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zackfiar-a · 4 years

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hello class! today we’re going to learn about growth and the process of healing via zack fair

when zack entered SOLDIER he had bright eyes of optimism whilst having one goal and a dream in mind: to become SOLDIER 1st class and to become a hero just like sephiroth. however the longer he stayed in SOLDIER, the more he realized that hey ..... something isnt Right here. one of those that you cant have emotions attached to missions or the ppl that ur fighting against, that its just a reliability. thats not something he agreed with because he purely focuses with his emotions, whether it could be his downfall or not. he feels immensely, whether its anger towards himself or sympathy; something so trivial as emotions will jeopardize the mission (ie a mission to go search for angeal).

and unfortunately, being as young and impressionable as he was, it was very easy for him to be manipulated by his higher ups (because of his intense enthusiasm and wanting to please his superiors) and not be able to form opinions of his own, lest they get tested and make himself doubt his loyalty to shinra. which is why he had no problem with going to wutai and trying to overtake fort tamblin, he was told wutai is the enemy of shinra. they’re the bad guys, without ever being told the reason why. like why did shinra name wutai as their enemy? why are they going at war with them?

his perception was warped by the toxic ideals and goals that shinra and SOLDIER had, even though his guy he knew it was wrong and that he should question those of higher power than him.

it also took too long to realize that shinra, at the face, is a company and state helps the people and protect midgar from terrorists and others that dare face against shinra. that underneath, they were making monsters with an ancient alien that landed on earth years and years ago. he doesnt know why; doesnt know anything about the ‘promised land’ theyre searching for. he doesnt know anything about their goals of creating beings from jenova, g, and s - cells. the fact of the matter is, theyre stealing away innocent people just so shinra can experiment on them (and they all worked for shinra ie SOLDIER 3rd and 2nd class when genesis took them with him; probably others than he cant imagine).

being hit with the information that genesis is degrading from the g - cells and angeal being born from the result of experimentation from gillian, the clouds started to fade away from his eyes and hes actually surprised that the ppl that know this are okay with it. like it was common knowledge, which it wasnt! he didnt know anything about this! the fact that angeal knew about this and didnt tell him, he felt hurt and betrayed. he was blindly following in his footsteps of embracing your SOLDIER honor and your dreams, that the fact he was proud and happy that he was working for shinra! meanwhile they had secret labs scattered about banora, modeoheim, and nibelheim that these experiments were going on!

at this point, zacks faith in shinra is fading and his dream is being pushed to the back burner even when he does eventually become a 1st class. no thanks! you can keep it. not like he had a chance but accept it. when hes forced to kill angeal, theres a mix of emotions: intense sadness because he looked up to angeal and admired him greatly, with his skills and such inspiring ideals; and even tho he can handle himself without angeal, he felt like he was the last pillar in SOLDIER that he had. he also felt relieved and hurt, zack doesnt forget him keeping all this information of human experimentation a secret while zack was looking with a naive lense to wanting to protect the people. relieved in the sense that angeal was probably hurting and was rapidly degrading if the grey hair and pale skin at his death was any indication.

being inherited the buster sword wasnt something he took proudly, it was a heavier weight on his shoulders the point where was sagging. he felt the least he could do was become those that ppl looked up to as well. even tho he carries a piece of angeal, he just couldnt accept what he had tried to push onto him. SOLDIER honor, there wasn’t a thing that existed at this point. trying to convince himself that SOLDIER doesnt mean monster, he couldnt kid himself that it meant monster.

during this time, he goes to the church and accept consoling from aerith. altho he doesnt talk about what happens, or what hes experiencing / feeling which eventually becomes his downfall. as a way to make himself feel better, he visits the church, immediately feeling calmed, but however with so much weighing on his mind, promising aerith to build the wagon for her flowers becomes half-hearted. he thinks this is enough to try and hes the burden he was inherited, to push away the trauma of having to kill his mentor and watching him die, and fighting monsters, that were at some point, people--- even to the point of no longer wanting to be a part of SOLDIER. ofc this doesnt work and isnt a viable way to cope with his experiences.

