilers #what i mean is like...loving someone but not being able to tell them - or having lost them #in isaac's case not being able to tell them literally because he doesn't understand the feeling - and charly also literally in that she los #i knew isaac was building up to thanking her - he wouldn't have cared for small talk if he wasn't - it just would have been interesting #to do the whole - ah okay maybe we do have something in common and i don't know if that will fix anything but hell it just might #also i'm going to be honest this whole YOU killed Amanda - YOU took her life is getting old #I understand that you aren't going to bother with semantics or technicalities when you are grieving #and this is the only way Charly can lash out at the whole of the problem #but come on man like ed is right i understand your pain and your grief especially losing someone you were in love with #but you do not have a monopoly on any of this #the kaylon were going to invade regardless - the only reason the rest of every one else didn't get killed was because of what isaac did #the alternate timeline flat out states this #isaac did not kill amanda: his people did bortus did not initially take away his child's agency: his people did #the actions of an entire species does not fall on the shoulders of the one #like i *get* it but i don't *get* it you know #but at least charly is willing to work with him now - no more UH NO FUCK HIM WE'RE NOT DOING THAT #also hell yeah lesbian Charly that adds an interesting layer to her interactions of assuming isaac was her boyfriend #not just an i dont like you but an i don't even like men #honestly i was far more interested in the character pieces in this episode than i really was in the main plot

[landofgay]

what else do you do with money you didn't want except spend it on stupid shit

#i lent my mom money under the impression i wasnt getting it back (i didnt want to send it and i didnt want it back) #and she decided to send me back my money in full plus some for my birthday and christmas #and she does this. on HER birthday. so like the ultimate guilt except shes not even trying to make me feel guilty #i just feel like shit about it now and dont want it #and all the surprise money ive gotten in the last bit is/has gone to savings or helping my bf with his expenses #so i decided to spend this on something for ME #so i got the nintendo online game tickets so i coukd buy lets go eevee and preorder tears of the kingdom #and then decided to order myself a switch lite cause tbh??? i dont need a proper switch #i never use it in docked mode the joycons popping off just annoy me #if i REALLY wanna use it in docked mode for something my bf has an OLED switch #and my cool work friends really want a switch so im gonna sell them the switch the dock my old case (ill miss you cool zelda case...) #and possibly my copy of Minecraft cause i literally never use ut #for like idk. $50? #i dont care about getting paid properly for it theyre just very nice people and i know theyre quite broke usually #why not give them a gaming device and a game i know they like #plus now ill have a sexy new purple/blue switch lite #every time i hold my bfs switch lite its like ah. yes. this is what ive wanted this whole time #i was gonna get one originally but it wasnt gonna be out for a couple more months and i was impatient!!!