#and as somebody who is very insecure and super concerned about outward perception it is something i had to learn and am still learning

[bybdolan]

theres an episode of i hate suzie were basically the whole episode shes trying to masturbate and like it keeps going to this conversation shes having with her friend (in her imagination) n like its about in her fantasies shes imagine how the guy views her and the guys own desires rather then thinking what she finds desirable

This is similar to what @jonismitchell said in the replies to the post about and episode of "Hacks" where the character talks about confusing the adrenaline that comes with male attraction with actual attraction, and while this is something that lesbians in particular very strongly deal with, I think it can also affect women who are genuinely attracted to men, just to a much lesser extent and in a different way. Speaking from personal experience: I have slowly started to learn to differentiate between a man I actually like and am attracted to and a man who I think might like me and thus feel validated by. But, as always: Stressing too much about which category your particular attraction to a specific man fits into can also do more harm than good and there is no one way to figure that stuff out.

#to give an example from my personal life #when i imagined being with a guy i always envisioned somebody super cool who would 'shock' my family n peers #in the 'these two are together??'way #yea it's cringe but i am sacrificing my dignity on the altar of maybe being helpful here #so when i met my boyfriend who is VERY cool but in a 'cool history teacher' way there was a period where i grappled with my attraction #to him because he wasn't what i imagined #plus he had asked me out first so it was the whole do i only like him bc he likes me?? shabang #but i realized that my fantasy of being in a relationship was much more about outward perception and validation than what i actually needed #and wanted #and if i want to shock people i have to become more shocking myself #relationships aren't about proving things to others #and as somebody who is very insecure and super concerned about outward perception it is something i had to learn and am still learning #and i think this all is very concected to society telling women that their self worth relies on which man they are able to '''get''' #urgh