being last straw is when he fights sephiroth when he burns down nibelheim. that was someone he looked up to and trusted, he joined SOLDIER wanting to be like him. except now hes dragged cloud and tifa into this whole mess, and he feels incredibly responsible for not intervening sooner. he shouldve seen the signs that it wasnt going to end well, but he gave him the benefit of the doubt, hoping that he wouldnt be like genesis and angeal (which he was wrong). witnessing that sephiroth was kept these very important and crucial details, made him realize it doesnt matter how important or popular you are in shinras eyes; if theres any hint that someone could retaliate, they will keep it a secret until its convenient for them. this severed anything else positive he felt for shinra.

he doesnt even realize he was put in a pod for 4 years (only assuming its been a couple of weeks at most), still imaging that hes 18 when he now has to physically free himself from shinras grasp. even while hes asleep, the nightmares and visions of angeal wouldnt waver. even though he could choose to leave cloud alone in the pod with severe mako poisoning, he didnt want to. cloud was his friend, and he felt solely responsible for him to be pulled within the crossfire. cloud wanted to join SOLDIER, well this was the reality. he couldnt even fight for himself or eat; but he was alive and that was good enough for zack. zack has this pushed guilt onto his conscious, so he makes sure to bring cloud with him everywhere he went, even casually talking to him like he can actually respond back.

he doesnt even realize the reality that he wasnt a respected member of SOLDIER, by the words of hojo, they were both fugitives and even though zack was still asleep in that pod, he was so tired; emotionally, physically, and mentally. this whole thing, he had to see through, if not for himself, then for cloud. at least get him to midgar and try to continue living a separate part shinras greedy hands. there were certain times while trying to avoid shinra and hide, that he could just end himself several times, but clouds existence was a constant reminder that they both managed to live, besides he owed cloud so much, so ridding himself off wouldnt do them nearly enough good.

so seeing genesis again got him angry, that he couldnt even blame him for the reason this was happening. whether genesis wanted to capture hollander to help further shinra in experimentation, it wasnt going to stop what was going on underneath the surface. seeing lazard with angeals face really made him weak at the knees, physically made him sick, and feeling temporarily relieved (which he doesnt forget of the fact that angeal is dead, that this isnt actually him but lazard who absorbed his cells).

and finally beating genesis, he still felt angry with only a small semblance of sympathy. even with his soft heart, he couldnt help but feel bad for him, going thru such great lengths just because he was a failure of an experiment and wanted to live longer than what he got. this wasnt genesis’ fault, it was shinras and that just made him more frustrated.

and while hes with cloud, riding to midgar, he once again tries to push the anger, hurt, and frustration at the back of his mind to tell cloud silly stories while he was still in SOLDIER, and what he thought about cloud upon meeting him for the first time, and that feelings of doubts that hes sorry that cloud has to travel with a monster. with coming across the shinra army, he realized this was a final stand, being physically exhausted (even w the mutated s and mako infused cells, he doesnt feel nearly as strong as he did before). even though he no longer holds up the honor of SOLDIER, he needs to protect cloud and his own honor that hes built as a person, and nothing else.

when he succeeded by the skin of his teeth, he wonders why hes still alive, why hes still breathing, even though its hard. he lost sight in one eye, but he doesnt even realize how, everything happened so fast. was he shot? was he stabbed? who knows, but taking cloud to midgar while hes sitting on deaths edge himself, he will take cloud back even if it kills him. there are people there waiting for him, unlike zack--- no one is waiting for him to come back, the people that hes looked up to has died, or see him as a traitor. perhaps, you could count his parents, but hes so ashamed to see them face to face. he feels like if he did, he would break down. his cell phone has long ago stopped working, so who knows if anyone has sent him anything during the time of his slumber. he doesnt even know that kunsel is waiting for him to come back.

