#also i'm a hopper with a belly fan so season 4 can kiss my ass

[weird-an]

Hopper wakes up from a crash outside. It's not very loud or anything, but when you had to fight monsters and are a cop, you just wake up.

It's still dark.

Joyce is sleeping next to him, cuddling with her pillow. He thinks about waking her up for a second, but he decides to check first. If it's only a raccoon outside, he doesn't want to wake her up for that.

He grabs a pair of sweats and his gun, because if it's a Demodog, he doesn't want to fight it in his shorts. He curses a little, because the sweats are tighter than before and he can only blame Joyce and all the little treats she leaves behind for him.

He heard Billy moaning about it the other day too, complaining to Steve that he's getting fat "like Hopper" - which is just. Wow. He couldn't pout about it, because then he had to admit that he eavesdropped on the conversation, but he still felt insulted. Even though he knows that Billy was just prissy because his favorite pair of shorts got too tight for his thighs.

Jim opens the door, gun in front of him and groans. These fucking kids.

Even in the dark Jim can tell that El's nose is bleeding and her hand is shaking a little from the power she has to use to lift his fucking station wagon up in the air. It's upside down, too.

Billy stands next to her, eyes sparkling like a kid that gets his Christmas present early. Of course they chose the fucking police car. Of course the Camaro is standing right where Billy has parked it before. Untouched, of course.

At least Steve has the decency to look like a kicked puppy when Jim clears his throat.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" he says, trying not to shout. "I told you, if the neighbors..."

"It's 3 am," Billy snaps. So it had been his idea.

The station wagon turns again and lands next to the Camaro.

"I told you not to do it," Jim barks. Billy bites his lip, but he's more pissed off than scared. Which is a major improvement and Jim is happy for every little interaction when he's compared to Neil Hargrove and Billy comes to the conclusion that he's better than that shitty excuse for a dad.

"But it's impressive," Steve says.

"Yeah," Jim admits. Because it is. El beams at him.

"You're not doing this again," Jim says.

"We're not getting caught again," Billy whispers to El. What a little shit. He has to know Jim can still hear him.

"Let the Camaro fly next time," he huffs.

Billy gasps at that and starts rambling about how much more the Camaro is worth compared to a shitty police's car and how Jim can even dare to say that. Jim wonders if Steve really is Billy's boyfriend or if it is the Camaro.

"You can take my dad's car," Steve offers to stop the endless ranting.

"Deal," Billy says, sounding rather delighted.

"You're all going to bed. No cars in the air tonight." Jim waits for them to all hide in their rooms and goes back to bed. He laughs himself to sleep, because seriously, how is this his life now?

-

This is ... like a post credit scene to my fic Extended Stay that I wrote for @ihni's birthday this year.

#billy is just a dramatic bitch about putting on a little weight lets be honest #also i'm a hopper with a belly fan so season 4 can kiss my ass #hopper is right there is a raccoon outside his name is billy hargrove #billy x steve #harringrove ficlet #billy hargrove #harringrove #harringrove & hopper