#also in the curriculum for older kids: bla

[ariel-s-awesome]

Every night, after Lord Hater gets snuggled in with Captain Tim, Commander Peepers reads him picture books from the Hater Empire Propaganda Collection.

They're all totally, completely nonfiction and written by Commander Peepers himself.

#wander over yonder #woy #lord hater #commander peeepers #woy hater #woy peepers #woy death glare #made up this for a fic I need to finish #btw YES this means Peepers is TECHNICALLY a children's book author #btw btw Peepers isn't a good creative writer #nobody wants these #even without taking their feelings for Hater conquering them into account #they force teachers to read them to kids as part of the mandatory curriculum #Hater's the series' only fan #also in the curriculum for older kids: bla #blatantly untrue history books about their rise to power #and every edition contradicts the others as Hater keeps ordering changes #ESPECIALLY about the details of Hater arising as an ancient evil #people are more likely to call bull over Peepers saying he was popular in his hometown though #actual original content

[jessica-ina-blog]

Okay. Where should I start...

I’m the only child. I am loved and cherished so much by mom and grandparents. They are also my whole world.

I was raised up being told that I’m lucky, smart and capable to achieve anything. They give me their best and everything they have, ensuring I’m living a good life. I’m very thankful for everything you’ve done for me, I could never ever repay you enough. I know you all have tried your best to fill in the gap for me. And I’m really really sorry that I feel down or cry whenever I think about him. I feel bad that I still need his attention, his presence and putting aside the fact those efforts and sacrifices you’ve made just to ensure I’m happy and well. It’s just a once in a while thing, I promise. You three have been and will always be my whole world, my gods and the most important people in my life.

I don’t have a dad. Technically, I do but it just doesn’t feel like it.

My parents got divorced when I was about 6. I’ve been longing for his return, for a reunite of the family. I still remember the feeling when I was younger when I favour my dad more (as he bought me whatever I want, let me do whatever I wished), while my mom was more protective and strict towards what I ate, if I got enough nutritions, if I got enough sleep, if I spent too much time watching tv and so on and so on. I used to not so much like her due to her restrictions (I’m sorry mom). I remembered myself watching the clock, knowing that my dad would be home between 11-11.15pm for lunch and I would only behave when I was alone with mom. My dad would protect me from mom when I got naughty. I was raised in an Asian family, meaning hitting children when they don’t behave, is a mainstream and a normal thing to do. So whenever dad was around, I would rebel to mom, saying ‘no’ to almost everything she told me to do and I would just run to the back of my dad when she got mad. I found it funny and felt terrific that she could not have power on me.

I remember the day I sit on the stairs, waiting for dad to come from work. 30mins passed, he’s still not here. My mom came to me asking what I was doing. I told her I was waiting for dad to have lunch together. I remembered the pause and low voiced response from her that I didn’t know what was happening. I think she called me for lunch and I said no I needed to wait for dad. I felt confused as she did not yell at me demanding me to go eat in an instant. She let me sit there another good few minutes until she came again and told me I would be late for my afternoon English class if I would not have lunch now. So I went with her, still not understanding what’s happening. She told me dad wouldn’t be around anymore as he’s busy with work. I asked when was he gonna be free and she said she didn’t know. I told myself I had to behave and listen to mom until dad came back, to avoid being scolded by mom. I was on my best behaviour then. She told me to eat, I ate. She told me to nap, I napped. To do homework, I did. To go to bed at 9, I went. And from there on, I could not be the naughty and spoiled child anymore...

I think around a year or two later, my mom asked what would I think if she remarried. I was angry and tell her no that I wouldn’t want anyone else. Any other man to become my dad. Because I was still waiting for him, wishing one day he’d return. I don’t know if I made my mom promised of not remarrying because she did not even things went south, raising me alone all by herself. From a middle class family, single mom, whom herself was not on the best terms with my grandparents. But my grandparents love me so I got support from them for my study and a lot of things. Mom is a well educated woman, who has been working for government for almost 20 years now but back then her salary was just a little bit more than enough for my English school, let alone my national curriculum school. She aimed for the best for me, best school, best education I could get and just everything. Now thinking back, I was selfish for not letting her remarry. I didn’t know that life was so hard on her. Single mom in her 20s, couldn’t even drive yet, and all the blames and all shits she got from her surrounding just because she’s a woman. People made it sound like it’s her fault that the marriage did not work while only she herself knows that dad and her are not compatible and that he also cheated on her.

My dad would contact us like once a year. I didn’t understand divorce until I was a bit older. My mom was afraid that people would look down on me if I tell them my parents are separated and that my mom is a widow. As a result, I’ve lived my life from primary to high school lying to people that my dad was a busy man, always travelling to provinces for his work. I always envied people when they talked or bragged about their dads and seeing their dads picking them up after school. I just couldn’t contribute to the conversation if people started talking about what their dads like or what they do, because I did not know. I had not seen my dad in ages myself, I did not know where he worked or even where he was!

Bla bla bla it’s a very long story but I’m just gonna cut it shorter.

My mom and grandparents have been telling me my dad is a good person and not to hate him for not being a part of my growing up. I’m used to that so I’m just like yeah yeah. Even though the inside of me sometimes cries for him, but most of the time I’m used to being the daughter and granddaughter of just my mom and grandparents, no one else would matter to me as much.

So dad remarried and had another daughter. Turnt out it didn’t work. Again, he’s separated but this time he fought for his right of the child and he won. A part of me wished for them to reunite and that I finally have a sibling or a sister. My mom loves kid and despite bitter sweet memories she’s had with dad, she loves that kid and treats her sweetly and nicely.

A year or two passed as my family made a huge sacrifice, sending me to study abroad. First time I went back, first day, I was so excited that I called him up to say hey I’m back in town let’s meet up dad! He sounded busy and just briefly responded to me and then he told me he’s a bit busy and he’d call back. He put down his phone, without hanging up. I heard that kid, my half sister asking him who was that on the phone. His response made my heart dropped, tears rolling down, he said ‘that’s my adopted child’. My heart sank, I just hung up and I cried. My mom asked what happened and I told her. She was furious and she called to lashed out on him. Excuses after excuses and then came the apologies.