during this whole time, hes held in his feelings and emotions, shouldering all this himself. he hasnt talked to anyone previously about his trauma, the nightmares that prevent him from sleeping, or his doubt. being in the sector 7 slums and being taken care of, he puts on a false face that everything is okay, but it cracks when he hit his brink. crying and screaming, yelling how none of this is fair and how he shouldve been dead. he doesnt why hes alive but hes so tired. he was fully planning to die when he faced shinras army, not even thinking how to why, if there even is a reason. even though tifa and marle kindly provided him a room to rest in, theres a momentary frenzy where there are several deeply punched in walls, even unleashing his sword in blinded frustration.

hes never been taught that it was okay to share your feelings, and being swallowed by the toxicity of SOLDIER, he felt as if it was weak to ask for help. hes encouraged and is told several times, while being in the slums, that its okay. theres always an ear to be lend to if one needs to talk about their woes, or something that deeply troubles them. not to mention, he has a hard time accepting that so much time as passed, that so much as changed and almost so many people forgot about him. hes lost so much of his younger years by SOLDIER, the lost of mental growth by being in a god damn mako infused pod. he needs to catch up, now finding home in the sector 7 slums (altho apologizing and insisting that he fix up the room that he ruined. it gives him something to do and he fees bad for destroying that was so graciously offered from kindness).

he spends his time around avalanche and tifa, not only trying to help up from the wounds he endured, but trying to move on. find easier methods to cope and deal with the stress in healthy ways thats not dangerous self destruction to himself and those around him. hes slowly coming to the conclusion that hes not a monster that hes so insisted on, but a victim and pawn of SOLDIER and shinra. hes angry at shinra. hes upset, frustrated, aggravated, among other emotions towards the former company hes worked for.

and even though this healing process is still slow, hes becoming much more happier than has been before. he finds home in the slums, and those people that has so welcomed him, even though untrusting because of his previous affiliation with SOLDIER. he loves the people, quickly befriending the entire sector 7 slums.

hes come a long way since coming back to midgar, from self loathing and a weak, nearly broken spirit to his back optimistic, naturally smiling self that people love to be around. he has given shinra a lot, but he wont let them take away a person he was so proudly being before he entered SOLDIER, albeit still immature with mentality that hes still 18.

#m.#suicide ment /#i did not proofread this or spell check this so Uh yeah #this is actually .......... really long LOL but i wanted to include everything that i could!!!#i felt like some of this is a summary of my bio ...... but! ah

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dyketectivecomics · 5 years

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{{ "Give me a character and I will answer", for Zatanna? 8O

sorry not sorry for the length on this lmao

Why I like them: okay, with Zatanna, what’s not to love? She’s flirty, she’s cute, she knows how to take full advantage of all her skills, and she’s so damn headstrong. it’s something i admire so much about her & esp when writers pay attention to that & give her that autonomy which is why i rlly only accept Dini’s way of writing bc he does her voice & demeanor SO WELL UGH

Why I don’t: That strong will is p much why this girl can’t land a bf lmao. she loves her work as a hero & a magician and isn’t willing to compromise on those things but then writers will have her bemoan the fact that she can’t hold a man down like okay. no. you can’t have ur cake and eat it too. but like… ugh. let my girl live her life!!!!!!!

Favorite episode (scene if movie): Listen. Her intro in BTAS? That whole damn episode and team-up and ICONIC use of JUST stage illusions/escapes? That Very Subtle Hint At Maybe Real Magic at the end? Without a doubt something that holds a place near & dear to my heart ok. (but a close second is the JLAction ep “Trick or Threat” bc that was just plain cute overall lbrhh)

Favorite season/movie: gonna go ahead and count the JLD movie here. at least until we maybe get that Zee DCEU movie *fingers crossed*

Favorite line: “Why do you care about some leggy dame in nylons? Or have I answered my own question?” - I C O N I C really.

Favorite outfit: okay, look at this very tiny Zee in her little magician get up and TELL ME ITS NOT THE CUTEST LITTLE THING IM JFKLJKDFLS:FDNKASFLNDLSFJKLJLJ

Ships: Magicblazer, Fishnet Queens (Dinah/Zee), WonderMagic, & actually Batanna bc I’m a SUCKER for friendships that lead to More. and also Artemis/Zee in YJ even tho i cant stand their ship name.

