#also b) that’s why villains who are wordlessly violently destructive make me cry

[itspileofgoodthings]

one time my mom was talking about something, I don’t remember what, and she said “have you ever known the poverty of having nothing to say?” and when I say nothing has ever punctured my heart quite like that statement

#I don’t even fully know why. also I don’t think she even meant it how I took it #but there is just some part of me that does believe that that is the greatest poverty #when there are no words in your mind or heart. no phrases—nothing to rely on or fall back on #and you just have to struggle with the human condition and be able to express none of it #and I know that not everyone uses words like I do or relies on them that way but people need some words. they need something #this is why a) I never make fun of those Instagram accounts that are all cheesy inspirational quotes or whatever because people are trying #they are REACHING #also b) that’s why villains who are wordlessly violently destructive make me cry #because it’s just like—-yeah I can understand turning to violence if I didn’t have expression #if I couldn’t get anything out #also also this is not related but I watched some movie or tv show the other day (and I cannot for the life of me remember which one it was) #but there was this couple on a date and the girl asks him to complete all these proverbs after she gives him the first half #because ‘a man who knows his proverbs can’t be all bad’ and it shook. Me. To. My. CORE. #also also!! this is why I teach! it’s the heart of it for me!! And why I make them memorize poetry. like. #and put quotes on the board every day. like. You will have words and images in your mind and your heart from my class if I have anything #to say about it #anyway sometimes my mom says things and casually devastates me #and I think (I think) she was just talking about the poverty of having no news because nothing is going on #and so you have nothing to share with someone. and she was talking about my Grandma and how sometimes she was just so sullen and quiet #but it’s just because there was nothing to say #anyway anyway anyway that is also why the one time on the phone my grandma said who has known the mind of the Lord —shook me so much #because she never really said anything. words were not her thing and she never quoted anything #and suddenly her saying this line of scripture that said more than any words I’d ever said —one of the defining moments of my life #tbh. anyway this is very long I’m sorry. I have woken up this morning crying about this. idk.