#and *my* autism and mh isn't an excuse for being 'bone idle' and 'lazy' (i swear i'm really trying i'm just Going Through It rn)

[ridiculously-over-obsessed]

You know this time next year, when I haven't spoken to mum in months and I'm not coming home for xmas, I hope she thinks back on days like today and is like "yeah that's probably the reason he went no contact"

#max rambles a lot #sometimes i think that maybe things will be okay and i won't have to cut off the other half of my family when i move out #and then days like this happen where both of them start screaming at me because idk the way i'm feeling is inconvient to them #and *my* autism and mh isn't an excuse for being 'bone idle' and 'lazy' (i swear i'm really trying i'm just Going Through It rn) #but theirs is an excuse to treat me like shit #i fucking hate it here #i've decided that whether or not this opportunity comes to fruition i'm moving to York in september #opposite side of the country while still being in the north #hate the idea of moving out of manchester tbh i love it but a fresh start is what i need so 🤷🏻 #yeah fuck them both tbh i worked so hard to buy them nice xmas gifts that i know they'll love #and almost broke myself on multiple occassions to clean this hovel of a house and it's never fucking good enough #i am the only one who is *still* sleeping on the floor because mum and my sister both have new beds and mattresses #and i got yelled at for trying to figure out if i could afford to get a bed too #because mum didn't want the hassle of sorting my room out too before xmas so i have to wait until the new year??? #like fuck off i'm so tired of being on the floor all the time i hate it here sm #anyway i'm sad and tired and angry i've really had enough i just needed to rant into the void #because if i go off at either of them it turns into 3 days of screaming at me and i'm way too tired for that honestly