#alex stop oversharing online challenge

[nightshadeanura]

how long is it gonna be until they realise that that is the only meal ive had today

#alex stop oversharing online challenge #tw ed #ed tw

[my-apollo-gies]

if you give will a recipe expect him to fund a way to set the food on fire but accident- even if it doesnt require cooking- unless its cookies

#tw food #food tw #ed mention in the tags #okay but i found this amazing triple chocolate cookie recipe a while back #and no joke it literally got me out of one of my lapses of an ed #like its kinda weird bc my ed goes in cycles and flips every couple of months or so between barely eating and eating tons bc i suddenly #realise how underweight i am? #i mean chocolate usually helps as well as cheese and biscuits bc safe foods but THOSE COOKIES #i might share the recipe at some point if anyones interested but it is in grams etc instead of cups for the americans #alex stop oversharing online challenge #will solace

[nightshadeanura]

Vincent van Gogh, from a letter to his brother Theo (Hoogeveen, October 1883) // Light of Love- Florence and the Machine // Mine // From peopleiveloved on Instagram // Relax, Relapse- Get Scared

On relapsing into depression

#alex stop oversharing online challenge #web weaving #tw eyestrain #eyestrain tw

[nightshadeanura]

might be getting meds both my therapist and camhs are agreeing

#ive been mentally unstable on and off since i was eight about time #alex stop oversharing online challenge

[nightshadeanura]

my dad didn't have a go at me for going non verbal and let me wear my headphones and everything holy shit?

#alex stop oversharing online challenge

[nightshadeanura]

what if i just roll my mental health up and smoke it

#alex stop oversharing online challenge #I THOUGHT IWAS OVER THIS BS

[nightshadeanura]

my therapist when i tell her my dad locked my mum in the shed for several hours: *no reaction*

my therapist when i talk about me dancing on the windowsill on the outside of my bedroom the other night: *visible concern*

#ONE OF THESE THINGS made me wanna kill myself take a guess #yes ik i probably have bipolar or something similiar and thats why she was more concerned about the second one but like #alex stop oversharing online challenge

[nightshadeanura]

fuck fuck fuck why did i do that wtf is wrong with me

#tw ed in the tags #so anyway i panicked bc this morning my bmi dropped below x which is the point at which my therapist said shed have to transfer me to an #ed specialist #and bc i panicked this evening i ended up binging bc fuck im spiralling dangerously close to anorexia this is not fucking good #but ofc i binged right #and then ran straight to the bathroom and forced myself to throw it all back up #i am literally shaking wtf is wrong w me #jumped over a pit of spikes to fall in a pool of lava #alex stop oversharing online challenge

[nightshadeanura]

4st 7lbs came on when i was in the car fuck my life

#thats MY song shut up shut up shut up shut up #my mum does not need to hear this #shit shit shit shit shit #alex stop oversharing online challenge #tw ed #ed tw

[nightshadeanura]

had like 2 hours of experiencing emotions lost it ate way too much felt actually somewhat chill with being a tranny for a bit and then ig my brain hit its limit on emotions or something bc i feel numb again like normal except now it feels so empty bc i suddenly experienced emotions

#the last week or so especially ive been really suicidal #like not even in the 'my lifes so shit i should just end it' #sort of way #but in the 'eh everythings pointless what if i just kill myself' sort of way #and like felt absolutely nothing about it #and like the past couple of hours i just speedran the entire emotional spectrum #from 'wtf wtf wtf wtf' randomly punching the wall #to actual genuine laughter #rather than just all of the faking ive been doing #and now theres nothing again and it feels so weird #alex stop oversharing online challenge

[nightshadeanura]

just got 2 As on x calories whos laughing now

#alex stop oversharing online challenge #couldnt find the correct grade boundaries so i just used the most recent #and biology was definitely an a #chemistry mightve been a b though bc it was only a couple of marks above the grade boundary #but yk what im assuming thats an a let me have this ive been getting cs and ds all year and ive finally got my shit together this past mont #or so

[nightshadeanura]

managed three days eating almost the amount im meant to be eating and now im slowly dipping back to a really unhealthy number of calories and im. terrified

#alex stop oversharing online challenge #tw ed #ed tw

[nightshadeanura]

so mad about the fact that on all my mental health documents i use they/them pronouns bc my mum says that "everybody uses them" except, ofc, people who actually use they/them pronouns and cis people

#gotta hand in a prescription letter w the wrong fucking pronouns on #and thats gonna be so hard to change on official fucking nhs records #alex stop oversharing online challenge

[nightshadeanura]

my therapist actively looking concerned whenever i talk about my food intake

#calm down its not that bad #alex stop oversharing online challenge #tw ed #ed tw

[nightshadeanura]

ha i thought my parents came home like 5 times tonight when they didn't

#theyre home now but one time i literally spent ten minutes frantically searching the house bc i thought there was a robber #i am slowly losing the plot #alex stop oversharing online challenge

[nightshadeanura]

oml i just blocked her why did i do that

#i needed to vent about her without her knowing #bc god fucking damn it this has already gone way too far why cant she just take a fucking hint that im not interested #alex stop oversharing online challenge