FRIEND ships: uhhh, Deadman & Zee always seem to have a p good familiarity in the JLD run. ofc Bruce n Zee’s friendship is still Super Important to me. aaaaand… yeah, ima still count the fishnet queens here too. Bloodspell was just *clenches fist* so. damn. good.

Head Canon: Zatara absolutely took Zee out for milkshakes after she mastered rlly difficult/complicated spells. and any apprentice she takes under her wing absolutely gets the same reward (if not the equivalent ofc bc i mean not everyone’s crazy abt milkshakes yknow?)

Unpopular opinion: idk if it’s Unpopular, but it drives me up the wall when people write her ‘backwards’ speech by making the whole sentence from beginning to end backwards rather than the individual words. yeah, that’s how it was done in the 70s iirc, but like…. Lame. and also a little impractical, writing-wise & practice-wise? it would mean having so much extra to think about before performing a spell, rather than being able to just!!! speak the individual words like normal! The only time I’ve ever felt ok about that, was when Zee faced off against a dude in her solo series where his whole thing was being able to reverse time a little bit at a time, so she spoke in palindrome sentences to fight him. NOW THATS a GOOD reason to have her THINK about her powers! something OUTSIDE the NORM.

A wish: that her relationship with Zatara isn’t sidelined (if/when she gets a movie) bc it’s!!!! one of the few positive Father/Daughter relationships that DC’s ever given us and DAMMIT i need that!!! Let these heroes have some Good Parents For Once!!!!

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: that she just gets relegated to Love Interest in anything. yeah I’m as concerned for her love-life as anyone else, but dammit, she’s so BEYOND just being arm candy or an anecdote as someone’s partner. she’s a mf ACCOMPLISHED magician for fucks sake!

5 words to best describe them: adept, strong-willed, enchanting, quick-witted and fabulous

My nickname for them: Zee, a Classic that you cant rlly go wrong with amirite?

#zatanna zatara #asked and answered #beyondthetemples #randywrites

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sentofighta · 4 years

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HOW I RUN MY BLOG.

SPEED: It varies. If i was inspired and motivated, I’ll reply fast, however, i am but a human being my brain farts and even if i have the motivation, words refuse to come out naturally. I won’t use the ‘English is my second language’ excuse, but at times it is really the case. I can imagine the reply in my head but nope what is proper english structure? haha. But yes, my speed can go from SMASH THAT REPLY FAST to um...give me a week?

REPLIES: I can write short and length replies. However, I highly dislike and can’t write the too-much-literature-flowery-language replies. I cannot process what the character's action is amidst that fancy writing. However, I do not condemn people for writing it because wow that is a talent to be able to write that, believe me. I try to describe things, especially my muse’s feelings, even if there are not supposed to be visible to the other muse, to get my partner to know what they can work within the next reply, or expect at least. But yeah, can’t do fancy writing;; Also, I do not expect my partner to length their reply to match mine; if you can deliver something to work with in one paragraph that is cool by me. I expect the same because i dont like writing pointless things that do not add up to the thread or the character development.

STARTERS: They are cool. I use them to get inspiration when I cannot focus on the main plotted threads. They are a good way to figure out what sort of new threads i want with that muse and mine, or their relationship. Starters whether one line or paragraph etc are cool because they are just set without planning. Cool stuff can happen when winging things. However, I do value plotting because we, myself and my partner would know what we are working with--no sudden surprises that could potentially ruin the thread. So yeah, i like wining and plotting. I take it seriously for plotting things because i wanna know what you are thinking so we can brainstorm; I cannot brainstorm on my own and you go ‘ok sounds good’ and thats it. please, join the idea one-two pass, alright? I don’t mind people suddenly writing a starter if they had an idea and wanted to just try it, though I highly find it disrespecting and annoying when you are not mutual and just write something to FORCE me to interact with you. Plus, using some tropes that are fan-made not canon wise, or just hyper-focus on one trait in a character which could, in the end, paint my muse in a really wrong way. Just, don’t do that, dudes. Really. There are a lot of things in a one muse, don’t butcher the muse’s personality and boil it down to ONE single trait.

INBOX: Keep them coming. The only thing I have is if I ever sent you something, please, for the love of god, do not just delete it if you cant find an answer. I will be waiting for an answer. It is absolutely not hard to come to me and just “hey, so i cannot think of an answer so can i delete it? or you can try a different meme or send something else? or maybe try a different approach or let’s talk about this so i can think of something and get inspired by our brainstorming” kind of thing. I find it honestly, quite rude. If i send you something, please have the courage and courtesy to tell me it is not going to work for your muse so i can try something else. I will do the same of course and i always have. Be sure i will notify you if i cannot think of something for your ask, and most certainly inquire about a way to get around that block.

SELECTIVITY: I used to be open for all back in the day but with how time constraint it is, i prefer to focus on the people i follow only. My inbox is always open for everyone but for plotting and having any relation to my muse you have to be a mutual. I like giving people chances because i’d want that too from people, however, if i cant see our muses click or i tried to approach by asks or IMs and you went cold i’d assume you are having me as part of the count and just soft block you.

WISHLIST: oooh boy. I wrote one a couple..weeks? ago? idk. but these were just ideas. my wishlist are not bounded to what i had on that post. I by every day wish to try new things, new ideas, new threads, and certainly, relationships for my muses. I am absolutely open to other people’s ideas especially AUs and such. I’d like to write all my muses in different types of threads and such. I’d like to go deep in some lore especially, heavy and dark themes like t.ype0 since the lore is a bit wonky, imo. you think you know but then you figure out that you dont lol. i’d like to plot more maybe daring things?? if i gained the courage tri force haha;;

HONEST NOTE: notes? maybe. ok. if you follow me for a ship, be frank about it. because god only knows how many times this had happened and when it does not work for them, they quickly unfollow me (and at time block me lol) i respect people who are honest. if you wanna a ship, tell me. i will then discuss things with you and see if our muses and us, as muns can communicate well. I except the same amount of excitement to come from you as well. one hand cant clap. if im the only one of us who is sending stuff, writing things, or basically annoys you with ideas then dear, please, tell me you wanna this to be over, ok? i want to know that you care about the thing we built together, is it bad? and most of all, if you want to end anything, be polite about it. do not assume i can read mind and know you want to quit. no, i cant read minds, whoops. i am not asking that you talk to me 24/7 at least make me feel that we are not just bound by ‘dumblr rp’ and we are actually friends even if we stopped writing out muses. do not make me feel like i am a part that you could replace whenever you want or just part of the hype at that certain moment when we started the ship and now you just see me and my muse as extra luggage. Going by the inbox one too, please DO NOT drop a thread without telling me. i will not ever stop you just please tell me so i know not to wait and actually start thinking of something new for us. it is your right but hello ~ it is me waiting for your reply~ i at least require a heads-up no more~ i will sing this to you if you want. and another thing, i try not to get into drama here so if something happened and UNLESS it is really, really and extremely dangerous thing, do not get me in it. I will if i found the cause reasonable and not just simply witch-hunting. and oh, another thing. if you have a beef with me, TALK TO ME. ME AND NOT BEHIND MY BACK. i am tired of hearing by mistakes at time that X is talking about me, or Y does not like me. if you have a problem with me come talk to me. crying to someone about me is just ...dumb. if i made a mistake i would very much would like to apologize and understand the situation so i do not add to it without knowing. all i ask is...just come talk to me. a lot of the world’s problems will end if people talked and not ASSUME things. thanks. oh oh another thing, !!!!! important!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! graphics are not everything. smaller icons size are kind of ugly and especially the weird ass pds used make it hard to recognize the facial expression. please, do not let this aesthetic bandwagon take hold of you. just idk man do whatever you want but it would be nice to think of others who can hardly see a thing. be kind to each other.

Tagged by: @seiriel (thank you!)

Tagging: you. snag it. i am lazy to tag.sorry.

#⌈⌈ooc. (faty speaks)#⌈⌈mun related posts. (shenanigans)#//this is cool post. time to steal it for krumb blog haha

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